ShooooSH. I have talked to many family members today. EEEpaleema.
I called my dad's house and started with brother 1. We had a dece chat and then he passed me to my dad (who apparently was calling brother 1 stupid, as my dad does when either my sister or I is on the telephone), saying that I should come back to him after I talked with the others. I made him fill me in on the last two months because, with the exception of yesterday, I hadn't talked with him ince the 9th of October. :( It was a great fill-in..maybe something for another post..though it's not my story to tell.*
So I talk to Dad briefly-ly which is VERY out of the ordinary for him but it was just about dinner time there and as the chef, he was a bit preoccupied. Fair, fair.
Then, I think I ended up with brother 2 who I wasn't prepared for and wish, wish, WISH to the heavens I had been. :( Anyways, twas good at least to talk like normal folk and to hear such an improvement just in his voice since the last time we talked and in his life. I'm happy for him but should def call back before too much more time has elapsed.
Then I think I ended up with my stepmom's mom (who is just too lovely for words) who made me feel very mommed
and soon I was to be passed to the stepmom but sister 2 intercepted. She didn't really have anything to say which is fine. I was just happy that she'd initiated.
Then stepmom for an ALL TOO SHORT "conversation". She's the talker. No...she's the one with which I have a two-way talk and I appreciate that VERY much, esp in this family. She gives me the updates on everyone else that they don't really give. But still, it was Christmas evening and things werr bizzy!
I spoke with the littlest sister who SOUNDED LIKE SHE WAS GOING TO CRY when she said, "I want you guys to come over." You guys are my sister and I - neither of us would be around for Christhams. OH, that girl broke my heart. Sheesh....not much else to say about that except I'm so sad for her sad face and there's nothing I can do about it. Cept make sure I go see her when I get back.
[side-thought: is this the price of missionary work, God?]
Then there was little brother number 4 (age 8) who is getting older every day. He told me he really liked the present I sent him. Then he made a weird joke about a goat which I laughed at VERY loudly.
Next, I was talking to brother #3 and he was nice enough with small-talk. His voice is higher pitched than I remember it. Maybe his underwear's too tight today. Who knows?? After all this I was back to brother 1, as planned.
We talked some more, I ran though my list of 45 films I've seen in-country because I have started to turn into him. He walks along the New Releases wall in Blockbuster and doesn't find any discs he hasn't already viewed on the big screen. It's scary in its own way. Even after watching 0.54 films per day (I did the maths because that's how cool I am), I got nothin on 'im. Kinda makes me feel good in a way.
I agreed to call him tomorrow when he goes to our Nana's place in Kitchener. That'll be fun. I'm so proud of brother 1; he be growing up. Em... yeah. Yeah, it'll be nice to speak with her as I was thinking of calling her today, anyway. I got a text round 10 to 9 EST (that's 10 to 2, GMT) asking if I could call Grandpa because he was asking for me.
:
Shooooooosh. I did NOT want to do that. I didn't have a choice, though, did I? I decided there was no good reason for me to remain an awkard granddaughter...there's no reason. Today may as well be the day I speak with him as an adult.
The conversation went pretty well. I enjoy the sound of his voice and really enjoy his laugh. I was thinking about him, too, earlier today because I was playing the piece I'd music-ed from his lyrics. He gave me those lyrics in..2005 or 2004 and he still doesn't know I've done the job. Sheesh. Yeah, that's a bit of a tale in itself.
He also called me out..which is entirely new. He said, "Yeah...I was very surprized that I didn't hear about you going.." He didn't know I was in Scotland til just today when he called Dad's house. Meh. A long story in its own way but also ..somewhat not nice? I dunno. Something I need to work through.
Oh and my mum's here in Edinburgh so I spend a goooot chunk of time with her. I love that we had ghettolicious falafels from paper bags for Christmas dinner. It fits in its own way.
This is the year I see the lure of spending Christmas with NOT family - or more specifically, spending Christmas night down pub with friends. I REALLY like this idea and should like to see if I can hook it up for next year or whenver. Also? Yeah. YEAH. My dad's house apparently stayed up til 6 on Christmas Eve and then started Christham Day at 10. :( OH, the jealousy that rages through my veins. PFffffffT!
I want to say "next year" but I fear...I fear I might not be around next year, either.
*So, Bernard Shaw, I think the only thing I will say about this is a question. I am wondering how important or fruitful it is - in God's eyes - to make a profound impact on another person's life if it's not for the Gospel or facilitating a route to the Gospel. I am NOT trying to make the "good person" argument but I fear I'm straying next to that path anyways.
I wonder what good it is...cuz to me it seems to be very good indeed. I ...want to know about this. And I need...a story to back it up. I hope I remember that I want to explore this further for the next time I post.
MC!
