wuss am I

(alternate title: "don't pat me on the back")
subtitle: downtown ministrizzle (finally!)

The first guy was rather forceful and didn't seem to be talking directly to me but rather pushing outward from something in himself. It's hard to explain.
He asked me, if I just sat on the couch and did nothing, would God take me to where I wanted to be in twenty years? It's a trick(y) queston. I tried to explain how it doesn't matter where I want to go but that fell on a deaf heart. He asked how I knew where God wanted me to be. I said it was a tough question to answer and he took that as a point for his side. (Uhhhh no.) It's different for each one of us, I believe. I hate to describe how God speaks to me because (a) it never sounds believable and (b) I feel like I'm cheapening something by doing so.
He told me that he wished there were more people like me in the world because then the world would be a better place. I don't see how that is logical and I don't see how he could have concluded something like that about me so soon (we'd been talking for less than 5) but I'll take it. I mean - unless he's making junk up, it's something innate and supernatural in him that recognized something in me and I think that's grandtastic.
He said his basketball coach used to preach to him & his teammates all the time. (Me, I think I partially disapprove of this.) He said he used to believe this stuff; he said he believes in a god (and mark you, just one God) and that there's something else. But ultimately, the only thing you can believe in is yourself. You're the only one that's going to get you places, you're the only one who can help yourself, you can overcome this & that. If you have to depend on another person then I say you're just lost. [In retrospect, I think I put my thinking face on too early in the conversation because I would have looked to him like I was closed instead of analytical. Lesson learned.] Whaaaa?? What a turn-around! He said I was the lost one. I don't even really get it.. Christianity with its counter-logic or lack of logic or SOME thing makes me confused sometimes. I battle between what I know and what I understand; what's logical and what makes sense and it can be tough (though I always know there's a reconciliation that will satisfy all).
He had one slip-up in the whole conversation, something like, "[I can't believe because of] what I've seen and what I've been through," but perhaps it was something even more telling but delicate. He basically said that God had let him down in some way. He'd been hurt and instead of getting angry with God, he's turned away completely, deciding that it was not real.
Why do so many people blame God for the way humans act? I find this to be such a cop-out. Why can't you take responsib for your own actions? The God that YOU think doesn't even exist is the one you blame for your problems? Why you aint be blaming Him for all the good things we see (trees of green, clouds of white; the bright, blessed day and the dark, sacred night)? Ahh, if this guy had left more gaps in his speech I would have fought him, asking how it is fair to say God MAKES us do nasty things to one another. Aii... why to people roll their eyes or stand completely unmoved when someone says, "Jesus died for all of us"? Is that so commonplace? Why people be such haters?

This other cool guy was uber cool. He gave back my friend's sheet because he said he didn't want to litter. A few minutes later, after conversation was taking off with other guys in his posse, he discovered what the sheet was about (one dude was repeatedly imploring my friend to tell him what her hand-out was about) and asked for one back. He suddenly exclaimed, "Oh you're for this stuff? Oh, I thought you were haters. OK gimme a sheet. [insert friend's mock-incredulous face] Well, I thought you guys were haters. [I didn't want one] because there's too many haters out there. "
Wowcool! I approve! I love these sobering, level-headed almost NEUTRAL responses from people who are being decent. These would be the ones who would tempt me most to say there are good people in the world but I still won't say it. I met a guy like that a L'Ecosse. At the end of our conversation, I asked him why he said YES when we asked to talk to him. His response was that he had recently done some kind of surveying in his school cafeterias for a course and found people to be (unfairly or discourteously) cold or closed and so he appreciated how hard it is to do what we do. On top of that, he claimed that it's something humans need to do for eachother, my interpretation being that, if we can, why shouldn't we? Good man.
This guy, at the end of our conversations, said that he liked the quote on my friend's sheet. She had referenced Psalm 139, the bit where God tells us His thoughts and ways are higher than ours. Who but a Bible believer says, "That's a good quote! I like that," poking a page before he folds and shoves it in his pocket? Who says that? What appeals to you, man? What.... what was it? And P.S. don't let peer pressure drag you down. Like what you like; be interested in what you're interested in.

I could talk about a percussionist how I witnessed a blood transfusion.
I could talk about my friend who I like!
I could.... go on.

Father of Lights...

