pop quiz:

that food was so spicy that:

a) it gave me the hiccups,
b) it made my nose run,
c) it prevailed over three pieces of bread and 2 cups of orange juice,
d) my tongue felt like it was bleeding when I finished, or
e) all of the above.



how about f) you're a gimp...

OH, my godness,

and Matthew McConaughey. (This must be why I was under the impression that these two were both such good actors...finding myself subsequently disappointed. Meeeehhh.. I need to do some research.)

Sammy J's best acting role ever,

hands down, is Carl Lee Hailey in A Time to Kill (1996). No question.

I miss tension....

I (kinda) long for the days when I fought with people. I don't wanna be a..... a violent person or a poop-disturber of sorts, not really.
I think I'm just looking for some good old-fashioned primal confrontation. (Not too primal..just gutsy.) It's not necessarily that I want to go through something painful - though I don't think this would be painful since the reason it's so confrontational is that we've forsaken tact and politeness and concern about people's feelings - it's just that I want to go through something _____. Something something. I'm weird.
I was recollecting a Sunday afternoon moment, when, standing with a group of about six people about to part ways, a friend of mine was about to share something I had said the day before. Because I "knew" [you never really KNOW, do you?] - because I knew what she was going to say, I overlapped toward the person she was more specifically addressing, "She's gonna exaggerate this, just so you know," and I caught the weirdest look for it. It wasn't so much weird as it was unique, in terms of all the facial expressions I've ever seen this person pull in the four years I've known her. But I could guess. It was something like mild shock and preparation to be offended. I don't remember all of what she said but it definitely started with "Well..." She tried to protest but.. I think she was mostly deflated that I had ruined the effect of the story.. pretty much. (I can't say I don't approve of this outcome.)
My goal was to temper her effects, really. I mean when people tell certain stories a certain way - and the person they're talking about reacts a certain way, everyone believes the teller and laughs at the subject. (I hate this.. and it happens too often. I feel like I'm being pummeled in the corner. Maybe that makes me a weak person. Maybe I'm hypersensitive. Still...I make no apologies.) This friend has done this to me MANY, MANY times cuz it's part of her personality. She does it to other people, I've seen, but I'm guessing they deal with it better than I do. I try to correct people... I try to say, This is what actually happened. Or if I'm lucky, I drop a direct quote. Sometimes it's a matter of reason... "Well how could THAT have happened if THIS is clearly true?" Meh... I'm annoyed.

The moral of the story is, I'm glad I got to do that because... I think I'll do it more.

Today.... today, two of my friends were talking about a get-together that we (plus another out-of-townie person) are trying to plan for the near future. The role of information hub has fallen to me which, essentially I don't mind because I talk to the other three quite regularly and I know how to do the relay thing. But in this particular case it has been very frustrating because I end up being viewed as a mouthpiece or a representative or a secretary for the person whose information I'm sharing and I get asked questions that I simply cannot answer. Don't shoot the messenger... Don't interrogate the messenger. Man, screw the messenger, just go talk to the person.
I had said something like, "Man, we suck at communication," or, "We should just all talk at the same time. That might help," in an unforgiving tone. I was not amused. I walk to another room. Friend 1 arrives and Friend 2 starts asking questions to help get our communal information up-to-date. (This is good, sure.) They talk, and I'm doing stuff, whatever, listening, but not looking at them... Then they stop. "Jess...?" I say, "Yea?" without looking up. No answer. So I look. Their expressions don't change, NEIther of them. So I don't know how to react. I keep looking because I expect people who call my name to have something to say, ask, show, give etc. to me. "What," without an upward tone comes out to cut the silence, slightly. I'm still not smiling and don't intend to. Finally I explain: "There was no question..what am I supposed to answer?" They look at each other awkwardly and fumble over some words. "Oh. I guess uh...yea that'll work." Or something. There wasn't much substance cuz they were only trying to talk to cover their awkwardness. I don't.... care. (Can I say that? I hope I read this post tomorrow and can call myself a boorish dolt.) I can't stand people calling my name for no reason -- not just that but expecting me to know what they're about when it's not obvious. If I even had a slight idea, I'd try, I promise. Don't make me guess and just stare me in the face in the mean time. You think I'm playing with you but the truth is I'm just ignorant. Friend 1 does this to me all the time. It pisses me off. Mmmm

Well I need to go talk to God now, and throw around some apologies. Mm-hmm.

