Series: Mosaic Tablets (9/10)

Number nine: parental respect [5]

Exodus 20:12 - "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you."

Calleigh was called at work to come pick her dad up from a local bar where he had been cut off but was refusing to go home. He wasn't violent or rude just aimless and over-staying his welcome. She went in and greeted him; they chatted and she asked if he would walk her to her car. "A gentleman never refuses the request of a lady." He's fully the typical Southern man, accent, light-colored suit with loosed collar and all. As he's moving to take the passenger seat, he leans in briefly as he passes his daughter holding the door to say, "I miss you, Calleigh," not full of emotion but perhaps more reflective than anything. She doesn't follow him with her eyes or her head, nor does she close the door right away. Staring into nothing, she says, half to herself but loud enough so he can hear, "I'm here right now, Dad."

(He probably didn't hear her and even if he did no deep or groundbreaking conversation was about to take place.)

I've never been in this exact situation but I can say that my dad does often tell me that I should call him more often. I think that if he wants to talk to me then he should call. It's just normal procedure. Shall we infer then that I don't want to talk to my dad? Well usually, I don't. It's not a talk, it's a long listening-spree which is fine in small doses but often hard to break out of. It's hard to be engaged in something that is called a "conversation" but is quite certainly one-sided. Then you start to wonder: would it be any different if he were talking to a basket of oranges?

I don't know what it means to "honor your parents." The word "honor" throws me off. I've never understood it, as long as I've been familiar with the Law. But it will come, eventually.

In February, a speaker was telling us a bit about his daughter and because this guy's a new father and his daughter's just two, you can tell that he's proud and very enamoured with her. He told of how he and his wife have been working hard to teach her all the important things that young'ns need to know and one of them is good manners. He said that when he's out somewhere, over at a friend's house or whatever, if she behaves herself then it reflects well on he and his wife as parents. He said something like, "She honors me by doing what I say." In a moment, what he meant fully clicked. I realized that YES, when a child behaves badly or goodly, we blame or credit the parents. I realized that YES, that most certainly must also be true with the God I know who is like my father.
I guess we could say there's honor in obedience. I guess we could say that. I'm sure there's more to it than that, though.

Usually when people I know talk about "honoring their parents," they're talking about doing something that they don't want to, simply because a mother or a father asked them to. I've never been put in that spot, where we have a full-on black-and-white difference of opinion and I've got to put my own on ice. I guess I should be glad for that.


Also, in the preliminary survey, I wanted to cut the earthly reps out of the equation and talk about a Heavenly Father. I thought about it twice times and both times got to say, "Hey - God could be the 'father' ...and then what about the 'mother'?" Of course Mother Nature comes to mind but uhh NO. That's not..really meaningful to me beyond how the personification makes it sound more reasonable (or necessary?) to show respect. If we're talking about a GOOD analog then really, there is no one who is on par with or can even be reasonably compared to God to be the counterpart. Now, there are a few things I just don't understand about women, and women and men, and God's intentions and men's foul-ups but what I can say is that I don't think He meant to leave us without a mother figure. We just would have never figured it out without Him. If we were made in God's image, male and female alike, then God must have the qualities of both males and females. There's no other way.. unless women are not.. of God. What are God's maternal qualities? That is my real question. When have I seen them?
How do people know that my obedience is fuelled by the desire to honor my parents? There's an even better question. I mean, after you leave your parents' house, it's all you; it's not a very direct reflection on them at all. So how should people know that I'm obedient to God? I guess for believers, they know the mandates and they can connect the dots. For non-believers, perhaps it's just a matter of subtitles and captions. I wish this post made more sense.

Oh - I should dissect the verse a little bit, too. "...[S]o that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you." Obeying/honoring your parents is a wise choice when your parents know better than you do. If you're lucky, most of the time they do. There will be a stage when it's a battle over who knows better, then you slam some doors and eventually work it out. But before it's decided that YOU are the adult who knows what's best for you, listening to someone who has your best interests at heart definitely ought to bring you longevity in the land flowing with milk and honey.

Now I hafta take a step back and place that sentiment in the other context.
One day, when I have enough time to process it, I'll be able to articulate how men make it harder to see and to welcome God because they just don't know what is best. Sure it sounds like a cheap argument and is of course easy to say when you're talking about something you believe in. I could say the same thing if I was selling encyclopediae door-to-door. What I mean is that WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE TRULY NEED. We just don't get what it's like to be truly well taken care of - and how could we without ever having experienced it? If you tell someone who does not have ears to hear that all of what they need is - ever so conveniently - all of what Jesus has, they won't believe you. Aaand they might laugh at you. This is most people, not all. Otherwise, wouldn't nobody be a Christ-follower. The other problem is that, even if we DID see that what He got is what we need (...sounds like a messed-up R&B song) we might be inclined to think we don't deserve it. If the Queen of England asked me to come sit on a throne right next to the royal one, to commission the construction of my own wing in the castle and to call the princes and princesses my equals and exploit the full rights and freedoms that came with that position, I'd feel pretty awkward. If I was living in feudal times, I would feel suPREME awkwardness. In fact, it would be so completely unheard of back then (assuming, of course, that I'm anything BUT royalty) that I might even snap at you for insulting me with your tales of nonsense. Now, of course I don't "need" excessive riches but the life that Christ offers smells exactly the same compared to what we wallow in without Him.

So, with God, the door-slamming stage may occur but should never be a catalyst to the time of self-government that we find apart from our parents. THAT is natural. Deciding we have finally had enough direction and instruction from God and that we can take it from here is not natural (in the purest sense). Maybe our sinful nature leads us that way - and the dual-natured condition of man is too lofty for me, especially right now- but we should resist.

"Obeying/honoring [God] is a wise choice when [God] know[s] better than you do."
"...[L]istening to someone who has your best interests at heart definitely ought to bring you longevity in the land flowing with milk and honey."

Tru obedience is shown when one submits and they know the given authority is wrong. It's like executing an order from a commanding officer that you don't agree with. Military men take an oath that keeps the whole system from breaking down and darned if they don't uphold it. It's like being a fan of a team when it's losing or better yet, when it plays poorly. No band-wagon jumpage allowed. With parents we encounter this. With God, we might think we do. If we were Job, we might think we were in this positoin. There will be moments where we doubt that God has made the right decision or moments we're sure He's just being cruel or forgetful or ignorant and THOSE would be our parallel moments to show our tru colors. With men you will sometimes have a moment that you need to break your oath and say, "I can't support you as a leader," subjecting yourself to the rudest of repercussions. I'm glad that with God those moments never come, no matter what, no matter what.