Christmas 2011, part 3

Another customer blindsided me with the gift he brought. Shocking and funny (and sweet).

A half-dozen of Thursday's gingerbread cookies were specially designed to look like their recipients and when S___ came in, I dropped the goodiebag on the counter and said, "Aaaand, Merry Christmas. And I designed this guy to look like you." He leans over to see the cookie.

He, by the way, is a professional grump. Dislikes mornings, dislikes his job, says he is "not a conversation starter", and told me he is, "never in a good mood." Obviously I have to bug him as much as I can -- without getting my head ripped off. Some days he won't even look up and his scowl is COLD. (Sometimes I am quite uncomfortable.) It is lucky for him that I've remembered his smokes since February so when he doesn't want to talk, he doesn't have to.

So, the gingerbread dude had a large frown and a furrowed brow. (I tell you: an unhappy gingerbread man is an odd sight.) He leans over and says, "That's funny," with no change in facial expression. I smile small-ly while making change, relieved he said ANYTHING and wasn't insulted (or indifferent). He goes on, "Actually that's hilarious," his tone barely changing but sounding sincere, and at this moment of typing I am now wondering if he found it hilarious because my taking the mick out of him meant he had to laugh at himself. I don't remember how I responded but he was soon gone.

The next day he came in before 7.30 as always, looking the same as always: huge, well-worn workman's boots, factory-blue trousers, oversized fluorescent-orange & reflective-yellow fleece sweater covered in what I will call soot.
He is halfway to the counter from the door and I turn for his cigarettes. He picks up some Halls and I chirp, "Good morning!" as though I am trying to worsen a hangover - same as always. No discernible response - as usual.

I take his money and start making change. Out of nowhere, a small canister is on the counter in front of me, accompanied by a gruff, but faintly deadpan, "I don't bake." It's some holidayesque tin of chocolate wafers. It could have been full of gummy worms (I happen to really like these wafer dudes) and it could have been a re-gift but he thought of me and brought me a present.

I told him it was OK that he hadn't baked and that he didn't have time, as he later excused. I was beside myself and either said thank you a dozen times or not at all.

Christmas 2011, part 2

I wish I had put more effort into and focus on worshipping Christ at this time.
I am deeply grateful for the six 45-minute drives between home and fam that gave me time to chat with YHWH and to worship through music and verbal gratitude (maybe we call that "laud"). It was time to decompress, reenergize and refocus.


Saturday's evening service was hard for me though I'm still not sure why. It's no longer bothering me so I've let it go.

Sunday's service was pretty cool. I've never attended one on Christhams Day. I did not practice before Sunday (I forgot to make time) and so I was at 70% confidence for most songs, and like 25% for one of them. (It's normally between 85 and 95% because I work for it.) It was a distraction and I was convicted about needing to put in the time needed for me to do my job well.

During the offering I sang on my own. It wasn't until the end of the first chorus that I'd made my final decision on how much of the song I'd sing. Somewhere between verse three and the second chorus I closed my eyes and no one else was in the room. All of a sudden if I had needed confidence it was at 101% but I didn't need it because I wasn't performing.

It's a funny thing.

God is good.

At that time I was confessing sin and confessing His lordship... I was looking Him in the face, telling Him who He was and what I'd done. (And imagine- He still loves me.)

It was a SWEET, sweet sound to hear silence when I was done, shortly followed by the reading of Scripture. I was surprised that when I opened my eyes my eyelashes were wet.

My brother was going to join me that morning and I was chuffed by the prospect but at the last minute, something came up and my heart sank. I was legit looking forward to introducing him to my life in my city, to some of my friends and looking forward to chatting with him during the drive. Sigh. He says he'll come some other time. Je hope he will.

Feelin' cozy.

When I walked in about an hour ago I realized I have been on the go since Friday at 3pm -- but really Thursday was one of my more intense days, too.

It's really nice to be sat in front of the tele after dinner (in pyjamas, of course) with nowhere to be and nothing urgent and/or expensive to do. It's ....making me feel very relaxed and happy.

DON'T GET ME WRONG -

1) I love my family and loved spending time with them.

2) I do not regret staying up til 4 on Wednesday to bake five dozen gingerbread men and assemble sweets packages for my regulars (and then getting up for work at 5.30).

