artists are so cool. I don't get/see what/how they see.

This morning was the first time I addressed God as "Father". It was great. I didn't twist my arm or wasn't trying to make a thing either. It was cool.

With another residence move, I am AGAIN confronted with the need for me to have FEWER possesions. It's a joke.

I hope to find (read: make...) time to go through boxes with a fine-toothed comb.


Turns out that "Quiet Time", as I knew it, is not that important or useful. Someone I know ran over it with a truck but I actually drew the conclusion from my own thinking through, in the wake of that.
Quiet time, as in time to remove & ignore distractions; to face the unfacables; to grapple with the put offables; to clear the mind; to unwind & re-energize - I have discovered -, is completely essential for me. I have long time known I need "alone time" (evidenced by snapping, lashing out, withdrawing, bitterness, etc in its absence), but, now that I understand that MY walk with Christ must involve quiet/alone time, I see QTing differently. It keeps me on track, balanced, connected... It's good. Other people do other things. (I still think One-on-one time is necessary but how it looks is another story.)

(Kind of an abrupt ending because this stinkin ball game is so engrossing.)

Today was funny.

Somehow I got up on time for work and, without a disgusting amount of rushing, caught the bus. I am three-for-three this week. It's great.

It has strangely been a very emotional week and I don't even know if I can express how because I'm not sure I've processed everything yet. Sunday marked the end of a great era... Sunday also included a disappointing discovery.
Monday brought the request to be seen outside of work (a proper date) and a thoroughly unexpected compliment. (Former: someone whose company I have enjoyed and whom I have apparently led on. I was actually sad when I discovered what'd happened. Latter: the compliment came from the guy at work who gives me problems... he was in an exceptionally good mood. My jaw was on the floor as I had been working so hard to back off/be calm/move on that I was so unprepared for the topic.)
Monday also held one of the most painful conversations I've ever had in my life. I tell you, it's cliché but it happens: when it was over I sat on the staircase (where I had been left) with my head in my hands, unable to move. I actually don't have words for the emotions; I have never felt this before.

Tuesday involved what I termed "schmoozing" to the coworker I walked away from as I went to chat with a customer sat at Tim Hortons. Long time regular; super interesting and bright person. We completed the last phase of my training with ProLine and I filled out my first ballot to legally wager on professional sports. He gave me some of his picks, too, to play and I spent my four dollars later that evening to make it official. It was fun. I wagered again yesterday, because I apparently have something to prove, and though I wanted to go again today (cos I was SO CLOSE!) I caught a whiff of the start of a habit - soon to become an addiction - and I had to quit.
I had to quit.
By 8.30pm I was on the other side of a stressful conversation as well as a peculiar shopping list. I was also waiting for a friend who I haven't seen in four years (due to continental differences) to arrive in my city. Three of us went to the bus terminal and I tell you I RACED* across the parking lot to bearhug my friend and former housemate.
The night grew long. We went to get her dinner and us coffee and dessert and we chatted like four women do when they've made time for one another and ingesting chocolate.
*We can hardly call it "racing" when my legs are as long as forever and I am black, and my two white friends were, well, my two white friends with an average height of 5'3".

On Wednesday my threshold for people time was severely tested. It was OK.
It was the closest thing to a day off I've had in a while.
Later in a big group there was more than one moment where I had to tell myself to swallow my emotions because I didn't need them to burst out right then. I also failed to control my emotions in a few cases but oddly got away with it.

As for today I took about thirty minutes into my shift to do something that so filled me with regret I felt nauseous. I also VERY MUCH felt like an a**hole. I acted selfishly and possessively. AMAZINGLY, I worked through it in about twenty or thirty minutes' time so that the panic had ebbed and I was ready to roll with whatever the future brought.
Merciful God- The future I had to roll with came just five hours later. The customer I'd made an a** of myself to came back into the shop. I was amazed but CALM this time, and NOT possessively demanding to control the situation.

In other news, I need to sleep so this story is to be continued.

Placeholder Post

Realized this morning what my most recent post was, making it seem like I've fallen into some pit of despair.

This post is here just to communicate that I haven't.

Vacant.

Something happened to my smile.

It seems to have been crumpled up and kicked under the bed. I had better crouch down and pat around for it. I should retrieve it, smooth it out over my knee and put it back where it belongs.

From Friday.

Thanks for the can of Red Bull, lady with very blonde hair who is religiously racking up loyalty points for something. I didn't really need it and I didn't drink it but I will keep it and thank you.

