-when girls tell me to do something that is impractical but pretty in a very non-diplomatic unfeeling way.
I think they think that I should obviously see it their way and that there's no reason I'd take issue with their "suggestion".
I didn't handle it very well today. I made a weird face when it first came out and then I fell silent for a while. As I brooded and tried to figure what would be a good way to bring it up (like an, "I don't like it when you say these things becase [dot, dot, dot]"), an unrelated topic of conversation gave me an in to make a not-joke about it.
[I'm not a fan of not-jokes. I'm not a fan of them as means to say something serious while trying to spare feelings and without needing a backbone. Ugh.]
I kinda wish I hadn't done it. But, through all our laughs, she said knowingly, "I heard that," and I wasn't at first sure if she meant, "I read betwixt yer lines," or, "I picked up on that snide jab."
She later apologized. And I didn't handle that very well either. I think I was still in shock.
(I have no actual excuse.) On the other hand, she didn't seem to get it because the same comment came up not too many minutes later but with different language. :
Blech. I hate pretty things, I do. And it's not for the reason you think.
I guess I just really hate being forced to defend myself that I am REALLY VERY MUCH OK WITH. Don't read me as being in denial or having some kind of crippling addiction. There are just some things....I really like it and it works for me and I chose it...and you're telling me to change it. :(
I guess I'm taking that a step further to where you not liking my choice or my add-ons means, indirectly, you don't approve of my taste. Mmmm no matter how you slice it, I take it personally.
The worst part, I suppose, is that I don't know how to argue back. I'm rarely heard. It's...I'm so different. I'm so different from other people ESPECIALLY your typical girl...that I'm speaking complete gibberish when I try to defend myself. Aie... it really tears me down in a bad way.
[EST]
Thursday, 9 October 2008
Tuesday, 7 October 2008
Simon Pegg was in Mission: Impossible III??
I love it! I had a fist-pumping moment of celebration up in here. Love it.
This film, How to Lose Friends and Alienate People (2008), stars Simon Pegg...I'm pretty pumped about it. I think, actually, it'll be released here sooner than it'll reach home. Tis cool cuz it's the reverse for most of the films I left behind, like Burn After Reading (2008) and Tropic Thunder (2008). There's an Odeon on the next block from where I live...I want to make good friends with it. If I ran, I could probs get there in 40 seconds. This is awesome. I could also get to a Starbucks, two grocery stores, a Pizza Hut, a Subway restaurant, or some coolio Italian restaurant in about the same time.
Incidentally...there are more Italian restaurants around this area of the city than I know what to do with....the ristorantes, the cafes...it's pretty nifty. Most popular non-British eatery, methinks.
[time stamp EST]
I love it! I had a fist-pumping moment of celebration up in here. Love it.
This film, How to Lose Friends and Alienate People (2008), stars Simon Pegg...I'm pretty pumped about it. I think, actually, it'll be released here sooner than it'll reach home. Tis cool cuz it's the reverse for most of the films I left behind, like Burn After Reading (2008) and Tropic Thunder (2008). There's an Odeon on the next block from where I live...I want to make good friends with it. If I ran, I could probs get there in 40 seconds. This is awesome. I could also get to a Starbucks, two grocery stores, a Pizza Hut, a Subway restaurant, or some coolio Italian restaurant in about the same time.
Incidentally...there are more Italian restaurants around this area of the city than I know what to do with....the ristorantes, the cafes...it's pretty nifty. Most popular non-British eatery, methinks.
[time stamp EST]
Saturday, 4 October 2008
so I live in the UK now.
Edinburgh is seriously high fashion. I feel... very loser to be here. Unfortunately I'll have to conform. Yes, I said it.
Monday, 29 September 2008
yesterday...
Yesterday, my pocket contents were sitting on the computer desk beside me and my younger sibs (aged 8 and 4) were playin around.
First great story - my lil sister picked up a five dollar bill and said, "Is this miiine?" I told her it wasn't. "Are you sure? Cuz....cuz I have one...." (she unfolds the bill and looks at the front) "Yeah! See? It has a picture of a boyy on it!"
Yes, that "boy" was Sir Wilfrid Laurier. hahahaaa I felt kinda bad actually cuz I think she thought I was lying to her when I said all bills look like that...it didn't quite compute in her little mind.
Second thing - they picked up my lanyard and key chain (both Spongebob paraphernalia) and asked me about them..asked which characters I liked, my brother insisted that the key chain (rubbery-ish) could be used as an eraser and so forth. Then I thought that I should find my keys and put them back on there. Then I realized I don't have any house keys. I've had to give them all back. I have keys from a place I lived in two abodes ago that I need to put in the mail ...but that doesn't count. I have a naked keychain...and it's weird. It's weird. I mean I've been somewhat nomadic for a while but ..this is special. A space of two and a half days (maybe up to four) I will be without a permo house. Tis weird.. I mean - I'm used to the temporary but it's WEIRD to have no keys.
First great story - my lil sister picked up a five dollar bill and said, "Is this miiine?" I told her it wasn't. "Are you sure? Cuz....cuz I have one...." (she unfolds the bill and looks at the front) "Yeah! See? It has a picture of a boyy on it!"
