Comptez vos Bénédictions (x100) - post 4

I can't tell you how glad I am to know that excessively dry rooms don't bother me. I hear other people complain about it and I think, "You know, I'm sure they're not imagining it..I just can't feel it." Sometimes it's a whole gaggle of people who will say it, seperately; corroborating. Even then I'm like, "I'm gonna go eat me some pretzels and soda crackers...." but not really. (8)

I am grateful that I was designed by God and not by accident. (9)

I am thankful (but usually just smug) that I don't need eye glasses. My sister, my brother, five out of six grandparents, both aunts, two uncles and 659 of my friends wear them...I don't. My dad should, and so should my other brother but hey...who needs to see things when you're A HORRIBLE GUESSER?? (Is "guesser" a real word?) I want to count how many of my friends wear glasses but it would take too long, I think. I would be convinced I was "missing someone" for about three weeks.
When people put their specs down for a moment, I often pick em up and try em on just because just because. (I mean, there has never been a NEED in my life for me to wear them so I guess...I gotta just do it when I can. It's like trying goat's milk when you're in Scotland. Well, that's why I did it, anyways.) Usually my first reaction is to laugh or to exclaim, "Whoa...!" Sometimes it's just slightly blurry...someone's pair made it hard for me to walk (I really enjoyed those)..one gave me a head ache, MOST of them I can see clearly through if I close one eye - the other eye takes about half a second to re-adjust like a camera lens. It's uber cool. I guess I'm just fascinated with the body machine. (10)

why do we laugh when men cry? (and the bigger and burlier the more laughter...)



why do we laugh when people talk about seeing psychiatrists or "seeking professional help", etc.? It's a serious thing! I don't get it...why are we so messed up?



Sharon Osbourne was onto something. I need to re-read that [article].

The Departed (2006)

When my friend plunked the DVD on the table in front of me I gasped and said, "OHhhhh YES. Yes, yes, yes. We are watching this." (The film we were originally going to watch wasn't working out so hotly.) After recently finishing the Bourne trilogy, I can't tell you how much respect I have for Mr Matt Damon. It's weird, like I stopped comparing him to Linus Caldwell around the one-third mark of The Bourne Supremacy -- it's just not the same person! I have such a hard time wrapping my mind around it.

Watching him in The Departed was kinda hard because I felt like, "Well he should know better! He should have been thirteen steps ahead of that guy. There's no way he could be attacked from behind," etc. etc.

But anyways, Damon was the first one I saw, then DiCaprio and then Wahlberg I mean...can you go wrong? All of them guys I have mad respect for -- Wahlberg more for a combo of professional and personal but DiCaprio's just a gem. I think I like him more because I know most people don't.

I had very high hopes for this film. I enjoyed it for the most part.
I think what impressed me the most was how deeply developed each of the main characters were. Like it was serious multi-layering, multi-dimensional business that, amazingly, didn't take a Charles Dikensly long time.

At the end of it I must say that I now get a lot of the jokes people have made about Martin Scorcese films. :

The final scenes were utterly disappointing. (I don't have any other word for it.) It left me asking, "What's the point? What was the point of that?" And, you know, in art, you don't need to have a point or a "point". You don't. But, I have yet to meet an artist who didn't have an idea about why they were doing what they were doing, EVEN if they didn't want that to be blatantly obvious in their work. For most things, you get the point right away - it smacks you over the head - or you get it eventually - things start making sense or you need to come back or someone gives you a leg up (titles are GREAT for this, with visual art) - or you see the shell, the form-fitting casing of the artist's [point] and you're like, "Well I like that. I don't know why but I do like it." Or perhaps, "I respect that." Or better yet, "I wonder if ____ or ____ or _____ or what do you think?"
Man... it was sad. It totally ruined the rest of the film for me. Ahhh so shocking I feel like it's all been blanked out of my memory.

I enjoyed the surprizies of seeing Martin Sheen and Alec Baldwin in minor roles -- well, minor but pivotal. Alec Baldwin made me laugh quite a bit actually...He had these weird moments that were...like not really plot-advancing, just wonderful. I couldn't help but wonder if it was ad-libbing on Baldwin's part. (I wish.)
Now that I think about it, there were quite a few moments that made me laugh for serious which was very refreshing because, honestly, I don't laugh out loud at many films (even if I do think they're funny - another post for another day) and this wasn't even a comedy. I guess I can also say that I liked the intensity of the whole thing. Like, it's an edge-of-your-seat-er. I want to call it a "thriller" but it's not. It's not a mystery either, cuz we already know what's going on, it's just a matter of waiting for the other peeps in the film to figure stuff out. (I kinda like it.) It's definitely dramatic (ha - what film ISN'T dramatic, now that I think about it?) and does involve some action....I wanna know what the genre is. I think that'd help me a little.

imdb.com thinks it's a Crime / Drama / Thriller...I'm down with that. "Crime" makes sense to me.