3) I am glad I rented a car and don't mind if my brother forgets to chip in.

4) I'm OK with how much money I've spent on gifts but I want to start saving for Christmas early next year so I can be more intentional, generous and free (I want to say libéré) with giving in the future.

5) It was worth it to come back to Guelph from Mississauga on both Saturday and Sunday to participate in church services. Very good.


---
Now is time for rest and tomorrow will be tomorrow.


I've been overwhelmed by the giving, both to and from. One of my regulars handed me a gift certificate before he walked away with his cigarettes and my jaw was on the floor. It didn't matter the card value and it's not for a place I'm in love with but that he gifted me, I just couldn't believe it. I felt so humbled, especially because that whole day people had been responding jawdropfully to what I'd given them. It is weird to have that turned about on you. And it was encouraging to have it confirmed that YES, the gesture can be meaningful.


One of my favorite gifts went to a girl who works at the Tims in the building where I work. Compassion for her has gripped my heart with an agressive, tight fist. Donno how to describe it. I am not very close to her and still haven't figured out the rhythm of conversation with her. I will try and try and try. I'm not her savior but I do want to be her friend and see how much we can chat about.

On Tuesday she bought a couple newspapers from me and told me she wasn't going to read them but to cut out Christmassy and wintry images to make her own Christmas cards. While downtown later that evening I popped into our local art store and bought several sheets and scraps of colorful, textured paper in red, green, white, silver and gold. It was so much fun to pick out and buy. And I really like art stores. And it was fun chatting with all the arty peeps working there. I was retarculously pumped to give the stuff away.

I gave her the stuff just before I left because her shift started when mine finished. She seemed really pleased before she'd opened anything and gave me a hug. The next day her coworker tells me she LOVED the stuff... said she was thrilled, gushing... She gave me another hug the next time she saw me... It was so sweet. I hope for her.

It's Christmas Eve

I don't want to be smarmy, I don't want to be an asshole. I don't want to be selfish... I want something.

I have forgotten how to blog!

I now sleep-blog. (NOT REALLY.) :(

Hearing "Bohemian Rhapsody" on the radio this morning almost made my day. I don't know why it's different than listening to it at home but it is. Someone switched the station to (angry) rock after it's been on (pop-y!) pop for weeks and I found it uncomfortable mostly because rock ("Rock") makes me feel an outsider and quite intimidated. It happened all at me through secondary school and because I don't know the Chili Peppers or OLP or Van Halen or ANYTHING, I try hard to keep quiet whenever people talk about it/them. Like... I know so little.

Anyways, listening today was a good exercise in being OK with/enduring something that isn't my first choice. However, I just entered a resto playing the familiar pop station and....WOW, it made me feel relaxed. Weird. Kinda neat.

I think Hedley will be my in. I hope they are.


Something else that made my day was an off-hand, hugely sarcastic comment my coworker made when I emerged from the loo after changing into my street clothes.

When he showed up I noticed he was much quieter than normal and hadn't smiled once. (It's allowed.) Doing some final tallies faced away from him, I whipped round on a whim and asked, "Are you feeling OK?"

A drawn out, "Yeeeaaaah," is first, sounding like he wishes something WAS actually wrong or that something bigger was wrong. He leans in slightly because our employer is nearby and continues, "I just hate this job, that's all."

"Ohhhh," I lean back and say loudly, my eyes widening because it's THAT old thing.

"And I'm tired," he adds.

"I see."

"Why do you ask?"

"You seem...." (here I'm surprised I'm lost for words. I just want an accurate adjective.) He jumped in with some ideas and I settled on, "...like you're in a bad mood," after mumbling, "quiet," and, "subdued". I was trying to say something was observably different without offending him.

He nods that he gets it, looking dead-ahead. I turn back to my maths for a second and then turn around again to take the only shot I'll take with getting him to crack a smile. "I mean, if you can't even muster the energy to make fun of me-" (his smirk breaks through) "-then it must be REALLY bad." He laughs and says I'm right.

He makes fun of me consistently but in the most unexpected way--or he just has a snappy comeback. It's greatlarious. But he's allowed to have an off day.