[EST]
Thursday, 25 December 2008
Monday, 22 December 2008
cotton-headed ninny muggins
I did actually do it, you'll be [pleased] to know.
Somehow I've started a streak of speaking my mind like there's no tomorrow (four people in two days) and I'm not entirely sure what's gotten into me. It's honestly like I think I'm running out of time. I wanna know whence comes this urgency and if it's actually impatience instead.
I'm afraid I'm going to step over a boundary any time soon. In the mean time, I like the new (temporary) me.
????
[EST]
Somehow I've started a streak of speaking my mind like there's no tomorrow (four people in two days) and I'm not entirely sure what's gotten into me. It's honestly like I think I'm running out of time. I wanna know whence comes this urgency and if it's actually impatience instead.
I'm afraid I'm going to step over a boundary any time soon. In the mean time, I like the new (temporary) me.
????
[EST]
Sunday, 21 December 2008
hugs are so weird.
I think I may have said this before but I'd like to say it again. Hugs are weird.
The idea: Stand as close as you possible can to another person -- and then put your arms around them. So weird. But.... so very functional.
---
In a group of three women and two men - (When do we stop referring to ourselves as girls and boys? I myself, I know it's for distancing purposes and I want to stop.) - one man asks me, "Why do you always take our side? Aren't you supposed to [do/want] what the women want?"
And I can't really answer right away. I know it can LOOK like I'm only taking their "side" to impress them or to be cool.
I also know that I generally think about picking the side of right (as opposed to wrong) or rational (as opposed to irrational).
However,
It's not always so clear. I want to get to the heart heart heart of my motivation.
I thought, "Women needed men to agree they should have the vote; slaves needed freemen to support the idea of emancipation and queers needed straights to lobby for equal rights."
I don't even really want to explain it further than I have right there because fleshing it out seems to remove some of the sentiment, somehow.
It only makes sense to me that I should lean toward the disadvantaged side because if an Aadvantaged person doesn't, where can revolution come from?
I think I'm also looking to straddle the gap, to make it so that we don't NEED to make decisions based on gender or gender clumping. I think sometimes we agree with birds of a feather, simply because we all look the same. We follow the crowd (flock/murder/gaggle). I'm trying to stretch your understanding and help you see that people don't just disagree with you because they're boys. It's not a boy thing to do.
I dunno. Based on this situation, it does seem that I think the boys are RIGHT more than I think the girls are. (Is that true? Am I biased/reversely biased?) To be honest, the disagreements seem to surround ridiculous things, more often than not so ...yeah, I'm going to side with the more rational arguers...unfortunately, in THIS situation, that be the men.
Ah well.
(Since when is taking out the garbage a man's job? Who made that crap up? I hate it. Women make men do things they don't want to by calling them "men's" jobs, which is actually a sort of emasuclating threat and men are forced to comply in order to defend themselves. They defend themselves against a fake accusation. I think it's junk. Also, we've got the bonus of the feminism upswing on our side (just like the non-white people or non-white males) at present and so men are actually rather unfairly restrained in many, many ways.
How did women get so much power? Well...so much....ill-gained/ill-used power. I don't know what to call it because I am NOT trying to slam against women and suggest that we become chattel (?) again but neither do I think that what we have these days (Western world) is equal or fair at all. It's...angering. AND I can't even put it into words to make my point.
Aside from the obvious tactic of using (i.e. withholding) sex to manipulate men I think we somehow have another unscrupulous advantage. Can I use that word, unscrupulous? Let me look it up. Well the word "conscienceless" in the def'n seems to justify my use, yes.
[Side-note: Yesterday, the four of us were meant to watch a movie but when one showed up at my door instead of two, I decided to write a menacing email, knowing he was at the computer at the time, that I thought would push "you can start without me" - which is usually code for "I probably won't show up" - into actually showing up...in the friendliest, non-manipulative way possible. (Fact: It's not really possible unless you're completely direct.) I didn't think he'd come. And when he did show up I was pleasantly surprized but slightly ashamed of myself. When I couldn't take it anymore (i.e. four minutes later), I said, "Did I guilt-trip you?" and his response was, "No. How can you guilt-trip me? I have no conscience."
It was magical. Magical because he didn't hesitate with the response, he looked like he half-meant it and, in my shallow knowledge of this person and what they're all about, there's actually some truth to it. Minor analysis aside, hilarious.]
Here's the gist of it:
A woman tells a man to do something (or puts him in a position to respond to something) and if he doesn't do it or respond to it in the way she expects, regardless of fairness or his will, she pulls out the Oppressed card (there are many demographix who carry the same card..you know it) and he is lambasted either through words or just social pressure. This is most obvious in a large group of people, esp when the women outnumber the men. How this still continues in a one-on-one context ..usually marriage... I don't know. And it bothers/scares me most that it happenes when there are just two of you - two parties, two equal contributors to a union.
