Yesterday I mentioned to my brother, 34 days from 17 years of age, that I failed English last semester. My grade was 47 and yes, it hurts. He said, "Wow, that's great! Now I know I'm not the only failure in this family." Later he said something like, "That goes to show: even if you have all the brains, it doesn't mean..." (fill in the blank). This is the most common response I get to telling people about my poor academics. I mean some people are just awkward, saying, "Hmm, oh, that's nice." But usually people almost get mad at me (and, of course, I resent this as they have no right to do that). One friend told me that I simply couldn't fail: I was the one giving her hope that university is surmountable. Onus much? I am glad that my brother took heart, in some twisted way. If it makes him feel better about how he is doing in school then that is great. We had the closest thing to a real conversation we have had in a LONG time (maybe more than a year or two) and I am very glad for this. Though I hate the phrase, I think "baby steps" is appropriate here. I have been realizing over the past several years (probably since I left for university.... [insert moment of reflection here]) that there is a small gap forming between my siblings and I because we simply do not talk that much anymore. Now, with other family members (three of them, I guess) we communicate on the telephone and via the Internet, too which means that the large breaks between actually seeing one another in person cannot phase us too much. But with the others, all I've got is the face-to-face and this Victoria Day weekend marked the end of what I estimate to be a 6 or 8 week drought. My sister suggested that we all go to Dad's so it could be the whole 10 of us together for once (for RARELY) and I liked the idea. It was worth the every crap I went through to get there. I need to get to know these kids because they will soon need something to rely on. I know it. They're about to spin off and away and I want to know who they are before they go. I want to be available. I want some food.. I'm out.
No wait, I'll write the song lyrics stuck in my head in hopes of getting them out:
And now, now it seems
I'm wide awake in this dream
do dooooo do do doooo
Just to stay here foreveeeeer-oo-eee-e-e-e-eerr.
That didn't help at all! Confound it!
Monday, 19 June 2006
Friday, 16 June 2006
I'm getting my foot back
I wish to be untethered.
I don't want keys or a debit card. I don't want to have four coins perpetually jangling in my pocket for bus fare. In fact, I don't want to read another bus schedule again. I don't even care about a belt, about earrings, shoelaces. I don't want a bag or a purse (gag) and I don't need a hollographic trillium to prove I'm old enough to drink. But forget beer.
I want to leave my house with a shirt, shorts and some of the simplest shoes you'll ever see. (Maybe I don't need those.) I would explode down the dirt rode, madly flicking gravel up behind me with each snap-twist of the pads of my feet. Untethered I run because I can. It's not a dream, I can run as fast as I need to. I can also hit as hard as I need to. Pow! Knuckles hit brick or bark. I could scream as loud as I need to. I want to express joy or show the solitude of these open planes. I want to scream as loud as I can. I can feel that running. I can feel the spikes that have grown underfoot, giving me the grabbing and propelling power of baseball cleats that I need to run without reservation. Catch-explode, catch-explode; gone, gone gone am I.
I don't want keys or a debit card. I don't want to have four coins perpetually jangling in my pocket for bus fare. In fact, I don't want to read another bus schedule again. I don't even care about a belt, about earrings, shoelaces. I don't want a bag or a purse (gag) and I don't need a hollographic trillium to prove I'm old enough to drink. But forget beer.
I want to leave my house with a shirt, shorts and some of the simplest shoes you'll ever see. (Maybe I don't need those.) I would explode down the dirt rode, madly flicking gravel up behind me with each snap-twist of the pads of my feet. Untethered I run because I can. It's not a dream, I can run as fast as I need to. I can also hit as hard as I need to. Pow! Knuckles hit brick or bark. I could scream as loud as I need to. I want to express joy or show the solitude of these open planes. I want to scream as loud as I can. I can feel that running. I can feel the spikes that have grown underfoot, giving me the grabbing and propelling power of baseball cleats that I need to run without reservation. Catch-explode, catch-explode; gone, gone gone am I.
says Wentworth Miller,
"My father is black and my mother is white. Therefore, I could answer to either, which kind of makes me a racial Lone Ranger, caught between two communities."
Wednesday, 14 June 2006
Saturday, 10 June 2006
in review
What I found overwhelmingly refreshing about Runaway Bride (1999) was that the dialogue was REAL. Characters responded to eachother like we do in everyday ways. That was uber nice to see. Sometimes I think that if we made our entertainment too everyday we would not enjoy it. (Isn't that what "reality TV" is all about?) This was good. Maggy, the main character, she had this habit of repeating questions or statements. She might apologize for something, clarify, or backtrack slightly in the middle but she could still continue with that line she was intent on getting out there.