I am sad that Prizon Break wasn't on tonight.

Stoopid baseball...

I don't like seeing jobs posted online AFTER they've already been posted weeks earlier and AFTER I have had interviews there. BOO! It's happened twice and BOTH from 'views that I nailed. Ahh.. it's stupid conflicts of schedules and crap like that. Boooooourns.

still addicted to the cuss

I've been wondering about this lately.
I was trying to figure out what it is that made me able to drop f-bombs (not all the time and never in writing - weird) without getting that foul taste in my mouth and rude sting of regret everywhere else. I mean, it's not painful but neither is it good. Nevermind "good" in terms of the rest of the world or other peole or the Bible, I mean I hardly enjoy it. It's... I'm in the wrong spot between extremes. I'd need to either hang out with people who cussed all the time, making me normal, OR I would need to hang out with people who thought the f-bizzy had its place or... was funny or .. something. I dunno. But I'm not in the right spot. Still, the tempatation remains. It's not like it used to be, either. I used to fantasize about being able to swear out of righteous (or snapping) anger - something that I think "justifies" me.
I'm kinda disappointed that the sound doesn't shock me anymore. Like... it used to be the weirdest flip-out moment for me, every time. I miss that.
I was remembering that it was my friend (who's a Jesus-lover) who dropped a few Fs those many weeks ago who made me think it was "OK" to swear. OK is a bit of a cop-out term but I've got nothing less. I think the incident totally played on my weaknesses, like I was simply waiting for a green light..sitting at the intersection gunning my engine over and over and over again....
Ahh... I was thinking the other day that "the only thing that could stop me" would be if another Jesus-loving friend were to tell me something. I mean, clearly I can't tell me anything and I'm not reading the Bible properly so maybe I gotta go out the same way I came in. (Does this mean I want to stop?)
So I swore today.. because.. well for whatever reason (not really a "good") one and my friend, the only one in the room who heard me - as I intended - said something very contextual and I responded. Then she asked, "Do your flaunt your freedom?" and I replied as quickly as I could, "Unpack that." She said, "No... I can't." Unsure, I claimed, "Well I don't know how to answer that." (I'm sure I don't...) [pause] "What does that mean?" "I don't know, I just want you to think about it. [beat] Galaish it up."
Is that a rebuke? I have to ask myself. Was that it?
In the back of my heart I keep thinking (to God), Was that it? Was that You coming down on me? Shall I take heed?
Hmm... I want to say, "I'm still not sure," but that's a mask. "I'll have to think about that," is a truism. I asked her in the car whenst we left, "What does it mean to flaunt your freedom," borderline exasperated. I know in this sitchs that if you push to hard you lose it all together. You gots to coax it out (if possible). "Coax" is a great Scrabble word. She said she didn't really know, for serious. She said something that resembled, "I don't even know why I said it," which evoked a bitter-sweet reaction in me. On one hand, I thought maybe she was being random and didn't really have anything to say to me (though that theory is faulted by her reference to Galatians). But on the other hand, I thought maybe she was just being an obedient vessel. Ugh.. I hate it when that happens. (I mean I think it's cool but I don't always like.. being corrected. Or humbled. And it is of course in this moment right here that I remember praying either yesterday or the day before that God would humble me. Ah-ha. So He's still listening then. Got it.) Obedient vessel it is. I guess that's the end of that.

(wouldn't it be great if I could voluntarily write a post - a sister post, even - called, "addicted to the cross"? ahh, one day.)

I think my favorite hero just might be the Headless Horseman (all forms).

