14 active games and 3 inactive games

I don't ever remember feeling so grungy as I do right now.

What is it? is it the half cup of champagne that's just not sitting right? is it the chocolate left-over taste in my mouth? (old chocolate taste is ALWAYS grossenating to me.) is it that I need to go pee? is it that my hair feels like straw today? I think it's time to break out the Dove conditionizzle. (why have I waited so long?) is it dreading work on Friday? (YES) Is it feeling alone even when I've spent much of my time in the last fortnight with friends that I adore? is it self loathing? is it disappointment? is it the devil trying to tell me there's a loophole in God's character and His grace ACTually just ran out? (LIE)

what is it? I think my pants are too tight. also, this sweater needs to be washed. dude, I love it but I wear it all too often. I think I also feel I got short-changed from this evening's jumbly hang-out with two on-purpose friends and two whaaaa???? friends. (I like 'em all, don't get me wrong.) I liked that good conversation at the end, too. I liked it. I could feel myself listening. I think that being strangely tired (I shouldn't be!) was helpful. Somehow it made me focus more single-mindedly. I am ashamed that this is what it takes. (Can I not be so good a listener all the time?)

I've been romanced by the United Kingdom yet again.

Yes, I definitely need to pee. And I'm definitely going to take a shower tonight..knowing I'll take one in the morning. Morning showers are for function (cleanies and WAKE!!ies) but night showers are for comfort. it feels good to go to sleep with your skin all soft from warm water, your hair all natural and Idon'tgiveacareI'lljuststreamacrossthispillowifIfeellikeit. I also like smelling good. I love showering and not having anywhere to go. (Weird. I never thought I'd say that.) Ohhhh kay now I'm looking forward to it. I'm also very excited about the two notebooks I found at Chapters today.

What's that? They're made in Canada and Spain respectively? What? One had a "30% off" sticker on it? What? It has a curly (what's the proper term?) spine so it will lay open and fold over as I tell it to? Yep. That's what I need from a Jesus journal. They gotta meet all my needs AND anal-retentive idiosynrasies. (I have a few.) I figure - I figured this out maybe a year ago - that it's worth...yep it was last August, I remember it now... it's worth paying more money for a journal I delight to write in when it only takes one or six little things to irk me enough to say I'm not having quiet time today. I never say that outright, I either sub sub sub-consciously think it or I just waste or "run out of" time until the sun sets and my eyes close so there's nothing I can do about it. [Insert "innocent" shrug and wide eyes]
The other journal is pretty sweet... green lines, crazy colorful and ecofriendly cover that's just small enough to do the job I want. I wasn't sure if I was going to write This journal but, seeing the book, I'm now sure of it. I've already started. I love writing. I love that I love to write. I love that I CAN write.


You know, my sister used to have this book, black hard cover and blank white pages inside, about six by eleven inches and in it she would write (or draw) ANYthing. I mean, a schedule, appointments, ideas, poems, prose, homework (this is in uni), sketches for doodle, sketches on purpose, lists.... man so many things. So many everythings that anyone would write down. I look at it and my brain registers equal parts envy and frustration. Envy that every thing goes in one book. You don't need four, you don't need a notepad, a calendrier, etc. etc. You could find everything in there at one time. BUT, frustration because you CAN'T find anything there at the needed time. I mean, there's no form or structure, there's no table of contents or page numbers so how do you know where anything is? Fortunately, I think visual memory (and having less than 200 pages) would help you out enough that you could never get TOO lost but let's be serious here! What if I want to KEEP some things long term and THROW OUT some things the next day? Couldn't do it, couldn't do it, couldn't do it. So, vicariously, I love it ...cuz she can do it. Love it.

In light of this, I'm excited for the small, task-specific journal because I haven't given myself a form. I think it'd kill the spirit of the exercise so I'm excited to be allowed to write freely. I'm going to write freely and..... and yeah, it will be good.

I decided that an aspect of my thinking style is reflected in the sports I like to watch (not to play). Hockey and baseball are a DEFINITE YES while American football must be a DEFINITE NO. Baseball makes sense to me because it's very ordered and predictable. (When I say "predictable" I don't mean to imply "boring" because I know that WITHIN a play - or, on any given pitch - almost anything can happen and yes, baseball is exciting. But it's predictable certainly in the sense that it's ordered and play is stop-and-go and positions are VERY specialized.) Hockey, on the other hand, makes sense because it's completely random. (When I say "random" I don't mean that the sport is aimless or impossible to follow. There are many rules to the game and it is intense and complex - in some way - but at the end of the day, it LOOKS like skating in circles with sporadic flurries of activity here and there...which often result in more circle skating.)
American football now, THAT just makes me crazy because it's a SET of stop-and-go flurries of random. It's the rudest hybrid of the two situations I have mentioned above that I have ever come across. I don't much like the sport. When I got a brief glimpse a few months ago into some of the inner workings of it, I had a BIT more respect/interest for it but I haven't seen it through. I also appreciate it for how many die-hard proponents it has. Nonetheless, it looks like ordered randomness and THAT doesn't make sense. It's a mathematical discomfort for me.
Basketball is a lot like hockey but has a different appeal (another story) to it.
Football.....(European) football just pisses me off. ahhhh yep. I don't get it. I doesn't even fit into my categories. Though I did spend many of my formative years under the impression that I was in love with this sport and would excel at it. hmm I feel a shower comin' on.