Do struggling artists get a bad case of the "I told you so"s after they hit the big time?
I was thinking that if you get to the point where people tell you you're great and born to do X and talented, etc. etc., is there something in the back of your mind that, a little frustrated, murmurs, "Yes, I know that...I've been trying to tell you."
I wonder how many greats have given up before they got a chance. It's same as my wondering whether there's a faster runner in the world who lives in a country that can't send them to world or Olympic competitions. What if someone can do 100m in 8 seconds and we never hear from them? I guess it's not that important to know who runs the fastest hundred metres, and neither is it so important that all stellar performers are discovered. I still wonder.
I'm thinking of the scene in I, Robot (2004) when the main character, Spooner, finally gets proven correct which I will ruin if I quote it or re-create it further.
It's the moment when something you've been sure of but only had your testimony and your word to back it finally gets a slew of overwhelming indisputable proof. Yep. Like if the person you're accused of murdering walks into the courtroom during your trial (and you live in an age of DNA testing).
I feel frustrated on behalf of these others.
Monday, 30 November 2009
Monday, 23 November 2009
didn't realize til just this moment that the "trek" in Star Trek is....just a regular noun referring to something like a journey or a hike.
WOW. The things you learn when you pay attention.
I feel myself loosening up a bit, in some encouraging ways. My tongue is a little looser (not unbridled) and I'm relaxed. It's good.
I had my first can of Red Bull on Saturday. I would have been glad to go my entire life without having ever touched the stuff. When it first hit the market, I was quick to pronounce it a crutch of the weak. Either you can stay awake or you can't.
Saturday was Day Two in a row of not enough sleep (2 1/2 hours at night and one 4-hour nap, which I guess makes an average of 4.5 hours per night) and Sunday needed to be early and Saturday had to be late, mostly for a course assignment. I didn't trust myself to go home and I didn't dare fathom a nap. So...I went to Shopper Drug Mart and paid $2.49 for the little blue & silver can.
Thank the Lord it didn't taste as terrible as I'd assumed it would have to - like cough syrup or anything else medicinal/important that works. In fact, it was fine. I was really expecting to go sproinngg! quite quickly but it took about a quarter of the can for me to at least think I was feeling something. I drank the whole think fast because I had become immediately skeptical that it would work at all and wanted to get it over with.
It was.. a slight elevation but it was enough to get me through. There were a few moments where my legs were upset that my brain was pretending they were less tired than they were and I did this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyR1BCfG3PY
I was listening to the radio and someone (in an ad or maybe just a DJ) said something about a caffeine crash and I said out loud, "I'm gonna crash??" I immediately laughed at myself because the tone was QUITE earnest, almost like the "Is it gonna be like this forever?" from David after Dentist.
I'm not a caffeine person. Yeees, I like me some soda pop but the caff never gets me me and I don't drink coffee so...I would not have expecting the powerful headache that befell me in the few hours before I went to bed.
All in all, an interesting experience and one I envision repeating every blue moon.
I feel myself loosening up a bit, in some encouraging ways. My tongue is a little looser (not unbridled) and I'm relaxed. It's good.
I had my first can of Red Bull on Saturday. I would have been glad to go my entire life without having ever touched the stuff. When it first hit the market, I was quick to pronounce it a crutch of the weak. Either you can stay awake or you can't.
Saturday was Day Two in a row of not enough sleep (2 1/2 hours at night and one 4-hour nap, which I guess makes an average of 4.5 hours per night) and Sunday needed to be early and Saturday had to be late, mostly for a course assignment. I didn't trust myself to go home and I didn't dare fathom a nap. So...I went to Shopper Drug Mart and paid $2.49 for the little blue & silver can.
Thank the Lord it didn't taste as terrible as I'd assumed it would have to - like cough syrup or anything else medicinal/important that works. In fact, it was fine. I was really expecting to go sproinngg! quite quickly but it took about a quarter of the can for me to at least think I was feeling something. I drank the whole think fast because I had become immediately skeptical that it would work at all and wanted to get it over with.
It was.. a slight elevation but it was enough to get me through. There were a few moments where my legs were upset that my brain was pretending they were less tired than they were and I did this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyR1BCfG3PY
I was listening to the radio and someone (in an ad or maybe just a DJ) said something about a caffeine crash and I said out loud, "I'm gonna crash??" I immediately laughed at myself because the tone was QUITE earnest, almost like the "Is it gonna be like this forever?" from David after Dentist.