How does she get to call the shots, just because? I don't give a crap about the past, to be honest. Not in this way. The way women have been treated (poorly, from an objective standpoint) in the past doesn't allow them (us?) to take revenge in every day situations.
[Let's take a moment to realize that the crappy past of MY social context is the horrendous present of other women's context in parts of the world I can't even name with much confidence. I am aware of this. I'm also not versed in it and not going to talk about it right now.]
It's kinda terrible. And it's kinda the fodder for 65% of stupid jokes on American sitcoms. Sheesh. Now I'm all angried for no great reason. I'm gonna go write an email about something else that bothers me.
Word to the wise: always write important and emotionally-involved emails when your head is cluttered, when you're feeling impatient and when you're looking to take it out on someone. That's good advice right there. And it's free.
[EST]
The idea: Stand as close as you possible can to another person -- and then put your arms around them. So weird. But.... so very functional.
---
In a group of three women and two men - (When do we stop referring to ourselves as girls and boys? I myself, I know it's for distancing purposes and I want to stop.) - one man asks me, "Why do you always take our side? Aren't you supposed to [do/want] what the women want?"
And I can't really answer right away. I know it can LOOK like I'm only taking their "side" to impress them or to be cool.
I also know that I generally think about picking the side of right (as opposed to wrong) or rational (as opposed to irrational).
However,
It's not always so clear. I want to get to the heart heart heart of my motivation.
I thought, "Women needed men to agree they should have the vote; slaves needed freemen to support the idea of emancipation and queers needed straights to lobby for equal rights."
I don't even really want to explain it further than I have right there because fleshing it out seems to remove some of the sentiment, somehow.
It only makes sense to me that I should lean toward the disadvantaged side because if an Aadvantaged person doesn't, where can revolution come from?
I think I'm also looking to straddle the gap, to make it so that we don't NEED to make decisions based on gender or gender clumping. I think sometimes we agree with birds of a feather, simply because we all look the same. We follow the crowd (flock/murder/gaggle). I'm trying to stretch your understanding and help you see that people don't just disagree with you because they're boys. It's not a boy thing to do.
I dunno. Based on this situation, it does seem that I think the boys are RIGHT more than I think the girls are. (Is that true? Am I biased/reversely biased?) To be honest, the disagreements seem to surround ridiculous things, more often than not so ...yeah, I'm going to side with the more rational arguers...unfortunately, in THIS situation, that be the men.
Ah well.
(Since when is taking out the garbage a man's job? Who made that crap up? I hate it. Women make men do things they don't want to by calling them "men's" jobs, which is actually a sort of emasuclating threat and men are forced to comply in order to defend themselves. They defend themselves against a fake accusation. I think it's junk. Also, we've got the bonus of the feminism upswing on our side (just like the non-white people or non-white males) at present and so men are actually rather unfairly restrained in many, many ways.
How did women get so much power? Well...so much....ill-gained/ill-used power. I don't know what to call it because I am NOT trying to slam against women and suggest that we become chattel (?) again but neither do I think that what we have these days (Western world) is equal or fair at all. It's...angering. AND I can't even put it into words to make my point.
Aside from the obvious tactic of using (i.e. withholding) sex to manipulate men I think we somehow have another unscrupulous advantage. Can I use that word, unscrupulous? Let me look it up. Well the word "conscienceless" in the def'n seems to justify my use, yes.
[Side-note: Yesterday, the four of us were meant to watch a movie but when one showed up at my door instead of two, I decided to write a menacing email, knowing he was at the computer at the time, that I thought would push "you can start without me" - which is usually code for "I probably won't show up" - into actually showing up...in the friendliest, non-manipulative way possible. (Fact: It's not really possible unless you're completely direct.) I didn't think he'd come. And when he did show up I was pleasantly surprized but slightly ashamed of myself. When I couldn't take it anymore (i.e. four minutes later), I said, "Did I guilt-trip you?" and his response was, "No. How can you guilt-trip me? I have no conscience."
It was magical. Magical because he didn't hesitate with the response, he looked like he half-meant it and, in my shallow knowledge of this person and what they're all about, there's actually some truth to it. Minor analysis aside, hilarious.]
Here's the gist of it:
A woman tells a man to do something (or puts him in a position to respond to something) and if he doesn't do it or respond to it in the way she expects, regardless of fairness or his will, she pulls out the Oppressed card (there are many demographix who carry the same card..you know it) and he is lambasted either through words or just social pressure. This is most obvious in a large group of people, esp when the women outnumber the men. How this still continues in a one-on-one context ..usually marriage... I don't know. And it bothers/scares me most that it happenes when there are just two of you - two parties, two equal contributors to a union.
