my statement

To you purveyors of cheap comedy:

I AM NOT AN AMERICAN AUDIENCE.



[25/04/05:)]

thoughts

(1) my ears are my eyes

i.e.: "watching" people without seeing. (It's what I do and I am glad for the skill.)

(2) Until I find the truth, I stick with what I know.

This is an idea in which I can take refuge. When I don't know something I don't need to feel ashamed or be flustered: I make no excuses. That doesn't mean, however, that I can coast in my ignorance. No, it means that I will keep my eyes open for absolute truth to replace my own construction of truth.

(I wrote these on a Roger's Wireless bill envelope sometime in March... I don't know exactly what I was thinking of but I remember leaving my room [or, I guess, waiting to leave my room].)

a Freudian slip

"I hope that wasn't a lie coz it sounded like a good truth." 09/04/05:)

This was likely in response to something I said that I didn't have time to verify the truth of. Sometimes I say things in faith; I say things that I hope and expect to be true and often don't get a chance to renege (i.e. tell the actual truth).

Part of the Slip was that I could have been lying but I didn't give myself enough chance to be sure and part of it is that I secretly hope to get away with it because I have no intention of reverting to clarify.

Seriously, I do have some intention but, you know, who has time for the truth when there's so much life to be lived around here?

covenant

"Just get me out of this semester and I'm Yours."

09/04/05:) 16h15

complimented

First, in a music class, I played (with a violinist) an original composition over a Mozart progression. Among other things, the teacher said, "That's the kind of thing that would make Mozart go, 'Yea! Right on!' wherever he is."

Second, I asked for something in jest that I didn't deserve and it was given to me. I was asked after in a direct, personal, unexplained way.

Thank you, vous deux.

lovely

A highlight of my day that's absurd enough to be worth mentioning:

I discovered how to play major chords in first-inverson on the accordion -- with EASE. I suppose I always knew how to do it but to-day I discovered just how ingeniously the instrument was crafted to give us those I6 chords. Amazing. :)

epiphany 2

"Anything I'm afraid to lose I should give away." 26/03/05:)
re: Summertime chords

This is a reminder of the fact that, "at best we are mere stewards," which means we don't need to worry about anything being taken from us. If I am being selfish, if I am holding onto something too tightly, I need to let go. No, I don't like this realization either.


[sister post: 25/01/05:), 15/12/05:)]

2 thoughts, scrawled on available "paper"

Tensor Bandage package:

In my life, if I get to do one selfless nice thing for everyone I know, I can die happy and start round two. [20]/02/05:)


Toronto Public Library Foundation envelope:

I guess I'm superimposing my weirdness on the unseen watcher. [05]/12/04:)

marriage

One guy - of many - says, "I want to be with you now, and plenty of others some other times."

One guy - just one - says, "I want to be with you only, always."

up & down

It's 13h11 and here are the high and low of my day so far:

Low: I bought unsalted soda crackers by mistake.

High: I saw a guy tramping through an 18" snow bank for no reason other than the fact that he was wearing knee-high rubber boots.

stated

Race is how I classify beauty.

Sometimes you DO deserve it and you ARE worth it.

spaces between the words

she shook and blushed

she hesitated to use the word that had been cut an ideal unmistakable hole in her gingerly extracted sentence

then spat it - or scatted - "riff"

her eyes lit up and a smile winked across her face quickly

a challenge

Last Friday (the 11th of February), I challenged God in a way that is taking more faith than I expected. At the time I was thouroughly exhilirated because of what God had done, because of how He rewards us when we do His bidding, because of how He honors promises and I was definitely in the mood to believe that a monetary provision would be mere PEANUTS to a God like this.

When my high ebbed, (it's now Tuesday), I realized how much more I needed to pray for this. I'm only doing it because I saw a need that I couldn't fill of my own but wanted to show that God answers prayer and that God can fill any need. I want to see him do this so that I can witness a miracle, so that I can have faith.

At this point, I am far too scared to look doubt in the eye but it keeps trying to manoeuvre itself into my line of sight. I look at the post-dated cheque taped to the side of this PC's monitor and I feel partly excited, partly scared and partly indifferent. I know that if the money doesn't come through to-the-decimal then I will be sorely disappointed but my faith will not regress. I'll feel weird and skeptical for the next time I pose such a challenge but I will do it again. I desire stronger faith.
I also know that if the money does come in, I'll be flabberghasted, humbled (I'll probably drop to my knees where I stand) and I will tell anyone who will listen. I will tell believers who will take encouragement; I will take close-to-believers who may not see a reason to believe but a source of intrigue to the relationship; I will tell non-believers because it's something I'm happy about. You want to know me -- you've got to hear about the Awesome God.

Of all things at steak on the outcome of this, the testament of God's faithfulness and the power of prayer to the cheque's addressee is the most critical. This is where my excitement comes in. Yes, the money is needed (half of what motivated me to get involved), but what is needed more is proof that God will help you when you need Him (the other half). He is good, He loves us and He's a great father.

Praying, I am that the money will come through; God, I'm putting faith in You. It's a paper that can be forgotten and torn up but I am begging for your endorsement. Jesus, make it happen.

cold air speech

I av been bless beyon wut I d’zeuve: in my ole life, an mo’ obveeosslee too-dey.

I av been givahn a gif dat I av cherish long time at ahms lent’ an, no, beein eabl to oh’al it clohss to my bress I am un-eabl to offah gratitude weuhdee of de jess-cha.

I am fryten ov de eleet an de extravagahn beecohmeen be’as; I doan wan to oh’al an crush lukshree az cohmanple’ass. I move frum conneveenyens an abundanss so dat I cahn still riv-eeya it propahlee.

compliments

I was told to-day that I was (1) unashamed (".. of Jesskah, of Jesus, of [most anything you do]..."); (2) that my dedication to my mini-ministry with Campus Crusade for Christ was "admirable"; and (3) that, though my beliefs differed from the speaker's, my commitment to them was respected.

How nice to hear. :)