When I came out the loo, I was wearing my super-bright, super-loud and super-obnoxious Spongebob Squarepants t-shirt. It depicts only his smileful face. Before I even realized he had observed me, my coworker tosses over, "Nice shirt," very dryly. He is making fun of me.

I didn't know how to respond cos I wasn't expecting to be mocked today, while K wasn't his normal self. But also, while donning the shirt a moment before, I wasn't sure which, of ALL my shirts, I like more. I really like Spongebob. I had also the day before decided that I am to SB as my miserable friend (whom I formerly dubbed my arch nemesis) is to Squidward. Something about this analogy has really floated my boat and I look forward to sharing it.

Also, my coworker must know SB and me enough to see the connection - at least the obnoxiousness and silliness - and, I dunno: the culmination of all these things (not the least of which being that he was setting aside the storm cloud for a moment to have fun with me) made me repsond only with extremely giggleful laughter. As in, I looked Japanese-embarrassed (hand over the mouth, Sailor Moon eyes...insane). Let's call it momentary giddyness.

I can't well describe it but oh, well.

One last thing that made my day was getting to have a brief conversation about the Marx Brothers. Started with me pointing out a customer who looked like Harpo. J__, a supplier, totally sees it and then asks how I know who they are. I had a mini-rant on underappreciation, he did an impression, and he had to leave before I could throw in my second interesting fact, this one from an autobiography. Sigh. I may never get to share it. Let's see what happens Thursday. J is pretty darn gracious.


Good times. Queen, SB and the Marx Brothers. The way to my heart!

This morning when I drew the shades and saw snow on the lawn I was a bit shocked (tho people had forecast it yesterday) and then I realized there is something about this time of year that I like.
I do like Winter the best of all seasons and the type of crispness in the air today was really delightful. But in the past three years something intangible has developed for this season and it's really sweet. There's a strong (tender/meaningful) closeness that I feel with YHWH and there's a deep, fierce love I feel for my family. Mostly I get excited about the Messiah coming ... excitement that somehow runs to the core of me.

It is God & me. It is a close, tandem walk that makes me love Him and want to sit at His feet all day. I can't get enough.

I feel more satisfied, fulfilled and joyful at this time than I can articulate. So, the family love is an overflow of that.

I also have started reading Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" for the third year running. I think I may have developed a tradition. I thought I'd pull it out some time in December but last week it was NAGGING me and nagging me and nagging me... The book has been well intertwined with this season of my life. I'm ....overjoyed.

Christmas time 2009 I lost a lot and then I understood Jesus as the all-sufficient Savior better than I ever have. As in, the knowledge surrounds and accosts me so that I can't ignore it. It's like that massive, jolly, velvet, green robe that the Ghost of Christmas Present wears which takes up the whole floor of that grand room. It's just everywhere and it's cozy.

So...yay.

triet XXXIX

Today I

(1) Recoiled and exclaimed in horror when an acquaintance asked me to feel their injured arm as it went crunch-crunch-gross. (Legit freaked me out.)

(2) Was given my first negative comment ever about my earrings - and by someone I know. (I don't really get how that's better than saying nothing.)

(3) Failed to answer an earnest "why are you so nice?" and "how can I be like you?" barrage. (I am working out plans to answer tomorrow.)


We shall see.

#24 Industrial

On the bus on my way home now. I went to work to chat with K_____, who I agreed with on Friday to meet today.
He has a lot to say and some strong opinions. Unfortunately, when we talk I'm working which means we're constantly interrupted. On Monday he let me share the Gospel with him (SUPER roughly) and throughout the week he's been bugging me, keeping the convo going. He doesn't believe Christ is God, but rather a prophet.
I'm disappointed that we didn't get to talk cos I WANT to hear him out and I want to be able to answer his questions. [God is sovereign.]


ON THE BRIGHT SIDE:
All this week I've been forced (read: happily accepted the responsibility) to read more Bibs and find specific passages for things I've never needed specific Scriptures for.
I've been waiting for the chance to tangle with a Muslim. This is awesome.

On the bright side,
In my brief research on other denominations (gag) I now have some concrete descriptors that I will surely use in countless future conversations. K says that all churches are the same and I am sad that he is wrong. All of us misrep.