I'm not a caffeine person. Yeees, I like me some soda pop but the caff never gets me me and I don't drink coffee so...I would not have expecting the powerful headache that befell me in the few hours before I went to bed.
All in all, an interesting experience and one I envision repeating every blue moon.
Friday, 13 November 2009
torn, in a way
Two powerful influences/two powerful pictures relating to American culture:
1) On The Colbert Report this evening, Colbert asked his guest, Woody Harrelson, if he could shave his head to show support for the troops. When Harrelson said yes, Colbert flashed this priceless, I-can't-believe-I-get-to-do-this look at the camera, before breaking character and reaching across the table to verify, "Are you serious?"
He ends up shaving the bit in the middle of Harrelson's head which has already started thinning which I assume was Colbert's way of cutting him a break. He stopped, and sat back down..laughed a bit and told Harrelson who he now resembled. (I really wish I remember who that was.)
Colbert spent much of the interview harping on Harrelson for being against the war and for starring in a new film that showed war to be so horrible that people at home would start realizing how bad it is and maybe want less to declare war on this thing and that.
So...it was much to my utter DELIGHT and SURPRIZE when, after the commercial break when Colbert usually says something obscure and finishes with, "G'night everybody!", we see him behind Harrelson's chair again, finishing the job.
Not only do I love that they're going the whole nine but they're singing the American National Anthem while doing it. This is the part where the cultural impact ends and but my personal entertainment continues and is amped up. They're singing in harmony -well, Colbert's singing a harmony, a really interesting one that I am guessing he learned as a boy - and Harrelson is a fine singer! As in, he holds that melody down TITE, son.
I'm amazed that he looks so calm (and proud!) while Colbert is actually doing a good job of buzzing and singing fine. I suppose the fact that they're both performers means they might not find things like this as difficult as say, those who don't perform for a living. OOf. I enjoyed it.
I'm forced to note how this scene makes perfect sense. One man calls another out, bravado on the line and the second accepts the challenge. They show solidarity with their soldiers in the armed forces and they show pride in the glory of their nation by singing its rousing praises.
Would ANY other country (culture) in the world do this? (Would we?)
Even if they did do it, would it mean the same? Would it be lofty and commonplace in the same moment? Would it be a statement and a laugh rolled up in one?
2) I was watching a PBS documentary called The Man Who Studies Murder and at one point the narrator mentions that the US is an "especially provincial kind of country and [it] tend[s] to know almost nothing about the rest of the world so most American people in Crime are shocked to even be told that their homicide rates are completely out of wak with the rest of the world."
He makes his point very effectively but possibly sneakily (in the same way Rick Mercer sometimes makes his points). He's at a firing range, a sort of training grounds for civilians who want to learn to handle firearms properly, and he shows a few clips of people talking about how violence in the US compares to violence in other countries around the world, and talking about why they decided to get the training that they're on the range for. They sound provincial, yes and they sound ridiculous -- maybe even deluded.
(I make the comparison to the Rick Mercer Report implying that great editing and selection of spokespeople can make a much tighter case than perhaps what reality and proper sampling would render.)
So I'm sitting there thinking, "Yep, I see the world reputation is entirely backed up by these people speaking for themselves. Do they not realize that the people they're talking about defending their property, family and selves against are...fellow Americans?" Why do they talk about their theoretical assailant as if they're not a real person or like this is a problem that's been externally imposed? A paper bag of poop left on your doorstep? Man, they aint even sound like they want violence or crime to decrease because they're happy to wield a gun.
Anyhow, this was the piece de resistance:
It's a monologue given by Dr. Ignatius A. Piazza II from the Training Institute at Front Sight Firearms (that's the "firing range" I was talking about before) to a room of maybe 20 to 30 people, some of which are young boys, maybe 13 at the oldest and very few (if not none - I didn't notice) of which were women.
[narrating]"'He reaches into his pocket and he takes out some shotgun shells [one guy raises his hand; about 8 others raise their hand, seeing his] and he starts putting them into the magazine tube. [a few more raise their hands] He racks the action and he's looking around and he says, "There you are, you S.O.--[the final hands go up] BOOM-shh-ch, BOOM-shh-ch, BOOM-shh-ch..."' OK, all your hands are up. ...That's good."
For the record, his tone was pretty even, unexcited; not seeming like he was being manipulative. This would be the first time in my life I would correctly identify propaganda without the help of anyone else. I was disgusted and still am.