"The only things I have of value are because of Christ."
Dave Hanna (24/03/07:))

This line surprized me for how basic and true (or basically true) that it happened to be but how profound it was and how deeply it cut.
I thought in two pools: One, if we have something good it is of value because it comes from God (James says "every good and perfect gift.."). Two, if we have something not-good, its value lies in how it makes us more dependent on Christ. It is valuable to me to be vulnerable and base because that leaves more room for Christ's own exaltation (in me). Ha...Christ's exaltation in me. Who would pick such a venue?

I discovered that I've seen 19 of Jim Carrey's 29 films, dating back to the first, Copper Mountain, in 1983 when he was 21 years old. If we start from when he hit the big-time, with Ace Ventura: Pet Detective in 1994, then I've missed two: Number 23 (2007) and Pecan Pie (2003).

I had a dream I was married - or about to be. (It got blurry near the end.) Awake now, my emotions are confused.

I'm rather proud of following his career. [I heard somewhere that pride was a sin...] I wonder: will blogs ever become performance art? Will we ever study them in a university (or possibly high school) classroom? I feel entitled to the "connoisseur" name-tag. I like knowing things well. I like looking from the inside out. I like...doing what God tells me to do. (So why don't I do it?)
Words of wisdom from Joyce Meyer: "The only thing standing between you and success is you doing the things you're supposed to do." It's way too true and it body-slams me every time. That woman knows the Lord Jesus rather personally and I put stock in her words. She was not talking about (excessive) material/worldly wealth, no. She was concerned with us following His plans (the ones that make us succeed by the only meaningful scale and the ones that give us the only true fulfillment - oh, that I would buy into this!) and with us being satisfied in Him. I collect. I embark. I want to write my essay and I want to see God's thumbprint on it. (There - now it's on the record.)
I enjoy (and often delight).

one of my greatest joys

...is getting along with my good friends' boyfriends/fiancés/husbands.

whine, whine, whine

Sometimes it seems I've spent so much time defending who I am that I forget what it is I am protecting.
protectorate

Yesterday, I heard someone who works for a sort of rehabilitating (-ish) program say dreadlocks on their students are prohibited because they don't allow fashion [accessories] of any kind. (Other kids were stripped of piercings, their own clothes, etc. etc. and given identicles red hoodies, black or grey toques and white t-shirts. I think they could keep their own pants.) I wonder, wonder, wonder: are dreadlocks a fashion statement? Like, I can most certainly see how they are a personal choice, a deliberate adornment(?) -- a part of the personality but can we call them... an accessory? I wish I had remembered his exact phrasing.
I would like to say yes (I think this is more an honor than an insult to -lock wearers) but I would like to say NO NO NO to (watching) someone get the dreads haphazardly snipped off their head with brutally dull and round-tipped scissors. Owwwwwwwch. (She got over it.)

Tension, tension, tension

Speaker says, getting amped-up and moving almost furtively, "Pray that Jesus would not come back yet. Pray that God would wait until everyone has a chance to hear."
Me, I think, Cool - and WOW. I think of what Sean Cullen said at the first Festival of Planning: he created a hypoth situation in which he was sharing the Gospezillio with someone AS Jesus was descending and he yelled (as if running in slow-motion from a building about to explode) with his arm out - as if to protect - "Noooooooo!!!" I think this makes sense and that we should beg for more time.
I saw a hand go up and I warned myself to have a loving response. She said, "I have a serious issue with that: the Bible specifically tells us to pray that Jesus would come back." The air tightened. There were responses and discussion but me, I couldn't make sense of it because it seemed like people were more interested in smoothing out an awkward dispute than finding a solid answer.
Well.... it seemed like the two notions could not both be true. [Is that the law of non-contradictions?] It was difficult for me to work through in those moments because the FIRST idea had made sense and appealed to me but the SECOND had Biblical authority meaning I have no choice but to back it. [This was a strangely unquestioned, innate response in me that I appreciate. I didn't take the Bibs' authority because I thought I should but because it's the Bibs. Cool.]
Can they work together? Well, yes, if you're willing to work with a double-sided mirror/Algebra.
We pray that God the Son would return because that will be the best thing to ever happen to us (I mean literally, in our lifetimes, incase you want to argue that His first coming was better).
We pray that God the Son would come only when everyone has heard because that would be the best thing to ever happen to them; because we have been commissioned to tell; because we have the love of God within us - He compels us - and He wants all His chirrins to come back to Himself. YET - and this is a big, scary, unsettling "yet" - yet, this all comes second to our first (our sole?) purpose in life which is to seek Him. Imagine: "It's more about Him than others, than the Great Commission, than our love for Him, however God-given or holy," as I scribbled down at the end of the talk, excited to have reached a reconciliation.
The reverse Algebra: praying that He would NOT come is as praying that we would use our time to the max. (This is like some kind of crazy literary device...like an inverse metonym? or just a metonym? It's delicious, delicate and effective if you think of it that way.) We're begging for grace, asking almost that He would do us a favor, in allowing us to tell with our dying breath. What's best for Him? On a side-note, I'd wager that our prayers aint going to make Him come any sooner or later, as if He's waiting for a democratic vote to decide, no. It's more like our constant communication with Him forces us to focus on what His return means, on how we need to stay up watching for theives all night...
I leave my door unlocked, sometimes.