What I liked about The Mummy (1999) (and The Mummy Returns(2001)) was that I seemed to find myself learning things but I could not pinpoint what. I'm not talking about things to do with history or legend but something to do with people. I was going to say that I understood emotions better but that somehow does not seem right. I like the film because it seems quiet. It is so old that I forget how the public recieved it and so I feel like I am watching something that perhaps only a handful of other folks have seen. I loved to see that the two main characters kept it in wedlock. You never see that anymore. I am guessing the writer opted for this because the time was around 1930.
What I liked about The Mummy (1999) (and The Mummy Returns(2001)) was that I seemed to find myself learning things but I could not pinpoint what. I'm not talking about things to do with history or legend but something to do with people. I was going to say that I understood emotions better but that somehow does not seem right. I like the film because it seems quiet. It is so old that I forget how the public recieved it and so I feel like I am watching something that perhaps only a handful of other folks have seen. I loved to see that the two main characters kept it in wedlock. You never see that anymore. I am guessing the writer opted for this because the time was around 1930.
Monday, 5 June 2006
an excerpt (4.1)
"The things we overlook as simple and ordinary and that we take for granted are truly wondrous!
A gentle reminder: That the most precious things in life cannot be built by hand or bought by man."
[source unknown]
This came in another email.. I smell a trend...
A gentle reminder: That the most precious things in life cannot be built by hand or bought by man."
[source unknown]
This came in another email.. I smell a trend...
an excerpt (4)
To succeed at anything you have to make trade-offs. Here are 3 of the biggest:
1) Immediate pleasure for personal growth. It takes decades to grow an oak tree, but days to grow a squash. Which do you want to be? Are you willing to discipline yourself?
2) Everything for one thing. The younger you are the more experimenting you should do. But once you've found God's purpose for your life, stick with it, give it all youve got, and refuse to be sidetracked. (Philippians 3:13)
3) Quantity for quality. You don't really pay for things with money, you pay with time. For example, you might say, "In five years I'll have enough to buy my dream home, then I'll slow down." Five years from now could be one tenth of your adult life. By translating the dollar value of something into time, youll knowwhether its worthwhile investment.
[source unknown]
I don't fully agree with this stuff. I would prefer to be a squash over an oak tree. I love squash. (The name gives it bad press, I think.)
I love the unappealing nature of the second one. Who wants to give up more for less? God only makes sense because He doesn't. That reminds me of something I realized during a conversation about grace. Grace is about giving what is not deserved and expecting nothing in return. It does not make any sense to us because we are not familiar with selflessness. In fact, we are usually very skeptical and suspicious of it. I am content with not understanding grace - namely God's grace - but in that moment of passionate discussion, I continued talking into a spot where I thought I needed to give SOME kind of explanation. I was talking to a believer but orating as if I wasn't (because I believe this is good practice and often a refreshing way to relate to believers because there are some things we do not talk about, thinking they are understood, when we actually should). I quoted my brother from a discussion we had about forgivness. He does not believe that true forgiveness exists. I asked, "What would someone have to do to make you believe they have actually forgiven you?" He replied, "They would have to give me the chance to hurt them again," and I was like Serious. It's true; it's a very good and accurate statement. Therefore with the grace of God, we see that He does not ask anything in advance (like a promise to change) or in its wake (like gratitude). Aside from loving us intensely and unconditionally, what could be the motivator? (God is omniscient and omnipotent but He can still get His feelings hurt (especially by us, quite regularly).) I looked at our reaction: When we are given a second chance with a clean slate we do not say, Yes! Another chance to screw up! (I suppose some do... but I aint heard.) Instead we say, Wow, I really need to change. When an earthly parent - or even a teacher - does this, we feel like the bar has been raised, like we need to avoid disappointing them. God gives us grace because He believes we are capable of something better. How cool is it when someone who knows you well (as in good and bad) tells you they think you have potential?
As for number three, it's true. Time is one of those things you can't get back (or enough of, it seems). As Paul said in Six Degrees of Separation, "Money is the one commodity you can always get enough of." Money is a placeholder at best. When you try to put a price on things you cannot pay for you cheapen them. For example: offering your wife twenty bucks to sleep with you. [I saw a couple on television telling how this had actually taken place. The wife asked for thirty and called it a deal. I call it watered-down prostitution.] There was some James Bond movie I watched many years ago (probably one starring Sean Connery) which made me think about the idea of value. Two dudes (regular henchmen) grown greedy had decided they were going to steal some gold bars. They took the gold but got lost in the dessert and wandered around for most of the film until they crossed paths with Bond and posse (again?) and started threatening them with guns. The peeps tried handing over whatever treasure/money they had picked up but the men with guns were like, "I aint havin nunnadat! We wants yer water!" So they handed over their canteens and Bond said something cheesy about how interesting it was that people's priorities change (like this).