Between early afternoon of Saturday the 6th and early morning of Tuesday the 9th, I watched four films at my Dad's house. (Four films I've never seen before.) And I was struck by the fact that each film had something very peculiar in common. I wish I was a drama student, that I might express this concisely but I'm not so I'll just flounder.

• We Are Marshall - 2006
• Constellation - 2005
• Even Money - 2006
• Freedom Land - 2006

I feel like there were actually five films I watched cuz I remember it seeming like TOO MANY for that period of time. O well.

We Are Marshall I happened to be looking forward to seeing because I had watched an interview with Matthew McConaughey talking about the role and about the story the film was based upon. I got tired of Hollywood sports movies about 6 or 7 years ago (maybe more) because there's a limit to how many times I'll watch the SAME story over and over again. I'm pretty sure I've avoided them since. This one I ordinarily would have declined to watch but that little interview convinced me that this may not be from a cookie-cutter. It was good in that respect, it really was. The film surprized me in some ways, it seemed respectful enough to not go too crazy with embellishing the story and generally it was a well put-together piece of action. I think the common theme among these four films is that I couldn't figure out what they were getting at. I watch them and I want to ask, What's the point?, not like they're wasting my time but I don't get what the writer/director/producer people are trying to say. I don't know WHY they made the film. And that's cool. I appreciate the mystery.

With all of these films there seemed to be something in them that was raw for lack of a better word. On average, there were more moments of silence (i.e. without background music) than what you see in most films. Constellation totally threw me for a loop. I don't rightly remember all of what it was about but I do know that it was cool. They showed the tension of race relations in the US (c. WWII) in a way that wasn't cliché but also wasn't sugar-coated so that was neat.

What I liked most about Even Money was that I had at least two or three moments where I had to remind myself that I was still watching the same film. I don't know how long it was or whatever but there were like four different stories unfolding concurrently and they were so distinct and so complete that they could have (I'm cautious with this) been films unto themselves. I really appreciate the compartmentalizing that was involved because it really kept me in the dark in terms of what could come next.

Freedom Land, honest, was like a glorified episode of CSI: [Las Vegas], Miami or New York. It was a mystery - like a murder mystery (whodunnit?) - and it really kept me hangin on. Not just that but it made my dad and I spew our speculations, queries and ideas verbally. It's cool. I mean it's really awesome when a (mainstream) film forces you to engage with it to the point where you've got to share your experience with fellow viewers. I mean, some will keep you talking afterward which is also great but if you're so enraptured while you're watching that you can't seem to help make comments aloud then that's cool, too. Love it. (Fight Club was like this. What else was? ... I gotta work on that.) I didn't expect I'd appreciate a Sammy J film so much. His arrogance can be very repulsive but more in real life than while he's working. And as for Miss Julianne Moore, I was very impressed that she made me forget all the roles of hers I've seen hitherto. Maybe I didn't forget them exactly but I couldn't pick which one I wanted to compare to what I was watching. I thought it was a great film... it just kept me guessing and made me work hard to keep up with it - like The Lord of the Rings trilogy. booya

INappropriate

note to self: do not eat food while watching the initial scenes of CSI: Miami. no good.

ADIDAS

Soooooooo I'm tired. Finalement.
I arrived at Polling Office 027 at 7 minutes after 8 in the morning. (I was 7 minutes late.) I don't know the exact time I walked out of there but I do know that after I got home, changed my clothes, called in the final numbers on the Referendum (OOPS!) and put a few things away, it was 5 minutes to midnight. Somehow that doesn't make sense to me since... since I KNOW we closed the polls at 9...and the last time I looked at the clock it was 22h30. How can this be? (Number 027 is Tytler Public School, 131 Ontario Street. I live at 140 Ontario street. I go from door to door in under a minute.) What gives?

Hmm...there's too much to tell about a day that long. Too much.
The perks?
Mmmmmm feeling like you're doing a job that most people will not do but that is important. It feels kynda like a civic duty... a.... I don't know. I don't feel like tooting any horns. Poll Clerks (and Deputy Returning Officers and other such peeps) are needed. They are and I look forward to doing this again next year. I do love all the maths and systematizing and organization that's involved. It's so far up my alley it's mental.

