new chapter / new season / new job / new lots of things

I had big ideas about blogging glimpses of each day this week to sort of chronicle the beginning of my new job. But... my spare time this week seemed like a wet bar of soap when I was clutching for it so here I am on Friday evening, trying to do a decent job of looking back.

This week I began my work as a [childcare provider/baby-sitter/Fran Drescher wannabe] for a sweet one-year-old daughter to friends of mine.

Monday:
  In some ways it was a complete blur because so much was new and the gravity of being fully responsible for a precious, vulnerable, small human was a bit overwhelming. In another way, it was dreadfully difficult because I hadn't slept well and had no coffee. But, the day was good and God's grace was [read: always is] great.

Magical moment:
  Upon our return from a coffee shop (where everything was new and colourful and bright and interesting and worth staring/pointing at and cooing about) after a 20-minute walk, the babe was asleep in the stroller. I tried to scoop her out as smoothly as possible and then keep her still and cosy long enough to be sure I could put her down still asleep. I sat on the couch with the floppy girl on my chest and when I finally dared sneak a peek I saw two huge eyes looking very alertly at me. And then there was a huge, silly grin. Like she knew she had played a trick on me.
  I plopped her down on the couch on her back to get the 23 layers of winter clothing off her and apparently that was also funny. The grin got worse. So I snapped a photo. It became the highlight of my day.

Tuesday:
  I come in to this day considerably more confident. I am very impressed to note that she seems to partially understand the getting-dressed process because she easily gives up one limb at a time knowing it will be given back momentarily and she can resume playing/investigating.
On this day we take our first ride on the city bus. When we're parked and locked I nod to the driver and he pulls away. (It's weird being given so much deference because you're pushing a stroller.) I reach into my pocket for a tissue and discover a tiny rubber duck I forgot I had grabbed while leaving the house. Instantly I have a "I've become that guy" moment. You see things in the pockets, purses, or cars of caregivers to children that you don't see with anyone else. I hand it over, and the duck easily makes a friend.

Magical moment:
  We visit a different coffee shop, one near to mom's work for easy pick-up, but one that also happens to be my favourite haunt in the whole city. She's happy in the stroller for longer than usual. (Usually if travel ceases and she's still strapped in, the disapproving wails begin promptly.) I'm able to take off my coat, etc. and get things prepped for her. She sits comfortably on my lap and I put on the table some of her snack, some toys, and my phone to play with. I hold her with my right hand and unstressedly monitor her activity. My left hand brings the coffee in periodically and I find myself staring out the window at the gorgeous snowfall. I add more snacks as she finishes the ones in front of her, I catch what she throws off the table as often as I can, I chat to her a bit, and then I have a profound moment where I realise I'm just here for her. I don't really have my own activities and the majority of how I'm using my body is for her support, help, protection, or nurturing. Our relationship has been building virtually since the day she was born (obviously it was one-sided for the most part) but I was really delighted in that intimate, trusting moment when we were so comfortable together and I was there for her.

Wednesday:
  This day brought unprecedented challenges. I learned that I had previously not actually realised the extent to which I would need to be sacrificial to do this job well. I expected it to not feel like sacrifice because I love her so. Turns out you can still feel it.

Magical moment:
  WHEN SHE FINALLY FELL ASLEEP.

Thursday:
  I reflect on the week and on our patterns more than I thought I would. I decide that I will plan our outings and social activities further in advance, partly because this means they will go more smoothly but more because I realise that she needs more than just me in a day. She should have other influences, other teachers, other interactions, other faces, other voices, other ticklers.
  I also discover on this day (with amazement) that she is starting to understand what I mean when I say, "no," and something inedible is about to go into her mouth. I've said it multiple times every day this week, and pulled her hand/the item away at the same time. But Thursday when I said it she stopped and put it down before I could even get to her. Maybe it's a coincidence. Maybe she's a genius.
  On this day I also inaugurate Dance Party. I wonder if it will become a Thursday special. I threw the radio on and since it was an Adele song I knew, I belted the words and cut a rug while looking invitingly into her face. At first she just watched, kind of perplexed, but with a twinkle in her eye. Then a smile broke in and she joined me in dance. (Well... "dance".)

Magical moment:
  I had in no way planned this but every single day this week (including dastardly Wednesday) we have had what I am now going to call "couch time". It typically follows a nap, when she is least active and very OK with being held/cuddled. Somehow I end up lying so that my lower half makes a barrier to the front of the couch and she plays within that little pen for a good amount of time. What makes it special, I guess, is that there aren't any toys on the couch... it's just me and the couch. So we're physically very close, I talk to her a lot, she tries to yank my earrings out, she chews on the drawstring of my sweater, she climbs on me... it's fun.

Friday:

Little Stinker

  In this job I work Monday to Thursday so today I was at home in the morning and at my other job in the afternoon. Around 2.30 I found myself thinking, "I wonder what she is doing today." I didn't expect that. It seems that I miss the little stinker, which makes me quite happy. Monday is going to be great.