Sorry, R___, that I couldn't sell you what you were asking for.  I wish I wasn't in such a good mood when you said, "Well, now I'm just angry," so that my sympathy might have sounded more sincere.  I really am sorry that this system has some terrible issues.
Thanks for being patient.

I appreciate you both, guys who bought Powerade, for laughing at my not-that-funny cheap shot about Red Sox fans.  (I was not really insulted by your guess that I was a Yankees fan.)

Thanks, J__, for playing along with my ABSOLUTELY dumb joke.  You said this should be your last pack and I was not joking when I said I would give you a hard time every time you came in from now on.  It would be great if you - and everyone else in the universe - quit smoking.

B______, it makes me happy to see you unfazed by my declaring that, "You just got preferential treatment."  I jumped on till because I saw you next in line....it wasn't as much for the six other customers behind. You know I think you're hilarious and I hope you know you always make my day more fun. Glad today that I could make YOU laugh for once - and I wasn't even thinking about it!
Huzzah!
You make Mondays bearable.

Speaking of bearable, guy who wears his The Incredibles shirt on alternate Casual Fridays, I should have thanked you yesterday for making storm clouds break apart.  You walked in around 4 or 4.30 and looked at your wrist watch dramatically, as you have done for the past several weeks, implying that it's about time I showed up for work (ever since I started working afternoon shifts instead of morning).  Yesterday I laughed really hard at the gesture because it's just so ridiculous and the bit should be old by now.  I wasn't able to get too many words out by the time you were at the counter and YOU thought this was just great.  "I don't know why I keep laughing at that!"
"Good!  Good; I'm glad I can make people laugh."
"Me, too; especially cos I was having a really sh***y day until now."
(Overlapping from the cuss word) "Awww, great.  I'm glad I could do that." 
I wanted to mention that I must be really comfortable with you if I'm going to swear with a customer (certain I haven't done that before) but didn't bother because you were so chuffed about being able to make my day.  Well in.  You're funny and ridiculous.  I don't know how it happened but I like that we are now at the point where 95% of our conversations are taking jabs at one another.  Maybe 95% of your half and 75% of mine, where the other 20% goes to shaking my head in disbelief at your rudeness.  Good times.

To the woman who buys two packages of Peter Jackson full flavor king size and often an eight-pack of Diet Coke, thank you for giving me an even more generous tip than you usually do.  You amaze me. You make me think I've done something wonderful for you but I really don't remember doing so.  Anyways, thanks for being so encouraging.

Dude who I usually see in the mornings who is quiet but seems nice enough, I was pleasantly surprised when you didn't flinch at my blurting, "Can I ask you a question?" I really thought there was a good chance you'd be freaked out.
(Openly, slightly interested) "Sure!"
(Gesturing to the massive vehicle behind him that he showed up in) "Is that truck big enough?"
Immediately you're with me: "No. It should be a little bigger," your tone so delicately laced with sarcasm that it takes me a second to realize you got the joke right away. "It's crazy, eh?"
"It's the size of a boat..!" is all I could uncreatively add.
You agree. "He's crazy... When he first showed up with it, I was like, 'Are you kidding, man?'."

I'm laughing. Initially I was taking a gamble as to whether you'd be insulted on your friend's behalf. But alas, you mocked him behind his back to my delight. Good friend!
"Does he need it for the kind of work you guys do?" (Benefit of the doubt...)
Head shaking, your "no" was embedded in a scoff. "He just got it cos..."
Leaping at the chance to use a phrase that wives like to use to belittle their husbands, but that I wanted to use to poke gentle fun, I interject, "It's basically a toy."
"It's a toy, yes. It's like a mini transport truck."
I laugh again because you have clearly thought about the ridiculousness before our conversation and have probably ribbed your friend savagely. And then you're thanking me and the transaction is done.

Editor's note: This post is an unofficial send-up to someone I know that blogs letters to strangers.

triet XXXV

(1) You know someone's an 18-year-old male when they greet you - not a man - with, "Hey, man."

(2) You know you're from the city when you are constantly nagged by (and occasionally checking on) the open doors of someone else's truck in your driveway.
(How do people DO stuff like that?????)

(3) You know it's bad when you fantasize consistently about how you will resign from your job. :(


Bonus: Yesterday someone came in with a thick, plaid jacket-ish coat-sweater on and, because we have some kind of rapport, I felt at liberty to ask, "Really?  Flannel?" implying with my tone that IT IS AUGUST.  He smirked and said matter-of-fact-ly, "I love flannel."  It's like maybe what someone says while eating pumpkin pie if someone else's eyes bulge at the topping: "I love whipped cream."  Hahahah it was very funny and very caught me off-guard.

