(1) Weirdly looking forward to going to work tomorrow. I've been feeling a quiet rumbling of this idea for my past two or three shifts as well. Don't fully know why...spose I don't mind. My best guess is that it's from "the people" but particularly from not knowing who I will meet, what I will be asked, and what I will learn. I guess....yeah, actually those things do sound appealing. Doesn't satiate my desire to do Calculus that's been building since Friday but I think I have a book for that.
(2) I watched Inception (2010) yesterday. It made my mind all wiggly. My like of it has increased as time has passed since I watched it. That doesn't happen with many films for me. It happened with I am Legend (2007) which I was disappointed by right when it ended but then as I thought it through I came around and now I hold it in high regard. It is a little bit like a splinter (but let's call it a wedge cos it's not so painful) in the back of my brain, wanting me to think about it and try to unravel/decipher/conceive of it. Sheesh. At my next appropriate juncture I will be buying a copy. I like it a lot but I am sure I got about 20% of it.
(3) I was called out the other day, on what sounded like an arbitrary ranking of my favorite films of all time. Because of this, I'm going to set to making a proper list. I'll expect the list to change but I will be glad to have at least put in a concerted effort and to have something on paper.
(4) My landlady sold her house yesterday.
Pulling up to my driveway, my friend exclaims, "For sale!" noticing the Century 21 sign on our lawn.
"Yeah," I confirm. "She sold it yesterday, actually." The words sounded weird coming out of my mouth, especially so flatly.
"What does that mean for you?" she asks with a tone and facial expression that look like a runner's foot in a starting block and fingers behind the starting line. It looked like she was poised to hear a about a problem or reason to be stressed or concerned.
Catching up, I said, "I donno...I found out when I was flipping out about Inception [she and I had talked about it earlier] so I didn't really process it until now."
She understands. I exit the car soon after.
Meh. As for what this "means", I donno and honestly don't care in this precise moment. She doesn't have a house to move to; she told me, when they were putting it on the market, that she would give us lodgers ample notice and not leave us "on the street"; I can't be kicked out before the end of April; and I don't care. I care. I just...can't think about it right now. I guess what I mean is I am not worried and there is nothing to worry over, really. I'm looking forward to getting my own place. But this is one of those things that prompts me to say I've got too much on my mind to think about it right now.
(5) I really gotta start watching them Harry Potter movies.
(6) Got to hang out with my friend's little son today and I forgot how deliciously cute and special he is. Actually, what I realized as I saw a relative tickle his belly and him try to swat them away, smiling (this is new, the swatting) was that I missed him! Didn't know that was possible. I think it has been maybe two or three weeks since I saw him last but a few weeks make a huge difference when you're only a few months old.
Sigh. Lately when I remark on the cuteness, sweetness, adorability, etc. of a child, I hear the dampening grinchitude of an ex-friend of mine who, by any sane person's estimation, hates children. I have been surprized that it doesn't make me dial down my feelings or the expression of them..even when I don't literally hear the grinching, just in my head. I'm hesitant to say it makes me like kids & say I like kids more but I'm chuffed that I haven't backed down at all.
not sure if that's a good place to end a post but it's happening.
Sunday, 27 February 2011
Thursday, 24 February 2011
zip hoodie
I have a million emails to write and I don't want to write any of them.
I like cereal.
I'm watching Murder, She Wrote, on Vision TV right now. Hah. I thought I heard the Lansbury voice while I was in the kitchen and then when I spied the ghetto 80s film quality, bad acting and Mrs. Potts herself, I confirmed with my landlady, "Is this Murder, She Wrote??" my tone thoroughly betraying my excitement. She says yes and laughs a bit at herself for watching it. (Everyone should laugh at themselves for watching it.) She says she's been watching it since forever. I think this is great.
I almost asked if I could watch it with her (I'm feeling ballsy) and I think she would have said yes. It would have been a thing. Maybe next time.
Today my boss asked me why I smile so much...I was a little surprized that I smile "so much" but I was also surprized that I couldn't come up with a truthful but not-scary answer to the question. I know the answer...but the way I'd articulate it sounded either trite or freaky. Eesh. I think I know what I'll say next time he asks.
I enjoyed today's shift...I don't know why, more than enjoying serving people, enjoying knowing that I had stepped up my game in terms of carefulness & quality of work and being glad about the day starting well (I wasn't late or rushed and I didn't forget anything at home).
Heh..I was really happy when I finally made a sale where the change I had to give was one of each coin and bill up to the ten. I get a lot of $18.42s and $3.41s but $18.41 made my day I AM NOT JOKING. A dollar fifty-nine from a 20. Gorgeous.
I love numbers....I can't deny it. I actually printed out the receipt to keep.
more to say...it's gone now.
I like cereal.
I'm watching Murder, She Wrote, on Vision TV right now. Hah. I thought I heard the Lansbury voice while I was in the kitchen and then when I spied the ghetto 80s film quality, bad acting and Mrs. Potts herself, I confirmed with my landlady, "Is this Murder, She Wrote??" my tone thoroughly betraying my excitement. She says yes and laughs a bit at herself for watching it. (Everyone should laugh at themselves for watching it.) She says she's been watching it since forever. I think this is great.
I almost asked if I could watch it with her (I'm feeling ballsy) and I think she would have said yes. It would have been a thing. Maybe next time.