How does she get to call the shots, just because? I don't give a crap about the past, to be honest. Not in this way. The way women have been treated (poorly, from an objective standpoint) in the past doesn't allow them (us?) to take revenge in every day situations.
[Let's take a moment to realize that the crappy past of MY social context is the horrendous present of other women's context in parts of the world I can't even name with much confidence. I am aware of this. I'm also not versed in it and not going to talk about it right now.]
It's kinda terrible. And it's kinda the fodder for 65% of stupid jokes on American sitcoms. Sheesh. Now I'm all angried for no great reason. I'm gonna go write an email about something else that bothers me.
Word to the wise: always write important and emotionally-involved emails when your head is cluttered, when you're feeling impatient and when you're looking to take it out on someone. That's good advice right there. And it's free.
[EST]
Monday, 15 December 2008
I Am America (And So Can You!) - part 4
* Science *
"So my heart goes out to them. Figuratively. I would never actually entrust my heart to scientists--they'd probably implant it in a baboon. And a baboon with my heart would be practically unstoppable. Baboon strength and agility combined with my determination and media savvy? It would be a threat to all of humanity" (193).
"Evolutionists' main claim is that one day we decided to stop being monkeys turned ourselves into humans. Well, if that's true, why aren't more monkeys escaping from zoos? Think about it. They could turn into humans, then disguise themselves as janitors and walk out of their cages. But I guess evolution doesn't have an answer for that one" (198).
"As longtime viewers know, I've never trusted the sea. What's it hiding under there? I fully support this science, not only to figure out what's down there, but to develop weapons to destroy it before it destroys us. Think I'm crazy? Just take a peep at an angler fish sometime. These monsters look like the offspring of a sea bass and a bear trap, and growing smack in the middle of their skulls is a curved rod dangling a juicy chunk of bioluminescent flesh" (201).
"Zoology
One would think, 'A school of study dedicated to locking up animals in cages so that we can throw popcorn at them--finally, a noble science.'" (205).
Colbert, Stephen T. I Am America (And So Can You!). New York: Grand Central Publishing, 2007.
[EST]
"So my heart goes out to them. Figuratively. I would never actually entrust my heart to scientists--they'd probably implant it in a baboon. And a baboon with my heart would be practically unstoppable. Baboon strength and agility combined with my determination and media savvy? It would be a threat to all of humanity" (193).
"Evolutionists' main claim is that one day we decided to stop being monkeys turned ourselves into humans. Well, if that's true, why aren't more monkeys escaping from zoos? Think about it. They could turn into humans, then disguise themselves as janitors and walk out of their cages. But I guess evolution doesn't have an answer for that one" (198).
"As longtime viewers know, I've never trusted the sea. What's it hiding under there? I fully support this science, not only to figure out what's down there, but to develop weapons to destroy it before it destroys us. Think I'm crazy? Just take a peep at an angler fish sometime. These monsters look like the offspring of a sea bass and a bear trap, and growing smack in the middle of their skulls is a curved rod dangling a juicy chunk of bioluminescent flesh" (201).
"Zoology
One would think, 'A school of study dedicated to locking up animals in cages so that we can throw popcorn at them--finally, a noble science.'" (205).
Colbert, Stephen T. I Am America (And So Can You!). New York: Grand Central Publishing, 2007.
[EST]
"Ink Heart" (2008)
I liked it!
I think I was set up but I liked it.
I was already going to like something with Brendan Fraser in it - no doubt. But I also had the advantage of not reading the book and not remembering the brief description my friend who HAD read it gave to me.
I do love mystical films...I was pretty well sucked into that little world. I like that it was very kid-friendly (or family-friendly?) but also pretty intense. The story woven was very entertaining and sweet. I liked it. It had almost no cheese whatsoever.
And now I have decided that I think Paul Bettany is a good actor. (I did have some problems with one of his scenes....but other than that it was a cool and compelling character.) I don't think I've seen him in anything but A Knight's Tale (2001) or Andy Serkis in the Lord of the Rings trilogy but this film made me appreciate them more a little more more.
I think it makes a bad review when all my sentences start with "I". Just wanted to make sure I remembered I liked the flick. That's all.
[EST]
I think I was set up but I liked it.
I was already going to like something with Brendan Fraser in it - no doubt. But I also had the advantage of not reading the book and not remembering the brief description my friend who HAD read it gave to me.
I do love mystical films...I was pretty well sucked into that little world. I like that it was very kid-friendly (or family-friendly?) but also pretty intense. The story woven was very entertaining and sweet. I liked it. It had almost no cheese whatsoever.