If he doesn't see the distinctions then that's fine: I can't make him but if he happens to be most familiar with Catholicism and uses that brush to paint us all then I want him to at LEAST know that I'm saying I'm not like them. Sigh. I had to surf too many pages to find a name of God on the United Church's website. Seriously, guys. What are you doing?

On the bright side, I am more convinced of who Christ is because on Monday, K and I differed on about a dozen different things (maybe more) but Christ's Sonship and deity is the ONE thing he came back to me on. Jesus makes people creep and take stances. He's a pretty big deal.

I attended a Guelph Storm hockey game today.

I daydreamed about being at the Sky Dome for most of the first period. Sigh. I've never missed baseball so hard.

Mmpf.

I enjoyed the evening, for sure. I almost didn't go because I was dirt-tired but I am glad I did and amazed I stayed so lucid. No drooping eyelids. However, it DID cost me $14 in moustaches (WOW).
On the 7th of November, I pledged fifty cents a stache. It is for my customers with gross things on their upper lips. As the month draws to a close I've decided I need to come up with a thank-you or a token or something to encourage the participants. Still brainstorming.

Week before last I burst out laughing when my moustachioed cross-street friend came in. It's just so gross and kinda awesome. It is Ron Burgundyesque. I told him why I was laughing and he "maaaaaawwhhh"-ishly agrees (he knows what it looks like). THEN he asks me in the gravelly-est nasty, cargo-van creepy voice, "Got any kids you want me to babysit?"

I fell on the counter laughing and then he laughed just as hard. Every now and then I'm still in awe of how close to real-life friends we've become. As in, yesterday I was indirectly urged to go visit after work to hear an epic story that couldn't be told in the time of a sale transaction. Because we talked about 18 million other things he didn't START his story until a customer came in and he had to go drop them off. I stayed the five minutes, waiting. Before he was half-way through the story he had to drop off another customer.

All told, I stayed for about an hour and a quarter. Just chatting with a guy I sell fuel to. Amazing. Convo got deep...for him and his story but also for me, later. I actually left after confiding bits of a dark past, clarificaton on a previous conversation. Before I left (like, hand on the door slightly ajar, sombre face and thousand-yard stare) he was shaking his head at my last, "Feel free to ask me about that." He said, "You know better. It may have happened in the past but you KNOW better than to let that happen again."

Next topic:
Also on Thurslilly, I spent 93 cents on a chocolate chip cookie that made someone's day. As in, he was beside himself. Ninety-three cents.
P___, our Red Bull rep, came at the same time he comes every Thursday morning but we couldn't pay. On a normal day we have more than enough cash on hand to do it after 2 1/2 hours of business. Thursday was slow and my boss forgot there was a back-up option for such cases til after P___ agreed to return later to collect. I was frustrated that my bosses often put people out AND DON'T CARE. It FRUSTRATES me. Often it'd take minimal effort to accomodate others. Oh, well.

The bond I've built with P has come largely through action and attitude, not through conversation. I find this hard because in conversation I can gauge the depth so much better. But whatever- I'll be/do whatever I need to. He's become really good at reading my facial expressions which is pretty funny but also impressive. I don't think I know very many males that are intuitive.

I labelled it the "Consolation Cookie for P___" and reading it, he smiled and looked to me with anticipatious eyes. He asked if it was from me so I said Yes and explained why. He told me it made his day and thanked me (very much) twice. He spit out his gum gruffly and said he was, "gonna eat it right now," sounding like an eight-year-old...with a chocolate chip cookie. Haha.

Ninety-three cents.

a pair of doublets

A. Today when I alighted the bus this afternoon I looked to see if the guy who watches me was there. He was, and he seemed to be looking to see if I was among the crowd. My bus was late so I needed to wait 25 minutes for a transfer. The bus I wanted docs by him so I stayed where I was, entirely blocked by huge slats of plywood around a statue. I stood and continued to listen to the sermon I was in.

(1) I soon spotted one of my regulars walking toward me and shifted the headphones off my left ear to nod and say hey. He was chatting with someone (and eating a REALLY TINY packet of crisps) so I figured a passing greeting.
He stays and is VERY chatty. (In the past he's been pretty inconsistent.) He is also somewhat physical and trying to use flirtatious language, despite being a little drunk. I'm thankful that we see one another so inconsistently and that he forgets, to some extent, what has happened.