Also, the thing that struck me the most - and I don't think I have ever before been suchly struck - was that the editing, for quite a few scenes, was HORRIBLE. I understand that actors aren't perfect and you don't always get the cuts you want but this is a Hollywood film with a considerable budget...I know you can do better. Now I'm forced to wonder if it was intentional. It did seem only to happen during dialogue scenes with Costigan (DiCaprio). I do also need to admit I appreciate how the title was given meaning and context early on in the film and carried right through to the end. (That's hard to do without being cheesy or painfully obvious.) Hmmm...It's starting to look like I didn't hate this movie as much as I thought. Who knew that sleeping on things and giving your emotions a few days to settle yields more useful and diverse (objective?) analyses. hmm something to think about.

7.3/10

my stomach doesn't want anything

but my body is asking for everything.

today (and yesterday) is the day (are the days) I realize and admit that I don't really "believe in" prayer. I suppose a more accurate statement would be that today I am repulsed by corporate prayer. Again, "repulsed" is not the word.

Break it down (one time!) - any time I imagine myself giving a "prayer request" (sometimes even the term makes me shudder), I think, "What's the point?" Or even when I am IN those situations, where people are asking for requests I think it'll just sound cheesy or like a sob story or generally just too Christian-fluffy-fluffy-I-can-say-the-right-words-to-pray-for-you-and-smile-when-we're-done (but-maybe-not-so-much-care-in-a-way-I-could-reasonably-be-expected-to).

I don't mean to call Christians liars...and I don't mean to say that I always care about the things I pray for aloud in groups. (Trick statement: I usually DON'T pray aloud for others for this exact reason.) Selfish? Muy.

MRrrrrmmm ..I hope this is a phase and that it will pass.

What is it like to dread your tomorrow (and your next week) when there's nothing specific occuring on those days to actually be concerned about? It's weird and shameful.
But... it was good, when I walked out of Thornborough after all of this hit me in a heavier way in one moment, and I had to say, "Only God." I mean, really....what else is there to say? I remember emitting a Romans 8:26 prayer in a breath, looking up at the grey sky (without realizing it), as if to say, "OK there IS an out and He is trustworthy." Unfortunately, that doesn't mean I actually asked specifically but who knows? What seems true and what is true has been up in the air for me lately...I look forward to tomorrow morn. Yes I do.

Comptez vos Bénédictions (x100) - post 3

I am blessed to know God. Today I was talking with my friend about Jesus' personality and in part of her response she said, "Knowing Jesus, He probably..." and I thought, "YEA! 'Knowing Jesus'! We know Him as a personal friend!" Knowing Jeff, he'd pick the red one. Knowing my brother like I do, I'm sure he'd rather go in than stay out. It's pretty ridiculous but OH am I ever thankful. He's a nice guy, I'm sure. (7)

Comptez vos Bénédictions (x100) - post 2

I am blessed that I am able to sing, to hear and understand music. What's more I'm blessed to know musicians. (4, 5)

I am blessed to get a smile from a friend when I pay them a genuine compliment. (6)

:)

Comptez vos Bénédictions (x100)

It's a new challenge. It's a new series. It's going to take me much longer but I'm ready to tackle it.

I am blessed to have the ability to write; to think and to understand. I'm grateful for these things almost every day because I use them every day. (1)

I'm blessed to have curly hair (or rather, to have the hair that I do). Some days I just love it. (2)

Heinz Tomato Soup makes me so very happy. I used to think it was too dang boring and now I appreciate the simplicity. [Side note: it was only recently that I realized tomato juice (like V8) is actually juice of a tomato.....fruit.] I love it with grilled cheese sandwiches and I love it on cold days. Today I've got both those things. [insert chesire smile] I love that it costs fifty cents a can and is quick to heat. Today I left the temperature WAY low for a much longer time than usual (I'm a pretty impatient eater quelquefois) and it made a huge difference. I'm enjoying this more than life. It's like savoury and a real soup...I almost want to call it buttery. What I had before was clearly just melted red crayon and steam. (3)

quickly

I can't cover my tithe now. I'm kinda sad about this. I meant to turn in my cheque last week and forgot and now, with other forgotten thingers happening between the last and upcoming Sundays, I can't cover.

now that I'm brainstorming, that's a lie. I can drop some cash on my desk in and then live the next week of my life on about ..phew...maybe about 3 dollars. wow. I'm...looking forward to doing this. I'm calling God out on His promises.



my audacity, some days....I never know.

trois jours en succession

it was only on Saturday that I realized how I had mad respect for action films. Well, I must say that The Bourne trilogy has been the major of majorest influence in this way.
I'm impressed. I must also say that I'm impressed that Mat Damon can do action (drama?) as well as he does comedy, scripted or ad-libbed.