Today my boss asked me why I smile so much...I was a little surprized that I smile "so much" but I was also surprized that I couldn't come up with a truthful but not-scary answer to the question. I know the answer...but the way I'd articulate it sounded either trite or freaky. Eesh. I think I know what I'll say next time he asks.
I enjoyed today's shift...I don't know why, more than enjoying serving people, enjoying knowing that I had stepped up my game in terms of carefulness & quality of work and being glad about the day starting well (I wasn't late or rushed and I didn't forget anything at home).
Heh..I was really happy when I finally made a sale where the change I had to give was one of each coin and bill up to the ten. I get a lot of $18.42s and $3.41s but $18.41 made my day I AM NOT JOKING. A dollar fifty-nine from a 20. Gorgeous.
I love numbers....I can't deny it. I actually printed out the receipt to keep.
more to say...it's gone now.
Thursday, 17 February 2011
triet XXVI
Where
x = I strongly dislike the smell of ground beef cooking,
y = it's OK to "have a bit of a laugh at the gays" in "Christian circles"*, and
z = I kinda love playing the piano
What I learned on Wednesday = (Apparently)(x, y, z)
*why the face.
x = I strongly dislike the smell of ground beef cooking,
y = it's OK to "have a bit of a laugh at the gays" in "Christian circles"*, and
z = I kinda love playing the piano
What I learned on Wednesday = (Apparently)(x, y, z)
*why the face.
Wednesday, 16 February 2011
haemorrhage
Yesterday (Tuesday) was such a funderful day. Maybe it wasn't wonderful..but it was fun and good.
I didn't have anything big planned..an appointment at 10am and a spot of time-sensitive work in the evening and then a medium-sized list of errands to be thrown in the middle.
Somehow it was a great day. I got up at 7.30 because I was up... And somehow I wasn't tired. (93) It was amazing. :) :) :)
The appointment went mostly well but has left me with much to sift through.
After this, I realized I needed to go to work (on the outskirts of the city) to pick up my debit card and someone else's that I had found. I would have been fine til Thursday without my own but I was under obligation to turn in this other person's. I dreaded it...tried to think of ways around it but..I had to go. So, after the wolfingest lunch in a while (as in I inhaled it in record time) I hopped on the 24 and made a big loop of the city, enjoying the sunshine and think time. (Turned out to be not sor bad once I was resigned to it.)
Then I went to the mall to return something I didn't need that cost twice as much as I thought it did. It felt good to have that cash back in pocket. Then I had this weird standstill moment near the jewellers: stopped in my tracks, checked my watch, looked down one way toward Canadian Tire (the next plotted stop) and then down the other toward Chapters (...) and Starbucks. I thought, "I can't just Sbux because it's here...Do I actually want a drink?" Then I marched decisively on toward the macho store for about five paces, shook my head in mild annoyance, turned and made a beeline for the venti soy tazo chai.
I forgot half-price lattes were on again. I forgot how much I enjoy writing or reading with hot bevs. [Shoot...I hope I meet someone named Bev..and then can call them "Hot Bev" or "Hot Bevs" as a joke. Dang. I look forward to that day.] I forgot also that this was my day off and I could do what I bally well pleased. (This last one shocked me.) It clicked for me, as I walked into Chapters and actually slowed down, and glanced at some titles as I have become so unaccustomed to doing. It clicked that if you work, you can rest. Oooh, brother, guilt-free rest (94) is nothing to sneeze at. Nothing at all.
[Donno how I missed this at the beginning of the post but there it is. In the shower this (Tuesday) morning, I blurted some gibberish as part of my internal dialogue (or maybe I was mocking someone...It was something silly) and after I heard it I was arrested for a brief shocked moment and then realized: I feel like myself again. It's weird to say that because I didn't know I wasn't myself. And, I'm glad no one else seems to have noticed...because if they asked what was up I probably couldn't tell them.
Throughout the day I was noticing more and more my natural silliness and amusement with peculiar things coming out and it just made me so happy. I described it to one friend like being in a fog. Now my mental image is of two images that should be superimposed being staggered just enough...and then finally sliding in to (perfectly integrated) place. You can almost hear the click! I also noticed that I wasn't afraid to walk places when I didn't have to (didn't realize this had changed) - I had a ten-minute, 30-minute and 50-minute walk this day, all unplanned, all enjoyed. Noticed that I was hopping (up stairs) and jumping (around puddles) like I suppose I haven't been.
Sheesh. Based on that paragraph, I apparently turned into a six-year-old again. Perfect.]
So then, sat there in Stonebux with a mug and A Christmas Carol, I'm enjoying myself and being myself. It was weird to be able to stop there for an hour or so and just chill. Just chill. I had nowhere to be and no one to answer to. Nice.
Special perk: a dear friend who happens to be on the premises rudely sneaks up beside me and bodychecks me out of deep thought as some kind of neanderthalish "greeting". Then she sits down and chats at/with me...also co-QTs with me...is generally great at/with me (as she is)... Good (unexpected) times.
In the evening, I'm at home, discovering the Interwebs have resurrected themselves and want me to start catching up on emails and life. I'm very pleased with this discovery and also very pleased that my room is so tidy. It makes for easier brain, apparently.
