There's nothing like it.

I brought three pair of earrings to work with me this morning because I couldn't decide which I wanted. I bring earrings with me almost every morning primarily because I want the extra 10 seconds to go toward getting to work on time. Secondarily it has become part of my routine to put earrings on while sitting at the kitchen table as I'm talking to my boss in the two to seven minutes we have to chat before he leaves for work. I take some comfort in that routine just like I take comfort in having something to do with my hands when stressed out in a conversation. (Our mornings are pretty unpredictable and odd.)

This morning he had left before I arrived so I pulled the three pair out while sat on the couch with the boys in the living room. I hadn't said much up til that point and as I'm typing, I feel grateful that they let me be quiet generally, as that's my natural state. Had never thought of that. That's neat. B was watching his brother do something but his attention snapped over to me as he heard the jewelry hit the coffee table. He watched me put one of each up to my sleeve and then asked what I was doing. I told him I was trying to decide a pair and, though I was certain I'd go purple cos I'd worn orange with this shirt last time and green in this lighting isn't what I thought in my dim bedroom thirty minutes prior, I asked him which ones he thought I should wear.

He developed a mild interest in my earrings a few months ago. Every now and then he'll comment on them or ask if he can put them in for me. (I like letting him put them in because it's fun dexterity skill practice and it's an extension of trust.) So, happy to have any means to engage with him, I ask for the fashion advice. He decides on the green ones pretty quickly, picking them up and telling me green is his favorite color. (I find this funny because purple is his favorite color.)

I put them in, reasoning I can change them later if it really looks horrible. A few hours later as I'm washing my hands in the loo at Work B, I look up and see the studs and it makes me smile in the warmest, funniest way. This morning was rough because I'm still trying to work for my worth and keep falling short. I can never do enough and cannot escape failure.

But, I saw the green earrings that B had selected and I smiled because I was wearing them for him. I recalled how quickly and how easily he had slid into the crook of my arm/torso the second I sat back on the couch that morning and how I had missed that. (I didn't see them at all the day before but on top of that, he and I haven't cuddled in a while.)

I appreciate how unreserved he is with his affection. Open and unthinking affection from a child is a unique thing. There's nothing like it. It's sweet that he elects to be close to me and it was a particular joy this morning to have his little cereal-eating, cartoon-watching self nestled in like he has no idea about the cares and weights on my shoulders. He has no idea. So we sat together and I wore the green earrings he'd picked for me.