the other day (the other day) I saw a bear (I saw a bear)....

This morning started off with a little weirdness. I have class from 10 until 1 (two classes of equal length) but the first time I woke up today was 11.30. I felt like a goose. I got over it. I didn't even need to preach to myself but I realized that there was no condemnation... yay!

My breakfast was two Wheatabix bales, one HUGE mother strawberry sliced and sprinklings of sugar (+ milk!) and I enjoyed it more than I could ever fathom. Man it was sweet on three different levels -
--literally, it was sweet - the strawbs were just past their peak of ripeness making them SUPER sweet & the granulated friends helped my LIFE
--sweet because it was healthyish and I KNEW it
--and sweet because it went down nice and it made my start-of-day feel good

I got some good baking done today; God has been teaching me great things and I am very slow to listen but I feel revival coming from around the corner.

A few other things I wanted to note about this day:
I got to play piano with my whole heart for about 20 minutes in the evening (well, it was just after midnight) and it was extremely delicious. It feels good. I can't... write it down.
I chose reading (a book for school, no less!) over hanging out with the emails, blogs or Face-of-the-Bookle and had few regrets and minimal struggle. (Unprecidented!)
Two friends thanked me for things that I did not expect thanks for, especially not from them. Imagine: I did these things because they were in my heart and they brought me joy. And yet to add to that - these guys decided they would out-loud pay me gratitude. Cool!
I got two good hugs...one smelled really good, too. (Yea, I said it.)
The final great mentionable of the day was chatting briefly with a classmate of a few years in class and also downtown waiting for a bussage. It's interesting to me how, with him, the tone of the conversation is dictated almost solely by yours truly. I mean it's cool to be able to consciously decide "I'm going to be comfortable and talk to you like a real friend" but it's unfortunate when I expect things to go like that but they don't because HIS default is to hold back. Hm... I like him; he's cool. He has a vast knowledge and experience library on music (and philosophy!, methinks) that I would like to tap into but generally don't spend more than 10 or 15 minutes with him outside of class. :( Boooooourns. He's funny and quick which surprizes me and OF COURSE makes me laugh. He has cool tattoos and I appreciate how he is the guy I would like to point to when I make arguments about prejudging a tattooed person or one with a mohawk or one who listens to such-and-such kind of music. Man! that is WAY a story for another day...

People with money only have power if the rest of us are willing to be corruptable. (Think about it before you start pointing fingers!)

on temptation

Will (Smith) is dropping this woman, Denise, off at her aparment at the insistence of his fiancee, Lisa. They had just had a wedding shower and Denise did not miss any opportunities to hit on Will. He screamed a lot as he jumped out of her way, her grip, her advances and made it a comical affair but he was certainly feeling very pressured and cornered. (Side note: If the genders were reversed the audience would be outraged not laughing. How queer!)
Will tried to leave, the second after she walked into her apartment but she insisted that he come in for a moment. Soon enough she had manipulated him into sitting on the couch with her and she started (again) to come on to him, what with the smooching of the nape of the neck and the touching of the torso or leg or something (it was rather tame, relatively, at this point). He is talking to her, trying to remain absent and convince her to stop. She sits back for a sec and says some blah blah crap speech and then, "Just do what feels right." He says, "Alright," and gets an uber serious look on his mcface. He leans in slowly toward her and just before their lips meet, he veers to the right and whispers in her ear, "'Bye, Denise!" The audience applauds & cheers, he gets up and exits. He returns a few seconds later and asks if she'd seen his car keys. She pulls them from under a couch cushion and then slips them down her dress, looking up at him mock-defiantly and half-expectantly. He stops for a second and then says with a tone one might have immediately after catching a whiff of something extremely foul: his back arches a little, his nose crinkles, a hand quickly waves the situation out of proximity, putting a barrier between himself and the offensive substance - all in one swift movement, "Keep the car," and he exits.

