like I'm blindfolded, the blood circulation to my hands has been cut off,

and I'm unable to tell you the object that's been placed into them,

I don't know what I feel. 

It's great. It feels like a lot of work. It often seems impossible to get it right.

"One day", perhaps? If that "one day" doesn't come, I suspect I will be more than devastated.

Wondering if I experimented with doing exactly what I felt would help when feelings became overwhelming, if I would be checked in to some kind of facility. I don't mean dangerous things, but probably very odd things. Maybe that would be a good start, for all I know.

Sometimes it helps to say things out loud. Other times I wish I was better. I wish I had a real life to live, one with real passions and focus. I wish I was better. I wish writing this post wasn't surreal. I wish I could see God better. I wish I did more. I wish I weren't so selfish.