I then go do my time-sensitive work at a friend's house. Did not love the work, did love getting it done. Since Jack would prefer not to be a dull boy, after work comes play in the form of watching my friend play Mario (some version of Mario for Wii...I'm all up on the times) - which fascinated the poop out of me for so many reasons; as well as the form of watching television (and consequently laughing too loudly for the paper-thin walls). I think it was a by-product of me feeling like myself again but I was also feeling quite transparent at this time..like I didn't have anything to lose or much to hold back. It was calmful.
And, for the first time ever, I blogged in front of someone else. It was a very weird experience. Very weird. But I liked the challenge (that would be the challenge of writing normally and resisting the urge to "explain myself" as I thought I needed to when the process was so exposed like that). It's weird. It'd be like someone watching me write a birthday card. I aint want them to see how I git it done but I don't mind them reading after the thing has been envelope-d and delivered.
Anyways...good exercise. Good exercise in expanding the comfort zone.
I didn't have anything big planned..an appointment at 10am and a spot of time-sensitive work in the evening and then a medium-sized list of errands to be thrown in the middle.
Somehow it was a great day. I got up at 7.30 because I was up... And somehow I wasn't tired. (93) It was amazing. :) :) :)
The appointment went mostly well but has left me with much to sift through.
After this, I realized I needed to go to work (on the outskirts of the city) to pick up my debit card and someone else's that I had found. I would have been fine til Thursday without my own but I was under obligation to turn in this other person's. I dreaded it...tried to think of ways around it but..I had to go. So, after the wolfingest lunch in a while (as in I inhaled it in record time) I hopped on the 24 and made a big loop of the city, enjoying the sunshine and think time. (Turned out to be not sor bad once I was resigned to it.)
Then I went to the mall to return something I didn't need that cost twice as much as I thought it did. It felt good to have that cash back in pocket. Then I had this weird standstill moment near the jewellers: stopped in my tracks, checked my watch, looked down one way toward Canadian Tire (the next plotted stop) and then down the other toward Chapters (...) and Starbucks. I thought, "I can't just Sbux because it's here...Do I actually want a drink?" Then I marched decisively on toward the macho store for about five paces, shook my head in mild annoyance, turned and made a beeline for the venti soy tazo chai.
I forgot half-price lattes were on again. I forgot how much I enjoy writing or reading with hot bevs. [Shoot...I hope I meet someone named Bev..and then can call them "Hot Bev" or "Hot Bevs" as a joke. Dang. I look forward to that day.] I forgot also that this was my day off and I could do what I bally well pleased. (This last one shocked me.) It clicked for me, as I walked into Chapters and actually slowed down, and glanced at some titles as I have become so unaccustomed to doing. It clicked that if you work, you can rest. Oooh, brother, guilt-free rest (94) is nothing to sneeze at. Nothing at all.
[Donno how I missed this at the beginning of the post but there it is. In the shower this (Tuesday) morning, I blurted some gibberish as part of my internal dialogue (or maybe I was mocking someone...It was something silly) and after I heard it I was arrested for a brief shocked moment and then realized: I feel like myself again. It's weird to say that because I didn't know I wasn't myself. And, I'm glad no one else seems to have noticed...because if they asked what was up I probably couldn't tell them.
Throughout the day I was noticing more and more my natural silliness and amusement with peculiar things coming out and it just made me so happy. I described it to one friend like being in a fog. Now my mental image is of two images that should be superimposed being staggered just enough...and then finally sliding in to (perfectly integrated) place. You can almost hear the click! I also noticed that I wasn't afraid to walk places when I didn't have to (didn't realize this had changed) - I had a ten-minute, 30-minute and 50-minute walk this day, all unplanned, all enjoyed. Noticed that I was hopping (up stairs) and jumping (around puddles) like I suppose I haven't been.
Sheesh. Based on that paragraph, I apparently turned into a six-year-old again. Perfect.]
So then, sat there in Stonebux with a mug and A Christmas Carol, I'm enjoying myself and being myself. It was weird to be able to stop there for an hour or so and just chill. Just chill. I had nowhere to be and no one to answer to. Nice.
Special perk: a dear friend who happens to be on the premises rudely sneaks up beside me and bodychecks me out of deep thought as some kind of neanderthalish "greeting". Then she sits down and chats at/with me...also co-QTs with me...is generally great at/with me (as she is)... Good (unexpected) times.
In the evening, I'm at home, discovering the Interwebs have resurrected themselves and want me to start catching up on emails and life. I'm very pleased with this discovery and also very pleased that my room is so tidy. It makes for easier brain, apparently.
I then go do my time-sensitive work at a friend's house. Did not love the work, did love getting it done. Since Jack would prefer not to be a dull boy, after work comes play in the form of watching my friend play Mario (some version of Mario for Wii...I'm all up on the times) - which fascinated the poop out of me for so many reasons; as well as the form of watching television (and consequently laughing too loudly for the paper-thin walls). I think it was a by-product of me feeling like myself again but I was also feeling quite transparent at this time..like I didn't have anything to lose or much to hold back. It was calmful.
And, for the first time ever, I blogged in front of someone else. It was a very weird experience. Very weird. But I liked the challenge (that would be the challenge of writing normally and resisting the urge to "explain myself" as I thought I needed to when the process was so exposed like that). It's weird. It'd be like someone watching me write a birthday card. I aint want them to see how I git it done but I don't mind them reading after the thing has been envelope-d and delivered.
Anyways...good exercise. Good exercise in expanding the comfort zone.