I enjoyed the moment when the national anthem played and I stood up almost without thinking. I mean, it's reflex but I also knew I was excited. When the others fell silent, I looked over and saw they were all standing, too. Cool. I don't know how scrutible it was but my facial expression reflected something that resembles childlike awe. My eyes were round, off in the distance (checking out the mountains, perhaps?), my chin held high and I smiled faintly. I went in and out of being aware of what I was doing. It was a good moment.

Things I Hate
-Sandals on men.
-Sandals on women.
-Sandals.

(I really only feel strongly about the first point but I can't justify it, save for the fact that I'm attracted to men and not to women.. meaning I sometimes care about what they look like.)

I had a monster cup of Kenya tea this morning, around 9.30 (I'm amazed that it was still reasonably hot by that time when I made it at 8.04 and couldn't get a hold of my housemate to deliver it for me until an hour and half later). I had a lemon pudding shortly thereafter and around 13h08, I ordered a pizza. (I doubt that was allowed or approved of but there you have it.) Eight hours and six slices later, I LOATHE pizza. It's not so much that I mind eating it more than once during the course of one day, the problem is that I would have liked to switch it up just a LITTLE bit in between, like say with a glass of juice or some salad, maybe a few cookies (can I describe my love & weakness for chocolate?) probably because you gotta have that balance between bready and fruity/vegetably. I didn't know what I'd eat when I came home cuz there's not much here but sauteed zucchini (which I forgot I had) and fried curryish shrimp (which I forgot I had) was absolutely delicious. It was so non-carby, too. I feel more balanced than I thought I would be by the end of this day. I thought I'd have to work it out tomorrow. Love it.

There were many Italians who came to our poll. I think that's cool only because I am fascinated by Italian culture (the food, the values, the history I know nothing about...) and enchanted by the language. It's cool.

I appreciate all the people who voted in the election today and at the advanced polls. I wonder about the missing demographic, though. It's a bit ridiculous.

I did not particularly enjoy the moment when my Deputy Returning Officer (the guy who manned the table with me the whole day) asked me if I had been at uni for 5 years because I was not taking a full courseload or because I was failing courses. That made me feel pretty weird. I can handle being judged or looked down on by people I know but for a stranger to say that -- a stranger of like two hours -- it hurt pretty bad. AH! (Am I obvious or something? Yea, I'm failing school...Is it written on my forehead? Gosh.)

Quote from the Ceebs Report that's on right now:
He was giving a "Tip of My Hat" to French youth ("not for their indifference or cool smoking habits") because a group of them broke into the Musée d'Orsay and punched a hole in a Monet painting. In a mock-concerned and sing-song voice he exclaims, "Ohh! Monet was such a GEEnius! [beat; audience laughs] Well if he was such a genius he should have painted on something less punchable, like a highway sign."

I'm pretty sure that pumpkin pie is just baby pablum in a pie crust.

I need to make a list:

Types of Apples that I Hate
-Granny Smith


Today my third brother said to me, "Jess.... what do I have to do to be like you ...spiritually?" This by itself isn't as monumentous as it may seem to the untrained eye but what it represents, in light of the whole conversation, in light of the past few weeks and in light of what I've been wondering in the last lil while - what it represents is very good.
"What does born-again mean?" is not as easy a question to answer as I would have guessed. I try to avoid clichés, platitudes and Christianese in general but I find it especially important when I'm speaking with people who are not Christians about anything to do with Christianity because it's not so much about my beefs as it is about the other person's understanding.


