(1) I am more likely to ask others to pray for something than I am to pray for it myself.
(2) Sometimes I ask for prayer for things motivated by the desire to share something about myself/my life.
(3) When in public I judge others pretty harshly, thinking that, from the few pieces of information I can pick up, I have them pegged.
(4) Sometimes my choice to pick up my phone (or some other book, or a snack, or to flip on the TV) instead of my Bible is not unconscious and not unthinking. It's like I square off with the Holy Spirit as if I'm some teenager who doesn't care what relationship damage her defiance and disrespect might do.
(5) Sometimes I say in my head, "I don't want the Bible, I want to be entertained." Lately I've noticed that I don't trust God to make me feel better so I find things that will. It is hard for me to remember (believe?) that the way I feel is not exactly priority.
It is hard to understand how God tolerates me. I'm so vile and so unlike Him in many ways. Today I was reading Exodus, the instructions given for priestly garments and ordinations. Before that were details (and I mean details) for the building of the tabernacle. Trying for the umpteenth time to jump into the brain of a Jewish person a few millenia ago (more importantly, a Jewish person under the old covenants) I wondered what they would think about the cords of gold, the embroidered pomegranates, the curtains this many cubits long, the wave offerings, the sin offerings, the hundredteen other kinds of offerings, the incense, this and that made without yeast, this long lobe of the liver, that outside the camp, this kind of undergarment... Did they roll their eyes? Did they grumble among themselves? Did they love the precision and ritual? Was it a lot to keep up with or was it more manageable in their context than it is for a Gentile Canadian in 2016?
Then a tiny light bulb flickered: an idea of how I might speak about these passages to a perhaps confused non-believer. I think the bulb came after I thought to myself, "Even though I don't understand how these things work, I am grateful that God told us what would work." It's very hard for us sinners to worship Him and to be near Him but God is explaining the hoops which need jumping through so that we can worship and draw near. (This must mean He wants us to, if He's telling us how!)
I thought.... If you cheated on your spouse...If I slept with a man who wasn't my husband...and my husband found out ..and I was truly deeply sorry, grieved, contrite, repentant, etc. and my husband said, "If you want to stay married, if you want me to trust you again, I'm going to need you to do a few things, which will show me your fidelity..."
If I had cheated and then was truly sorry in my heart of hearts and wanted to stay married to my husband--and he knew that was true--, I would do whatever he put on that list, however nit-picky... Never be alone in a room with another man. Don't talk to other men for longer than 30 minutes at a time. If it's thirty-one minutes I will know you aren't serious. On the first day of every month, re-read our marriage vows. Share everything with me. Listen when I speak. Never take your ring off except for when you're washing your hands. Forget your maiden name. Let me show love to you!
I would do it all. I would do it all gladly and I would be so overjoyed that my husband had told me what I could do so that we had a shot at reconciliation.
Now...I must say that an important difference between this situation and the one between God and man, is that marriage partners are equal but man is far, far, far, far, far below God. We are not equal. So commands and ordinances are very different coming from Creator God to His chosen people, instead of from a sinful, broken human to another human.
That said, I think the analogy still stands. If you understand that you are in your partner's debt, the way you think about what is required of you changes drastically. It can seem like you've been shown mercy.
But then there's the New Covenant. That delightful all-fulfilling gem that changed everything. In the New Covenant, Jesus the Son of God assumed responsibility for me having an affair, and then jumped flawlessly through every hoop a seething, cuckolded husband could establish...and made me a perfect wife. He satisfied the husband and purified the wife. He paid the debt and restored the relationship. Restored and renewed. He is amazing, that Jesus. He reconciled the sinners to the One sinned against, thus fulfilling ALL the old covenant stipulations. (You spend some time in the Pentateuch and you will appreciate just how much He has done.)
For nothing good have I
Whereby Thy grace to claim;
I'll wash my garments white
In the blood of Calvary's Lamb.
And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
"Jesus died, my soul to save,"
My lips shall still repeat.
Jesus paid it all!
All to Him I owe!
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow.
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