Had such an intense conversation this afternoon that, later sat in front of a big screen, I couldn't focus on a baseball game. As in, it went in one ear/eye and out the other. Couldn't engage with or process it. But, it's OK because baseball (television, the MLB, entertainment) doesn't matter.

Got two massively harsh rebukes today, one from the sermon and one from across a small table. Neither made me feel very comfortable but the latter was desperately unpleasant. (It's harder when you have to make eye-contact and when there's silence after bombs are dropped.)

Aie.

Life.

Hmm. This post was supposed to have more to it but I'm at a loss.
Got an "Are you OK?" today that looked so concerned it freaked me out. Felt like I couldn't say yes! Managed to get out of it in the ideal way which made me happy cos it's rare. I told my friends that I was confused but that it was OK because I would figure it out. They seemed to understand. I felt sheepish about not getting what was being told to me but it seemed the window for re-explanations was firmly shut. Doesn't matter. I was just taken aback by the conversation and I guess it showed on my face. We worked it out.

End of convo: "How do you feel, right now, in one word?"
"A little bit sad," I replied. I was pleased with myself for having answered without thinking. It came out honest.
"You seem to be sad at the end of a lot of our conversations."
"Yeah.. And that's OK!" At this time I don't sound or look sad at all.
(No verbal response)
"Have you SEEN the world lately??"
"Yeah, I guess there is a lot to be sad about."

It is a different kind of sadness than the typical. It doesn't paralyse or breed self-pity, it's a deep dissatisfaction with the state of things -- in my case breeding motivation to affect change.

It's OK. Felt a bit badly that the person asking questions ended up looking and sounding much sadder than I had been. Eep.

Life.

(Re-)discovered today that Christ is and should be at the centre of everything. (Not me.)
What am I doing??

Huh.

Thinking about reading The New York Times on a regular basis. Something I've just glimpsed has inspired and intrigued me (about the future and about "fitting in").