As it turns out,

(As the world turns,)
I'm pretty messed up in the head.

Yesternight after everyone went to bed and our guests had also just parted, it was about 12.15am and I was in the middle of typing some emails.

[Are we allowed to start sentences with brackets? Every now and then I do it and think it makes sense (the idea is conveyed finely) but I wonder if it's proper. I know how to bracket and quote both - like I understand how they're meant to function and why but I want to know WHEN we codified our use of them so I can see how essential or how much of a crutch these things are. Well, maybe just the brackets. Quotation marks GOTTA be good.]

One of them was the kind of email that required me to close my eyes and put my head back a little to really ponder and decide what I wanted to write. Then I realized I had dozed off. I think I was tired. I think I was tired by 10.30pm but didn't notice because my activities had not demanded enough of me - not mentally, anyways.
I finished up all I was doing on the compster and I think it was 12.41 when I was SERIOUS mcSeriously struggling to keep the eye-lids back. I was upset [I was already upset the whole evening, let's be serious, but this had a real stem] that I couldn't stay up longer. I thought I was getting ripped off for the rest of my day. I wanted to go til 2 or 3. Then I realized I had been going since 8 am. That's...kinda a full day. Just not the one I'm used to. It didn't register properly. (This is probably a problem.)
I decided to force it. (Why?)
I went to my room and did a bunch of organizing notes and tasks, etc. - it was pretty calming and distracting because I hardly EVER sit in my room on my bed and do hand/organizey tasks like that these days. I neeed to get back into that. I makes me really happy in a strange way. (I think it reminds me of my younger days.)
I could have gone to bed....at 01h38 when I finished that...but then I saw that Blazing Saddles was coming on at 2am...and I have wanted to see that film since forever for a great list of about four or five reasons. I didn't make it past.... I think 3.15.
I'm not sure whether I should regret it it
nor am I sure what I really mean by this post.