This reminds me of another great learning moment brought to me by Hollywood. In John Q, a boy's parents need to come up with too much money so he can have a heart transplant. We watch for a few minutes as the parents do all they can to liquidate their assets. It was sick to see how some people actually took advantage of these people, knowing where the money was going but still bartering prices down knowing the sellers were desperate. I was impacted by this. I thought this man was finding out what was important to him, belonging by belonging. I tried to put myself in his spot. There would be some things that would be easy to part with and some would be very hard or seemingly impossible to lose. I imagine looking at each thing and asking myself a question to decide what I would do with it. "Which do you want more, this or Jesus?" The answer is the same every time but I need to keep asking. ugh
1) Immediate pleasure for personal growth. It takes decades to grow an oak tree, but days to grow a squash. Which do you want to be? Are you willing to discipline yourself?
2) Everything for one thing. The younger you are the more experimenting you should do. But once you've found God's purpose for your life, stick with it, give it all youve got, and refuse to be sidetracked. (Philippians 3:13)
3) Quantity for quality. You don't really pay for things with money, you pay with time. For example, you might say, "In five years I'll have enough to buy my dream home, then I'll slow down." Five years from now could be one tenth of your adult life. By translating the dollar value of something into time, youll knowwhether its worthwhile investment.
[source unknown]
I don't fully agree with this stuff. I would prefer to be a squash over an oak tree. I love squash. (The name gives it bad press, I think.)
I love the unappealing nature of the second one. Who wants to give up more for less? God only makes sense because He doesn't. That reminds me of something I realized during a conversation about grace. Grace is about giving what is not deserved and expecting nothing in return. It does not make any sense to us because we are not familiar with selflessness. In fact, we are usually very skeptical and suspicious of it. I am content with not understanding grace - namely God's grace - but in that moment of passionate discussion, I continued talking into a spot where I thought I needed to give SOME kind of explanation. I was talking to a believer but orating as if I wasn't (because I believe this is good practice and often a refreshing way to relate to believers because there are some things we do not talk about, thinking they are understood, when we actually should). I quoted my brother from a discussion we had about forgivness. He does not believe that true forgiveness exists. I asked, "What would someone have to do to make you believe they have actually forgiven you?" He replied, "They would have to give me the chance to hurt them again," and I was like Serious. It's true; it's a very good and accurate statement. Therefore with the grace of God, we see that He does not ask anything in advance (like a promise to change) or in its wake (like gratitude). Aside from loving us intensely and unconditionally, what could be the motivator? (God is omniscient and omnipotent but He can still get His feelings hurt (especially by us, quite regularly).) I looked at our reaction: When we are given a second chance with a clean slate we do not say, Yes! Another chance to screw up! (I suppose some do... but I aint heard.) Instead we say, Wow, I really need to change. When an earthly parent - or even a teacher - does this, we feel like the bar has been raised, like we need to avoid disappointing them. God gives us grace because He believes we are capable of something better. How cool is it when someone who knows you well (as in good and bad) tells you they think you have potential?
As for number three, it's true. Time is one of those things you can't get back (or enough of, it seems). As Paul said in Six Degrees of Separation, "Money is the one commodity you can always get enough of." Money is a placeholder at best. When you try to put a price on things you cannot pay for you cheapen them. For example: offering your wife twenty bucks to sleep with you. [I saw a couple on television telling how this had actually taken place. The wife asked for thirty and called it a deal. I call it watered-down prostitution.] There was some James Bond movie I watched many years ago (probably one starring Sean Connery) which made me think about the idea of value. Two dudes (regular henchmen) grown greedy had decided they were going to steal some gold bars. They took the gold but got lost in the dessert and wandered around for most of the film until they crossed paths with Bond and posse (again?) and started threatening them with guns. The peeps tried handing over whatever treasure/money they had picked up but the men with guns were like, "I aint havin nunnadat! We wants yer water!" So they handed over their canteens and Bond said something cheesy about how interesting it was that people's priorities change (like this).
This reminds me of another great learning moment brought to me by Hollywood. In John Q, a boy's parents need to come up with too much money so he can have a heart transplant. We watch for a few minutes as the parents do all they can to liquidate their assets. It was sick to see how some people actually took advantage of these people, knowing where the money was going but still bartering prices down knowing the sellers were desperate. I was impacted by this. I thought this man was finding out what was important to him, belonging by belonging. I tried to put myself in his spot. There would be some things that would be easy to part with and some would be very hard or seemingly impossible to lose. I imagine looking at each thing and asking myself a question to decide what I would do with it. "Which do you want more, this or Jesus?" The answer is the same every time but I need to keep asking. ugh
Thursday, 1 June 2006
The DaVinci Code: my beefs #5 & 6
"Robert," Faukman finally said, "don't get me wrong. I love your work and we've had a great run together. But if I agree to publish an idea like this, I'll have people picketing outside my office for months. Besides, it will kill your reputation. You're a Harvard historian, for God's sake, not a pop shlockmeister looking for a quick buck..." (176-7)
(This is what Langdon recalls his editor saying when he started to explain how he wished to write a book exposing the true nature of the Grail and of Jesus.)