And now I have decided that I think Paul Bettany is a good actor. (I did have some problems with one of his scenes....but other than that it was a cool and compelling character.) I don't think I've seen him in anything but A Knight's Tale (2001) or Andy Serkis in the Lord of the Rings trilogy but this film made me appreciate them more a little more more.
I think it makes a bad review when all my sentences start with "I". Just wanted to make sure I remembered I liked the flick. That's all.
[EST]
Saturday, 13 December 2008
the woman who served us in the restaurant at Birmingham Airport said "crikey"-
- and we all turned and whispered to one another simultaneously..."she just said crikey!...did you hear that??"
It wasn't just that she had said it. Anyone can say those six letters - Steve Irwin did it all the time! But she was a genuine cockney-er and it was as natural an expletive for her as your favorite is for you. (Personally, I've taken a recent liking to "french toast!".) It was a fun, fun moment.
In other news, the woman who worked at the Malvern Christian Conference centre (....in Malvern) was actually Mrs Doubtfire. I don't ...know how to explain it well without video feed but...please understand that she had the SAME accent (which I've never heard and which also was confirmed by a Brit, who would know better) she was about the same height, had the same color hair (but with a less pompous 'do)
...WOW, I never thought I'd use the word "'do".....
...
and she served us with the gentlest, most loving, knowledgable demeanor which actually gets away from Mrs Doubtfire but does still make her the ultimate nanny. Holy junk. Oh, also she wasn't manly in any kind of hairy-legs-on-the-bus or "he's a she-she she's a he he's a" kind of way. She just ..wow, she was magical. I'm not entirely sure she really existed and I didn't invent her. She was an EXCELLENT cook and host, too.
That week (four days) in Malvern was tremendous
and the dinner at the airport was pretty sweet, too.
Friday was an intense (but not emotionally depleating!) day which I came out of smiling.
I should write about all these things next time.
[EST]
It wasn't just that she had said it. Anyone can say those six letters - Steve Irwin did it all the time! But she was a genuine cockney-er and it was as natural an expletive for her as your favorite is for you. (Personally, I've taken a recent liking to "french toast!".) It was a fun, fun moment.
In other news, the woman who worked at the Malvern Christian Conference centre (....in Malvern) was actually Mrs Doubtfire. I don't ...know how to explain it well without video feed but...please understand that she had the SAME accent (which I've never heard and which also was confirmed by a Brit, who would know better) she was about the same height, had the same color hair (but with a less pompous 'do)
...WOW, I never thought I'd use the word "'do".....
...
and she served us with the gentlest, most loving, knowledgable demeanor which actually gets away from Mrs Doubtfire but does still make her the ultimate nanny. Holy junk. Oh, also she wasn't manly in any kind of hairy-legs-on-the-bus or "he's a she-she she's a he he's a" kind of way. She just ..wow, she was magical. I'm not entirely sure she really existed and I didn't invent her. She was an EXCELLENT cook and host, too.
That week (four days) in Malvern was tremendous
and the dinner at the airport was pretty sweet, too.
Friday was an intense (but not emotionally depleating!) day which I came out of smiling.
I should write about all these things next time.
[EST]
Sunday, 7 December 2008
my best quote of the day.
I was asking my Bible friend about the OT, explaining how little I know of it (content and character) and how that affects my approach to reading it. He summarized some of the major books. This was the best part.
"Here's the basic summary of Leviticus: 'Do this, don't do this, I am holy...says the Lord.'"
just perfect.
[EST]
"Here's the basic summary of Leviticus: 'Do this, don't do this, I am holy...says the Lord.'"
just perfect.
[EST]
Saturday, 6 December 2008
I Am America (And So Can You!) part 3
* The Media *
"I'd hang out at the local precinct, poring over police reports and swapping war stories with the boys in blue. Great bunch of guys--Seamus, Mickey, Potato Bill, Old Whiskey Pat, New Whiskey Pat, Paddy, and "Irish" (the black guy)." (152)
* Class War *
"See, we're lucky here in America. We live in a free market society. Think of it as a ladder. No matter what rung you're born on, you have the exact same opportunity as everyone else to get to the top. Sure, you might say that some folks have less distance to climb than others, or that many of the lower rungs are slippery because they're covered with garbage and your high school didn't have an AP Ladder Climbing class, and rung right above you is out of order and your landlord keeps saying he's going to fix it but he never does and all the while the guy who hangs out on the corner of your rung is constantly trying to get you high, and you're wondering if maaybe you could get a little help up this ladder? Well, Mister, all the hlelp you need is at your fingertips, if your fingertips are touching your ankles. I'm talking about bootsraps" (164).
* Race *
"Ebony and Ivory, live together in perfect harmony,
Side by side on my piano keyboard.
