so...

there is a Redeemer


I sing it, I say it, I claim it sometimes...
but it was only today that I found a real personal way of grasping it.

I always think of lost and dead people being redeemed from their fate and brought found-ness and life. Sometimes I think about coupons.
J'adore le chanson avec ces mots pour le titre. "...Jesus, God's own Son / Precious Lamb of God, Messiah / Holy One." C'est belle and I even love the melody for how it fits in my throat.

yesterday morning I was forced to realize that sometimes I CANNOT AFFECT THE CHANGE THAT I WISH TO. What's more, I usually cannot affect change by doing the SAME THING over and over, only changing my mindset or "determination". Il ne marche pas. I have been extremely slow in grasping this. I don't WANT to grasp it because it means I am incapable. Yes.
It's been a few weeks that I have been studying self-discipline in the lives of people around me and a realization has been sneakily brewing in my brain during this time. Now I finally approach the cauldron and see that REMOVING temptation or distractions can be PART OF self-discipline. My previous understanding was that you can't choose to abstain from something if you don't even have access to it. It's like saying, "I love you," because someone told you to. Hm. Or, claiming you're helping the enviro by taking the bus today ..on the same day you can't find your car keys. But's not QUITE like that, not always. Sometimes, we need to turn our back and run in the other direction, cowardly as it appears. Honestly - we will find other things to be tempted by, things that we cannot remove so WHY NOT give ourselves a leg up in the ways that we CAN control?

(This is still hard for me to swallow but now I'm just seeing it plainly. I've been confronted. I must change.)

I suppose I also realized that I need to stop claiming that I don't want to change in this way when I haven't even given this way a fair chance. As in, trying it for one day (when 18 other incidental things could fully make it unpleasant, just by fluke) doesn't allow me to see the full benefits of a complete shift.

The other day someone described an immature person as one who says, "I won't do it because I don't want to."

That's me. Oh yes, it was Doctor Phil who said it. Yes. That's me. That is me. I need to deal with it.

You know, sometimes God's grace feels like coarse sandpaper.
"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Mmmm.
Hebrews 12:11

I love that at this moment un chanson qui s'appelle Your Grace is Enough is playing. Indeed.
Remember Your promise.