When I was younger, I considered any more than zero errors on a spelling test unacceptable.

(It would still be unacceptable now, I just don't sit spelling tests anymore. The pictured sheet belongs to B.)

What a funny day.

The last three Thursdays of my life have been distinct reprieves from every other day in the week and I feel rather grateful. It's like the day Bob Hope came over to entertain the troops. It's the day of such levity set against such trudgery that it's hard to describe. It's a gift and I thank God for it. Today, after lunch with colleagues and during my umpteenth roaring laugh, a lightbulb went on as I noticed the trend. I remarked to my coworker that this was the third light Thursday in a row (we have spent the last two being silly and doing non-work work, i.e. life work), my face bright with the realisation. He smiles and nods in agreement. "They're so mirthful," I chirped.

But only yesterday was I sitting at my desk around 6pm, feeling so overwhelmed I was paralysed. I tried to half-pray and as "I don't know what to do..." came out, I started getting choked up. It was only yesterday that I sat under some intense rebuke and conviction for what felt like an hour, my head hung low, eye-contact impossible, defence non-existant. It was only yesterday that I was swatting away despair that settled every time I was alone for more than ten minutes. Only yesterday was I too sad to eat and only yesterday did I have to heart-wrenchingly beg forgiveness from a dear friend. It was also yesterday that I felt deep, angry frustration with myself because I hadn't been able to do physio for two days. That's just Wednesday. Each day has its own heaviness and struggle.

Last week I had some invasive surgery (identity re-alignment) and recovery has been rough. I'm in physio and I should have cones around my wrists so I can't tear my bandages off. I'm hurting. I've been hurt. This is hard. But God is good. In fact, He's great. 

I look forward to writing all about it on this here blog.

-- 

I wonder about the future. I wonder if I will get my next big life decision right. I wonder many, many things.

But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing to the Lord for he has been good to me.