I thought about what you said.

I have recently been challenged and mocked for my present habit of listening to sermons online preached by Mark Driscoll.

I've thought about it a lot and concluded a few days ago that I'm going to persist.  I was recommended to listen to some other preachers (because there are apparently better ones to listen to) but I don't know who they are right now.  :)  I pretty much rely on other believers to recommend things like this to me because I, for some reason, won't take the time to do my own research.
And anyway, I like stumbling across things (books, films, whatever other resources).  I like serendipitous* timing.
*I got the first definition of this word that made sense to me on Sunday and have used it twice since.

The person who has mocked me has promised to send links of others he recommends, so I them await.  I think it's a very good idea for me to listen to more than one theological/spiritual/Biblical teacher/leader so I am honestly looking forward to hearing another voice.

All of that said, the reason I am persisting with these Mars Hill resources is that I have been convinced it's good for me right now in three ways.
(1) In this season I have an INSATIABLE desire to hear sermons.  I can't put it any other way.  I want to hear the Bible opened up; I want to hear truth; I want to be challenged, rebuked, inspired.  I want to listen to someone sharing what God has revealed to them.  I really do.  Would you believe that in the past six days I have listened to nine sermons?
(2) I have been specifically and consistently rebuked about things in my life.  Most recently Pastor Mark exposed the crutches I used to deal with anxiety.  (Firstly, I am determined that I am NOT an anxious person so even from the get-go I'm ready to disagree with him.  Turns out we're all anxious about something.  I was listening to what all the other people do, nodding along at how ridiculous they are...and then he starts tapping on my shoulder and I try to tune him out.  But, he got me.  Instead of the word "anxiety" - because for me that connotes irrationality and panic which I am not given to - I'll admit to a "fear of _____".  Today, I recognized/admitted the fear of failure and the fear of not getting things done.  That's....what makes me flock to coping mechanisms.  It's dumb and terrible and going to shorten my life.)
(3) The things he talks about are often impeccably timely and corroborated by other credible sources people in my life.
(3b) I'm also learning about terminology, history and theology stuff that is crazy interesting and useful.


In addition to this, I have a few reasons that I am partial to Driscoll's style, himself (which is something I could give up easily because it is not the substance of the message).
-I am impressed and entertained by his sense of humor. (I laugh out loud often......and it is magical.  I really love laughing and like that I get to make a preacher part of my ongoing study of comedy.)
-I find the way he speaks engaging (as in, my attention only slips away about 3% of the time - if I'm already distracted by stress or fatigue.  I usually don't miss a beat. ...it's about 7-10% with the average GOOD speaker).
-I am encouraged by the fact that he talks about REAL PEOPLE REAL THINGS.  It's huge.  All that "taboo" stuff that's not really taboo in the world OR in the Church and is only made worse when it's veiled - he talks about it in no uncertain terms and I LIKE it.  It is healthy and helpful.

Other notes:
•I am being pushed to pursue excellence in ministry and to take it more seriously.  It's a big deal.  The Kingdom is important and serving God's people is both an honor and a demanding load.
•I am discovering VERY firsthand (and yes, I know "firsthand" does not work well with that adverb preceding) what it means to respond to a sermon through music.  I haven't thought about it in a long time (since I've been in charge of organizing the music ministry at my church) and I certainly haven't thought about it deeply enough.  On Tuesday it really made sense to me.  I heard a very good word and when it was over I was desperate to sing back so I flipped on some Hillsongs and one half of a whole clicked neatly into place with the other.
•I am enjoying being attentive and critical enough to find things that I disagree with him on and to find that some sermons hit me harder than others. (The man isn't perfect and neither am I.)
•I am being drawn into the Person and Character of Jesus.  I am interested to know what He's like and Mark reads, teaches and depicts Christ as someone amazing and dynamic.  He is upholding Jesus in a way I'm not too familiar with...I think it's the Jesus-in-real-life version.  Mark sounds like he's continually fascinated by and thoroughly obsessed with Christ and His work.  They (I'm including the people that put together video clips, montages, audio, etc.) make Jesus seem like He is a BIG DEAL every week.  Like it's always Easter or something.  Like there is some sort of urgency for people to hear about Him and to start relationships with Him.  It's remarkable.  They must see Him so clearly.  They have also managed to present Christ as a bad-ass which I just love.  I mean...if I could describe the Son of God without using a swear word, I would but right now that term fits.  He's a big deal and He's magnificent.  He is also a bad-ass.  He knows what I mean. :)

All of this said, I take the warnings and concerns of the mocker seriously and I have definitely taken a step back to be more critical and discerning.  I am keeping my eyes open for red flags and I am praying that someone enters Mr Driscoll's life who is able to point out his blind spots.  In fact, here is part of my response to an email linking to a blog post which called the pastor a bully: "I agree that Mr Driscoll needs to be more careful (read: gentle) and to remember that he's not talking to small group of friends...but is hugely famous/worldwidely accessible."


