Friday, 23 September 2011

Well... I feel weird about it but I would feel even weirder if no one else felt weird about it.

Today I own my first pair of Nikes.

Didn't hit me til I was lacing them a minute ago, five minutes after purchase and four minutes into wearing. Weird. It's the unmistakable swoosh. Dang. I wonder if I'd have gone another way if I figured it out in the shop. Herm. There it is.

Anyways, I really like them. :)

Today was also the day of a VERY gross pass made at me... Ugh. My face showed my feelings about it. The eyebrows went up and an are-you-joking-right-now? scoff came out of my mouth. I don't know what I might have said if there weren't other customers present.
The comment involved a hotel room in Niagara Falls. I think I am most annoyed that he thinks I am that cheap/easy. Frig. Annoyed am I.

The third unexpectedbot was when a customer flexed his pecs at me while I was talking to him.


Yeah.


(I didn't ask or even allude to anything related. Oddly, it didn't fluster me much. I laughed incredulously and instinctively turned away because it's ridiculous... I know where the beach is, buddy. The conversation continued..he bid me to have a nice day and they were gone. So weird.)

What a day. And more day to come!

Tuesday, 20 September 2011

From Monday: Blogging without wifi.

At midnight I thought it was time to get up and go to work. I woke up cos this duvet must be full of complete geese, not only their down. Does it EVER retain heat.

I dozed back off happily.

At 5am, however, I was interested in murdering the world. It really needed to not be morning. Ugh. Monday!
At 5.23 I manned up and stumbled to the shower. Somehow I managed not only to catch my bus but to have breakfast and to have enough time to read and compose emails using the wifi of the public library right at the bus stop before it arrived. (I'm unable to use my phone's own 3G network right now because I maxxed out my data plan last Wednesday. Yes. I used 500MB of data in 14 days. I am a monster.)

Someone opened the bathroom door while I was changing into my work clothes. It was someone I know (from Tims) and it was a woman and I was mostly covered so I didn't really care. I actually laughed. The part that bothered me was that my adrenaliney brain made me react with, "I'm sorry!" Pretty sure I wasn't supposed to apologize.

Shift had virtually the perfect amount of work in it. I actually got a lunch break... It was crazy. It felt epic.
Only made a fool of myself twice (and those were minor incidents each...nothing lasting).
Got to see my favorite across-the-street customer a few times....he made me laugh so hard. What a blessing. :) I admire his easy-going nature and I am grateful that he gets all my jokes. Today I told him I had discovered that you can put all five vowels in this blank: l_st and make words*. I had to say it twice and when he understood he nodded slowly and carefully with a TINY, hesitant smile. I sarcastically deduced that he wasn't a logophile (lover of words) like me. I guess that's OK. We had both noticed the police officer who had walked into the Tims so as loudly as I could reasonably be, I said, "I guess I'll have to come up with something else entertaining to talk about. Like the balloon of cocaine in your stomach."
"The what?!"
"The balloon of cocaine in your stomach," I repeat flatly throwing an exaggerated glance to where the cop yet stood.
"Ahhh," he clicks in his familiar noow-I-see-where-you're-going tone. (I know that tone quite well.) "Yeah. You never know when cocaine might come in handy," he adds matter-of-factly with a shrug.
I laugh freely at the absurdity of the statment and the classy deadpan used to deliver it. Delighted that he is playing along without hesitation once again, and still coming off the high of finding a new, cool thing in English (I'm seriously a logophile), I add, "Or a balloon."
And he can't finish agreeing that, yes, "You never know when a balloon might-" before he laughs in two parts; I guess the first, hearing the super-absurd statement and second, being caught off-guard by my saying something he finds extra funny. He doubled over to laugh ...just like he did last week when I said in context, "He probably thinks all black people know one another." Oh, how I like making funny people laugh. It's a rarity!

*This is also true for p_t. S, n, h and m can all make words with each vowel (before or after) but M is the only one that can do it with Y, too! Excitement.
Another cool thing: "smile" has three anagrams. Miles, limes and slime. Last time I told that to someone (while instant messaging), their response was, "limse," and later, "esmil" and enough other combinations that I think I fell off my chair laughing. If not I at least laughed very hard.
 

Ew. What's wrong with me?

Why did I just get the urge to buy tickets to a Buffalo Bills game?? Gross... Last week I was thinking about trying to catch some tennis matches ... It makes me feel very weird.

On a related note, last Sunday just before 10am a friend asked me, "Did you just go to the store and buy two Red Bull and a power bar?" when she saw me consuming some of both. (For the record, they were on offer when you buy two and I meant to save one for whenever else.)
My answer, already half-processed, came quickly because I was incredulous with myself too, on setting foot in the 7-11. "I don't know who I am anymore!" I blurted with some weird mix of exasperation, humor, resignation and bewilderment. She kinda nodded, with smile of curiousity and leaned in, expectantly. 
I briefly explained my answer.. but then it was time to pray and begin the church service. 