I find it so interesting, bizarre and audacious that Dan Brown would slip in a line like this which seems to be transparently talking about Brown himself.
---5---
"Many scholars claim that the early Church literally stole Jesus from his original followers, hijacking His human message, shrouding it in an impenetrable cloak of divinity, and using it to expand on their own power" (253).
This excerpt is part of a larger, multi-chaptered section which seems to take any chance of opposition or refutation away from those who know Christianity the traditional way. If the New Testament is bogus, how can we claim anything? It seems that everything we knew is useless and a lie. I would argue that the coming of Jesus and statements about His divinity first made their appearance in the Old Testament - which TDC seems to have no problems with - but that's not something I am prepared to argue.
"The grail story is everywhere, but it is hidden. When the church outlawed speaking of the shunned Mary Magdalene, her story and importance had to be passed on through more discreet channels. . . channels that supported metaphor and symbolism" (281).
Calling a woman a prostitute and expecting the church to condemn her is not a smart tactic. When Jesus preached absoulte, unconditional forgiveness for all, that's exactly what He was offering. Check it: in Matthew 21:32 He said, "I tell you the truth, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you. For John came to you to show you the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes did. And even after you saw this, you did not repent and believe him." For anybody who doesn't get it, for anyone who thinks they are above someone who works as a prostitute or a tax collector, they will find themselves condemned instead because they have not understood the truth.
---6---
I seem to have lost my notes so I will be winging this one. Dan Brown has some faults in his logic.
One that I remember wanted to rain on is about Jesus' death. The book says that Magdalene was forced to flee - pregnant and all - when Jesus was crucified. This is not Teabing or Langdon referencing the New Testament or challenging it, this is their englightened historian's account. Therefore I must ask, if Jesus was, "viewed by His followers as a mortal prophet. . . a great and powerful man, but a man nonetheless" (253), why on earth would He be crucified? What kind of great man would commit a crime that incurred death by crucifixion as a penalty? Teabing said, "He walked the earth and inspired millions to better lives" (254). What inspiration comes from dying as a theif?
It was man, not God who created the concept of 'original sin,' whereby Eve tasted the apple and caused the downfall of the human race. Woman, once the sacred giver of life, was now the enemy (258).
If this is true then why do those "fake" gospels agree that Jesus was born of a virgin? Why would the man need to be left out of the picture? At the time, people believed that our sinful nature was propogated by the seed of a man which is why God opted for immaculate conception. Brown argues that the mysogenistically slanted version of the Bible allows the woman to be the one to bring the Son of God into the world. It sounds like Mary made the cut but Joseph couldn't hack it! (How does that support partriarchy?)
(This is what Langdon recalls his editor saying when he started to explain how he wished to write a book exposing the true nature of the Grail and of Jesus.)
I find it so interesting, bizarre and audacious that Dan Brown would slip in a line like this which seems to be transparently talking about Brown himself.
---5---
"Many scholars claim that the early Church literally stole Jesus from his original followers, hijacking His human message, shrouding it in an impenetrable cloak of divinity, and using it to expand on their own power" (253).
This excerpt is part of a larger, multi-chaptered section which seems to take any chance of opposition or refutation away from those who know Christianity the traditional way. If the New Testament is bogus, how can we claim anything? It seems that everything we knew is useless and a lie. I would argue that the coming of Jesus and statements about His divinity first made their appearance in the Old Testament - which TDC seems to have no problems with - but that's not something I am prepared to argue.
"The grail story is everywhere, but it is hidden. When the church outlawed speaking of the shunned Mary Magdalene, her story and importance had to be passed on through more discreet channels. . . channels that supported metaphor and symbolism" (281).
Calling a woman a prostitute and expecting the church to condemn her is not a smart tactic. When Jesus preached absoulte, unconditional forgiveness for all, that's exactly what He was offering. Check it: in Matthew 21:32 He said, "I tell you the truth, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you. For John came to you to show you the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes did. And even after you saw this, you did not repent and believe him." For anybody who doesn't get it, for anyone who thinks they are above someone who works as a prostitute or a tax collector, they will find themselves condemned instead because they have not understood the truth.
---6---
I seem to have lost my notes so I will be winging this one. Dan Brown has some faults in his logic.
One that I remember wanted to rain on is about Jesus' death. The book says that Magdalene was forced to flee - pregnant and all - when Jesus was crucified. This is not Teabing or Langdon referencing the New Testament or challenging it, this is their englightened historian's account. Therefore I must ask, if Jesus was, "viewed by His followers as a mortal prophet. . . a great and powerful man, but a man nonetheless" (253), why on earth would He be crucified? What kind of great man would commit a crime that incurred death by crucifixion as a penalty? Teabing said, "He walked the earth and inspired millions to better lives" (254). What inspiration comes from dying as a theif?