Books I am Excited to Read
-"I am America (and So Can You!)" by Stephen T Colbert.
I definitely hugged this book (sorta before I remembered I was in public) after it had been paid for and was OFFICIALLY one of my very own possessions. I don't know... I think I'll finish it in... three days. I predict three days. I'm excited.


great moment in cinematic history..
two of my brothers and I were walking last ..yesterday, and Brother #2 randomly pointed out, "Hey this is cool - we're in order of height!" and he was true. Brother #1 always flips out when Brothers #2 or 3 bring up respective height because he is the oldest yet shortest of the three (at 6'1") and takes pride in his size. He mock-cried and walked around so he could be in the "tallest" position and said, "Shut up! ... At least I'm taller in mind! .... (Brother 2 and I laughed) .. I don't know what that means."
ahhh... "I'm taller in mind." I want to find a way to over-use that phrase.

I needa sleep.

(trying not to type the f-bomb about 3 times in this post)

It's Sunday morning (2.34 AM).
I'm thinking about what tomorrow is going to look like. It's going to be crazy. It's unbelievable how uncomfortable and helpless and s-t-r-a-i-n-e-d I feel (note: "feel") when I'm here at my dad's house.
Parent #1 asked if we wanted to get a movie and most peeps was in agreement. They all go out to the store, Parent #2 and I are left here. They come back with four DVDs after Parent #2 has gone up for a nap and asked me to ask them to wake him up upon their return. (I forget to do this.) Brother #3 eats too much cheesecake and goes to his room soon thereafter. The film has been playing for less than twenty minutes, including the trailers. Brother #1 perseveres for a while then says out of nowhere, "Well, I'm definitely going to bed. ... I got up too early." It's true: he was underslept and the Red Bull clearly wasn't helping and we all know there's no point struggling to half-watch a film when you can fully watch it later. So he left. I thought he was going to finish the Bull or just walk around or try to go to bed and then come back (it's happened before) but no, he was gone. I can appreciate that. Parent #1 remained. She got up after a little while (the film has now reached something like... minute 45 or 50) moved the couch to its proper spot, pushed in chairs at the dining table [new and weird addition!], put some dishes away, etc. etc. and I thought she was going to bed, which would make sense. But no, she flopped back on the couch and kept a-starin'. She was definitely conked out within 15 minutes, though. So... around 1.27AM I find myself alone watching a film (which, by itself, is fine) but I think it's ironic and preeeetty dumb that there was all that "excitement" and no one persevered. If, however, we had elected to watch a comedy or an action flick first, I think people's attention would have certainly been better held. We might have.. well they might have actually FOUGHT to get through it.

Earlier today Parent #1 asked if I had ever "fallen in love with a black guy."
"Uhhhhh...weird question," I throw out, as I mess my hand over my face to buy some time.
Sister #2 felt the same way I did, as I know Sister #1 does and I just .. I just think it's ridiculous that Parent #1 couldn't appreciate our standpoint. [I just had a moment of realization that blogging is so lame. For me, right now, on this topic, it is way lame. And I continue.] It's not that I would never marry a negroid or that I could never like one, it's just that... well statistically, I have more often liked white boys than..well, non-white boys. Part of it is just availability. The other part of it is the stigma. (Is there a better word than "stigma"?) I tried to explain to her that 9 of the 10 dirty men who have hit on me (or worse) were black and so, generally, I try to steer clear of those kind of guys - mostly when I'm in public and especially when I'm alone. Is that to say that I would avoid them at parties or treat them with contempt if my friend was introducing us? Heck no! I aint even think of stuff like this in the moment. It's not a kind of "Beware, he's black!" warning sign that flashes through my mind and dictates my actions. I just have a hard time (sometimes) NOT expecting them to be gross. But really.. this applies to chance meetings... not to people I actually KNOW. If I know them then they aint jerks. Or.. or, you know, I'd just leave. I aint gotta stand for that crap.
But she didn't get it. She said that she was.. either "disturbed" or "concerned" by this notion. It was one of those or it was "disappointed." It was something harsh(-ish); not an every day stance/emotion. I don't really like this. I wish we could have talked about this further so we could understand one another better. I know I'm not wrong and I know that she thinks I am only because she doesn't get what I'm saying.
I'm not even saying I don't like black guys, I'm saying I don't like guys who do certain things in relation to me. I don't like that they make me feel so disgusting and so little I want to scream. It's ridiculous. There was this one time I was walking down the street with my sister, from 26th street to 42nd, and in that distance, there and back, five different guys or groups of guys called out to us. The last one - holy SHIT - made me so mad I punched a lamppost. Punching a lamppost sounds dumb but getting a quick, violent release for anger feels good some times. We all know that. Good? Yes. Healthy? Maybe not so much. I think the worst part about this whole fiasco is that I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do to prevent it, I don't know what to do in the moment and I wouldn't know what to do by way of remedy AFTER the fact. I mean, a preventative measure might be staying home forever. I would, but I need my 5 minutes of vitamin D every day to keep the seratonin floating. My variation on this is called wearing a hoodie or shapeless clothing or otherwise hiding your face/looking away/crossing the street... I'm amazed at how that doesn't help, some times. Simply amazed. In the moment, I'm pretty good at scowling but most guys don't see that. I'm not sure it actually registers for them that I am NOT amused. This also boggles my mind. Afterwards? Ai.... what can I say? Breathing deeply would be good. Trying to "let it go" is a popular choice. I've often wondered if I could yell profanities (I'm imagining a drive-by situation). I've always thought that yelling something colorful would "help" but it won't. People would say that's "stooping to their level," or, "letting them get the best of you." I don't mind either of those accusations but I DO mind not being found blameless so I forego the option.
Sisters 1 and 2 get it. The problem is that demographic X seems to be attracted to demographic Z which, my sisters and I are a part of. It's predictable. You can see a person and just KNOW what they're going to say or do... it's weird. I'm getting frustrated just typing it because I imagine any one reading this won't get it. It's... it's screaming at a brick wall. My own brother thinks I'm/we're imagining it. Ahh.... and that's the end.