Tonight is Night Three of watching parts of the trilogy here chez moi. I'm pretty pumped about this thirdieme installment. I watcthed the first two with my bro-dude when he was here. I bought him the trilogy for his birthday and he said we could (try to) watch the three back-to-back. We said the same thing about The Lord of the Rings trilogy and that was about a year and a half ago - maybe two. Why does my shoulder hurt? It's hard to commit 9 hours to something that's not important. Well actually, it could have been twelve hours because we wanted to watch the extended versions of all three.

I think one of the most prevalent things I like about these films is that there's something about them I don't get. For me, it's the same feeling I have when I encounter (most) visual art. I'm not... a big action film buff (though I could easily be persuaded to become one or better yet - I would love to be guided through the ways of the action film by someone who IS a buff) but there's something about this that is utterly compelling and intense and amazing, really. Maybe it's the prolongued intensity that we like. Typically, action heroes are the best of the best of the best -- or they're even superhuman. And, we LOVE to watch people who are excellent at something we don't have a SHOT at ever attempting. Especially when it comes to large explosions, high-speed chases, weaponry, hand-to-hand combat, we like to see something that we'd say we wish we could do but never would, "in real life". I can't flip a car twice on purpose to get over a police blocade and still run for cover in a gas station bathroom where I sterilize a needle with a lighter and sew my own stitches, no. I can't dangle from buildings or shoot gas tanks or take out random henchmen (great word) with two blows. I'm not a martial artist. I'm not even a good physical fighter. But wouldn't I LOVE to be involved in those things? Well... I think I'm speaking for the general public now because my interest in most of those things isn't too great. I like the idea of it happening - because I am amazed - but I don't love it, especially in real life, for all the carnage and pain it causes.
Perhaps what I'm relating to most is how much other people love these films, namely men. I feel like that's the elephant in the room right now. I think I'm getting half a glimpse of what it is that dudes are so enthralled by when they watch action films. I'm starting to understand the appeal. Part of that dang ol romantic mystery, I guess.

I thought I could work on the compy while I'm watching the film but it turns out that this guy needs my undivided attention. Few films are like this and I respect this one for being so. It's paused now with the words THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM in steely blue on the screen. I love it. What a great place to pause. I'm reminded of The Lion King.

My bro-dud was supposed to come over on Saturday night and I actually bought a DVD player in anticipation of the triloge. (I wanted one anyways and I had a gift cert for Futch Shoppe.) When I found out he'd be there the next morning instead, my lack of patience took me to Rogers Video and, strangely enough, I ended up with Mission: Impossible apparently because my mind was already ready to watch a film of its genre. M:I, strangely enough, was in the Mysterious
section. That, I love. I wanted to say au debut de this post that I like action films more when they involve mystery CUZ I LOVE MYSTERY!! but then I had to wonder how many action films do NOT have a mystery element? I think they just might go hand-in-hand. I would love to be proven wrong AND to do my own research in the mean time.

I enjoyed Mission: Impossible VERY much and I was pleased with this. I remember when I first watched the film many years ago and I was maxxed out in the impressed department. It changed the way I look at films. It honestly threw me for more loops than I could have ever expected. (Fight Club was like this for me and so was The Lord of the Rings trilogy. What else was like this? I feel like I reference those films too much. Well, The Sting and MAYbe even Singin' In the Rain.) So many parts of that film have stuck with me for these what, five years? and I have referenced them, either in my personal writing or in conversation, you know, that I must give mad props where they are due. Anything that gives me THAT much fodder for Future Reference and that much food for thought has my stamp of approval. [I am finding myself at a HUGE loss for words right now. Can you tell? I'm wondering if it's just the time of day and other parts of the present situation that are making it harder for me to find expressive language.]

I saw Mission: Impossible III in theatres and I definitely did not see M:Imp II at all either because I was told it wasn't good, I hated the commercials (I know I hated them but this might not be why I said NO), I hated the hype or I was in that phase where I boycotted sequels. I am now SURE I want to see it (and have many accompanying grains of salt ready) because a) the first one left me wanting MORE (of course!) and b) The Bourne Identity and Supremacy both fit together so dang well and I'm sure the Ultimatum will follow suit perfectly that I can't help but expect to get something "more" out of watching all three Mission: Impossible films.

