Sunday, 26th December, 2010

I certainly dropped the ball with my Advent training. I feel badly but I did learn something and I have intensely enjoyed the season of Advent. I am happy I'm not religious cos I would DEFINITELY fail.


I'm chuffed about all the family quotes I was able to pull over the past few days. I have a very funny family. (85)


I thought I had more to say here, but I don't. I guess I could say I'm very happy & pleased (& grateful) for all the things I've ben learning about God the past two or three weeks. I'm also learning more than anticipated about how I view God and relate to Him (more the negative side of that but some of the positive). Still see Him as an upset taskmaster waiting for me to shape up most of the time. Other times I am only in awe and waiting & wanting to get closer to Him.

I was thinking not too long ago that if someone asked me how my "alone time" went (I had excused myself from dinner prep saying, "I need some alone time," and then more quietly, "That's code for 'Jesus Time'," and they both heard me; one understanding the other not quite) I could say that it went well because I "heard from God". I didn't really think of it that way initially --I never think of it that way -- but that's kinda how it worked out in my mind on further reflection and I took a moment to process the gravity of it. What a stinkin privilege, to hear from God. Now, I don't mean He told me to go to Niniveh or marry a prostitute or put my staff in the water, something big like that, I just mean He spoke and I listened. I spoke and He listened. I read and understood; I confessed and was forgiven. It's ...an amazing thing. I don't think about it often -- and this is what my time with Him is supposed to be EVERY DAY!

Aie. I don't know how to express it. I'm trying to say I'm aware of how fortunate I am, and many are who know God and choose to build their relationship with Him. And, its not like we're elite - it's like God desires and is faithful to a relationship with anyone/everyone. I'm amazed. And I ..it's amazing when you look at it from the p.o.v. of an unbeliever, that I can say, "I heard from God." It's different when you think He's unreachable and will only listen if you're a good person. And what He'll say is about the hoops you need to jump through and how good you aren't yet.

Bah. Biggest lie of ever. No such thing as a good person. (That stuff drives me nuts.)