(2) I keep listening and then decide to pick up a travel mug from across the street. Soon as I step out from behind the public statue cover he is there. He has walked across the street to come see me. BARF. I nod a not-courteous recognition and continue toward the intersection. He persists and is asking me how I am and whether I'm enjoying the sunshine. He asks when we can talk... when I am free. I say I don't know.

Fellas, if you ask a woman when she's free and she says she doesn't know, do you understand what she really means? To me, it's not rocket science but I must be wrong.

I was moslty scowling ... I walked away while he was still talking, and I think he was asking for my number. It's all very weird and gross and dumb. I need to do better; I really do.


B. Friday held some fun surprises (and I present them by way of contrast!).

(1) When I arrived I saw the regular who put up the sign for us a couple weeks ago in line for the ABM with his little son, probably five years of age.

"My apprentice," S____ supplies when I've made a "this is awesomeness" face, indicating the little one. His kids have come up a few times in conversation and our mutual comfort and friendship has developed enough by now that meeting his family would be cool (read: somewhat meaningful).

"Your apprentice- ha," is my mindless reply. It's funny and cute (because the kid is cute) but not that original. "What's his name?" I ask in my unbridled kids-are-sweet-and-precious tone which sneaks up on and gets the better of me every couple of weeks.

"Brandon," he tells me, happy/proud dadly.

"Brraandon," I repeated with an almost musical intonation, bending down to address the child instead of gossipping. "Can I have a high-five?" I felt badly that I caught him so off-guard that he didn't have time to wind up and wallop my palm like I know he could and would have. Next time!

Later at the counter buying 500mL of chocolate milk, I asked S____ if the tea was for his son all along. (This is the three cream, two sugar that I was permitted to mock mercilessly.)

"No, he's drinking something manlier, according to you." My coworker who was actually cashing them out laughed heartily at this, which surprised me. I laughed but was distracted by the sideways pot shot he'd taken. But ALSO, the little dude, who I didn't think was even listening, smiled HUGE. Hahaha I hope he understood his dad just said Brandon was manlier than him. Magical.

(2) Went across the street to kill time after work before heading to a nearby banquet hall. [Side note: Never been able to say, "I gotta go to this fundraising dinner for work." Wish I had used it more.]

Had a good time chitchatting with B______. Unfortunately, as has become the norm, we ALMOST got into it on a topic where we both have strong opinions but flitted (that's not a typo; I mean flitted) around too much to really dig in. Additionally, I deeply regret not giving a full, proper answer to his inquiry about the dinner. I don't get a lot of opportunities to share my faith at work, and I've never had one with him.

He told me that it's not right for Muslim boys to be permitted to bring daggers to school because it's part of their religion. We had been talking about police officers being permitted to wear hijabs as part of their uniforms. I agree with him.. but not only that compromising the uniform is a problem. I would go one step further to say the hijab (and all religious trappings) are useless and should be done away with -- but really we just need to be done with religion. Don't know if he would go that far - but I didn't even get to ask. Disappointment.

Anyways, he says he's pretty sure if he sent his kid to school with a knife it wouldn't go down well. I agree and say the situation is preposterous. There's a break and I think it's an appropriate time to ask, "Do you have kids?" I'm sure he doesn't but I'm asking.

"Noooot yet..."

I wait, in case he's musing about the greater question of whether to procreate. Nothing comes so I pursue. "What?"

"It's not...OUT yet," he continues, gesticulating strangely. I don't know if he means "the secret" or the decision or if he's just being weird like he so often is.

"You mean..." I'm starting to pick up that he is downplaying on purpose. It IS what I think it is even though his body language doesn't match. My eyes get bigger, a stupid smile appears and the pitch of my voice is getting higher and higher. He is leaning against a counter that's perpendicular to me, fiddling with paper in his hands and saying little.

The next chunk of conversation is a bit blurry but I know I got increasingly visibly excited, making him confirm a few times that YES, his lady is pregnant. He made eye-contact with me just once and it seemed he was searching for a trace of insincerity or sarcasm. He looked at me when "That's so exciting!!" exploded out of my mouth. I may also have done an involuntary Mrs. Klump clap or five. (The "Hercalees! Hercalees!" clap.) I did it.

He was mostly "yep"s and nods. I was and am pretty amped up.