I wasn't kidding when I said I was blog-ly backed up!
It doesn't help that my Interweb connection conked out on Saturday evening and didn't revive itself til last night. Eeps!
It was actually good for the few times it forced me to choose sleep over email. But it's not so good when part of my job is done by email...and when I have deadlines (as you do with jobs).
A few days ago I was griping about how I have four (count 'em - four) normal-people pens in my possession (Bics) but also six RIDICULOUS pens in my possession. (They're all gifts.) I'm annoyed that I can't carry enough pens with me (in every bag and every pocket) like I used to so that I would always have one, could always lend one, and wouldn't mind terribly if I lost one. Too often in the past recently have I had only a dull pencil on me when I've got pages and pages I need to get out. The ridiculous pens, I should say, have large, grimpus/jangly/"fun" characters on the top of them...and honestly I just don't want to use them in public. They are...yeah.
I bought that twelve-box of Bics in the fall, I think, and I'm dismayed that I have only lost one pen to inklessness and the others have simply disappeared. :( I should be more responsible. Every now and then I will buy a single pen when I'm out..if it's cheap or funny or I'm just desperate enough.
But, a few days ago, as I was going to write a card made of strangely rough material I thought the best thing to write with would be a very inky very fine pen/marker. And I thought of those Pilot Fineliners that I hope you all are thinking of ... I was thinking of the pack I bought for my sister at Christmas..how hard I coveted them and how difficult it was to give them away.
And in a moment - in the wake of Payday - I thought, "I'm a writer," and this wave of sweet, sweet permission crashed over me. Relieved and elated. Sheesh. People spend money on their hobbies, don't they?
Feels good to not pretend. :)
It was actually good for the few times it forced me to choose sleep over email. But it's not so good when part of my job is done by email...and when I have deadlines (as you do with jobs).
A few days ago I was griping about how I have four (count 'em - four) normal-people pens in my possession (Bics) but also six RIDICULOUS pens in my possession. (They're all gifts.) I'm annoyed that I can't carry enough pens with me (in every bag and every pocket) like I used to so that I would always have one, could always lend one, and wouldn't mind terribly if I lost one. Too often in the past recently have I had only a dull pencil on me when I've got pages and pages I need to get out. The ridiculous pens, I should say, have large, grimpus/jangly/"fun" characters on the top of them...and honestly I just don't want to use them in public. They are...yeah.
I bought that twelve-box of Bics in the fall, I think, and I'm dismayed that I have only lost one pen to inklessness and the others have simply disappeared. :( I should be more responsible. Every now and then I will buy a single pen when I'm out..if it's cheap or funny or I'm just desperate enough.
But, a few days ago, as I was going to write a card made of strangely rough material I thought the best thing to write with would be a very inky very fine pen/marker. And I thought of those Pilot Fineliners that I hope you all are thinking of ... I was thinking of the pack I bought for my sister at Christmas..how hard I coveted them and how difficult it was to give them away.
And in a moment - in the wake of Payday - I thought, "I'm a writer," and this wave of sweet, sweet permission crashed over me. Relieved and elated. Sheesh. People spend money on their hobbies, don't they?
Feels good to not pretend. :)
Vamlumtime's Day
I think maybe I could tell the tale of the whole day with two photos. Well....It won't capture it call but they're great photos.
For some weird reason I really enjoyed this smiley-faced cup. I think they were drawing smiley faces on every cup that day but it was a quiet morning at work and I ordered an extra large peppermint because my face was full of death-mucus. I fully enjoyed just the simplicity and sweetness of the micro-moment.
This is....what happens when you say you don't mind how your grilled cheese sandwich is cut. Like, I don't even know what to say. I don't know how to describe how much or how hard I laughed. It's...yeah.
For some weird reason I really enjoyed this smiley-faced cup. I think they were drawing smiley faces on every cup that day but it was a quiet morning at work and I ordered an extra large peppermint because my face was full of death-mucus. I fully enjoyed just the simplicity and sweetness of the micro-moment.
This is....what happens when you say you don't mind how your grilled cheese sandwich is cut. Like, I don't even know what to say. I don't know how to describe how much or how hard I laughed. It's...yeah.
Tuesday, 15 February 2011
This is why people should read more.
Earlier today I was in Chapters and when the clerk told me what my total was I started fishing about madly in my coat pocket for a debit card. Because I was in such a HUGE rush to go nowhere and there was no one else in the line behind me AND he was being patient with me, I madly grabbed the first thing that felt like a small plastic card and yanked it out.
I ended up with a bank card, a Shoppers Optimum card and one large hoop earring. I didn't take the time to separate anything (because my other hand was full) I just extended my mitt full of junk for the clerk to retrieve the appropriate means of payment from.
He takes the debit card, and pops it into the bottom of the pinpad right in front of me. "Oh," I say, rolling my eyes at myself and stuffing crap back into my pocket. "I guess I coulda done that."
The clerk assures me, "It's OK. You're all tangled up in cards and earrings."
I struggle to press the right buttons as I'm doubled over in laughter on the counter. To half explain why I'm laughing so much I say, "I don't think I've ever heard that sentence before."
He shrugs, completely unfazed and says, "Fair enough. [beat] And now you'll be saying it all night."
I don't know why it made me laugh so much...but it did. I could barely look at him when I took my book and receipt. And I rushed out of the store covering my face and snorting. Good times. READ MORE.
more changes...
