Why do razors cost a hundred and sixty dollars?? Come on.

I'm listening to Chris Tomlin sing about God at an uncomfortably high volume so it drowns out the bottom 2 1/2 layers of cynicism in my mind. It is helping; He is the King of Glory.

SPEAKING of cynicism, I was talking to my favorite cynic, Miserable S____, at work yesterday and he told me he was hurt that I had called him a super villain.

[Interior: fuelling station concourse.]
Last Friday, I'm leaving and must walk past him at the ABM to do so.

S: "How's it goin'?" Same tone, timing, inflection as ever.

Uninterested in the topic I ask if he won the millions because he'd just been checking his lotto tix at the back.

"God, I wish."

"What?"

"God, I wish."

"OH. I thought you said, 'God, I hate you,' which I would understand because--"

"Because you're mocking me?"

"Well that, too, but I meant because, well, if we were super heroes, we'd be arch nemeses because YOU'RE super cynical and I'M kinda optimistic."

"Do you really think I'm trying to take over the world? Do you think that little of me?"

"That's not what I meant..."

"You said we were arch nemesis."

Desperately groping, "I also said you were super -- and a hero."

He looks at me with a full "nice try" expression that, if coached could make a great girlfriend-rejecting-an-excuse-for-a-forgotten-anniversary face.

I decide it's time to walk away. "I....love digging holes for myself."

He laughs and yells, "Take care." Again it's the same "take care" as always (a superficial phrase coming from anyone but an intentional, affectionate one coming from him).


(I don't know what's happened in the last couple weeks but he seems to be less annoyed with me than ever. I think it changed after I made a conscious decision to back off.)

[Interior: fuelling station cash counter.]
The first hole I had dug was the Saturday before last when I was called in to cover a sick coworker. S____ walks in with civilian clothing. I don't notice him and almost don't recognize him without the blue coveralls of a welder.

Before I have a chance to think, I'm saying I am shocked because he looks like "a real person".

Well phrased, Jesskah, well phrased.

Of course he takes exception and of course I am making less and less sense while getting more and more flustered. Amusing for him, frustrating for me.

[Present. Interior: fuelling station concourse.]
I was leaving and he spoke civilly to me as he bought gas from my coworker.

Later, because I have time and the Tims line is long enough, I go find S and check to see if the "real person" comment had, in any way, been legitimately offensive.

S: "I'm more hurt that you called me a super villain."

Body posture and whiney tone on the cusp of grovelling: "All I was trying to illustrate was that we're opposites."

Straight face, no hesitation, earnest tone: "Is this a race thing?"

I laugh briefly like the wind has been taken out of me because I am dead shocked. (I have never made racial jokes with him.) The only response I have is, "In that case we'd be HALF-opposites," and he laughs.

"It's been a long time since someone's pulled the race card on me," I continue because I am still too shocked to say anything but exactly what I'm thinking.

I persist, digging for any real problems. He unkindly allows me to squirm. I finally quit, saying, "I'm just gonna walk away and assume that we're cool..." with a speak-now-or-forever-hold-it raised-eyebrow face.

He (ever smug) says nothing and lets me leave. Calling later, "You make it too easy."


I donno what happened. But whatever it is, he's amused, I'm honest and ONE day... maybe ONE day we will have the real conversation I'm dying to have.