tempted to recant

Some days I wish I had my pre-H Spizzo mindset because then I would have a more black-and-white view on gay people.
I remember the days when my back would go up without question...equal rights, equal rights, equal rights....
Why should my attitude be so different? These people are still people.
I wish I didn't try - subconsciously, it seems - to be arbiter and judge of all human merit. I mean really.. who cares what I think about other people and..
I want my vision to be black-and-white again and I'm surprized that Christianity has brought me more grayness than less. Does that go away as the years pass?
I want to give unconditional love, I believe that is what I'm trying to say. And now because I think (or have been trained to think) I should not condone... I should see all sins as equal blah blah blah.. all of a sudden it's different. It's stupid. I wanna love like Jesus did (...but then when everyone drops their stones and leaves then would I say, go and sin no more). Hmmm I just had a revelation right there.
"when everyone drops their stones and leaves"... that's it. that is it.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: it really doesn't matter what sin you're into (we all have our temptations and fetishes) because you're effectively dead. Like one of my profs would say, it's like re-arranging the chairs on the deck of the Titanic. (stage whisper: there's more important things at hand!) But then, once that more important thing has been brought to the fore and is faced in a head-on manner, that's when other things start to matter. That's the time to confront things; that's the only time and context in which they'll make sense! aha.... good times. I like this learny.


I like how "fetish" works on three levels (according to my good friends at dictionary.com):

1. an object regarded with awe as being the embodiment or habitation of a potent spirit or as having magical potency. [idolatry, maybe some kind of Satanic somethings...]
2. any object, idea, etc., eliciting unquestioning reverence, respect, or devotion: to make a fetish of high grades. [idolatry again, filling the void...]
3. Psychology. any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation. [yep]