It was man, not God who created the concept of 'original sin,' whereby Eve tasted the apple and caused the downfall of the human race. Woman, once the sacred giver of life, was now the enemy (258).
If this is true then why do those "fake" gospels agree that Jesus was born of a virgin? Why would the man need to be left out of the picture? At the time, people believed that our sinful nature was propogated by the seed of a man which is why God opted for immaculate conception. Brown argues that the mysogenistically slanted version of the Bible allows the woman to be the one to bring the Son of God into the world. It sounds like Mary made the cut but Joseph couldn't hack it! (How does that support partriarchy?)
Tuesday, 30 May 2006
I sprang to my feet, my inert hand grasping my pistol, my mind paralyzed by the dreadful shape which had sprung out upon us from the shadows of the fog. A hound it was, an enormous coal-black hound, but not such a hound as mortal eyes have ever seen. Fire burst from its open mouth, its eyes glowed with a smouldering glare, its muzzle and hackles and dewlap were outlined in flickering flame. Never in the delirious dream of a disordered brain could anything more savage, more appalling, more hellish be conceived than that dark form and savage face which broke upon us out of the wall of fog. (143)
Complete Novels and Stories, Volume II, (c)2003 Bantam Classic: The Hound of the Baskervilles,(c) 1902, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Complete Novels and Stories, Volume II, (c)2003 Bantam Classic: The Hound of the Baskervilles,(c) 1902, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Monday, 29 May 2006
siftingsorting (4)
I want to clear out my email Inbox so this is where I shall immortalize some of the things I still want to keep. This email is from Friday, 16 December, 2005 and the subject is "Kong quotes." This is an email I sent to my self, in anticipation of making some abbreviated scrapbook of the trip I took to Toronto to see my brother (19) in his full-body gorilla suit going to watch King Kong on opening night. (I'll add a commentary.)
"I am just cutting some of the rubber out of the left eye."
-- One of the first things I heard as I walked into my sister and brother's place. The mask is absolutely gigantic and so it does not stay in place overly well. My brother, who, by the way, is about 6'1", took the suit to a tailor to have a zipper put in and the mask also got a nip&tuck. The tailor was bewildered, to say the least. My brother tipped heavily. Even after the alteration, he was having difficulty seeing so he decided to snip pieces of the rubber away in hopes of getting a clearer view. I doub that I will ever hear this phrase uttered again in my life and THAT is what makes it so funny to me. Ahh, context: how I love thee.
screaming kidz/school bus
--While we (two of his friends and I) were waiting inside the theatre's inner doors, a group of small children under five or six years old passed by. My brother didn't see them so I whispered to him, "Go scare those children." He hesitated for a second - whether to steady himself, to plan, to make the decision, I am not sure - and then ran over in a perfect gorilla imitation and roared at the kids. I distinctly remember one little girl's look of total fear as she screamed and grabbed the leg of the adult behind her. After a moment she realized what was going on and smiled a bit. The other kids thought it was cool and continued out. When they had boarded their bus, one of the counsellors came back in and said, "I give you permission to go on the bus and scare the hell out of the kids." (Yes, she did actually say that.) So, he got on the bus, yelled a bit, answered a few questions stupidly and got back off. It was either before or after he got on that he also yelled and banged on the windows. Again, something I will likely never see again. The photographs did not turn out at all becuase my flash was terrible.
"What movie are you guys going to see?"
--A friend of my brother's who was also working at the theatre actually asked us that. :
"Hey, buddy, let's take a walk..."
--I don't know what this is about. I think this is something his former boss said to him (he used to work at this theatre) but I don't know why I thought it was funny. I guess I expected to remember some visuals or other details.
grunters/Hey guys
--There were a handful of male patrons who would either grunt like gorillas - or Tim Talyor - at my brother if he was on all fours, i.e. "in character." Or, if he were walking upright and pretending to pretend to be non-chalant, then they would just give the "hey" nod (you know the one you give to people you either don't know at all or don't know well). As far as I have seen and heard, guys do it FAR more than girls do, especially with strangers. It was hilarious to see guys pretending to be non-chalant or, in one or two cases, actually being non-chalant about greeting a large gorilla.
"King Kong! Go see it... or I'll eat you."
--Something my brother randomly said. He said more things like this, I think and they were more absurd when directed at people who refused to react to him. This reminds me of another quote of my brother's that I love, from Summer 2004: "Do it or I'll eat your soul."
"Are you going see 'Pride and Prejuice'?"
--Another question of a friend/former co-worker. Ha ha. It was funnier at the time. This guy was kidding.
"I'm going to go see my Dad... my Dad's in this movie."
("Good luck to your Dad.")
--The bracketed line is what the ticket collector said after he passed through to go to the auditorium. The Dad part was funny to me because my brother came up with that on a whim. It's also really funny to think of him being the son of that massive primate. What's funny on top of that is the fact that our Dad is actually quite big (but not over 6'4", of course). I love how the ticket collector man played along, too.