Weird that I chose to say "Mr Driscoll" in those two separate occasions without thinking but it's the same context/topic.  I am now dead curious about why I made that choice.  I will need to do some research on that.


Well... it's late.

An email I sent earlier this evening.

Ha. Weirdness: conversation with [my boss] just pissed me off BIG time... Then about ten minutes later I considered just leaving it with Jesus. (I think I got there faster cos of the Driscoll preaching I was just listening and have been listening to the past few weeks.)

 It's such a strange thing to think of (because He doesn't deserve it and He's already had so much thrust upon Him that was also undeserved) and GIVING UP HURT IS HARD... But I did it cos I know Him and I know He loves me enough to take it all on. It did peace-give (but gradually, which is good).


Not long after, S____ [the guy I have mentioned before who said it's easier to be miserable than happy] came in and opened with, "Having fun yet?" I said, "Sure," at first and then reneged and told him what had happened. DIDN'T WE CONNECT because I showed I have crappy days and get angry, too?? I think he may have thought I have been pastly fakesmilefakehappyshallow ... And, in his defense, joy in Christ DOES look absurd and sometimes annoying to the world.


Poor guy was a little taken aback by my intensity but he listened well (appreciate!) and appeared empathetic.


:)


I said at a point, "I'm making myself angry again; I need to stop thinking about it." Pause... "How's your day?" (I am prepared for the worst.)

"Hasn't even started yet," he says with no optimism (but little pessimism) as he's leaving.

"Alright.." I'm almost disappointed he can't answer.

"We'll see." Trace of (sarcastic) optimism... "I'll let you know in a few hours." He's usually in twice a day...but never before created or acknowledged continuity between the instances like this.


I appreciate him letting me into his life tiny, tiny.


Eef. Don't know what to expect for later but I'll just be here and be hopeful.


---


The email was sent to the friend who I've talked about this guy with on a few other occasions.  I have expressed to her my sadness and my desire to ...well, essentially to win him over.  I want him to consider the possibility of not being miserable.  That's really how low I'm aiming right now.


Couple weeks ago he was in a foul mood among foul moods.  After he left (without a word), I could only shrug and kinda laugh because he just seemed so impossible. I asked one of his coworkers (who was in line behind him) whether S____ was, "always in such a good mood."  I observed that, "He always seems like someone pissed in his Cornflakes."  The dude laughed and got it. "Especially today, eh?" he adds.

I was relieved to know it wasn't (necessarily) me that was irritating him but also quite disappointed to find he's like that ...pretty much all the time. I wonder if he has pushed many, many people out his life because he's hard to be around.



The following week I added this to a text to the same friend:

P.S. I made S____ tiny smile today, just cos I smiled so friendlyly at him. Tee hee it was so great. I am grateful.
It was funny to see that he was responding to my being happy to see him.  He can see enough of how I interact with other customers to know he gets slight preferential treatment.  (Not preferential like I don't do my job properly but preferential in terms of the my engagement and attention.)  I hope this leads to more comfort and then building of trust.



I don't know how to predict anything ever so I need to just keep on waiting, calmly.

Last Thursday at Work --

A study in three parts.

Part 1: The Unexpected Question

Early in my shift, around 715am, my boss says pensively, "Jessie, why do I like you so much?" as she puts new lottery tickets into the trays.
I laughed and said I didn't know.
She seemed at a loss and like she's been trying to figure this out for a while.

Part 2: The Unwanted Task

Somewhere around 10am my other boss received a call to say that HQ was coming by to test clerks on their knowlegde of the car wash.

I hate the car wash. I like clean cars and providing that service is cool. Our car wash is subpar and I feel like I'm cheating people when I make the sale.
I also dislike the list of things we should know and do that only comes out during inspection (lack of integrity) and contains many unrealistic expectations (not to mention things that customers don't like, despite what HQ thinks).

