filing time

It seems odd to blog out of obligation but here I am, verifying that I am still alive.

It seems odd to use "blog" as a verb considering it's not a real word to begin with.


Things in Guelph are mostly the same as they were when I first arrived five days ago, except now I can listen to the Eagles' wailing guitar solos in Hotel California. :)

I am still trying to pack my life up into less than twenty boxes and move house down the street but it is proving more of an elusive goal than I thought.

On the bright side, I am becoming more dilligent and more [insert adjective that means I follow-through on what I say (let me know if you know that word)] with prayer and reading, especially things I "should" read.

I like pasta and I want to go back to study Music at the good ol' U o' G.

abstract thoughts and/on music

I would like to point out the sheer coolness of the musical instrument God has given all of us in our very own throats. Use it wisely.


About eight years ago, I discovered this phenomenon inside my very own brain. The best way for me to describe it is to say that it's an under-the-table transatction between my conscious and sub-conscious brains. Sub-consciously, my brain makes a connection between something in the present situation (from any of the five senses) to a song that I know and consciously, my brain makes me sing it. This is a strange goings-on because I do not understand the significance of the song until I reach the relevant part at which point I usually stop singing and marvel at the bizarreness of what just took place.

[For example, I was once sitting down-wind of a poorly made open fire and needed to move because of the irritation I had started to endure. In my head played, "They asked me how I knew my true love was true / I, of course, replied something here inside / Cannot be denied ..." etc. and I just went along with it. (Bear in mind I was 13 at the time.) Then when the chorus hit I realized why that particular song - one I was not fond of - had come up: the title, "Smoke gets in your eyes."]

A few minutes ago, I started singing, "God is so good ... God is so good ... God is so good, He's so good .. to .. me," and I realized that it wasn't merely a song but it was a manifestation of a deeper feeling I was experiencing at that moment. This means (ooh, it's epiphany time again) that now, the aforementioned tricky transaction not only relates to the five senses but also to emotions/feelings.

This - that song - seems to be the theme of this day. I found myself walking around ruminating on the greatness of God. I look at things and can't help but accredit their goodness to God Himself, no matter how seemingly man-made they are. It says, "The heavens declare the glory of God," and I consider myself blessed to see what must be an infinitely small part of the glory of God. I felt bombarded to-day by all His goodness. It certainly made me feel motivated to be an ambassador. It also made me hope I wasn't riding a spiritual high and, if I was, that I should be sure to keep the desire to be an ambassador even when I don't feel this great about who God is.

home #3

I have returned to Guelph and I find that it is much greener.

More of the street is obstructed from my view as I look out my bedroom window; there is more ivy up South Rez wall... it's weird.

And, I can't believe it feels like home here! First I thought I missed Montreal so much because it had been my solid home for 3 months. Then I came to Etobicoke - my home since forever - and thought, "This is where it's at." And now, I am here in Guelph and it is a strangely comforting atmosphere. I've never exactly felt like Guelph was my home; it was more like a temporary holding cell. I think it feels like my home *now* because my heart is going out to it, from a spiritual perspective.

It's going to be a crazy year.

presents

And lastly, to round my day's tally of posts out to four, I'd like to mention something awesome I found last night.

I love (understatement) to make things for people that they don't expect and to give it to them with no cost or effort on their part. Espeicially when it's personal, when it involves craftiness (sneaky or cut&paste), and when there's writing involved. Mmm hmm. The thought of it makes me smack my lips.

I think God's given me a gifting here and I want to know: where are You going to use this one? Please let me give it all to you. :D

presenting it to the class

Here's my list of things I learned this summer on Montreal Project 2005 with Campus Crusade for Christ:


#1 Put the Gospel first and all else will follow. (Luke 12:29-1)

#2 It would be better to get to Heaven and have God ask you, "What were you thinking?" than for Him to say, "Why didn't you do anything?" (courtesy of Eric Rose, Quebec CCC staff)

#3 There is great comfort in feeling inadequate if it's in light of God's power. Pray hard. (courtesy of ninth outreach)

#4 An open door is more of a blessing than I realized. This summer in Solin Hall was like my second chance at experiencing first year in Rez. (courtesy of Alison Lau, Dan Richardsen, Joel Sherman, Mike Dytynyshyn)

#5 Humor is a gift from God that I am blessed to recieve and to give. I shan't underestimate its power encore. (courtesy of final banquet .. and Joel Sherman)

#6 Boys are too complicated, too distracting and altogether too ... lovely.

future plans

Last night I was day-dreaming about many things (most of them boys) but one of them was my future vocation. I day-dreamed my way into night-dreaming and back again so it got a bit weird but I enjoyed how it was complete or all-encompassing. I dreamed that I might teach music at my own former high school. I got a big thrill out of it. I had been thinking about an arrangment of mine and how I would love to walk into my old school and show it to my musical mentor. I wasn't sure if I should show the manuscript or the audio recording because the audio wasn't up to my standards but the manuscript might not give him a complete enough picture (as brilliant as he may be). With this next thought, the night-day line became blurry. I said to myself, "What if I could just ask five singers - five Music Theatre majors - to sing my piece? Shouldn't they be able to be perfect on the first try? Or first day, at least?" The thought excited me and I had a flashback of my old band classroom. From there I slipped into full-out dream land, still conscious - I guess - of the fact that I was dreaming. I began to think of what it would be like to make my living from teaching music - in this case teaching arrangements to singers - at my old high school. I saw my passion for it and started to wonder where my evangelistic calling would fit into the mix. I want to teach there. I want to teach music. I want to be capable of teaching music, just like the ones who taught me were. It looks hard and I don't do very well with music history but dag, I would like to try.

I had a dream a couple of weeks ago (undoctored) about returning to my high school to show the same piece in question to my music mentor. Some things were the same about us two, some were drastically different. What was interesting was that he not only knew I was a Christian (my t-shirt did help) but he also knew what kind of Christian I was (born-again, I suppose). Now, taking into account that this dream has only two sources of input: my brain and God, it makes sense that he would know this about me. But as I found it transferable to my own life, it was certainly something to think about. What will it be like when I go back to my high school? I haven't been there since I became a Christian. In the dream he was searching. He had a bit of self-sufficiency pride in his way but there were definitely traces of desperation coming out in his queries about me and the faith.

THIS more than anything, makes me want to walk through those doors again and tell the good word. Hmm. Tell the good word and teach the good music.

I was also wondering in my dreamy state of last night (I think on my way back to day-dreams) about how BIG of an impact I could actually make there for God. I was a bit disappointed, thinking there was no Campus Crusade for Christ chapter to get on board with, and looked with a bit of desperaton for any Christian voice the school had. Does the school have one? I think not. The Christian youth club had a sordid attendance and was written off by anyone who bothered to ask what L.I.G.H.T. stood for. I should infiltrate. I should ask God for my high school. Amen. :D


Living in God's Holy Truth

in the Anglo country

To-day, Friday, is my third day officially back in my home province and I don't know what to feel. Here are a few competing emotions/notions:

#1 I feel like I never left Ontario. (most prevalent the first day)
#2 I feel like nobody understands where I've been (they don't) and that I'm just scraping my way by the time until Winter Conference shows herself.
#3 I feel like something new that will manifest itself soonly and shock by-standers.


I love talking to fellow project members. It's obvious how much we miss eachother but also great to see that we're getting back into our respective lives, fairly easily.

I look forward to seeing what this next year, what this next life holds for me. I don't think ever have I felt this much an alien in my life.