"Man, I need to see your ticket again."
--But when he said this, he was serious. He was trying to do his job in the face of joking around (if you've ever worked with children, you know why this is important) and decided he would stick to the rules. Just because you're funny, doesn't mean you get a free ride. This is a good policy, I think. However, we all knew that my brother was probably the ONLY person who would enter that theatre in a full-body gorilla suit, let alone on this night in particular. The ticket collector had seen us five minutes earlier.. I think he remembered what my brother looked like.
"KING KONG! KING KONG!"
--Not funny on its own, is it? This is only another random something to yell at people who would not acknowledge the absurdity. Ahhhhgoodtimes.
"I am just cutting some of the rubber out of the left eye."
-- One of the first things I heard as I walked into my sister and brother's place. The mask is absolutely gigantic and so it does not stay in place overly well. My brother, who, by the way, is about 6'1", took the suit to a tailor to have a zipper put in and the mask also got a nip&tuck. The tailor was bewildered, to say the least. My brother tipped heavily. Even after the alteration, he was having difficulty seeing so he decided to snip pieces of the rubber away in hopes of getting a clearer view. I doub that I will ever hear this phrase uttered again in my life and THAT is what makes it so funny to me. Ahh, context: how I love thee.
screaming kidz/school bus
--While we (two of his friends and I) were waiting inside the theatre's inner doors, a group of small children under five or six years old passed by. My brother didn't see them so I whispered to him, "Go scare those children." He hesitated for a second - whether to steady himself, to plan, to make the decision, I am not sure - and then ran over in a perfect gorilla imitation and roared at the kids. I distinctly remember one little girl's look of total fear as she screamed and grabbed the leg of the adult behind her. After a moment she realized what was going on and smiled a bit. The other kids thought it was cool and continued out. When they had boarded their bus, one of the counsellors came back in and said, "I give you permission to go on the bus and scare the hell out of the kids." (Yes, she did actually say that.) So, he got on the bus, yelled a bit, answered a few questions stupidly and got back off. It was either before or after he got on that he also yelled and banged on the windows. Again, something I will likely never see again. The photographs did not turn out at all becuase my flash was terrible.
"What movie are you guys going to see?"
--A friend of my brother's who was also working at the theatre actually asked us that. :
"Hey, buddy, let's take a walk..."
--I don't know what this is about. I think this is something his former boss said to him (he used to work at this theatre) but I don't know why I thought it was funny. I guess I expected to remember some visuals or other details.
grunters/Hey guys
--There were a handful of male patrons who would either grunt like gorillas - or Tim Talyor - at my brother if he was on all fours, i.e. "in character." Or, if he were walking upright and pretending to pretend to be non-chalant, then they would just give the "hey" nod (you know the one you give to people you either don't know at all or don't know well). As far as I have seen and heard, guys do it FAR more than girls do, especially with strangers. It was hilarious to see guys pretending to be non-chalant or, in one or two cases, actually being non-chalant about greeting a large gorilla.
"King Kong! Go see it... or I'll eat you."
--Something my brother randomly said. He said more things like this, I think and they were more absurd when directed at people who refused to react to him. This reminds me of another quote of my brother's that I love, from Summer 2004: "Do it or I'll eat your soul."
"Are you going see 'Pride and Prejuice'?"
--Another question of a friend/former co-worker. Ha ha. It was funnier at the time. This guy was kidding.
"I'm going to go see my Dad... my Dad's in this movie."
("Good luck to your Dad.")
--The bracketed line is what the ticket collector said after he passed through to go to the auditorium. The Dad part was funny to me because my brother came up with that on a whim. It's also really funny to think of him being the son of that massive primate. What's funny on top of that is the fact that our Dad is actually quite big (but not over 6'4", of course). I love how the ticket collector man played along, too.
"Man, I need to see your ticket again."
--But when he said this, he was serious. He was trying to do his job in the face of joking around (if you've ever worked with children, you know why this is important) and decided he would stick to the rules. Just because you're funny, doesn't mean you get a free ride. This is a good policy, I think. However, we all knew that my brother was probably the ONLY person who would enter that theatre in a full-body gorilla suit, let alone on this night in particular. The ticket collector had seen us five minutes earlier.. I think he remembered what my brother looked like.
"KING KONG! KING KONG!"
--Not funny on its own, is it? This is only another random something to yell at people who would not acknowledge the absurdity. Ahhhhgoodtimes.
http://www.sillypuns.com/
OK, these few definitely tittilated me enough to guffaw out loud so they are worth posting.
What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes the grass grow, sweetie.
I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge."
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer, and a mop."
Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here."
[This page has GOT to be based in England. I've heard that skeleton one before but the way it's written still makes me giggle.]
