I finished typing this draft at 1.21 am on Saturday (late Friday).

It's late and it's cold outside. I'm on my way home and this bus smells like doughnuts you'd regret after you paid, not after the first bite.

I'm a little tired.

I'm a little upset.

I'm a little frustrated.

All things are all things. My nose is cold. I got a hug today from someone I haven't seen in months. Yesterday I almost blurted (to someone I shouldn't), "I need a hug." Who needs that? What does it solve?



Today was an interesting day. It had a lot of fun bits in it. I need help. Some things are difficult for me. I look forward to sleeping in tomorrow because it has been weeks since my last solid sleep.


It has begun to wear on my outlook and made me want to answer most "how are you"s with, "sad." I don't want to miss out on my life. Two good nights of catch-up (so I intend) and I hope to be back to my normal self.

Don't get me wrong: I know nightly good sleep is a privilege but this marathon makes me feel some mix of shame, defeat and smallness. It's hard to describe.

I would like to give people my full attention and true affection. I would like to get off the caffeine perma-prowl.


Today was a fair day. I was with the boys for ten hours (which is both work and not work), I was at the local church I attend for four hours (our Christmas Banquet Chranquet), I was at some friends' place for two hours then I hit my limit and came home.

I laughed a lot during the Banquet for reasons that cannot be put into words.
I enjoyed my time with the boys though I quite wish our day hadn't ended on such a sour note that was outside my control.

We had a good day in. They weren't dressed til it was past 11am. They didn't need me to entertain them and having a day of chillness was pretty neat.  Every other full day we go out and I jam-pack our time with activities.  They were content to hang out and SO WAS I.

It was a long day and I don't know where I found the stamina for it but if I can't keep my eyes open for Die Hard (1988) then you know I'm beat.  I made it through most of the day because of adrenaline but as soon as I was off the clock with both jobs and I could smell weekend on the wind, I was done.  This blog post is done.