Today was funny.

Somehow I got up on time for work and, without a disgusting amount of rushing, caught the bus. I am three-for-three this week. It's great.

It has strangely been a very emotional week and I don't even know if I can express how because I'm not sure I've processed everything yet. Sunday marked the end of a great era... Sunday also included a disappointing discovery.
Monday brought the request to be seen outside of work (a proper date) and a thoroughly unexpected compliment. (Former: someone whose company I have enjoyed and whom I have apparently led on. I was actually sad when I discovered what'd happened. Latter: the compliment came from the guy at work who gives me problems... he was in an exceptionally good mood. My jaw was on the floor as I had been working so hard to back off/be calm/move on that I was so unprepared for the topic.)
Monday also held one of the most painful conversations I've ever had in my life. I tell you, it's cliché but it happens: when it was over I sat on the staircase (where I had been left) with my head in my hands, unable to move. I actually don't have words for the emotions; I have never felt this before.

Tuesday involved what I termed "schmoozing" to the coworker I walked away from as I went to chat with a customer sat at Tim Hortons. Long time regular; super interesting and bright person. We completed the last phase of my training with ProLine and I filled out my first ballot to legally wager on professional sports. He gave me some of his picks, too, to play and I spent my four dollars later that evening to make it official. It was fun. I wagered again yesterday, because I apparently have something to prove, and though I wanted to go again today (cos I was SO CLOSE!) I caught a whiff of the start of a habit - soon to become an addiction - and I had to quit.
I had to quit.
By 8.30pm I was on the other side of a stressful conversation as well as a peculiar shopping list. I was also waiting for a friend who I haven't seen in four years (due to continental differences) to arrive in my city. Three of us went to the bus terminal and I tell you I RACED* across the parking lot to bearhug my friend and former housemate.
The night grew long. We went to get her dinner and us coffee and dessert and we chatted like four women do when they've made time for one another and ingesting chocolate.
*We can hardly call it "racing" when my legs are as long as forever and I am black, and my two white friends were, well, my two white friends with an average height of 5'3".

On Wednesday my threshold for people time was severely tested. It was OK.
It was the closest thing to a day off I've had in a while.
Later in a big group there was more than one moment where I had to tell myself to swallow my emotions because I didn't need them to burst out right then. I also failed to control my emotions in a few cases but oddly got away with it.

As for today I took about thirty minutes into my shift to do something that so filled me with regret I felt nauseous. I also VERY MUCH felt like an a**hole. I acted selfishly and possessively. AMAZINGLY, I worked through it in about twenty or thirty minutes' time so that the panic had ebbed and I was ready to roll with whatever the future brought.
Merciful God- The future I had to roll with came just five hours later. The customer I'd made an a** of myself to came back into the shop. I was amazed but CALM this time, and NOT possessively demanding to control the situation.

In other news, I need to sleep so this story is to be continued.