The List is handed to me to begin cramming. I'm reading quickly and trying to memorize but also trying to find a way to NOT hate it. I was trying to reason against the above complaints so that doing what I was asked to could make sense to me. I got somewhere. I was also well motivated by wanting to avoid my boss' chastizement later on.

THEN I remembered the idea of working as if working for the Lord.
Duh.
I talk about that all the time...but sometimes I fail to really change my actions and attitude to match. I had wanted to squeak by in the test because I didn't care and was resentful.

But, if Christ Himself had asked me to answer a series of questions as a formality about a crappy car wash I would answer those questions as well as I could.

And I did. The resentment and anger slipped right out of me and I pushed myself to do a good job. I wasnt't nervous, nor did I think it was impossible to excel at the task cos there was so much to do.

I did nailed it. I even smiled. It was wonderful and wonderfully freeing. (And somehow at the same time it was inconsequential.)

Part 3: The Unprecedented Response

The dude who gives me problems [that's just rhetoric; I assign no fault to him for my sin] came in around 12.30 and I did notice as he walked in, though the traffic prevented me from making eye-contact or otherwise greeting him as I once did. I forgot about him. I didn't look.... I didn't really WANT to look.. I surprised myself.

When they came up, I greeted his friend - as is normal - because he was the one performing the transaction. (Formerly I would greet both, but probably only look at the troublesome guy no matter who was in the transaction. I was bad.)

I asked the other guy if they really didn't like Red Bull (it's on sale now and historically they'll buy whatever energy drink is on sale but didn't today). They both said NO ["Nah" because they must remind me they are men - and rough working men at that] and the buyer explains that Red Bull are too small.

"Fair enough," I nod with a small smile (I do think it's funny, for some reason).

As they go I say my goodbye/thanks and look at TroubleMan to give a nod & smile of acknowledgment because I know he is expecting it and because I don't want to be full-on rude. We did have fun connection once, with silly jokes and mockery. I hope some of that could be recovered, IF I have to ever see him again. If I don't have to, that would be even better.

It was different. He didn't have all my attention and I didn't turn into a loser with my tongue hanging out and my knees as jelly. It's not that he became less attractive but that I didn't think about it (or look) as much.

After they left I wanted to cheer in triumph. It's like reaching a new plateau with a task of finesse. The basketball shot, the baseball swing, some really tough jump/manouever/kill in a video game... the thing that you can get better and better with, and notice the incremental changes but the first time you hit it in the sweet spot, you feel like EVERY other shot was as far away as it could ever be. You celebrate briefly and then try not to forget what you did so you can make it refined skill, not fluke.

It felt a little like that. "Oh, THAT'S how that works! Shoot - I can do that...". Geez.

Well, that settles it.

I'm watching and listening to a sermon delivered by a man in Seattle two years ago while on the bus home from work. It's crazy. It's just crazy but it fills me with joy and gratitude so that in a moment it's settled: I have zero regrets about getting an iPhone.
It costs but I'm gonna pay cos I value the things it's added to my life. It's probably more than I would have imagined, though I didn't imagine much - I just wanted a phone that worked and wouls grant me access to email.

I am looking forward to finding out what other things about this contraption will bless my life. One I haven't yet mentioned is that blogging on the go does wonders for my ability to process regularly and avoid getting backed up. (I'm not home much these days.)
I am looking forward to finding out what other things about this contraption bless others, too.

Thank you, Thai Express!

You have helpled me achieve one of my life goals (almost).

I wanted to eat Chinese food out of one of them cardboard cartons with metal handles. And Thai Express got me the hook-up today. It was great. It wasn't Chinese and the box was more fancy and novel than I have always imagined but I'm still really happy it happened without me havin to go out of my way.

Seriously, when I go to New York, I'm eating Chinese food out of a cardboardy boxcarton. It's happening. If I happen to eat it with my partner while solving some international murder/theft case then that's great, too. Just great.

I might name my firstborn Ramses

Right now I've got peppermint tea, Twix, baseball, slow customerservice work and progress with academic work...what more can I ask for?

It's getting MUCH, much easier to leave this place. I've told a few other people that I am starting to get tired of the monotony. It's too much the same. Of course I also get tired of having harsh bosses and get tired of some customers being gross to me.
I am encouraged that it may be time to go. I have been wondering when I would feel I could let go of the relationships and the opportunities.

Je pense que l'heure s'est arrivée.