I didn't think it would make such a difference to me to be able to "see eye-to-eye", as I like to put it, with some of my peers.
Last Sunday, I was explaining to an admirable friend (91) that my work was right next to the movie theatre and that (sounding adamant and increasingly unreasonable) I was going to see a movie after work on payday. "Ooh! [beat] Which is this Friday! [beat] Hey! [beat] Wanna go to a movie with me on Friday?!"
"Sure!" she says, just barely catching up with my locomotive of excitement.
Last Sunday, I was explaining to an admirable friend (91) that my work was right next to the movie theatre and that (sounding adamant and increasingly unreasonable) I was going to see a movie after work on payday. "Ooh! [beat] Which is this Friday! [beat] Hey! [beat] Wanna go to a movie with me on Friday?!"
"Sure!" she says, just barely catching up with my locomotive of excitement.
In reality we ended up watching ghetto 80s reruns on DVD but it was still wonderful. (It was actually more wonderful cos it was more in line with what we both were interested in doing.) It was meant to be my first celebratious endeavor after the Payday. Instead, my first endeavor was dinnering out with a tolerable friend and it was this meal which prompted the revelation in the first paragraph.
It was fun to Friday-night that way...It's generally fun to amble about your life without a money monkey on your back, really. (92) :)
Week before last I had asked a different friend if they would like to coffee date/co-QT with me on the Saturday morning after. (We are often Saturday morning friends and I love it.) I also had the snowball of excitement here, culminating this time in the joy of treating. The cherished friend snowballed with me. And we followed through with our plans. And it was wonderful. I thoroughly enjoyed the moment I snatched (literally snatched) the receipt out of her hand when she thought she was going to split it with me. Hehehe
I'm so backed up on blogs right now I don't even know. More to come!
I'm so backed up on blogs right now I don't even know. More to come!
Thursday, 10 February 2011
changes...
Tomorrow is going to be an epic day.
:)
I am pumped. Tomorrow is the day that the pressure I first started feeling in mid-September when I lost the prospective job I gave up the current job for is finally relieved. Tomorrow is payday. I didn't think of it til earlier this week but, goodness, it's going to be fantastic. It's not everything is perfect, it's just the pressure is off. Big difference.
One thing I thought of Wednesday was that now I can throw away this pair of jeans that I have patched up six times because I will buy new ones. Ahh. Epic.
I wonder what else will be different tomorrow.
Just thinking downstairs before I came up to type... that tomorrow I will become ineligible for the Food Bank. :)
I want to list a bunch of other things I could spend money on (like recreation-ish stuff) but most of them feel entirely unimportant to me -- which I didn't expect. It's like when you fast..and after two days or so, you start wondering why you EVER eat, like it was ever necessary.
Tomorrow I can get four different debt-monkeys off my back. (90) THAT'S going to be epic. :)
I'm ...looking forward...to feeling some freedom. I am desperate to not lose all I have learned. I'm pumped about being able to visit my family more often, too, hmm. That one slipped right off my radar cos it had become so impossible. Wonderful. WONDERFUL. Looking forward to going to the city just to see them, not cos it's a birthday or holiday. Just to see them. :)
Good times. I love my family.
:)
I am pumped. Tomorrow is the day that the pressure I first started feeling in mid-September when I lost the prospective job I gave up the current job for is finally relieved. Tomorrow is payday. I didn't think of it til earlier this week but, goodness, it's going to be fantastic. It's not everything is perfect, it's just the pressure is off. Big difference.
One thing I thought of Wednesday was that now I can throw away this pair of jeans that I have patched up six times because I will buy new ones. Ahh. Epic.
I wonder what else will be different tomorrow.
Just thinking downstairs before I came up to type... that tomorrow I will become ineligible for the Food Bank. :)
I want to list a bunch of other things I could spend money on (like recreation-ish stuff) but most of them feel entirely unimportant to me -- which I didn't expect. It's like when you fast..and after two days or so, you start wondering why you EVER eat, like it was ever necessary.
Tomorrow I can get four different debt-monkeys off my back. (90) THAT'S going to be epic. :)
I'm ...looking forward...to feeling some freedom. I am desperate to not lose all I have learned. I'm pumped about being able to visit my family more often, too, hmm. That one slipped right off my radar cos it had become so impossible. Wonderful. WONDERFUL. Looking forward to going to the city just to see them, not cos it's a birthday or holiday. Just to see them. :)
Good times. I love my family.
triet XXV
this morning:
I managed to pack my bag perfectly so that it sounded like some was following me when I left the house. A plastic bag with work clothes in, stuffed in my satchel just so - it sounded like snowcrunchy footsteps behind me. Best part was that it wouldn't start til after I took a few steps (because I hadn't hit a certain speed). Hilarious.
this afternoon:
I reflected that I probably "deserve" to get sick or crash any time now because the things that I've been able to get away with in terms of stamina lately..? Unreal.
this evening:
Totally pumped for a hang-out with a good friend.. in 24 minutes. <3
I managed to pack my bag perfectly so that it sounded like some was following me when I left the house. A plastic bag with work clothes in, stuffed in my satchel just so - it sounded like snowcrunchy footsteps behind me. Best part was that it wouldn't start til after I took a few steps (because I hadn't hit a certain speed). Hilarious.
this afternoon:
I reflected that I probably "deserve" to get sick or crash any time now because the things that I've been able to get away with in terms of stamina lately..? Unreal.
this evening:
Totally pumped for a hang-out with a good friend.. in 24 minutes. <3
Tuesday, 8 February 2011
what a weirdo.