Wow and wowed was I. Nobody leaves their car like that... nobody except those interested in something far more precious and valuable. She had said earlier that her apartment was 15 miles from Will's place. He was willing to walk home because he prized faithfulness to his woman so highly. Ahhh... such..resolve.
"If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell." I've never done it and I don't know anyone who has but I bet that gouging out your own eye is a very difficult thing to do. ha. ..nevermind the pain, how do you even psych yourself up to follow through? How do you push through the initial bursts of excrutiating pain as you plant your fingers far enough behind the ball to even grip it? How do you then squeeze tightly and finally pull forward - pull hard enough that a full severance is attained? How do you not change you mind halfway through, thinking you can salvage the eye if you see a doctor RIGHT NOW? How do you know you've done the right thing? I suppose there are more imporant things in life than vision, (depth perception) and a life free of disfigurement. Wow.. I have read this passage many times and wondered if such a modification is in store for me or WHEN that would be - if not now. What am I letting distract me so much from You, God, that I need to painfully and irreversibly mutilate myself to regain focus? Ahhh scary. (Things are starting to line up for me.. I think He's after me for something.)

Today

Today, stepping from church ground to Laidlaw rubber, I missed being a poet.
Today, I feel guilty eating good food because I have school work to do.
Today, I thank God for the abundance... for His abundance... for His abundant provisions. He knows I love food.
Today I tried to empty the last ketchup bottle but after too many wheezing splatters I returned to the fuller one.
Today, I learned something new.
Today I had lemon pudding.
Today I kept my word (with a mild struggle).
Today God provided something simple from someone lovely in an unexpected yet SO PERFECT way.
Today, I learned much from the Pastor's sermon.
Today, I was convicted by the word.
Today is a new day.
Today I realize that the world is not really coming to an end.
Today I should know that I need to abide.
Today, I prayed for a friend earnestly.
Today, I had fun with a new friend.
Today I got a telephone message from an [old] friend and smiled at her voice.
Today God is good (tomorrow, too!).
Today I thought of my sister.
Today, I thought about calling my brother.
Today is good... today can be better if I let it.
Today I acted like a sloth.
Today I got a hot date for Friday night (but actually afternoon).
Today I wonder about many things.
Today should be the day....
Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you.
Today I heard something surprizing that made my heart smile. :)
Today, today.


[Editor's note: I feel like this post would be cooler if I added this. If you happen to be curious about any one thing on this list - a who or a why - then ask me and I'll tell you. I'd be interested to see what piqued your curiousity.]

"Two Can Play that Game" (2001)

There were two (and ONLY two) things I liked/took from this film.
The first is that I finally understood the beauty and value of the valet system. This is not to say that I think it is necessary, nor that I dream of being able to patronize it regularly some day - no. I mean that I got a perfect picture of how wonderfully luxurious and convenient it is to be able to walk to the curb, find your car there with the motor running and have the door opened right before you. Forget about it! ha.. I'm going to need to train my children real well.
The second is this line which is only cool when taken out of context. But even then I'm not so sure about it.
"What it cost you to get into church on Sunday morning? Nigga, that sh** is free!" I dunno... it kinda made sense to me. I mean.... I'd like to say, "vulgarities aside" but the truth is that they help the point. It's free..... it's good.

3.5/10

a few things I appreciate(d)

Re: Scotland Project
#1 The jam they offered in the breakfast display was CRAZY thick and made me a bit angry (but I was usually too tired & hungry to make a stink). Canadian jam... woot! It spreads like butter. Well, at least this Olde Style Strawberry Jam with pectin spreads pretty well. It made me forget how stupid plain bagels are. No.. actually, I liked this bagel before I dressed it.
It just reminds me of vanilla ice cream in an uncool way, I guess. It has its place.

#2 At the Christian Union's weekly meeting on Friday the group's collective enunciation when it sang was fantastic because United Kingdom accents lead people to say "t"s as "t"s, not as "d"s. It was beautiful. You can call me anal, you can blame my music obsession/training but I would wager that most any Canadian or American could appreciate such a sound. It was like a crisp glass of water (after drinking not-so-well filtered stuff from a rusted pipe - it's cool, it's not deadly but wow does it make you appreciate a bit o' Brita). I felt like the whole room was clean, and tightly bound (in a good way). Like it was neat and orderly, bordering on sterile. (I could see the strict rows, well distinguished, and it seemed a directed wind was rushing through.

