the up-and-down all-together too long day

To-day was another one of those lovely days wherein I went to bed too late (yester eve), woke up too early and seemingly lived three days in the space of one. At the end of it, I cannot honestly say that I am relieved, that I feel a sense of accomplishment or that I could do it again. [Insert ringside bell sound "Ding!"]

I went to class -- that's always good
I completed mes devoirs -- even better
I enjoyed our small group (a.k.a. Bible study) and for once left without a bad taste in my mouth
I had a couple of meetings -- bam!
Some good email connections were made
I had an uber weird nap
God answered a prayer in an unbelieveably uncanny way


That little list there is organized in my speech style, not thought styls so it looks very weird on my screen. Let's add to the list that I made cookies.

I had a minor tiff with my housemates this evening. Try to understand: I started my day at 08.30 and came in the house for good at 23.45. Can you understand why I might want to seclude myself in my bedroom quarters - if just for a moment? Let me not plead a sarcastic, pity-party case. I came into my room and, when I heard someone coming down the hallway, I closed my door because I do not like telling people, "I don't want to talk to you right now," because I understand no means of making that an unoffensive comment. There was a knock on my door and, when I saw the tsk-tsk look on my housemate's face behind it, my anger shot up to about 40% of capacity. Then I was told how we needed to talk (we're planning something for to-morrow so I understood that discussion would be necessary this eve) and so I asked for five minutes' delay. From down the hallway, another housemate calls, "We know you don't want to talk, that's why you closed your door," in a joking manner. I jumped on it saying, "Yes, I thought that was part of the 'open door' policy but! lo and behold.." and I think I was cut off there but had intended to finish by pointing out that even a closed door is approached. (Herein the anger reached 50%.) She says, "That is so rude, Jess," and my anger rose to 90% in a heartbeat as I swallowed swear words and a rasied voice to say something to the effect of, "I'm going to close the door now," and I let go the knob. With a 12"-gap remaining, I heard some incredulous protests (now at a full 100%) and so re-opened the door to re-state my case. I rambled for a good thirty seconds the salient details of my very present mood, forsaking politeness for efficiency, and enfin close the door again. When I sat at my desk I was trying to calm down and praying to God for patience, patience, patience. I guess He did answer that prayer. This is my beef: why is it wrong for me to say I am not in the mood to talk? I am not in the mood to talk FAR more often than most people I know but, I cannot (and choose not) to change this about myself. Why should I need to hide and come up with excuses for my personality? There's some anger residue in my tank, I can feel it. It makes me want to have it out now; now that I have articulated my thoughts clearly. Man, let's move on.

I talked to-day with a woman who knows budgeting and knows university students well. She told me some interesting and helpful things which are too obscure to here note. The meeting did, for a spell, make me very uncomfortable because I realized I was in a tight place from which I had no way to prove myself honest. I was being totally honest but, because she does not know me, she has no reason to trust me and believe what I say. (How frustrating...) She was asking me questions about what I needed money for. As she listed areas of expense, I became more and more disappointed by my inability to come up with numbers that actually sounded scary. I wonder if she thought I was trying to rip her (or the university) off but she did not strike me as someone who could be so fooled. If anything, she seemed intent on giving me money. She was rounding up my numbers like nobody's business. It was, by far, one of the weirdest situations I have been in for months. The thing that stuck with me most from the whole ordeal (I saw her yesterday, too, so let's include that appointment also) was how she insisted that leisure expenses were a legitamite part of my budget. SINCE WHEN?! She asked, "What do you do every week for fun?" I fumbled. She offers, "Say you go to see a movie and get a hamburger. [Pause] So what's that? Twenty bucks a week?" I cannot express to you how blown away I was by this notion. It is still absolutely foreign to me. Spending money on a weekly basis for recreation is supposed to be OK? I'm not exaggerating here or trying to make a joke or be stupid. I seriously find this a very strange idea. Let me spell it out: the line between "want" and "need" is thick, rigid and immovable. It is or it isn't. [Have a field day with that last sentence, English scholars!]

I should stop writing now but I want to post this evening's notes from The Colbert Report. He started the show by making a plea to Sir Slade, a British fortune-holder, who this morning advertised in The New York Times for an American heir to his $13 million (can that be right?) property. Colbert was making cheesy and sleezy promises here and there (too much like a political candidate would) as if he were talking to Sir Slade and, when he got round to talking about the dogs, Colbert promised, "I will feed them only the finest tresspassers."

While proposing alternate adjectives to make the term "The Long War" (referring to what was previously known as "The War on Terrorism") more appropriate, Colbert suggested we might say, "...all the lib-long day which, as any early nineteenth-century railroad-track layer will tell you, is not that long."

There is a segment of the TCR that shows up every now and then called, "All You Need to Know" where Colbert summarizes news stories into bite-sized pieces of Colbert-filtered usefulness. He said of "Channel One" that studies have shown that more people remember the commercials better than they do the actual program. He continues, "All you need to know? [The image changes from the Channel One logo to a Lunchables rip-off.] Kids love Cracker-Snacker Lunchables becauuuuuuuse [half-beat] they're FANTASTALUNCHABLE!!"