Aie. I look forward to the future, esp as I near the end of the academic course I'm taking and in light of recent wonderings about maths and the New York Times.

Aie. End.

Lisa, it's your birthday! Hap-py birhday, Lisa!

This past Monday's date was the same date I was born on. I have been trying to think for months what I wanted to do on that day and never hit on an idea I really liked. Six weeks before, I asked for the Monday and Tuesday off work. My boss said, "AND 18th and 19th??" because it was the week after I'd asked for the Canada Day weekend off. "Yep," I nodded. Then last Friday my other boss informs me that I cannot have the time off because they didn't know I had asked for it and they'd given it to someone else. I was annoyed on principle. It is good that I didn't have somewhere particular to be. I had even been thinking that I wouldn't mind working on that day because I just so enjoy serving people.

Sigh. So, I worked. It was a BRUTAL shift, including much more heavy lifting than normal. I sat down for about five minutes... Did not finish my lunch. Brutes (but good).
I liked how none of the customers knew and it didn't come up. It was like a secret and like a normal day. It was good that the guy who gives me a hard time didn't show up.

Somewhere in the day I realized I "can't take it with me," these acquaintanceships. It was good to realize that as a first step toward letting go.

My bestest funnyman sanekeeper friend was in a few times and it was grape. My favorite part was when I moved super slowly with his cards and explained that I was testing his patience. Unconcerned, his body language shows he isn't worried he won't be able to handle the worst I could do. He says, looking away nonchalantly, "I got lotsa patience: I drive the 401 every day."
My jaw drops for two reasons. The first is the commute - I mean the 401 is no joke. The second is that I didn't figure him for a commuter or NOT a local. "You don't live in Guelph?!" I ask, hiding no shock at all.
"No-ho!" he scoffs. I was highly unimpressed by the scoffing.
"Where do you live?" My tone is almost strangled with the mix of interest and disbelief.
"Toronno," he says straightly, without looking up. (Nothin doin!)
"Huh!" I react, still too surprised to feel the solidarity I normally would. After I've finally caught up - finally accepted that I had pegged him wrong - I speak to help him understand my reaction. "And you're NOT an asshole."
He laughs a bit but is almost mock-hurt (or real hurt?). Jumping in quickly in case I have managed to offend with my sideways compliment, I clarify, "I'm from there; I'm allowed to say that."

He assents weakly. I noticed I've really lost my touch with mouthing off Torontoly. It felt weird to be kinda caught in the middle. I asked what the story was and before he could really explain other customers interfered. What got me was when he said he'd explain "some other time." (He's one of two with whom I have the continuity from one encounter to the next.) And he actually remembered - I didn't need to prompt him. He explained that he IS a Guelphite but moved to TO for a woman ("Isn't that always the way??" I sarcastically commented). I guess that means I wasn't totally off.

I have been drafting this post for about eight days now and I'm finding it hard to retain/capture the spirit of the day adequately.

In the evening, I had half-plans to go over to a friend's house, just for chillings. Then some other friends wanted to hang. Then I almost had a Euchre table going. Then I said, errybuddy jus come ova hurr, and they did. And I invited another friend SUPER last-minutely, asking her to "be my birthday friend". What I meant was that it would make my birthday happy to see her on that day. Tried to call in another friend from out of town in the same way but no dice.

So, after a flop nap [that would be a nap that happens because you've flopped down on a soft surface upon entering the house to "rest for a minute" - it generally comes after a long day that precedes a long night] on the couch I went out to buy a million snacks and dinner (sushi!), came home and cleaned like a mad woman.
It was great. One sweet friend brought top-notch brownies that were WELL complemented by French vanilla ipe stream. At the beginning people focussed on the cold fruit (which makes sense in this weather) but by the very end of the night, around 1am, there were second helpings of brownies and the party mix bowl got cleaned out but for crumbs. Couldn't believe I was able to pawn off so much of the cake someone brought... Can't have that sitting all defenseless in my house after everyone leaves.

It's been a long time since I've been able to host and feed people. This, for me, was a better way to celebrate than to be waited upon. It made me supremely happy that there wasn't much left over.

Around midnight, the conversation got dark. Someone suggested we pray and I cringed a little. Turned out to be a great idea. It was hard, and the confession afterward was hard but it was good. I like that that day included corporate prayer and fellowship with believers. That is important to me. Only thing could have been added is music, ha. But let me not be greedy.

Good day; good God.

A perk of taking twenty days to compose this (while composing and publishing others) is that this gets to be Post #900! Whoo! Milestone, sucka!