"There is something interesting about what Misters Wonder and McCartney stumbled upon here in there jaunty tribute to the piano. With a little imagination, the lyrics can also act as a metaphor for race. The white keys could represent white people, and the black keys could represent non-white people. Because in America, people of all colors live in perfect harmony.
"But it hasn't always been that way.
"Once upon a time, racism was a terrible problem in this country^, and it's still a subject you're supposed to handle delicately^^. Sorry, folks, that's not my style. I'm not afraid to disturb the skeletons in America's closet, no matter what race those skeletons are. (You can tell by measuring eye-teeth.)
^Approximately from 1864 to the recording of "Ebony and Ivory."
^^ If race were a sweater, it would be made of cashmere, and you could only wash it by hand" (171).
"However, most people quote ... President Lyndon Johnson, who summed up his stance on the issue with the following analogy: 'Imagine a hundred yard dash in which one of the two runners has his legs shackled together. He has progressed ten yards, while the unshackled runner has gone fifty yards. How to they rectify the situation? Do they merely remove the shackles and allow the race to proceed?...Would it not be the better part of justice to allow the previously shackled runner to make up the forty-yard gap, or to start the race all over again?'
"While Johnson's idea was terrible for public policy, he stumbled upon what I think would be a great improvement for track and field: shackles! How exciting would it be to give each runner a unique, massive obstacle to overcome!
"Here's how I see the 100 yard dash of tomorrow:
1 - A shackled runner
2 - Runner forced to wear a sandwich board
3 - Runner in ice skates
4 - Runer must run backward holding a hand mirror
5 - Runner's pockets filled with sausages with a pack of wild, angry dogs released on the field
6 - Bare feet on a lane of wet bathroom tile--responsible for 80% of household fatalities!
7 - Runner given horrible news moments before start--I mean really bad
8 - Death row inmate running on his knees. If he wins, he's freed!
"Just a reminder: None of these are metaphors. I want to see this actually happen."
"PROOF I'M NOT A RACIST: George Washington Carver had some pretty good ideas, like corrective lenses for peanuts" (175-6).
* Immigrants*
"We need to uild a 2000-mile long wall along our southern border. ... this wall might actually keep people out. If it's built right, not like that picket fence the Russians threw up across Berlin. ... Make it tall. I mean tall enough that if you bake at the top of it, you'd need to use the hugh-altitude instructions" (184).
"My high school guidance counselor told me to follow my dreams, but it's hard to get a job as a dragonfly" (185).
"Bass player: It's like you made a poorly worded deal with the devil to be a rock star" (185).
"I'M NOT A MONSTER: Let's face it--people in other countries lead horrible, pointless lives filled with hardship and strange brand names for their snack crackers" (185).
"Whatever happened to the old adage, 'Copy edit twice, cast in bronze once'?" (186).
[EST]
"I'd hang out at the local precinct, poring over police reports and swapping war stories with the boys in blue. Great bunch of guys--Seamus, Mickey, Potato Bill, Old Whiskey Pat, New Whiskey Pat, Paddy, and "Irish" (the black guy)." (152)
* Class War *
"See, we're lucky here in America. We live in a free market society. Think of it as a ladder. No matter what rung you're born on, you have the exact same opportunity as everyone else to get to the top. Sure, you might say that some folks have less distance to climb than others, or that many of the lower rungs are slippery because they're covered with garbage and your high school didn't have an AP Ladder Climbing class, and rung right above you is out of order and your landlord keeps saying he's going to fix it but he never does and all the while the guy who hangs out on the corner of your rung is constantly trying to get you high, and you're wondering if maaybe you could get a little help up this ladder? Well, Mister, all the hlelp you need is at your fingertips, if your fingertips are touching your ankles. I'm talking about bootsraps" (164).
* Race *
"Ebony and Ivory, live together in perfect harmony,
Side by side on my piano keyboard.
"There is something interesting about what Misters Wonder and McCartney stumbled upon here in there jaunty tribute to the piano. With a little imagination, the lyrics can also act as a metaphor for race. The white keys could represent white people, and the black keys could represent non-white people. Because in America, people of all colors live in perfect harmony.
"But it hasn't always been that way.
"Once upon a time, racism was a terrible problem in this country^, and it's still a subject you're supposed to handle delicately^^. Sorry, folks, that's not my style. I'm not afraid to disturb the skeletons in America's closet, no matter what race those skeletons are. (You can tell by measuring eye-teeth.)
^Approximately from 1864 to the recording of "Ebony and Ivory."
^^ If race were a sweater, it would be made of cashmere, and you could only wash it by hand" (171).
"However, most people quote ... President Lyndon Johnson, who summed up his stance on the issue with the following analogy: 'Imagine a hundred yard dash in which one of the two runners has his legs shackled together. He has progressed ten yards, while the unshackled runner has gone fifty yards. How to they rectify the situation? Do they merely remove the shackles and allow the race to proceed?...Would it not be the better part of justice to allow the previously shackled runner to make up the forty-yard gap, or to start the race all over again?'