I just pulled a pizza out of the oven and after I smelled that it was indeed good enough to eat, the next thought in my mind was that Jesus is so much. As in...I don't know. He's so good and I have so much. Don't know what else to say on that.
This morning I wanted to blog that there's nothing quite like waking up grateful. I donno ..how exactly that works or how exactly that happened with me but it's better than waking up angry or sad or tired or dead or blah or late! Just....wow. Calming.
Never before, maybe? At 3.37am I told someone that what they said (89) "made my day". Three thirty-seven AM! I mean, the day started at 06h24 and was full of poop and poopiness but come wee morning hours I was like, "Dang... It's all good." :) ha.
This morning I wanted to blog that there's nothing quite like waking up grateful. I donno ..how exactly that works or how exactly that happened with me but it's better than waking up angry or sad or tired or dead or blah or late! Just....wow. Calming.
Never before, maybe? At 3.37am I told someone that what they said (89) "made my day". Three thirty-seven AM! I mean, the day started at 06h24 and was full of poop and poopiness but come wee morning hours I was like, "Dang... It's all good." :) ha.
Monday, 7 February 2011
on the topic of men
It started with me cringing at the prospect and then cringing through the reality of being the damsel in distress I never wanted to be (the woman who can't fix a car problem and is aided by men). It's not that I don't like getting help when I need it it's that I am frustrated that women (or men?) don't teach women these things but men teach men. There's some corrupt form of dependency in there somewhere, I'm sure. I guess I'm also frustrated by those few women who choose not to learn because they assume a man will always come along to help them. Meh. Maybe I'm missing something.
And then somewhere in the evening, while watching the Supabowl, I managed to tell one male friend he was good-looking and another that I "keep forgetting how funny [he is]". First one was more matter-of-fact but second one just kinda slipped out and sounded a bit like I was swooning. Um, gross.
This is why I can't take me out anywhere.
And then somewhere in the evening, while watching the Supabowl, I managed to tell one male friend he was good-looking and another that I "keep forgetting how funny [he is]". First one was more matter-of-fact but second one just kinda slipped out and sounded a bit like I was swooning. Um, gross.
This is why I can't take me out anywhere.
Friday, 4 February 2011
I can't figure out why so many people buy beef jerky (or those other smoked-y meaty strips ... slim jims, kinda?) and chocolate milk from the gas station. It must be a thing. I donno.
Served three Americans today. Surprizing. One of them asked if we sold cigarettes and I balked. I thought he was joking but his face just didn't look like he was trying to be funny. I said YES tentatively and then he said, "Oh are they all covered up? Is that a Canadian thing?" I had been thinking how this legislation was enacted (proper verb?) in 2008 and just couldn't believe he hadn't been into a tobacco-selling establishment in two and a half years but turns out he just wasn't in the country. Now I remember being surprized by seeing ciggy packs when I was in the US in December.
Can't believe it's Friday. I'm glad. I have so many homelife things to catch up on but it's difficult to get into as I think I've been avoiding it for a long time that I forget how to do it. It's weird. But tomorrow is Saturday which is code for get-done-the-things-you-can't-do-Monday-to-Friday-and-Sunday-day. Done.
Served three Americans today. Surprizing. One of them asked if we sold cigarettes and I balked. I thought he was joking but his face just didn't look like he was trying to be funny. I said YES tentatively and then he said, "Oh are they all covered up? Is that a Canadian thing?" I had been thinking how this legislation was enacted (proper verb?) in 2008 and just couldn't believe he hadn't been into a tobacco-selling establishment in two and a half years but turns out he just wasn't in the country. Now I remember being surprized by seeing ciggy packs when I was in the US in December.
Can't believe it's Friday. I'm glad. I have so many homelife things to catch up on but it's difficult to get into as I think I've been avoiding it for a long time that I forget how to do it. It's weird. But tomorrow is Saturday which is code for get-done-the-things-you-can't-do-Monday-to-Friday-and-Sunday-day. Done.
Wednesday, 2 February 2011
how interesting
I just sent a mass text to seven people and got the most interesting array of responses.
The text:
Bah... Cashier at Price Chopper asks a man if he wants a bag. He points flippantly to his mum beside him and says, "No, thanks; I got an old one." (for a second I thought I imagined it.)
Person 1:
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA
Person 2:
That's terrible! I'm having a fit in my room for that poor woman
Person 3:
That's aweful! Did the cashier smile/get the joke?
Person 1:
The best part is that it DID happen
Person 4:
Wow
Awesome
Person 5:
Rofl
[If you can guess which of these people are male and which are female, then I would not be surprized.]
I answered a few clarifying questions from Persons 1, 2 and 3, about the cashier's and mother's reactions. I told Person 1 that I liked their reaction the best..told them that some other people were shocked & offended. Person 1 insists that it's a good joke; makes a good story. After a pause, they follow up with, "Nice. Last question: was she really an old bag?"
That might be the funniest thing of the whole exchange for me! In Price Chopper I didn't react more than my eyebrows going up in disbelief. I chuckled as I wrote the text out but THIS likely earnest, "was she really an old bag" thing made me double over onto the table in laughter. Still haven't answered it because what can I add to that conversation? How to follow an act like that?? Hehe.