Side salad: I have officially decided to lift my skepticism of The Matrix and now consent to watching parts two and three, or rather to watching all three together. I think I saw two or three in the theatre with three siblings which was mucho fun but the film just.. disappointed me beyond belief. I'm willing now to be more gracious and temper my expectations. I also don't even understand the first one so I think re-watching it and making a point of deciphering will improve how I receive the sequel and threequel.

It's one of my life-long dreams (for serious actual desire) to make a list of all the films that have parodied The Matrix's slo-mo back arching during a gun fight junk. I could probably name a handful now but I know I've seen more and I know there are many I haven't seen. The day I figure out a reasonable way to approach this task is the day I take it on.
I started a list like this for people who copied Cool Hand Luke's box - the solitary confinement, but not just that. There's more to....how it works. Then I discovered that The Great Escape just might have been the original and CHL a kind of mimic. (I actually am not sure of this and need to watch em both again. Honestly, I dread watching The Great Escape encore because I disliked the film muchly, AND it's long but CHL I have been dying to see depuis longuetemps.) Either way, I've got a list of about 10 which, considering how old I was at the time, is dang ol impressive, to me anyways. Paul Newman gets more general-public props than I realize. Boooyakalaka. OK it's time. Bourne #3. I'm in.

The Giv'r

The audience applause, which was enthusiastic at each Naming, rose in an exuberant swell when one parental pair, glowing with pride, took a male newchild and heard him named Caleb.

This new Caleb was a replacement child. The couple had lost their first Caleb, a cheerful little Four. Loss of a child was very, very rare. The community was extraordinarily safe, each citizen watchful an protective of all children. But somehow the first little Caleb had wandered away unnoticed, and had fallen into the river. The entire community had performed the Ceremony of Loss rogether, murmuring the name Caleb throughout an entire day, less and less frequently, softer in volume, as the long and somber day went on, so that the little Four seemed to fade away gradually from everyone's consciousness.

Now, at this special Naming, the community performed the brief Murmur-of-Replacement Ceremony, repeating the name for the first time since the loss: softly and slowly at first, then faster with greater volume, as the couple stood on the stage with the newchild sleeping in the mother's arms. It was as if the first Caleb were returning. (44)

--

"Do you love me?"

There was an awkward silence for a moment. Then Father gave a little chuckle. "Jonas. You, of all people. Precision of language, please!"

"What do you mean?" Jonas asked. Amusement was not at all what he had anticipated.

"Your father means that you used a very generalized word, so meaningless that it's become almost obsoloete," his mother explained carefully.

Jonas stared at them. Meaningless? He had never before felt anything as meaningful as the memory.

"And of course our community can't function smoothly if people don't use precise language. You could ask, 'Do you enjoy me?' The answer is 'Yes,'" his mother said.

"Or," his father sugested, "'Do take pride in my accomplishments?' And the answer is wholeheartedly 'Yes.'"

"Do you understand why it's inappropriate to use a word like 'lve'?" Mother asked.

Jonas nodded. "Yes, thank you, I do," he replied slowly.

It was his first lie to his parents. (127)

--

On this unexpected, casual holiday he felt happy, as he always had on hildays; but with a deeper happiness than ever before. Thinking, as he always did, about precision of language, Jonas realized that is was a new depth of feelings that he was experiencing. Somehow they were nt at all the same as the feelings that every evening, in every dwelling, every citizen analyzed with endless talk.

"I felt angry because someone broke the play area rules," Lily had said once, making a fist with her small hand to indicate her fury. Her family -- Jonas among them -- had talked about the possible reasons for rule-breaking, and the need for understanding and patience, until Lily's fist had relaxed and her anger was gone.

But Lily had not felt anger, Jonas realized now. Shallowimpatience and exasperation, that was all Lily had felt. he knew that with certainty because now he knew what anger was. Now he had, in the memories, experienced injustice and cruelty, and he had reacted with rage that welled up so passionately inside him that the thought of discussing it calmly at the at the evening meal was unthinkable.

"I felt sad today," he had heard his mother say, and they had comforted her.

But now Jonas had experienced real sadness. He had felt grief. He knew that there was no quick comfort for emotions like those.

These were deeper and they did not need to be told. They were felt.

