I was thinking,

about an email I had just written, while looking for something in my bedroom. I thought aloud about a more sarcastic reply I could have written. Someone asked me, as a side-note to the main bit of the email, if I could bring their scissors to our next meeting. (I have had this girls scissors since the last week of November, methinks.) I wrote her, yes of course, but in my thinkalouds, I said, with a pseudo laugh, "Sure I can give you back what belongs to y--" and I kinda stopped there as a revelation came piercing through the wall and right into the side of my skull like the sharpest blowdart. It came out of nowhere and took me down fast. I made the connection that I always make: that phrase is the alternate title for evangelism - giving back to God what belongs to Him. That thought made me smile like I just drank an excellent apple cider or received a piece of snail-mail from someone I haven't heard from in years. ah


While rounding the south-west corner of Wellington and Neeve Streets, I spied two men ahead in long trench coats looking aimless and immaculate. Oh joy, it's the Mormon missionaries. (Am I allowed to be cynical? Probably never.)
I tried to avoid them but my stupid don't-be-rude mechanism kicked in at the last moment. I don't know what's wrong with me; that mechanism usually gets me into trouble. He asked what I thought of Jesus Christ and something else. I told him that I believed the Good News and that it revolutionized my life. (Something made me desperate to avoid using a simple label or all-inclusive term to explain myself.) He told me about the prophet John Smith and the book of Mormon, briefly. He wanted to know if he could come to my house some time and tell me some things...about other things. He looked very calm. He spoke rather clearly and had somehow mastered the art of actually listening to what I was saying, but turning it into binary code or something less personal and more easily processed. It's like I was talking to a telemarketer who wrote the book on rebuttals. I wanted to "get out of there." I wanted to be at home and NOT talking to this person. I did not want to get to the point where I had to be rude or to walk away, mid-conversaion because he was pushing too hard. I told him I didn't "buy" the deals about the book of Mormon and John Smith. He harped on the word. "I don't believe it, is what I meant," I supplied. What makes you say that? I've heard it before. Some [Mormon dudes] came to my house because my friend invited them and I just don't buy it. Why? Because the Gospel is complete, was my answer which sounds cheap when I know that so much of the "foundation" that we would both have is similar, meaning that, if I had an identical building block, that is a foothold for him; a cripple to my argument. I hate that. I thought about it afterward. I wondered what I should have done differently. It's not fair for me to say this guy is like all the other Mormon guys I have encountered. Nothing about him struck me as different but it's still not fair. I wondered if I was under obligation to try to tell him the Truth. I think I was because he certainly needs it as much as the rest of us. I admit that I had written him off because, when you get culted, you don't usually come out. It's not fair to write people off and I know that but I do it often. I was more focussed on me getting away, than I was on telling this man what is true for true. I suppose I was swayed by my desire to go home, my lack of confidence in my "apologetics" and my extreme lack of patience. I do not like being bullied. I may or may not have taken a couple of swings at this guy's face in my mind. I thought hoity-toitily about how much better my or our methods are. That is most probably wrong. I mean... methods are a dangerous subject, (b) it's all God and (c) pride is not your friend. On the other hand, if you need to convince someone of the truth of your spirituality then there is something wrong. I suppose I am speaking from my personal monotheistic standpoint. I thought of the pamphlets and DVDs that my former housemate ended up with. If you need to drill something into my head until I yield out of wanting the pressure to be relieved or out of having my spirit broken - if I can make the decision to believe you because of logic then it aint right. The Gospel makes absolutely NO sense and it needs no paraphernalia to penetrate. I guess I kinda like that about the ol' Gospezillio. I suppose if I were less selfish I would have tried harder to plant a pea under their mattresses. That is the best I expect to be able to do. There is far too much allegedly impregnable doctrine and religion drilled into their head for me to expect it to unravel in one conversation. It happens but I don't expect it to happen with someone like me. Mmm, I need to stop putting the expectations of self on God. This guy's partner had approached someone else who came through the intersection. He followed the man up the street for far too long and when he got the official official boot off the island, he tried to talk to a woman right behind him, walking her dog. I can't stand that kind of insensitivity. The rudeness blows my mind. A greatly scaled-down version of this is people coming to have a conversation with me when I am (CLEARLY) reading. That aint even right. but... it's not the topic of now. I aim to not be a colonizer or a turn-or-burn ideology pusher. On the other hand there is one thing - JUST ONE - that I could say I admire about the Mormon organization. Wow I am inwardly cringing so much right now to say this, I hope it's some form of humility otherwise I really don't want this. From what I understand, all men are required to serve 2 years as missionaries (and women 1?). From what I gathered about these two (and they may be particularly out-going, shameless guys), they will/would approach EVERY person who walks by them, provided they are not already in a conversation. That is more than I can say for my behavior when I go downtown to talk to peeps about God. I shoot about 2 or 3 for 10, I'd say. Oh - I meant to mention: the calmness is unsettling (creepy?) and also makes me think that this guy's reliance was on the wrong thing/person. But to be so desperate to tell your story that you stop people on the streets... it sounds early-church-esque. Granted, there is no way I will concede that persisting after someone has said NO (especially more than once) is a good thing. This is an invitation to the best party (or, as I like to refer to it, after-party) of all time. The Guest of Honor is someone you'd surely like to celebrate, the music will be awesome, food's taken care of, you can invite your friends, there is NO CURFEW and it's generally a bumpin great time. Nonetheless, this is still an invitation. Who is going to enjoy a party to which they had to be bodily forced through the door? Does that even work? I can ask you if you want to come 18 times and wave the invitation in your face all I want but if you choose to decline, you choose to decline. I oughta take you at your word though. I mean, hey, the party's still a few weeks away, if you change your mind in the future, you know where to find me. Or maybe someone else will invite you, too. Maybe you'll see some posters up or hear about it on Facebook. Well... I hope I didn't break some copyright law using that name.