(Now that I think about it..this is kinda "just what I needed" for this time at the end of this sordid day. It's been a doozy..wanting me to despair. Nothing like a rude comment in public thrown at the one who brought you into the world and raised you to make MY day. Heh.)
The text:
Bah... Cashier at Price Chopper asks a man if he wants a bag. He points flippantly to his mum beside him and says, "No, thanks; I got an old one." (for a second I thought I imagined it.)
Person 1:
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA
Person 2:
That's terrible! I'm having a fit in my room for that poor woman
Person 3:
That's aweful! Did the cashier smile/get the joke?
Person 1:
The best part is that it DID happen
Person 4:
Wow
Awesome
Person 5:
Rofl
[If you can guess which of these people are male and which are female, then I would not be surprized.]
I answered a few clarifying questions from Persons 1, 2 and 3, about the cashier's and mother's reactions. I told Person 1 that I liked their reaction the best..told them that some other people were shocked & offended. Person 1 insists that it's a good joke; makes a good story. After a pause, they follow up with, "Nice. Last question: was she really an old bag?"
That might be the funniest thing of the whole exchange for me! In Price Chopper I didn't react more than my eyebrows going up in disbelief. I chuckled as I wrote the text out but THIS likely earnest, "was she really an old bag" thing made me double over onto the table in laughter. Still haven't answered it because what can I add to that conversation? How to follow an act like that?? Hehe.
(Now that I think about it..this is kinda "just what I needed" for this time at the end of this sordid day. It's been a doozy..wanting me to despair. Nothing like a rude comment in public thrown at the one who brought you into the world and raised you to make MY day. Heh.)
Tuesday, 1 February 2011
You're on your way...
part A: At about twenty after five this morning I was slumped over the side of the bathtub trying to focus my eyes on one suction cup on the bath mat and get undizzy enough to stand up without feeling nauseous again. I ran out of time and forfeit the shower.
part B: Crossing the road at four minutes to six I thought aloud, "this really isn't that bad." I understand that sixteen hours of wakefulness during a twenty-four-hour period should be the same no matter where those sixteen kick off. However I've had a hard time wrapping my mind around going to bed before the twelve-hour clock goes into double digits. It's weird. But this morning I thought, OK. This is OK. I had a sort of evening. I had time for email, dinner, some TV, a long phoneversation, a short phoneversation* ... I can't complain. It's all good, really. I had an evening. That's all I really want when it comes to schedule preference.
part C: Finally understand what it takes to close a shift, after five of them with someone holding my hand. There is nothing quite like learning by doing. I (generally) love it.
Also initiated more problem-solving than I thought I could by this stage in the game. (Who knew?)
[*This shortversation was with my very own mother and it was both unexpected and pleasant. I don't talk to her on the phone often (it's just not what we do) and when we do, it's almost never a hey-how-are-ya call; it's got specific questions or info to give. I daresay I just wasn't expecting to hear from her. She usually emails. After brief opening remarks she says, "I have two questions for you." I respond immediately with what I think is the furthest thing from what she's about to ask: "No, I'm not gay. Next question." Without skipping a beat my dear mother, completely unfazed, queries, "Are you gay?" I burst out into obnoxiously loud laughter because she would not be tripped up. It was somehow funnier that her tone didn't go up at the end of the sentence. It was that kind of rhetoric we put on questions when we already know the answer or when we're exasperated. "Are you coming or what." Maybe like that one. It's easier to hear without the question mark, go figure.]
Other perks of the shift:
(1) Hearing "Hey, Jude" TWICE on the radio :)
(2) Being called "darlin'" in an entirely un-creepy way. Yes, it is possible.
(3) Exchanging brief knowing glances with the next customer in line while explaining something to the one I had just served.
3- She asked me how to get to the highway. "Which highway?" I had to clarify. She said she wanted to get to Toronto - 401, she added. I told her to go east a few blocks and then take Hwy 6 down to the 401. She blanked.
"Go this way," I grandly swept my arm to my left, "for a little while until you hit the highway. Turn right - you can actually only turn right - and that'll take you to the 401." She says, "OK," with extreme hesitation. I start doubting. Then I say it's just after Silvercreek which I figure is much easier to recognize than an unmarked on-ramp to a small "highway" in an unfamiliar city. She sounds a bit more confident, still turning to look out onto the road as she listens and tries to repeat the instructions back to me. Somewhere in there, I looked at the next customer who was graciously standing back to let me finish the conversation with her, to see where his patience level was at. His face confirmed for me that I was making sense, just not enough to her, I guess.
After a short pause, I said all the directions again, in the most succinct, memorable way I could and she turned away with a soft-spoken acknowledgment, grossly distracted by what she was trying to retain. I made a face and a shrug that expressed exactly what I was feeling. As the next customer approaches the counter, chuckling, I look at him and we understand what we can't say aloud. I don't even know how to describe it nicely here... The woman seemed like an airhead and she wasn't making it easy for me to give her the benefit of the doubt.
As he put the Gatorade on the counter in front of me, I made a sound that was either the painless version of banging one's head against a wall or an onomatopoeia for wincing (however that works - just go with me).
"How's it goin'?" he asks, still smiling broadly.
"Fine," I reply, still shaking my head in disbelief. "That's five dollars, please."