I was on an elevator the other day, and the operator kept calling me 'son.' I said, 'Why do you call me 'son'? You're not my father.' He said, 'I brought you up, didn't I?'
I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and on the table was a checkered tablecloth. It took him 2 hours to pass me the salt.
Did you hear about the butcher who backed into his meat grinder & got a little behind in his work?
[Gross yet amusing.]
A lady wrote to an advice column in a newspaper: 'I have been engaged to a man for some time, but just before the wedding, I find he has a wooden leg. Do you think I should break it off?'
[This reminds me of the line in Mary Poppins when Bert says, "I once knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith," and her uncle responds, "What's the name of his other leg?"]
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
[My highschool band teacher told us his own version of this joke about six years ago. The class definitely groaned when he got to the punch-line. He was good with puns and other stupid or good jokes. A few times every year, he would teach the entire class without uttering a word. It was cool and weird.]
Cinderella was thrown off the basketball team because she ran away from the ball.
Compare a prisoner in shackles to one unshackled. It's the difference of a pinion.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
[Those last two are brilliant. It took me a moment to get the second one.]
Did you hear about the constipated composer? He couldn't finish the last movement.
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." / "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." / "Is it common?" / "It's not unusual."
Gravity is a myth; Earth sucks.
[I think I made it about 7/24 down the page (somewhere between 1/4 nd 1/3) but I need to stop. Yikes.]
What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes the grass grow, sweetie.
I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge."
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer, and a mop."
Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here."
[This page has GOT to be based in England. I've heard that skeleton one before but the way it's written still makes me giggle.]
I was on an elevator the other day, and the operator kept calling me 'son.' I said, 'Why do you call me 'son'? You're not my father.' He said, 'I brought you up, didn't I?'
I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and on the table was a checkered tablecloth. It took him 2 hours to pass me the salt.
Did you hear about the butcher who backed into his meat grinder & got a little behind in his work?
[Gross yet amusing.]
A lady wrote to an advice column in a newspaper: 'I have been engaged to a man for some time, but just before the wedding, I find he has a wooden leg. Do you think I should break it off?'
[This reminds me of the line in Mary Poppins when Bert says, "I once knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith," and her uncle responds, "What's the name of his other leg?"]
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
[My highschool band teacher told us his own version of this joke about six years ago. The class definitely groaned when he got to the punch-line. He was good with puns and other stupid or good jokes. A few times every year, he would teach the entire class without uttering a word. It was cool and weird.]
Cinderella was thrown off the basketball team because she ran away from the ball.
Compare a prisoner in shackles to one unshackled. It's the difference of a pinion.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
[Those last two are brilliant. It took me a moment to get the second one.]
Did you hear about the constipated composer? He couldn't finish the last movement.
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." / "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." / "Is it common?" / "It's not unusual."
Gravity is a myth; Earth sucks.
[I think I made it about 7/24 down the page (somewhere between 1/4 nd 1/3) but I need to stop. Yikes.]
s.o.c.
Sometimes I wish _________________.
Somtimes I wish that I could ___________.
Sometimes I wish people understood me better.
Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes.
Sometimes I wish I could scream.
Somtimes I wish I could vent my anger.
Sometimes I wish no one would listen but everyone would pay attention. Sometimes I wish just the opposite.
Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes.
I wish I could be honest. I wish I could be direct. I wish I could speak my mind as my thoughts arrive. I wish there was no lay-over in Winnipeg and stimulii would yield instantatneous results.
Sometimes, I wish.
Somtimes I wish that I could ___________.
Sometimes I wish people understood me better.
Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes.
Sometimes I wish I could scream.
Somtimes I wish I could vent my anger.
Sometimes I wish no one would listen but everyone would pay attention. Sometimes I wish just the opposite.
Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes.
I wish I could be honest. I wish I could be direct. I wish I could speak my mind as my thoughts arrive. I wish there was no lay-over in Winnipeg and stimulii would yield instantatneous results.
Sometimes, I wish.
Friday, 26 May 2006
The DaVinci Code: my beef #4
This is a minor beef and I know there is a better word I could use to classify it but I don't have that word yet. My problem is with one of the characters (i.e. this is like something I would call them on to their face).
The passage:
If all went as planned tonight in Paris, Aringarosa would soon be in possession of something that would make him the most powerful man in Christendom (115).
The problem:
If there is any man who should be powerful in Christendom, it is Christ Himself. (Does that not make sense merely based on the name?) For anyone to think he could be or should be powerful (let alone the most powerful) within the realm of Christianity is outrageous, bizarre and frankly unBiblical. Jesus maintained that making less of yourself is what makes you more. (He made the least of Himself by bowing to death and was then exalted to the highest place.) Look at what He said in Mark 9:35 - "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all." In Philippians 2:5-7, Paul describes Jesus as one, "Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God somethign to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a srevant, being made in human likeness."
