She predicted that when she packs up and leaves, saying official goodbyes, she will have a breakdown, realizing that she's leaving ALL of her friends behind.
I wondered about me in that situation. I don't even know if I do breakdowns. What would it be like for me to pick up and leave Southern Ontario for good? I don't think it would hurt very much to be completely honest and I'll tell you why. Some time in May or June 2005 any tie - however weak or feeble - that I had to "home" was effectively cut. I was walking down a sloped sidewalk under a bridge when it hit me like a pop can thrown out of a passing vehicle. Snip. I could feel the big scissors relieving taught connecting cords of their duty and I felt the snap-back before I felt the freedom.
Though I do not fully understand or appreciate my position, I think it means it would be much easier for me to "pick up and go" elsewhere in the world because I have been "on the go" for so long. I might be the equivalent of that businessman who lives in hotels (like really lives there) and either doesn't have time for a family or never sees them. His home is to not have a home. (Is it like a turtle?) I counted last night: I have had nine postal codes in my life, eight in the past five years.
I think about the picking up and going in terms of God calling me to some obscure mission field that I initially will have mixed feelings about but eventually see the greatness in His decision. Truly, though, I imagine that if I make some mad tear-me-away-and-transplant-me move, it will be for something more like teachers college in England.
Please don't think I am asking for pity and Fish, don't think I'm trying to steal your spotlight. Maybe I'll write about you after you move. I like you, though, I should say that. Like I said before, I am not entirely sure what I like about you but one thing I shall always be grateful for is the way that you play along. That is, I think, the quality of yours I like the most.
2 comments:
j-dawg. you are so good for my ego...don't stress about stealing my spotlight. i don't want it and if i decide i do later on, i'll steal it.
for the record, i don't do breakdowns either... but i'm very anxious about leaving all my sweet peeps like you behind.
i don't pity you, but i'm sad at the lack of home-ties, for whatever reason they are. i think everyone should have a place that is home - not necessarily the one with two parents, 2 siblings a cat and a dog, but home - a place where they can curl up on a rainy day and know that what's outside isn't inside, because the walls do more than stop rain.
i'm not sure if that statement is nonsensical or cheezy or profound.
Fish: I don't know how you managed it but that statment, I would say, is cheezy, profound and nonsensical (though a bit light on the last one). Why do we spell "cheezy" with a Z? I agree that having a home is some kind of fundamental right of men. Then again, we, the believers, are aliens in this world, are we not? The whole we-can't-go-home-until-the-work-is-done thing is what I think of for the Christian life. I think we feel it most when we go on "missions trips" short-term or long-. Somehow it is a GOOD feeling to know that your stay is temporary because of a reason bigger than you.
It's the rainy day protection and it's the I-have-nowhere-else-to-go feeling, too. Like when you lived in EDM for three months, sure you were stationed there, you could get your mail and telephone calls there but you always knew you would return to Guelph at the end of it. They say home is where you hang your hat (do they not?). In the era where it was obscene to step out of doors without a hat, I think that made a great deal of sense.
(13/05/06 01:20)
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