"While Johnson's idea was terrible for public policy, he stumbled upon what I think would be a great improvement for track and field: shackles! How exciting would it be to give each runner a unique, massive obstacle to overcome!
"Here's how I see the 100 yard dash of tomorrow:
1 - A shackled runner
2 - Runner forced to wear a sandwich board
3 - Runner in ice skates
4 - Runer must run backward holding a hand mirror
5 - Runner's pockets filled with sausages with a pack of wild, angry dogs released on the field
6 - Bare feet on a lane of wet bathroom tile--responsible for 80% of household fatalities!
7 - Runner given horrible news moments before start--I mean really bad
8 - Death row inmate running on his knees. If he wins, he's freed!
"Just a reminder: None of these are metaphors. I want to see this actually happen."
"PROOF I'M NOT A RACIST: George Washington Carver had some pretty good ideas, like corrective lenses for peanuts" (175-6).
* Immigrants*
"We need to uild a 2000-mile long wall along our southern border. ... this wall might actually keep people out. If it's built right, not like that picket fence the Russians threw up across Berlin. ... Make it tall. I mean tall enough that if you bake at the top of it, you'd need to use the hugh-altitude instructions" (184).
"My high school guidance counselor told me to follow my dreams, but it's hard to get a job as a dragonfly" (185).
"Bass player: It's like you made a poorly worded deal with the devil to be a rock star" (185).
"I'M NOT A MONSTER: Let's face it--people in other countries lead horrible, pointless lives filled with hardship and strange brand names for their snack crackers" (185).
"Whatever happened to the old adage, 'Copy edit twice, cast in bronze once'?" (186).
[EST]
never had more than ketchup on my hot-dogs. it's true.
I just realized this morning that I am a huge hypocrate.
...I am, really, but I realized it in a specific area today. Often when people incredulously ask why I don't like the Harry Potter series, I tell them I'm not twelve years old. I ....some time back in highschool decided that I wouldn't read a book written for children. (And in that I also decided I could look down on people who did.)
But....I read Gordon Korman books made for grade 6 kids after I was in grade 6. I read children's books of Roald Dahl (BECAUSE I WANT TO READ THEM ALL!!! ...I have a Pokemon complex) when I wasn't a child.
I don't think there's a real reason adults can't or shouldn't read children's books. It's the same with....older people dressing than they're younger than they are. I don't have a huge problem with it. And I don't know how I can legitimately tell them what to do.
BUT, I have thought of that GK and RD stuff before...what I got this morning was my love (read: love) for Mr Spongebob Squarepants. I really don't care...how old I am or how old his target audience is... I love that show. Love it love it love it. And... I don't care what people say. You can have your Harry Potter.
What's worse about my down-the-nose-looking-on is that I have never READ any of the HP books nor have I seen more than ONE of the films (the first one).
I actually liked that first film, all things considered. I half watched it about four times in the period of maybe a few months because my younger siblings put it on and then jumped about and made loud noises so that...I remember a handful of characters and like ONE scene. I did LOVE the theme music, though, I know that. There's one song stuck in my head which..I can't sing for you now.
Daniel Radcliffe is cool.
Same thing happened with Monsters Inc. (2001). I have no idea what actually happens in that film..I just remember the main characters, the doors and..some chase scenes. Tis somewhat unfortunate since I happen to know it's a great film. I should...watch it properly one day.
[EST]
...I am, really, but I realized it in a specific area today. Often when people incredulously ask why I don't like the Harry Potter series, I tell them I'm not twelve years old. I ....some time back in highschool decided that I wouldn't read a book written for children. (And in that I also decided I could look down on people who did.)
But....I read Gordon Korman books made for grade 6 kids after I was in grade 6. I read children's books of Roald Dahl (BECAUSE I WANT TO READ THEM ALL!!! ...I have a Pokemon complex) when I wasn't a child.
I don't think there's a real reason adults can't or shouldn't read children's books. It's the same with....older people dressing than they're younger than they are. I don't have a huge problem with it. And I don't know how I can legitimately tell them what to do.
BUT, I have thought of that GK and RD stuff before...what I got this morning was my love (read: love) for Mr Spongebob Squarepants. I really don't care...how old I am or how old his target audience is... I love that show. Love it love it love it. And... I don't care what people say. You can have your Harry Potter.
What's worse about my down-the-nose-looking-on is that I have never READ any of the HP books nor have I seen more than ONE of the films (the first one).
I actually liked that first film, all things considered. I half watched it about four times in the period of maybe a few months because my younger siblings put it on and then jumped about and made loud noises so that...I remember a handful of characters and like ONE scene. I did LOVE the theme music, though, I know that. There's one song stuck in my head which..I can't sing for you now.