Then, realizing I might be grossly misreading him, I verify. "I'm assuming this is your first child. Is it?"

WITHOUT SKIPPING A BEAT, without looking up and with incredible deadpan, he replies, "I wave at the school bus sometimes. Some of them might be mine." It was too funny. I was happy for him because he's clearly much more comfortable cracking wise than being congratulated.

I felt pretty googely-eyed for a while after that and I think it was compounded by the joy of meeting S____'s boy earlier, as well. GOOD DAY. I felt blessed that I know these people enough to learn and care about their families. Just remembered I was so excited at B that I asked, "How many boy or girl?" and didn't bother to correct it. It was a great character for a day to have, especially after Harlot Thursday which we won't speak about. Thank God I don't receive the proper punishment my Gomorrah self deserves. Thank God.

I think I might start using names stead of first letters and blanks. It's kind of annoying (and hindering).

Why do razors cost a hundred and sixty dollars?? Come on.

I'm listening to Chris Tomlin sing about God at an uncomfortably high volume so it drowns out the bottom 2 1/2 layers of cynicism in my mind. It is helping; He is the King of Glory.

SPEAKING of cynicism, I was talking to my favorite cynic, Miserable S____, at work yesterday and he told me he was hurt that I had called him a super villain.

[Interior: fuelling station concourse.]
Last Friday, I'm leaving and must walk past him at the ABM to do so.

S: "How's it goin'?" Same tone, timing, inflection as ever.

Uninterested in the topic I ask if he won the millions because he'd just been checking his lotto tix at the back.

"God, I wish."

"What?"

"God, I wish."

"OH. I thought you said, 'God, I hate you,' which I would understand because--"

"Because you're mocking me?"

"Well that, too, but I meant because, well, if we were super heroes, we'd be arch nemeses because YOU'RE super cynical and I'M kinda optimistic."

"Do you really think I'm trying to take over the world? Do you think that little of me?"

"That's not what I meant..."

"You said we were arch nemesis."

Desperately groping, "I also said you were super -- and a hero."

He looks at me with a full "nice try" expression that, if coached could make a great girlfriend-rejecting-an-excuse-for-a-forgotten-anniversary face.

I decide it's time to walk away. "I....love digging holes for myself."

He laughs and yells, "Take care." Again it's the same "take care" as always (a superficial phrase coming from anyone but an intentional, affectionate one coming from him).


(I don't know what's happened in the last couple weeks but he seems to be less annoyed with me than ever. I think it changed after I made a conscious decision to back off.)

[Interior: fuelling station cash counter.]
The first hole I had dug was the Saturday before last when I was called in to cover a sick coworker. S____ walks in with civilian clothing. I don't notice him and almost don't recognize him without the blue coveralls of a welder.

Before I have a chance to think, I'm saying I am shocked because he looks like "a real person".

Well phrased, Jesskah, well phrased.

Of course he takes exception and of course I am making less and less sense while getting more and more flustered. Amusing for him, frustrating for me.

[Present. Interior: fuelling station concourse.]
I was leaving and he spoke civilly to me as he bought gas from my coworker.

Later, because I have time and the Tims line is long enough, I go find S and check to see if the "real person" comment had, in any way, been legitimately offensive.

S: "I'm more hurt that you called me a super villain."

Body posture and whiney tone on the cusp of grovelling: "All I was trying to illustrate was that we're opposites."

Straight face, no hesitation, earnest tone: "Is this a race thing?"

I laugh briefly like the wind has been taken out of me because I am dead shocked. (I have never made racial jokes with him.) The only response I have is, "In that case we'd be HALF-opposites," and he laughs.

"It's been a long time since someone's pulled the race card on me," I continue because I am still too shocked to say anything but exactly what I'm thinking.

I persist, digging for any real problems. He unkindly allows me to squirm. I finally quit, saying, "I'm just gonna walk away and assume that we're cool..." with a speak-now-or-forever-hold-it raised-eyebrow face.

He (ever smug) says nothing and lets me leave. Calling later, "You make it too easy."


I donno what happened. But whatever it is, he's amused, I'm honest and ONE day... maybe ONE day we will have the real conversation I'm dying to have.

Today was a pretty good day.

I think I could possibly go for some street meat right now.

