I wonder how tomorrow will go.

[meant to post this Saturday at 11.30pm]

I can't really make sense of how I was so bent on baking choco chip cookies tonight but ultimately had to force myself to eat half a cookie, and that just to be sure they'd turned out. I didn't finish it.

I wanted to bake banana bread tonight because I found two overripes in my office but when I realised I'd forgotten to buy the third/fourth banana from the grocery mart on my way home I decided chchippers would fill the void.

My housemate asks why I'm baking cookies again which seems like an odd question to me. Do we really need a reason? To my left is one of her friends who I've never met before but I decide to answer the question frankly. "Because I'm sad," I reply.

It's weird that I consciously chose to forgo social rules with my response but that I didn't know how my sentence would end til I uttered it. I didn't know I was sad! I'm blah and scrumbly but sad is something else.

Hearing the second, far more revealing reason queueing up in my head I blurt a joke lest I really give myself away. "I'm gonna eat my sorrows." They both laugh. Phew.


I don't understand. Cookie was very good - among my best! Even as I was manipulating the dough with my hands I thought the batter felt above par. I was really happy my housemate had company cos the only thing tastier than homemade sweets is homemade sweets shared. (I mean that.)

Maybe my sadness was curbed by the sharing and I lost the inclination to self-medicate. Whatever it is, I'll take it.

Maybe the second reason for baking looms bigger than I thought, making eating, sharing and the cookies themselves irrelevant.

My eyelids are drooping.

This should have been published yesterday morning around this time.

I got to work and my coffee was already made exactly as I like it and sitting on the table.


It's a pretty good start to a day. Bring it on, Tuesday.

Boys aren't really interacting with me right now but they are interacting nicely with one another so I'm going to continue sitting cozily half-under this pillow with my coffee and try to do some blogging while "Johnny Test" (2005-present) is on.


I meant to write about some comments I heard a few weeks ago after I played & sang during my friends' wedding. Even after the rehearsal dinner people were going out of their way to find me and say nice things about how I had performed.


I donno.


They all caught me off-guard, either in approaching me or with what they said. I didn't know how to say "thank you" properly. I often wanted to ask, "You heard that?" It's hard to describe the surrealness of playing & singing in front of people, sometimes.

A couple people told me I should keep doing it and one thought I should make a career of it. I'm not that good and I don't think that's the career I want but telling me to keep singing is like telling a bird to keep flying. (Without wanting to be cliché, I guess I mean it feels an inextricable part of me.)

I don't know how to describe what it feels like but I'm grateful I get to do it, anywhere from at work to while I'm cooking. I'm glad I'm allowed to sing and sometimes I wonder what it's for.