Daniel Radcliffe is cool.
Same thing happened with Monsters Inc. (2001). I have no idea what actually happens in that film..I just remember the main characters, the doors and..some chase scenes. Tis somewhat unfortunate since I happen to know it's a great film. I should...watch it properly one day.
[EST]
Wednesday, 3 December 2008
I Am America (And So Can You!) part 2
* Sports *
"Sports do have some positive impact on society. They solve problems, such as how to get inner-city kids to spend $175 on shoes. They serve as a backdrop for some of our most memorable commercials. And they remain the only relevant application of math" (71).
[on steroids]
"Back in the day when sports consisted of little slow guys hitting set shots, bunting, and staging Statue of Liberty plays, the public was satisfied because they didnt' know any better. But now that we've seen huge behemonths with 2% body fat and misshapen foreheads leap over piles of bodies to crush each other's larynx, we can't go back" (73).
* Sex and Dating *
"And did you know that ants have sex? It can't be for procreation--there are plent of ants already" (91).
"If humans should be following anyone's example, it's the tiger. Males and females lead chaste, solitary existences for almost their entire adult lives, until the man decides it's time to have children, spends months tracking a mate without her knowledge, athen with a mighty roar leaps from the underbrush and narles until the female performs a sexy dance. Wen teh male is sufficiently entertained he bites her neck and initiates teh miracle of life, I'm sure in a loving way. Sometimes the most beautiful, intimate connections only occur after a good, long stalking" (92).
* Homosexuals *
"When I married my wife she becam Mrs. Stephen Colbert. Likewise, I became Mr. Stephen Colbert. We went from being two autonomous individuals to a team whose sole focus was winning the game of life" (113).
* Higher Education *
"WAKEUP CALL: Think books aren't scary? Well, think about this: You can't spell "Book" without "Boo!" (122)
*Hollywood *
"Studios would pluck promising young actors from obscurity, and with a simple name change and an ironclad lifetime contract larded with morality clauses, turn them into Hollywood legends. Actors like Joan Crawford (born Shprintzel Anatevkawitz) and Cary Grant (born Balgok-Uth, Devourer of Souls) got more than just starring roles in the hit movies of their day" (133).
[this one..the name for Cary Grant made me laugh like a MADman. aaha]
"And you know what? Cut it out with the fundraisers already. Who's getting all that cash? Refugees? Rain forests? Harp seals? If a Harp seal needs money that badly, it should do what I do. I hold a little fundraiser every day. It's called Going to Work" (142).
[EST]
"Sports do have some positive impact on society. They solve problems, such as how to get inner-city kids to spend $175 on shoes. They serve as a backdrop for some of our most memorable commercials. And they remain the only relevant application of math" (71).
[on steroids]
"Back in the day when sports consisted of little slow guys hitting set shots, bunting, and staging Statue of Liberty plays, the public was satisfied because they didnt' know any better. But now that we've seen huge behemonths with 2% body fat and misshapen foreheads leap over piles of bodies to crush each other's larynx, we can't go back" (73).
* Sex and Dating *
"And did you know that ants have sex? It can't be for procreation--there are plent of ants already" (91).
"If humans should be following anyone's example, it's the tiger. Males and females lead chaste, solitary existences for almost their entire adult lives, until the man decides it's time to have children, spends months tracking a mate without her knowledge, athen with a mighty roar leaps from the underbrush and narles until the female performs a sexy dance. Wen teh male is sufficiently entertained he bites her neck and initiates teh miracle of life, I'm sure in a loving way. Sometimes the most beautiful, intimate connections only occur after a good, long stalking" (92).
* Homosexuals *
"When I married my wife she becam Mrs. Stephen Colbert. Likewise, I became Mr. Stephen Colbert. We went from being two autonomous individuals to a team whose sole focus was winning the game of life" (113).
* Higher Education *
"WAKEUP CALL: Think books aren't scary? Well, think about this: You can't spell "Book" without "Boo!" (122)
*Hollywood *
"Studios would pluck promising young actors from obscurity, and with a simple name change and an ironclad lifetime contract larded with morality clauses, turn them into Hollywood legends. Actors like Joan Crawford (born Shprintzel Anatevkawitz) and Cary Grant (born Balgok-Uth, Devourer of Souls) got more than just starring roles in the hit movies of their day" (133).
[this one..the name for Cary Grant made me laugh like a MADman. aaha]
"And you know what? Cut it out with the fundraisers already. Who's getting all that cash? Refugees? Rain forests? Harp seals? If a Harp seal needs money that badly, it should do what I do. I hold a little fundraiser every day. It's called Going to Work" (142).
[EST]
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