I'm watching "House M.D." (cos the owners of the house I live in have Rogers on Demand aaaaand a big-screen HD beats a little iPhone or choppy laptop screen any day) and LIKING it. Been looking for 45 minutes to spare to do this for about five days and though I will pay for these forty-five minutes with sleep, I'm feelin good.

I slept in so hard this morning. It was awesome. I eventually crawled out of bed to pour cereal then ate that in bed. I like not being rushed in the morning AND getting eight hours of sleep.

Sometimes I like my job. (Which one does she mean? Both.)

I started listening to Romans 12 while I shovelled whole grains down my gullet but had to keep pausing it when my attention became divided. Then I stopped it altogether because I could not manage to hold back the tide that was "processing yesterday".

Yesterday was so flippin weird. It saw three different regulars at work drop an F-bomb for the first time in my hearing. (Just weird that it was all on one day.) They all shocked me and two made me laugh.

N_____ was pulling five-dollar scratch tickets from the tray and one popped out that he didn't want. As if it was static electricity-charged cellophane sticking to his hand or a fly repeatedly landing on his food he said, "f--- off," dismissively but not angrily. He sounded like he had a case of the Fridays, anyways. My eyes bugged and I just looked at him, starting to smile and expecting an explanation. (Last week he walked in whistling and my first question was, "Really? You're THAT happy?" He tells me he's just a happy guy. So, this cuss seemed to be a bit of a contrast ...though I do realize he's a grown man who works in a factory, not a nursery.) He didn't answer my implied question, trying to get away with it by pretending nothing had happened.
".... Did you just say what I think you did?"
A super-guilty, "No," pops out with a smirk and I laugh. "I said, 'Boston Rules'," and of course I laugh even harder. Boston Rules. (He's a Bruins fan.) I think maybe it was funnier cos it made me picture him a kid in the 70s defending the honor of someone like Led Zepplin.


I found a copy of The Maple Leaf Rag downstairs and started trying it out. I wanted The Pineapple Rag to be in there because it's the one rag from The Sting (1973) that's not on the soundtrack. Apparently I like ragtime. Honest? I REALLY like ragtime. Chuffed about how quickly I've picked up the whole first page. It's been so long since I've found something in the perfect challenge range: I can make steady, discernable progress but still get frustrated and still need to study the music, not cut corners. It's a blessing. :) I have been wanting to take advantage of the fact that there's a piano in the house I live in. Epic.


This week, as I have told four different people, has been marked by selfishness for me. It is gross. By Thursday I was trying to MAKE myself feel remorse but it was hard. I WANTED to do what was right but the wrong thing felt so much better. It is VERY GOOD that I did not get my way. Very good.

On Thursday I began praying for specific encouragement for what I'm doing at (cashiering) work. Tonight that request was granted. I am quite smileful for it and am energized to go even HARDER (to plan more, to pray more, to give more, to focus better) next week and however many weeks following I have here. It's....very good.

I am looking to next week to be a do-over of this week. I took advantage of people and put my desires first, first, first. If Sunday morning does its job I should be sufficiently put in my place to do next week better. God didn't give me that job so I could get a swollen ego.

Last night I went pubbing with a dear friend. It was great. I liked the part where I came home from work (I have a job and a home; thank You, Jesus), made dinner, chilled and then got ready to go out. I think I don't go out on Fridays like I wish I did. I love staying in and often the end of my weeks NEED to be spent alone, decompressing but this I was looking forward to. Really feel humbled whenever this friend makes time for me.
Good chat, DELICIOUS beer (it's been a while) and bangin tunes. On a whim, invited some friends who were nearby to join us. It's difficult to put into words how the night went after our party size doubled but I enjoyed myself. I guess it was a peculiar mix and thoroughly unpredictable -- but good. I'm still processing it.

I did not expect them but I very much liked the serious bits of the conversation. (I adore serious/heavy conversation.) Such transparency I haven't witnessed in a while. I was glad I did not do the lion's share of the talking.

I think, however, what struck me the most last night was what I discovered about the friendship that has recently been through the ringer (and twice pronounced dead in my mind). I learned (LOUDLY) that the foundation is stronger than I thought. It's getting stitched back together and I'm in no rush.

I missed you.