It was a weird moment, walking in to the 7-11 with the wallet I have and the clothes I was wearing. I see these women (maybe they're called "professionals") come into my workplace and they often buy Red Bull. It can be accompanied by something like a pack of gum, pack of cigarettes (usually small or otherwise feminine), Special K bar of sensibleness, or maybe some preppy brand bottled water. But usually gum or a "treat" like a Mars bar. She has an ornate wallet, a deep purse, immaculate clothing and a look of perma-stress. She's the donkey to the equality-with-men-in-the-workforce carrot on the stick.

(I'm not her but I understand where she's coming from and why she does what she does - and why she drinks Red Bull.)

So, when I said, "I don't know who I am anymore!" what I meant was, "I don't like who I seem to be right now so something needs to change." 

It certainly was a moment.

Saturday, 17 September 2011

I was supposed to be at the ball game this evening but the bus was stupid. Watching video highlights just now, I have never felt so left out! Friday night games are a different animal, apparently.

It's chilly outside. It's downtown and I'm inhaling second-hand smoke. And where am I??
I just came THIS close to doing what I've always said I wouldn't, which is drinking when I'm angry (or upset or sad). If service was better, I might have ordered before I had the presence of mind to leave instead.
This is NOT the start to the relaxing weekend I had in mind. I am annoyed. I did a perfect imitation of a tire deflating because of how long I held the "F" for f-bomb, knowing I would regret uttering the full word. I also know it would have felt INCREDIBLY satisfying at first if I had  yielded. Oh, well. (Aie. Even now, it's creeping close to the surface. Everything is meaningless!)

Man. My legs are really long. I just noticed this while searching through a bag on a chair.

Sigh. What is this life?

Work was kinda fun today. I managed to refrain from using my eyes possessively (thanks, HS!) and I had a few jolly good laughs. I was called a lot of things today...one of them, with decidedly sexual connotations, made me want to not condemningly ask the customer what that piece of metal was, wrapped around the fourth finger of his left hand. I let it go...but I do wonder on the concept. Such boldness.
I don't know WHAT I looked like today but I did get a higher than normal volume of comments...and even a poke in the abdomen....which was unusual and weird.
This whole week has been amazing in terms of the transformation in my heart. I have begun working on my relationship with the Holy Spirit ...my sensitivity to Him and my constantly making the choice to yield to Him. It has changed my life. I'm really amazed. I hope in the near future to be able to describe it more fully.

Last night I got the answer to the "why do you do these things?" question that keeps cropping up at work. Well, the soundbite is that material things don't matter (to me) but eternal things do. Also, I remembered that bit where Jesus says to give to all who ask, to lend without expecting repayment and to go two miles when you're asked to go one - which would be the medium answer. (The long answer, of course, is dead-easy and needs no prep. It's the word-in-edgewise response that I have been searching for because it is a fast-paced environment I work in.) It's translatable and a start. I'm very happy for it. It's the truth and it's not lofty. Thank You, Holy Spirit.

I am looking forward to Sunday morning service ...and I kind of like not being able to predict all that will happen. I am actually more excited about it than I can put into words and I like that I still have work to do yet. I particularly like that I am taking a chance AND that I made a handful of decisions without consulting or conferring with anyone. I am a HUGE fan of collaborative leadership and of everyone having a voice. However, some situations call for neither of these things. I am learning this. I'm pumped. I'm hopeful.


On reflection, I want to clarify that the "fun" part at work was not the sexual comments or the two men staring at my behind when I leaned over, but the laughs and the normal calmness of the shift. It was uneventful in some way and I even managed to not get irritated by my boss.
I was finally able to give the chocolate bar I bought last week (the butt of a long-running inside joke between three of us) to a customer who I knew would appreciate it. Last time, his compatriot bought one and ate it in front of him out at the pumps, I learned when he came in to pay. I asked why he didn't pick one up and he said it wasn't in the budget. I have been thinking that this was a TOTAL gimme and that if he asked why, I could say he has a wife and kid but I'm just me. My budget is different. Total gimme.
Took about a week but I managed to give it him without making a big deal. I've never insisted so insistently but I could see he wanted it enough for me to easily take the time to erode all barriers of social politeness that he put up. "You gotta take it," I said about five times, nudging the bar across the counter after he nudged it back twice.

It made me so happy.

It cost me $1.67 but it's a gesture. I had been asking God for the opp to do it - and for my ego to exit the equation. I wanted it to be good but it didn't need to be epic. I may never see him again (unlikely as their company is down the road and his job is to make deliveries - but I don't know the future) and I don't know his name. I don't know what comes next but neither did I know how to NOT buy the bar. Nothing about not doing it made sense to me.

