When I don't work Fridays, I have an excuse to go in and chat up anyone I bally well please. #gift

Her: "Do you have the hots for him?"

Me: (with controlled straight face) "No." I choose to assume she means to ask if I'm interested.

Her: [variant of "I don't believe you"]

I look around sigh-and-stutter-ingly for a way to give a more thorough answer but avoid full disclosure because it's a busy coffee shop.

Her: (trying to read my silence) "Don' even trieyy to change the subjec'. Dis is about YHOU."

She sounds like she grew up in the West Indies.  She did grow up in the West Indies.  I love it.

Me: (still searching for that balance of honesty and confidentiality) "No, I'm not it's just (delicate...deeeelicate...)... I've thought about it but it'll never happen."

Her, after a moment: "Are you being silly right now? Like, about yourself?"

I thought she was accusing me of lying.  "What do you mean?"

"Like...saying that it'll never happen.."  She's asking if I'm being self-deprecating.

"No, no.... I mean half of my brain" (and I draw a line down the centre of my skull) "likes the idea and the other half knows it's a terrible idea."

Amazingly she understands.  There's much more to say about each half and if we didn't have a dozen over-hearers I would have been happy to disclose further.  (I am actually hoping for a moment aside next week to do so because without the full truth I realise it STILL sounds like I'm talking out of my rear.  She's told me about similar things in a surprisingly candid way so I think the relationship can stand being upped to the next level.  Looking forward.)

Her, slight step back and a nod: "Oh." Pause to think about it; pours a few coffees.  "Is it because he's a badass?"

I gawked a little, even more caught off-guard than I was at her original question which also seemed to come from left field*.  I didn't realise she knew him that well as she hasn't worked here very long. On top of this I just wasn't expecting to hear that term.  (It's somewhat outdated, isn't it?)

*this phrase does annoy me more now that I care about baseball but I still like/use it for the shape.

I had to ask her to repeat herself even though I was aware of the current customer, M___, and that he was listening to us with mild amusement.

"Is it because he's a badass?"

(slightly animated because I'm uninhibited) "Oh, no.  That's my favorite part!"  I think I unconsciously clasped my hands together saying this but I don't remember.

Her eyes bug and she laughs briefly with a "WELL, then" face.  It's funny.  hahaha...

Hmm.  Realising it will only get worse until I can explain the sensible half of my brain (I know I'll just keep taking liberties...it's what I do) I decide it's time to leave.  I announce, "Well..." readjusting the suit jacket and tie I'm not wearing, "I'd better go before I do any more damage," which makes M___ laugh in a way I've never seen before.  *Side highlight!*

"Especially," I continue, "because there's clearly other people listening," gesturing toward M.

His smile grows at the mention and he says slyly, "I can be bought," which makes me laugh big-ly.  I'm taking some consolation in the fact that he didn't arrive til after the badass' name had been used so he probably can't blackmail me.  Famous last words.