Today I resent campus less.

(I'm very happy with this improvement and I think I can only credit Jesus because He knows my heart and He knows what I half-assedly prayed for.)

Things I hope to never experience:
-Septic flooding

Things that are weird to me today:
I wanted so badly to come here (to the campus library) to type when I was thinking that it's more pressing or will be more pressing that I get some food soon, do some more studying and drop off a resume across the way before the end of business hours. OOPS. Dang..I didn't know this but they close in 9 minutes. Now I feel like a lame-pole.
I was trying to figure out what was best to do and honestly, coming to the library to blog was probably not the best choice but here I am. I really love writing and I feel kinda lame for it some days because, well... I'm not going anywhere.

Surprize of life contained in an ugly interaction:
Yesterday I found a wonderful Eddie Bauer small duffel-ish bag in the luggage section of Zellers. I was just walking by, looking for a price dude. It was so compact and multi-pocketed...it had a great strap and looked PERFECT for overnight and for regular days for me. It's been a long time that I've been looking for the "perfect" bag. I'm not expecting something to fall off the armrest of God's throne and be THAT perfect but I want something that I can use EVERYDAY (not flash but not gross) that is not huge and not tiny..the shoulder strap is absolutely NON-NEGOTIABLE and, well I wanted this one. I looked and looked and looked at all the bags there to try to find where this one came from or to find other Eddie Bauer stuff so I could guess the price. Lots of stuff was on sale but most things wanted to start around $50 and take off from there. I can't pay that much for a name; it's silly. I don't mind paying for quality but lets be serious. OH! haha it would make a great drop-off bag for payments of maybe 4 or 5 million (in hundreds). It's that kind of bag. :)

Anyways, I went to the check-out to ask for the price. The clerk was intent on talking over me so she didn't hear me say that I couldn'd find the price. She was asking if I was going to use my Hbc credit card and I tried to say no but she was quick to tell me about the 10% off on BLAH BLAH BLAH I am so sick of being asked that and hearing other customers being asked that I really want to never shop at Zellers again. Honestly...they lost my respect a long time ago when I noticed their ultimate sell-out to being Made in China, among other things. I'm sad because I like that the Hudson's Bay Company was founded in the flippin 1600s. Canada doesn't have so many old things.
I was trying to explain that I have BOTH the credit card AND the points card but I'd rather use neither. Clerks usually don't get it which BOTHERS me because it's....definitely none of their business ("them" just being someone who's not me, my husband or my financial advisor). Let me pay how I want to. I DON'T LIKE WHEN PEOPLE DON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER. This is... probably fodder for another "Things that piss me off" post.
She wouldn't listen...she talked and talked, promoted and promoted, rebutted and rebutted...I tried to respond THREE TIMES and she cut me off before a word was finished because I looked like I was going to decline. F*** OFF. Frig...
It was very annoying and wasting my time. It feels disrespectful. I don't like when people don't listen to me. Let's be serious for a moment - no one likes when people aren't listening to them. I find it particularly frustrating, however, when it's in a situation like this - when it's monetary motivation. You don't care about me - stop acting like you do! I'm not going to give in to you because you say, "it's just name, address and telephone number," and I get a $10 gift card. Man, respect my decision.
Anyhoo this was happening while we were waiting for someone from the luggage department to ring back and give us some insight. She finally said that, because we were waiting so long, she would sell me the bag for $10. I said 'pardon' when I had definitely heard her because I thought if she repeated it, she couldn't take it back. Then I was CERTAINLY in a rush to leave because if someone from luggage called, they would know better.
I just browsed the Eddie Bauer catalogue online and the smallest duffel I could see on there is probably the same size as mine but I couldn't find the exact model/style. (I'm guessing mine has been discontinued, which explains a lot.) It costs $49.50. I knew it shouldn't have been less than 40...I was hoping for 30 cos it's Zellers but come on - TEN DOLLARS??! That's a steal. I said to myself before I got to the check-out that I would buy it if it were less than $35. I absolutely love getting breaks like this and I thanked God silently soon as she started ringin 'er up.

[This isn't even what I meant to write about...]

Text-message I sent that I'm about to delete but I thought I should preserve somehow for further reflection:
[context: my friend just asked me about something I had asked her to keep me accountable with maybe a week or two ago. I had told her the day before that I was deciding whether now was the moment to gouge out my eye and throw it away or if I really did have enough resolve to continue the battle of the mind without changing external factors. I felt honored that she had remembered - and that she's been picking up on tiny things that no one should pick up on; i.e. she's not letting me get away with JACK - and that the way she asked sounded like she was invested which is sweet -- and ideal when it comes to accountability.]

"Hmm. :) [glad she'd asked] Well, without having given it as much thought as needed, [I was hoping she wouldn't follow-up on yesterday] I have concluded that my problem is bigger than ****** (name). [this was a very rudimentary conclusion but it's somehow freeing] I can probably agree that what you feed lives and what you starve dies.. [I hate this principle but I was trying to be honest] but most days (these days) I'm not in the mood to pursue righteousness [basically saying that I don't care if I fall into a pit because it's fun and I would LIKE to cancel our accountability agreement but I doubt you'd go for that]."

Another text which quickly followed went something like this, "Remember when I said 'purity is never easy' when we were talking about overnighting? I feel as though I am proverbially eating my words." She had told me how it's easier for her and her bf to sleep over at each other's places because they live in different cities. I asked some questions and she sounded like she knew what was better but, "it's just HARD, you know?" and the first thing that popped into my mind was, "yeah but, purity is never easy." I hesitated to say it becuase it does sound incredibly pious but I do think it's true. That stuff is difficile and if you want it you have to go full tilt. End of.
So [dot, dot, dot], c'est pas facile.