"And what does your husband do?"

Someone asked me that at a Euchre table yestereve. I just... don't even know where to begin with how weird that was. All I could do was nervously laugh, "My husband??!" They looked at eachother strangely and then I had to ask (since no one understood the ludicrousness), "What ever made you think I had a husband?" (Slight awkward pause) "Oh... nevermind. I don't know where I got that idea. I thought you just said..." (I had just finished answering a question about me studying Music or Agriculture or something so this was lost on me.) The girl to my right was like, "I thought you were laughing at your husband and I was like, what?"
Ai... how do you smooth over the awkwardness and sheer weirdness of such a situation? You don't. You just keep playing.
(I kept trying to play back what I had just said to figure out what was misinterpreted or misheard and I couldnst figure it out to save my life. I think the problem was that the shock blanked out my immediate memories. Usually I'm pretty good with playback but this was just crazy.) I thought I was so careful and all.. I don't know these people well at all so if they know then maybe everyone knows.... Or it was just a fluke/lucky guess. yiikes.

I'm making cheesecake. You are not.
I am excited about it. You might be.
I got to talk to my brother #2 the other day and I'm still riding the high of it. You might not appreciate that.
I think I'm hungry but I can't tell. It doesn't quite make sense. I don't know if I had dinner or not.
I wonder why I can't play piano like I used to.
I wonder if I should go to Bible college.
I wonder why people read blogs.
I wonder why people read my blog.
I wonder... hmm.
I wonder when I'll get to start working.
I wonder where I will be on October 27th. I'm already double-booked with the the potential to be triple-.
I love reading and I need to do it more.
I don't read update newsletters from my friends who work for Campus for Christ very often. When I read them, I do it thoroughly and proplerly but I'm often a few weeks or a few months behind because I can't always (or often feel that I can't always) devote the time to ... devote the time...
HmmmMMMM. I wonder if I'll ever own an i-pod. I wonder if I'll ever get married. I wonder if I'll ever be a mother.
I wonder if I can ever get it. I wonnnnnnnnderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Will I ever have someone to answer to?
I definitely am hungry, despite the banana split from 1.5 hours ago.
Tight pants are a funny business...ill-fitting clothing is awkward in general.
Bad grammar pisses me off. I still wanna read. I love.... delving into a world that someone else has created. Hey - non-fictions are cool, too.
suspicious?