("shh-ch" is how I write the sound of racking the action...or...I don't know terminology.)
So now I have these two contrasting excerpts (almost opposing) and I don't even know what to do.
1) On The Colbert Report this evening, Colbert asked his guest, Woody Harrelson, if he could shave his head to show support for the troops. When Harrelson said yes, Colbert flashed this priceless, I-can't-believe-I-get-to-do-this look at the camera, before breaking character and reaching across the table to verify, "Are you serious?"
He ends up shaving the bit in the middle of Harrelson's head which has already started thinning which I assume was Colbert's way of cutting him a break. He stopped, and sat back down..laughed a bit and told Harrelson who he now resembled. (I really wish I remember who that was.)
Colbert spent much of the interview harping on Harrelson for being against the war and for starring in a new film that showed war to be so horrible that people at home would start realizing how bad it is and maybe want less to declare war on this thing and that.
So...it was much to my utter DELIGHT and SURPRIZE when, after the commercial break when Colbert usually says something obscure and finishes with, "G'night everybody!", we see him behind Harrelson's chair again, finishing the job.
Not only do I love that they're going the whole nine but they're singing the American National Anthem while doing it. This is the part where the cultural impact ends and but my personal entertainment continues and is amped up. They're singing in harmony -well, Colbert's singing a harmony, a really interesting one that I am guessing he learned as a boy - and Harrelson is a fine singer! As in, he holds that melody down TITE, son.
I'm amazed that he looks so calm (and proud!) while Colbert is actually doing a good job of buzzing and singing fine. I suppose the fact that they're both performers means they might not find things like this as difficult as say, those who don't perform for a living. OOf. I enjoyed it.
I'm forced to note how this scene makes perfect sense. One man calls another out, bravado on the line and the second accepts the challenge. They show solidarity with their soldiers in the armed forces and they show pride in the glory of their nation by singing its rousing praises.
Would ANY other country (culture) in the world do this? (Would we?)
Even if they did do it, would it mean the same? Would it be lofty and commonplace in the same moment? Would it be a statement and a laugh rolled up in one?
2) I was watching a PBS documentary called The Man Who Studies Murder and at one point the narrator mentions that the US is an "especially provincial kind of country and [it] tend[s] to know almost nothing about the rest of the world so most American people in Crime are shocked to even be told that their homicide rates are completely out of wak with the rest of the world."
He makes his point very effectively but possibly sneakily (in the same way Rick Mercer sometimes makes his points). He's at a firing range, a sort of training grounds for civilians who want to learn to handle firearms properly, and he shows a few clips of people talking about how violence in the US compares to violence in other countries around the world, and talking about why they decided to get the training that they're on the range for. They sound provincial, yes and they sound ridiculous -- maybe even deluded.
(I make the comparison to the Rick Mercer Report implying that great editing and selection of spokespeople can make a much tighter case than perhaps what reality and proper sampling would render.)
So I'm sitting there thinking, "Yep, I see the world reputation is entirely backed up by these people speaking for themselves. Do they not realize that the people they're talking about defending their property, family and selves against are...fellow Americans?" Why do they talk about their theoretical assailant as if they're not a real person or like this is a problem that's been externally imposed? A paper bag of poop left on your doorstep? Man, they aint even sound like they want violence or crime to decrease because they're happy to wield a gun.
Anyhow, this was the piece de resistance:
It's a monologue given by Dr. Ignatius A. Piazza II from the Training Institute at Front Sight Firearms (that's the "firing range" I was talking about before) to a room of maybe 20 to 30 people, some of which are young boys, maybe 13 at the oldest and very few (if not none - I didn't notice) of which were women.
"Now, we do not live in a violent society here in the United States. When's the last time you heard of a family being pulled from their home in broad daylight? The woman and daughter raped in the street; the man shot in the head. You ever hear of that happening in the United States? I never have.
"Does it happen in other parts of the world? All the time. But because we don't live in that kind of society, because MOST of you will die in your beds, fat and happy at a ripe old age, never having experienced someone trying to take your life.
"Now, when violence does occur, how much physical damage or humiliation are you willing to accept or to witness occur to another before you'll step up and stop it, using lethal force if necessary?
"What I want you to do is raise your hand up when you've made the decision to shoot - not talk - shoot.