It made me angry to read of all the men in The DaVinci Code who were willing to kill and otherwise abuse people because they sought power. I think that the power Bishop Aringarosa sought was not among Christians exactly but with the church on Earth. In this case, I refer to the "church" as the government-recognized, stereotypical, stone buildings with Sunday morning services, not the Body of Christ on Earth. No one can be greatest in the Body because we all unquestionably and uncompromizingly need one another.
The passage:
If all went as planned tonight in Paris, Aringarosa would soon be in possession of something that would make him the most powerful man in Christendom (115).
The problem:
If there is any man who should be powerful in Christendom, it is Christ Himself. (Does that not make sense merely based on the name?) For anyone to think he could be or should be powerful (let alone the most powerful) within the realm of Christianity is outrageous, bizarre and frankly unBiblical. Jesus maintained that making less of yourself is what makes you more. (He made the least of Himself by bowing to death and was then exalted to the highest place.) Look at what He said in Mark 9:35 - "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all." In Philippians 2:5-7, Paul describes Jesus as one, "Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God somethign to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a srevant, being made in human likeness."
It made me angry to read of all the men in The DaVinci Code who were willing to kill and otherwise abuse people because they sought power. I think that the power Bishop Aringarosa sought was not among Christians exactly but with the church on Earth. In this case, I refer to the "church" as the government-recognized, stereotypical, stone buildings with Sunday morning services, not the Body of Christ on Earth. No one can be greatest in the Body because we all unquestionably and uncompromizingly need one another.
Thursday, 25 May 2006
The DaVinci Code: the film
This movie did not live up to its expectations. The audacity and controversy of the book were dampened which made this film weak.
I was relieved to think that people would not be as confused or shaken by the story but I was also disappointed that people might not be challenged anymore either.
If I had not read the book first, I would have enjoyed the film more because I would have been surprized a lot more and I would not be pointing out all the incongruencies.
Let me get right to the point of this post. In the book, Sir Teabing points out that there is not just one chalice painted in The Last Supper but in fact thirteen, meaning that there could not be only ONE Holy Grail. In the film, he points out that there are NO cups on the table. One slip-up like that would make me (as a believer or not) question Dan Brown's credibility, in terms of how he disseminates facts. [We are a generation that does not care much for learning history. We will take it if it is served to us on a half-hour platter with special effects but beyond that, we are not willing to do our own research* and so we easily take a seemingly knowledgeable, confident person, rife with minute details, at their word.]
Most shocking of all was the change in Langdon's demeanor when he and Teabing were telling Sophie about the "true" history of Christianity. In the book, they share in the recounting, backing each other up, filling in each other's blanks, etc. In the film, Teabing leads the presentation (much less a conversation) and Langdon either disagrees with him, scoffs at him, casts doubt on his assertions or begrudgingly admits that what he's saying is not impossible. It seems that Langdon's character has been changed basically to protect the film's butt. With the main character sitting on the fence (the closest thing to direct opposition we will get) the general feeling is that of uncertainty. We are not being told what is true and what is not but we are told to decide for ourselves. I think this is fair but a slight cop-out on [diretor] Ron Howard's part.
I was relieved to think that people would not be as confused or shaken by the story but I was also disappointed that people might not be challenged anymore either.
If I had not read the book first, I would have enjoyed the film more because I would have been surprized a lot more and I would not be pointing out all the incongruencies.
Let me get right to the point of this post. In the book, Sir Teabing points out that there is not just one chalice painted in The Last Supper but in fact thirteen, meaning that there could not be only ONE Holy Grail. In the film, he points out that there are NO cups on the table. One slip-up like that would make me (as a believer or not) question Dan Brown's credibility, in terms of how he disseminates facts. [We are a generation that does not care much for learning history. We will take it if it is served to us on a half-hour platter with special effects but beyond that, we are not willing to do our own research* and so we easily take a seemingly knowledgeable, confident person, rife with minute details, at their word.]
Most shocking of all was the change in Langdon's demeanor when he and Teabing were telling Sophie about the "true" history of Christianity. In the book, they share in the recounting, backing each other up, filling in each other's blanks, etc. In the film, Teabing leads the presentation (much less a conversation) and Langdon either disagrees with him, scoffs at him, casts doubt on his assertions or begrudgingly admits that what he's saying is not impossible. It seems that Langdon's character has been changed basically to protect the film's butt. With the main character sitting on the fence (the closest thing to direct opposition we will get) the general feeling is that of uncertainty. We are not being told what is true and what is not but we are told to decide for ourselves. I think this is fair but a slight cop-out on [diretor] Ron Howard's part.
Tuesday, 23 May 2006
seventh
My five-year-old brother and I were watching a show on Treehouse the other day that featured many classic tongue-twisters. He didn't get it. This is the one he made up:
There was a teacup and a mouse.
How could the mouse count the numbers with the bear?
There was a teacup and a mouse.
How could the mouse count the numbers with the bear?
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