I'm not sure humans were made for water

..but I just can't deny how I love to be submerged in it. Ahhh to swim.
It's so unique among all activities and the feeling can't be replicated anywhere. I've never been in a bathtub full enough and showers just don't cut it.
Every single part of you touched by cool eau... It's great.


I don't think I have been this nervous for any given interview this job-search session. (Or maybe ever... probably ever.) I'm not quite sure WHY, either. It wasn't a "big deal" as far as big deals go but I would really like to eat some toast right now. This is why I think it'd be a good idea for me to go buy some bread.
Anyways, I did certainly clap my hands (involuntarily?) with excitement when I saw the posting for this job a week or two ago and I was pretty confident they'd call me in for a view soon enough. But that lil twelve-minute walk to the gallows, it was harder than expected! I couldn't help lamenting how I "didn't feel prepared". Heck, who am I kidding? I NEVERZ feel prepared, not for these things. I wish I could have done more research or planned my answers or cleared my mind or SOMEthing. I don't know how to do this crap...
But anyways.. I fell into the old familiar groove, that bum depression in your favorite chaise. Historically familiar, anyways... not actually... recently familiar (-ish). I remembered how there once was a time (and a man from Nantucket) when I was happy to be uncomfortable or nervous or lacking confidence because it meant that I had to drag my sorry self back to the Padre and ask for help. Not just to ask for help but to admit that I was fully incapable of doing activity X on my own. It's cool. It's relieveing to admit your weaknesses and shortcommings. I stopped on the bridge on my way there to tell Him about all my shortcommings, weaknesses, faults, voids, etc. etc. and how I thought they would make the perfect breeding ground for His abundance, strengths and perfection. [I'd like to take this opportunity to throw in the word "longcommings".]

So, (dot, dot, dot), I didn't have a miracle breakthrough, I didn't suddenly feel all better. But I did what I was supposed to do and that's good. It's good to.... take action in spite of myself...action that I know will bring me closer to being who I should be, some time in the not-so-distant future.

The interview was fine. I ..border-line enjoyed it. I mean.. I did say something stupid when he first introduced himself but there's a good chance he didn't hear me/doesn't care. Quoi d'autre? .... Well it's over and I do enjoy the post-interview high. It often smells like accomplishment. But, I do also realize that I'm back at the proverbial drawing board but there we are.

Octobes hath arrived.

On tonight's episode of the Colbert Report, Colby was doing another installment of "Cheating Death with Dr Stephen T. Colbert" which is always great. I was actually only half listening ... cuz I'm no longer obsessed with him and cuz I was talking to someone online but I did manage to crib these few nuggets:
"When you ingest chemicals that are bad for you, [your body] alerts you ... by dying."
This one, I remember, was from VaxaMamm, a male breast reduction cream. Apparently you're supposed to, "Apply it once and then go immediately to the hospital. [Laughs] Get that stuff off. It burns. Side effects may include: autonomous nipples, migrating genitals aaand .... brain-tooth."
That last one really got me. "Brain-tooth." Ha... some how it's not such a foreign thing for me to conjure a mental image for and I do blame The Simpsons. His "Cheating Death" segments are very similar in format and tonight I was reflecting on how it is very possible that the writers of the show will soon run out of obsure side-effects to cite. I mean, that's how he ends his spiel on every product. It's a .. trademark but I don't know that it's a staple. I think it's part of a larger picture. I think it serves to make the whole segment ridiculous (duh), to make Colb a clearly UNqualified "doctor" and to make every product COMPLETELY unmarketable and undesirable and unhelpful, etc. etc. ... rendering the whole thing useless.
But I mean... I haven't gotten tired of it yet. Most of the side-effects are gross (the audience will groan) but they are related to the product they are connected to which is good. It's a little tiny thread tied onto sensibleness. (...sensibility?) But brain-tooth....ahhh so great. I liked the time he recommended something where one of its side-effects was the actual ailment it was meant to cure. great times.