[narrating]"'He reaches into his pocket and he takes out some shotgun shells [one guy raises his hand; about 8 others raise their hand, seeing his] and he starts putting them into the magazine tube. [a few more raise their hands] He racks the action and he's looking around and he says, "There you are, you S.O.--[the final hands go up] BOOM-shh-ch, BOOM-shh-ch, BOOM-shh-ch..."' OK, all your hands are up. ...That's good."
For the record, his tone was pretty even, unexcited; not seeming like he was being manipulative. This would be the first time in my life I would correctly identify propaganda without the help of anyone else. I was disgusted and still am.
("shh-ch" is how I write the sound of racking the action...or...I don't know terminology.)
So now I have these two contrasting excerpts (almost opposing) and I don't even know what to do.
Thursday, 5 November 2009
post #654
I realized today that this month marks ten years that I've been playing the accordion. I later adjusted it to say that I have probably played for the equivalent of three years and then really just known how to play since November of 1999. How strange to think. It would be nice if I played like a ten-year veteran but it's simply not the case and I can't expect those results without putting in the effort.
I might say the same for piano where I've known how for nine years in September but I prolls have played for the equivalent of about 4 or 5 years. I am ashamed of this.
I'm also ashamed of the way I act in situations that involve discussing/making/performing/arranging/etc.-ing music. It's not right and it's not God-honoring. I'm terrible at this. I need help....and today must be the first day I really meant that. I've noticed before but, with no lash-back, it's hard to fully grasp the ugliness of what I'm doing.
I'm grasping it now. I'm not adding anything!
Pff.
I just need to stay away from microphones and stages and performing until I can play with my brother nicely.
Seriously...I think a time-out might be in order.
In the back of my mind, I'm lamenting all the things I have neglected to do for weeks or months on end. I think that I just don't have enough time. I think that no one knows how far behind I am in my reading, where else I've dropped the ball, ET CETERA, ET CETERA, ET CETERA.
But then, I'm writing a blog post right now.
that's not a priority.
not.....it is, to me. it really is. but it can't be prioritized above these other things if I'm going to also lament neglecting them. I can't have both.
What a wretched man I am!
Who will rescue me from this body of death?
I might say the same for piano where I've known how for nine years in September but I prolls have played for the equivalent of about 4 or 5 years. I am ashamed of this.
I'm also ashamed of the way I act in situations that involve discussing/making/performing/arranging/etc.-ing music. It's not right and it's not God-honoring. I'm terrible at this. I need help....and today must be the first day I really meant that. I've noticed before but, with no lash-back, it's hard to fully grasp the ugliness of what I'm doing.
I'm grasping it now. I'm not adding anything!
Pff.
I just need to stay away from microphones and stages and performing until I can play with my brother nicely.
Seriously...I think a time-out might be in order.
In the back of my mind, I'm lamenting all the things I have neglected to do for weeks or months on end. I think that I just don't have enough time. I think that no one knows how far behind I am in my reading, where else I've dropped the ball, ET CETERA, ET CETERA, ET CETERA.
But then, I'm writing a blog post right now.
that's not a priority.
not.....it is, to me. it really is. but it can't be prioritized above these other things if I'm going to also lament neglecting them. I can't have both.
What a wretched man I am!
Who will rescue me from this body of death?
Tuesday, 3 November 2009
"If the conduct of the men had been alarming in the boat, it became truly threatening when they had come aboard. They lay about the deck growling together in talk. The slightest order was received with a black look, and grudgingly and carelessly obeyed. Even the honest hands must have caught the infection, for there was not one man aboard to mend another. Mutiny, it was plain, hung over us like a thunder-cloud." (99-0)
Stevenson, Robert Louis. _Treasure Island_. London: The Aldine Press, 1957.
I donno; I just liked it. I'm starting to see why Stevenson is upheld and is in our canon. I mean, I appreciate that the book is good and that I like him but now I'm starting to see where he gets acclaim from the literary and lay world.
I remember having that moment with Shakespeare and I think it was in a third-year English course called Shakespearean Receptions. THAT was a good one with an excellent prof and a T.A. who looked like Jim Carrey.
Stevenson, Robert Louis. _Treasure Island_. London: The Aldine Press, 1957.
I donno; I just liked it. I'm starting to see why Stevenson is upheld and is in our canon. I mean, I appreciate that the book is good and that I like him but now I'm starting to see where he gets acclaim from the literary and lay world.
I remember having that moment with Shakespeare and I think it was in a third-year English course called Shakespearean Receptions. THAT was a good one with an excellent prof and a T.A. who looked like Jim Carrey.
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