#3 I appreciated the swift answers to prayer that God gave me (twice or thrice as I remember) and I especially enjoyed what He did to me on Tuesday with John 14:1.
At that point, when we were release for some quiet tizzle, I was being overwhelmed by worries of the world and knowing still that I don't need to worry and that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me."

I read it and my whole body sighed. I could almost feel stress being drained out of me like the last water out of a vase full of rocks. (Try to picture the languid but intentional exodus.) I said, "OK, God, yes." And after another wave hit, "It's not the end of the world... [beat] and when it is, You'll be there." :) This made huge smiles to my life.

I should add, however, that I'm still working through this or things connected to this and I covet intercessory prayers. I feel, most times, as if I'm under a suffocating blanket, tangled worse than flannel-on-flannel in a hot room, closed space and beyond-weary muscles. This aint right and I know it.

a few regrets

I wish I hadn't eaten that nasty asparagus sandwich right near the end of the flight before we hit major turbulence. (Note: the pilot wouldn't have called it "major" so it weren't like we was facin death.) I made more compromises on this trip to my diet than I am comfortable with and I wish that I had (a) planned ahead better and (b) excercised some more self-control. Ach!

I should have spent the time with the people I DIDN'T know well when I had the chance. Ouch.. that one is going to keep hurting right on into the future. I guess I get into a comfortable rut or something. I also kept tricking myself into thinking I had more time.

Where is my VISA card? this is getting annoying.
I wish I had agreed to mentally convert pounds to dollars so I knew exactly what kind of damage I was doing.

I do indeed wish I had done my schoolwork that I brought BUT what I wish more is that I had stopped guilting myself for NOT doing it.

This is not actually a regret but I do wish that film processing didn't cost so much as it does (especially when you're impatient). I have five rolls... of... expensive craziness.... YIKES.

I kept telling myself, "When's the next time you'll be in Scotland?" to justify these crazy expenses. Well... what's funny about this is that, at the end, I started doing small things that left me to conclude that I would be in Scotland again and certainly some time soon. I wish I knew what that meaned. I wish I had put my laundry in the dryer last night so I didn't need to hang around for another 1/2 hour for clean things. ah well

things that made me smile today

It didn't make sense to bed myself last night because our flight left at 05h50, our bus to the aeroport at 03h15 and our trek to the bus stop began at 02h30. 02h30 is child's play for sick-os like me.
So, from when the new Saturday started the first thing I remember smiling at was my own shock/stupidity in trying to figure out how Brian (with an i) had been in the adjoining room for the last 1/2 hour and I hadn't seen him, having been in my room for at least 45 minutes. I was trying to weasel the story out of him (he was making it seem so simple, unconcerned with my extreme confusion - leading into mental agitation) and he was just giving me bits and pieces that were all dancing around one critical truth, that he had come in through an alternate (and foreign to me!) door. Ah-ha! I had thought that he had come in during those 3 minutes I was away to grab something from upstairs. I definitely smiled because he was smirking at me for some strange reason. I think I also smiled when he said something hilarious but didn't laugh.... yea.

Listening to a story about Zelda on Wii (sorry I don't know the game's full title) that lasted only about 2 or 3 minutes - I have heard many a more lengthy sermon - made me smile on-and-off quite a bit. I was fighting myself on this one. When you preface a story with, "How can I say this without looking like an even bigger nerd?" I am bound to have trouble stifling laughter. It was the way that this guy - Mike - seemed to really love this game but revere it at the same time. Side note: myself I am impressed and fascinated by how video games can now be infused with plots (or at least far richer plots) and something more like what I'd like to call art. Uhh... no I can't say that -- something more like literature and narrative. Yes.
In the same conversation I also remember smiling (in response to a smirk) about some day-old touché moment. Apparently I was on to something. "I think you would have benefitted from that class because..." was part of what I had said and he saw my point, half-reluctantly agreeing.