Today, he felt happiness. (131-2)

-----------------------------------------------

What I find so interesting and crazy unique about this book is that I feel like I lucked out by getting the first person narrative that I did. I know that doesn't make any sense and that's what makes the story so wonderful. I thought, what if I had ended up hearing this story from the perception of ANY of these other characters? It definitely would not have been the same book. They wouldn't have known hot to write - or do describe things the way Jonas did. I got the feeling that they had no inner dialogue. Though I'm guessing that, as humans, they must have had.

--

Lowry, Lois. The Giver. New York: Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group, Inc., 1993.

schweepstakes

"Better to steer clear of an occasion governed by a rule which would be so easy to break" (27).



There's my first pull from The Giver. I honestly thought it was possible for me to make it through this book without wanting to write down or externally analyze anything. It seems QUITE possible when I put a damper on my inquisitive gene. What would it be like if I made it through a book without pulling anything from it? Would that mean it was a bad book? Would that mean I hadn't really read it or hadn't really paid attention? Mrrp. I wonder what that book would be. I suppse I could just FURTHER suppress my urges, to the point where I forget what I wanted to write down...but that doesn't mean I won't still talk about the book with fellow readers or reference it to make points or analogies. That's why I write stuff down, I suppose. It's either because I am impressed by the writing itself, because it lends itself to some great analogy, because I need to decipher it OR because I just think I will use it later on in my _____career. We'll see.



As for this excerpt, I think it's a great expansion of the phrase "err on the side of caution". It also seems perfectly applicable to those "grey areas" of Christian discourse. "Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial," is a phrase I often wonder about, even aloud, and I think it is here related. If I were going to use graspable language, though, I'd say that if there's something you're not sure about - and you can do with out it - then steer clear because you ge 100% assurance you're NOT doing something wrong instead of getting a 50-50 chance of doing something right. It seems so dang ol obvious but in the moment, it's hard to deal with. We love to make excuses for things we enjoy or to turn a blind eye to our consciences. weird.

do cynics enjoy what they do?

or do they consider it more like a duty?

Today I asked God for something ridiculous and intangible and undeserved and He delivered so cleanly and neatly that I didn't notice til...later. I love it.

Yesterday I had an imagination fest on what it would be like to pray for all the little things. We like to rank our needs sometimes, especially in public, because of our hugely damaged sense of self-worth. The more opportunities I give God to show Himself amazing on any given day, the more amazed and humbled I shall be. The more enamoured and in love I would become.... the more gung-ho for the Gospezillio, the more understanding of Christ's nature and worthiness... it's good. The little things add up and they are important. I have no..real words for this.

Bargelteen

I really do love the feeling of blood rushing back to previously numb body parts. There aint nothing quite like it. The day I start placing weights on my legs or something just to get that blood-rush will be a sick & scary day, indeed. I'd feel like I had a real addiction.

Today, in the middle of a 16 million-way conversation, I realized how eager I was to start looking for a job (again). I'm not eager to look for a job. But _________ ____ (other things). I think I liked hitting this realization THIS time because it usually only comes when I'm feeling guilty or envious or simply in the presence of someone who is "where I should be". (faulty statment)
It turns out that I want something more than I have - in a good way. In a good way...


I'm thankful to God that I got a $220.59 credit on my wireless bill (of 270-something) because of THEIR mistake. Ahh it feels good to have something like justice. I'm so afraid of that word now because it gets misused and overused, especially in films. I don't even know what God's idea of justice is so I have nothing to stand on.
I became very mad as I perused my bill (and it didn't help that it wouldn't load properly for about 15 minutes and even then it wasn't great). It didn't help that I was simultaneously trying to figure out some other big-number money stuff AND that I was going to engage in some intentional Bible time immediately afterward. I kept telling myself I shouldn't get TOO angry. (I have never yelled in anger like I did today. It was weird.) I thought that an onlooker might tell me I should do the Bible time first - to "calm down". Blech. I thought also that being as upset as I was would indicate a lack of trust in God. Meh. I dismissed both of those thoughts (not without taking SOME notice) and barrelled through. I know myself well enough to admit that I would be unable to focus on the Bibs - or anything else - until I dealt with this junkular. I figured that if I would need to call Customer Service more than once (which I often do), that it would be better to place the first call sooner so I had more time during this billing cycle to call back. I always need at least a day in between calls to calm myself and re-assess, etc. Hmm.

My friend makes me sad when she writes her wishy-washiness about theology into emails. She doesn't talk much about spirituality in verbal conversation but some emails involve religion and other things.... How can you claim to be part of something (a formal religion) but use "God" and "the universe" and "whatever, etc." interchangably? arc. arc en ciel.