There is a slight confused pause from him, and then one from me, wondering what I have just said, and I correct: "No -- it's $3.60. You're giving me five dollars." I had seen the bill in his hand and was one step ahead of myself.
At this he laughs loudly. "It's one of those days, is it?"
I nod emphatically because I'm afraid if I try talking it might come out as gobbeldy gook once again. Also, he is making me flustered with his niceness (and intelligence, I guess). "Uhhh ha. Yeah," I finally produce, ever profoundly. As I make change I fight tooth and nail to keep my face from flushing visibly. (I don't actually know if I won or not.)
"Well .. it's a Monday," he suggests, sympathetically.
"...how is it only Monday is what I'm wondering," I exclaim with more of my real self than I would expect at work with a stranger.
He laughs again. He's walking way because our transaction is complete and I see him fumble a bit, not realizing he's only looking at me and not saying anything for a second or two. Finally some kinda, "see ya," comes out.
I return, "have a good one," which has oddly become a sort of default for me.
part B: Crossing the road at four minutes to six I thought aloud, "this really isn't that bad." I understand that sixteen hours of wakefulness during a twenty-four-hour period should be the same no matter where those sixteen kick off. However I've had a hard time wrapping my mind around going to bed before the twelve-hour clock goes into double digits. It's weird. But this morning I thought, OK. This is OK. I had a sort of evening. I had time for email, dinner, some TV, a long phoneversation, a short phoneversation* ... I can't complain. It's all good, really. I had an evening. That's all I really want when it comes to schedule preference.
part C: Finally understand what it takes to close a shift, after five of them with someone holding my hand. There is nothing quite like learning by doing. I (generally) love it.
Also initiated more problem-solving than I thought I could by this stage in the game. (Who knew?)
[*This shortversation was with my very own mother and it was both unexpected and pleasant. I don't talk to her on the phone often (it's just not what we do) and when we do, it's almost never a hey-how-are-ya call; it's got specific questions or info to give. I daresay I just wasn't expecting to hear from her. She usually emails. After brief opening remarks she says, "I have two questions for you." I respond immediately with what I think is the furthest thing from what she's about to ask: "No, I'm not gay. Next question." Without skipping a beat my dear mother, completely unfazed, queries, "Are you gay?" I burst out into obnoxiously loud laughter because she would not be tripped up. It was somehow funnier that her tone didn't go up at the end of the sentence. It was that kind of rhetoric we put on questions when we already know the answer or when we're exasperated. "Are you coming or what." Maybe like that one. It's easier to hear without the question mark, go figure.]
Other perks of the shift:
(1) Hearing "Hey, Jude" TWICE on the radio :)
(2) Being called "darlin'" in an entirely un-creepy way. Yes, it is possible.
(3) Exchanging brief knowing glances with the next customer in line while explaining something to the one I had just served.
3- She asked me how to get to the highway. "Which highway?" I had to clarify. She said she wanted to get to Toronto - 401, she added. I told her to go east a few blocks and then take Hwy 6 down to the 401. She blanked.
"Go this way," I grandly swept my arm to my left, "for a little while until you hit the highway. Turn right - you can actually only turn right - and that'll take you to the 401." She says, "OK," with extreme hesitation. I start doubting. Then I say it's just after Silvercreek which I figure is much easier to recognize than an unmarked on-ramp to a small "highway" in an unfamiliar city. She sounds a bit more confident, still turning to look out onto the road as she listens and tries to repeat the instructions back to me. Somewhere in there, I looked at the next customer who was graciously standing back to let me finish the conversation with her, to see where his patience level was at. His face confirmed for me that I was making sense, just not enough to her, I guess.
After a short pause, I said all the directions again, in the most succinct, memorable way I could and she turned away with a soft-spoken acknowledgment, grossly distracted by what she was trying to retain. I made a face and a shrug that expressed exactly what I was feeling. As the next customer approaches the counter, chuckling, I look at him and we understand what we can't say aloud. I don't even know how to describe it nicely here... The woman seemed like an airhead and she wasn't making it easy for me to give her the benefit of the doubt.
As he put the Gatorade on the counter in front of me, I made a sound that was either the painless version of banging one's head against a wall or an onomatopoeia for wincing (however that works - just go with me).
"How's it goin'?" he asks, still smiling broadly.
"Fine," I reply, still shaking my head in disbelief. "That's five dollars, please."
There is a slight confused pause from him, and then one from me, wondering what I have just said, and I correct: "No -- it's $3.60. You're giving me five dollars." I had seen the bill in his hand and was one step ahead of myself.
At this he laughs loudly. "It's one of those days, is it?"
I nod emphatically because I'm afraid if I try talking it might come out as gobbeldy gook once again. Also, he is making me flustered with his niceness (and intelligence, I guess). "Uhhh ha. Yeah," I finally produce, ever profoundly. As I make change I fight tooth and nail to keep my face from flushing visibly. (I don't actually know if I won or not.)
"Well .. it's a Monday," he suggests, sympathetically.
"...how is it only Monday is what I'm wondering," I exclaim with more of my real self than I would expect at work with a stranger.
He laughs again. He's walking way because our transaction is complete and I see him fumble a bit, not realizing he's only looking at me and not saying anything for a second or two. Finally some kinda, "see ya," comes out.
I return, "have a good one," which has oddly become a sort of default for me.
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