There were four of us who were laughing like maniacs in Edinburgh aeroport because Mike was trying to take a photograph of a man behind us (with one of the coolest moustaches you'll ever see) under the guise of taking a photograph of Meredith, Emily and I. It was a joke... no one had slept, the eating was crap and it was frustratating not knowing when the gates would open, nor how critical it was that we stayed together. I almost missed my plane. It scared me. Just before, I had had a moment of what seems now to be extreme cockiness, saying that I trust in God, not to miss my flight, that I know exactly where I'm going, that I have at least 7 or 8 minutes to spare, that I can see my number from here.... oh look. No ticket collectors, no lines, no.... aeroplane. Hm! A helpful screen let me know that my aeroplane was departing from gate TWO, not nineteen and that I had to run back to where I had started from (and do note that 19 is the LAST gate and thusly the furthest from our entrance point). I had a moment of major panic. I felt the ad-renal-ine, my eyes bugged open in that first moment and it became clear that stopping to don my jacket & belt and to stow my laptop was essential given how these x-ray-ables were impeding my ability to run. Then I had to remind myself of what the previous moments were saying. "Uhhhh, didn't you just say you trusted me?" Yes, God, I responded, feeling partially insincere. Feeling and fact were not aligned. I'll run and You hold the plane. Deal? I caught another screen in my pursuits: "Final Call" it said, flashing red. Ha - so not cool. I have seen too many Hollywood films and especially too much of Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. Yikes. I can't be missing no flight out of Scotland. What the junk would the Plan B be for this? Final call, apparently, starts 5 minutes before the departure time. This gave me adequate time to reach my neon, reflective vests who perused my boarding pass and to reach the boarding ramp which was still 1/3 full of people, making me not-so-noticably late. That all being said, with the extra stress of poops-a-lot international travel, the stupidness of our spying tactic was killing my abdo muscles by way of mirth. I loved it.

I also smiled when I started seeing snow out the window. I smiled when I set foot on the soil and remembered I had been away. The snow was still titillating. I smiled to see Bienvenue au Canada. I smiled knowing I was back in the majority and knowing that, though my accent would be most common, the uncommon or foreign accents were not head-turning at all because of our crazy diversity. When I saw the "Welcome to Canada" sign as I descended on the escalator, my hand instinctively went to my heart in a moment overflowing with happiness and pride. I smiled knowing I would understand BOTH languages spoken here, unlike the ever cool yet fully incomprehensible Dutch of the Amsterdam Schipol (that means 'aeroport'!). I thought briefly about how, after 5 or 6 days, the $10-bill sitting in my locker at the hostel looked weird and useless (a purple piece of [paper]) but now it was the kinger. It was the useful one and the pounds and euros could be traded away. I was glad to see the ol' familiar dollar but a little LESS glad when I remembered the applicable tax addition that Europe seems to avoid rather well. I started feeling like the king; I started feeling at home, feeling adept and not out of place. It was good and it made me understand that I will always be Canadian though I would travel & live anywhere (as it seems God will soon call me to do). I wandered over to the currency exchange desk and submitted my 15 quid. Ahh, when I saw the green 20 and two-tone polar toonies I had some crazy moment of Ahh, I'm home-ness but I really can't describe it any better than that. I mean the grin on my face was STUPID and purely reactionary (?) or emotional (?). I remember shifting my weight and my shoulders relaxing. I love those moments when part of dealing with your hyper-excitement is to hold yourself back (painlessly). In a very toned-down way, it's like walking slowly, in time with the music, as a bride pacing down the aisle to the one she chose for ever. Hm..I waited patiently for that 24.91 to reach my hand and I felt good to have that familiarity and control back.

seamless o'toole

My shameless plug for the evening:
Go buy Jared Wohlgemut's "Sounds for the Evening". It blows my mind and so... I hope it blows yours, too. Seriously, if you see me, ask for a listen-taste. If you don't see me, ask me anyways so I might get back to you. DO IT!

[This is hardly a plug, actually, it's more of a direct order.. or imperative statement..]

Through the window of the train from Glasgow back to Edinburgh.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

This post is dedicated to Silas (because he told me to do it!).

I like this quote of his - "Give me your head." (Imagine it said in a lean-in whisper at an inappropriate time.)


Silas, since you said you read this, I will write something directly to you. The term "piss you off" is not exactly the one I meant to use. If no one read my blog I would still write (I might write much more) but if someone does start reading, I expect to get feedback (in whatever way) because with two involved in speech, we have the creation of a conversation. Basically what I am trying to say is that, if you totally disagree with me on something or think I am very much off-base, TELL ME. That goes for pretty much anyone who reads this. I can't learn unless people challenge me.. and I love being challenged. So, bring it on(-izzle).