It wasn't a thing. About three weeks ago I bought two drinks for two regulars who I expected to see the day my workplace's Point of Sale system was entirely offline for upgrades (no sales were made for thirteen hours that day). Before my shift began, I bought the drinks and stashed them in the fridge. It was easy to do because the drinks were relatively cheap and because I could consume them myself if the regulars didn't show. I wanted to buy other things in anticipation of other regulars coming in but I didn't WANT eight copies of the Toronto Sun or any pack of cigarettes. I couldn't do it for everyone, anyways. One thing at a time.
They walked in about five minutes after I'd pulled the cans from the fridge (they are consistent). From the door they asked me, with half-smiles and slight warmth of familiarity, "Is it all closed down?" I only waved them over to my side of the counter. (I don't like having conversations across big spaces like that, esp not in public.)
I pulled the cans out and fumbled saying that we were unable to make sales, so they could take these two, which were already paid for. One of them hands me a twenty. "I can't make change," I say without taking the bill. "I don't have a till," I add gesturing at the construction zone around me (the place was being torn apart) because they didn't get it.
Still confused the Alpha asks, "So how do I pay you?"
I wave it off (I don't want their money) and say, "Some other time."
My boss chimes in as gracefully as a bowling ball to explain how I had bought the drinks before 7am, expecting them. I cringed hard because the point was not to IMPRESS them but to give. Just to give...and freely.

They didn't get - people don't get - a gift with no expectations. I hope it bothers them until they ask. I'm not very good at this stuff yet but I'm trying.

They said "thank you" once or twice and still looked confused when they left. They paid me back last week which was weird but fine. I kinda thought they'd forget. Ah, well.


Yesterday the scary thought that I might be done blogging found me.  The girth of this post is calming my fears. Started drafting at about 18h30 and now I'm publishing at midnight. Maybe I needed a break.  Maybe I will be a binge poster.

Tuesday, 13 September 2011

the neighbours have a pair of rotweilers, it appears.

Friday night I was in Stratford to see "Twelfth Night".  It was great.
I was reminded again of how little I know about theatre and how much I desire to know about it.

I don't even know enough (or have enough confidence) to give specifics on what I enjoyed.  Well...let's say the art direction was incredible because they somehow had contemporary aspects that weren't cheesy or typical - like the medieval knight who pulls out a credit card. ("HA! HA! HA! They didn't have MasterCard back then!!! Hilarious!")  There were scenes where the characters were playing golf and tennis and even taking batting practice.  (I totally scoffed without thinking at the actors' batting stances and super slow/weak/ill-aimed swings. ...because I am a professional batting coach - don't you know?) The costume was so cool... some characters looked 16th century, some looked from the 1940s, one guy seriously just forgot his costume and wandered onto stage in his every day 2011 garb (so it looked). 

I am amazed and grateful that I was able to follow the story.  (I have a hard time with Shakespeare, generally.)  The musical content was unexpected but so well done!  They had some background music, some full-on performances and some embedded performances where a count or an uncle would ask for a song.  It ...yeah.  It makes me happy to see people playing & singing who can actually play & sing - not stand in for someone less pretty who can.

The comedic content was incredible.  I'm very happy to finally get some of Shakespeare's jokes.  Like.... the man was legit funny. 

There were a foursome that entered early on, for our background music, who were dressed like the Beatles.  I don't even know why but it was awesome.  The dude playing John Lennon showed up later, at a late-night party, to deliver pizza.  The laughter came in waves as people recognized the absurdity and recognized the heat-conserving bag the white suited man carried and then further recognized the absurdity.

It was funny.  It was really funny.  If you watched me watching you would have thought I was angry and/or bored but that's what I look like when I'm studying - particularly art and particularly comedy (this happened to be both so I was VERY focussed).  I didn't laugh as much as I should have because I was too busy soaking up information.  Ha.

Somewhere in the second act I decided that She's the Man (2006) had ripped off the plot from this play.  I know it happens all the time and that it's public domain so that's cool.  (I took a full course on "Shakespearean Receptions" - people ripping him off in their own context.)  I feel compelled to say I only watched She's the Man (and just this summer) because I wanted to know what Amanda Bynes was about.  I missed her on whatever Disney program she was on...and my sister talks about her sometimes..and Kelly mentioned her on "The Office" and...she's a ..it's a thing.  I wanted to know.  Turns out she's talented and funny.  Still Disney but we will give her time.
[Spoiler Alert, kinda] A few scenes later I realized that the names that Shakespeare gave to the twins, Sebastian and Viola, were the same names Dreamworks assigned.  So.... no big secret.  Last to know.  That's cool.

Maybe the thing I like the most is that people pay money to see live theatre (in 2011). And maybe this is the first time I have seen how people do that NOT because it's posh, to be a patron of the arts; to be hip or to be ironic. It seemed instead to be something entertaining (maybe even enriching) that we wanted to pay money to see on a Friday night. It was pretty cool. I've said it before and I'll say it again - Shakespeare was on to something.

Tuesday, 6 September 2011

triet XXXVI

(1) Interesting fact: cashiers are human beings.
It's OK to greet them or make eye-contact. You don't even have to throw your money/cards at them; you can put it in their hand.
It's all true.

(2) I feel like this is the first time I've really been tempted to shut off a ball game well before the end. It's 13-0 in the fifth inning.

(3) My new goal is to be able to move ALL my stuff in one minivan. New goal. I think it's legit. Don't know yet if I want that to include furniture (don't know what furniture I'll choose to keep!).
Love it. I am loving getting rid of so much stuff these past five days.

Ahh.

Sunday, 4 September 2011

Dear Man of My Dreams,

Did I miss you again? I thought I was supposed to meet you on the B-train southbound platform at 2pm. Was I wrong?

Dang.