in an interview with the Congressman of U.S. protecterate, Samoa:
Congressman: "Samoans are not U.S. citizens, they're U.S. nationals."
Colbert: "What's the difference between citizens and nationals?"
Congressman: "A U.S. national is someone who's not aU.S. citizen and not an illegal alien but they have full allegiance to this great country."
Colbert: "So they're like the undead; they're neither living nor dead ..."
Congressman: "No, they're not zombies..."
Colbert: "...And they feast on human flesh and rule the night."
(I think this post should be unofficially dedicated to Miss Katie V.)
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