And, it meant a lot to hear what you said.

H.R.H.

I just listened to 50 Queen songs in a row.

Not entirely sure how I decided "A Night at the Opera" was a good soundtrack for a Day Alone With God but there it is. It was a good soundtrack. One thing led to another and I was soon listening to four albums back-to-back and in chronological order. Good times. "News of the World" comes out again as my favorite Queen album and among my top five favorite albums of life.

"Leaving Home Ain't Easy" sounded differently to me from what it has in the past ten or whatever years I've been listening to this album. After the first time Brian May sang the title in the chorus, in my head I said, "I find going home so much harder," as if he and I were in conversation. Funny. Home is such a funny thing.

I'm trying to write more but all I really have to say is that I like Queen and I really enjoyed listening to them today. It was a good DAWG and I used that music to worship.

Next episode: Michael Bublé.

And SPEAKING of mo'staches...

Where I work, I get to see PLENTY. Ruining perfectly good faces and being hilarious all at the same time.

Yesterday I asked two of my regulars, "How's the moustache?" in place of where I normally migh ask "how are you?". (They do have a knack for stealing one's attention.) Both men seemed ready for December 1st to be tomorrow but were also OK with putting up with the things.

Last week a long-time regular, T___ came in and I just looked at him and said sternly, "Is that what I think it is?" [If you translated me from Greek, that would be the NIV and the ESV would have said, "Not you, too..?"]

He smiled and asked proudly, "What? A mo?"

I think I said, "ARGH!" in response but I was mostly laughing. I bug him as much as I can. (He's in a few times a day.)

Yesterday I saw him out at #8 and said through the intercom, "If you still have that thing on your face, don't even bother coming in."

Without skipping a beat he asks, "So gas is free today?"

I laugh and explain that his coworker (who was presently in line for Tims) could pay for the gas.

"Oh." Slight pause. "Yeaaah, I'm still creepin'."

I forgot to push the "talk" button when I laughed LOUDLY which is too bad cos a good funny deserves the reward of a good laugh.


Some day recently a dude came in with a LEGIT horseshoe moustache (almost Hulk Hoganesque) and I think I've seen him two or three times before so I was appreciating the mo'effort.

He puts his hand to his head in greeting and announces, "Ola!" before asking for some Canadian Classic something. Silver small regular, maybe. He caught me by surprise AND I was organizing the cash drawer AND my brain was firmly elsewhere.

I smiled because he was so upbeat, finished with the drawer, took a breath and asked, "Did you just salute me?"

"Yeah, cos you're hot."

"And did you just say, 'Ola'?"

"Yep," he nods.

"OK, just making sure." I was so gone in my mind that I basically wanted an instant replay. He clearly just wanted his cigarettes. "And what kind of cigarettes did you want?"

He trips over his words twice but finally gets it out. Some cigs orders are a mouthful; I know that. But he says, "I'm having such a hard time talking because I have this thing on my face and I know people are looking at it."

I had to laugh (at the honesty, the way he said it, and out of sympathy). "I actually really like it." (I was honest. I would have said it in March.)

"I look like an asshole."

"It's better than looking like a pervert.."

"Oh. I thought I looked like both."

"No. There are some pervy staches out there... You don't look like a pervert."

"Alright! Good Monday!" and he skips away.


Oh, Movember. There are more stories I could tell and I shudder to think what will happen as they, to quote my creepin friend, "only get bushier".

I did get the chance to apologize today.  It went better than hoped.
I was stocking when they came in, so we were able to talk without making other customers wait and without being overheard.  They wanted to wave the apology off; I knew what I had done came out of my Old Self and that guy just needs to be put to death.

It went really well.
And, I took a first step in trying to talk with a coworker about a supertouchy subject.  I can't say nothing but it's gonna be tough getting her to listen.

I gave a birthday gift and card to a coworker that I put a lot of time and effort into. It was better received than expected and that just about made my day. :) :)


I got nasty news on Monday and while I was still lost in processing/not-processing the newb (my bowling opponent) walked in. All the any kind of anything I had for him or going with him simply evaporated. It was weird. I didn't care anymore and felt there was nothing worth pursuing. Fortunately, our interaction was centred on the horrifying mo'stache the man had insisted on growing.


UGH. Those things.