Yes, that "boy" was Sir Wilfrid Laurier. hahahaaa I felt kinda bad actually cuz I think she thought I was lying to her when I said all bills look like that...it didn't quite compute in her little mind.
Second thing - they picked up my lanyard and key chain (both Spongebob paraphernalia) and asked me about them..asked which characters I liked, my brother insisted that the key chain (rubbery-ish) could be used as an eraser and so forth. Then I thought that I should find my keys and put them back on there. Then I realized I don't have any house keys. I've had to give them all back. I have keys from a place I lived in two abodes ago that I need to put in the mail ...but that doesn't count. I have a naked keychain...and it's weird. It's weird. I mean I've been somewhat nomadic for a while but ..this is special. A space of two and a half days (maybe up to four) I will be without a permo house. Tis weird.. I mean - I'm used to the temporary but it's WEIRD to have no keys.
Friday, 26 September 2008
an email excerpt (5)
I sent this email to a friend of mine yesterday and it really wasn't as much for the recipient's benefit as you might think. I mean, I wrote it to that person specifically, and I know they care about what I have to say but it wasn't so much conversational as it was expository. (I prefer conversational....everything. Just about everything.)
Later, IM-ing with this person, I described it as a "cathartic experience"... I don't like to use that phrase too often because I think catharsis is a big deal (...unless you're a modern artist/writer) but this is what I meant when I said it was more for my benefit than theirs. The point is that I was in a position where I just wanted to exput ("exput" is not a word but I've used it a lot lately cuz it expresses what I mean rather well -- 'export' + 'output') and this seemed like the right outlet at the time.
I was in a public libby so there wasn't anyone I knew to talk to
and it wasn't one of those things that I would have been great with verbally...
also, this is the friend I always exput to...and I was also realizing in this moment how much I've missed being able to do that over the past few weeks.
so I emailed.
and I felt good about it.
and when I re-read what I had written later on that night (because I was stream-of-conscious-ing this was almost new to me to read my own words) I thought, dang that's the kind of thing I'd probably want to re-access later on...enter the blog.
here's most of it --
Pasto Sam had asked me to give one big prayer request to the group and I ... should have thought more before I spoke. when I FIRST realized that I was going to be called upon I was like, "Dang, I gotta come up with something vague but true and seemingly positive so people can see that I am not stagnant or faithless, but neither am I READY TO GO by any means." Recently, I've been surprized to discover that nobody really grasps the full situation that I'm in even though I have thought that I keep telling them. I say that I'm not done yet... I mean..I feel the pressure, I know my dollar amounts, I know what looks feasible... ach. why am I dumping on you again? too bad! it's an email and you can't stop me. But anyways, because of this kinda thought process, I decided that my prayer request should be a little more frank because I really am tired of people not seeing eye-to-eye with me. It has a very isolating effect. I blurted something about still needing to raise "more than is humanly possible" and that prayer should "fill in the gap" and it made perfect sense to me... may have made sense to people who know me well.. but I don't think it computed for PS (and the rest of the group) as it should have.
I meant that it's something that LOOKS DAUNTING because I'm only one man
and that support raising in general is COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE for men alone... we all know this...
but we also take comfort and confidence in what we think is reasonable and imaginable for God. You know? sometimes we like to rip our situation into bite-size pieces to help Him out. or we sumbit proposals for Plans B and C.
but it's not like that.I'm not done yet (numerically speaking) and I'm not done yet (sticktuitively speaking).
but
I ... feel the days slipping by very quickly and very slowly au meme temps and I have no intention of re-booking my ticket.
so me, in my carnal self, sometimes I wonder, "How, how, how will this happen?"
and I say, "beni soi ton Nom; it's gotta be You."
He raised the first supporter and He'll raise the last --> i.e. prayer fills in the gap.
I wonder if all of this, all these blurtations, was communicated to PS in my short sentences last night. I've been thinking about "You are still Holy" again recently and dangit, that writer knew what they was saying. or rather, they're human and they've experienced life on earth - but they characterized some of the hard bits in consise and potent words (with a gorgeous melody to boot).
oh, p.s. I'm moving to the United Kingdom for a year... just so you know.
I just had a moment there.
anyways, second verse:
Holy, You are still holy
Even though I don't understand Your ways
Sovereign, You will be sovereign
Even when my circumstances don't change
....yes, I would like to let that one speak for itself.
further more:
Lord, I don't deserve Your tender patience
When my unbelief has kept me from Your truth
I want my life to be a sweet devotion
To You...
I'm pretty sure I've typed that guy in an email to you before... tis sounding familiar... but ummm yes. we really don't deserve it. and in my weaker moments, I forget the breadth and depth of His grace. I forget His UNCONDITIONAL unconditionals... I forget. And I'm really hesitant to walk back into that throne room.
And I've been typing this email for like 15 minutes straight and my fingertips are sore. and I thought this would be a short email. and I'm still talking.
and now I'm done.
----
This is indeed where the email finishes but I wanted to throw in the lyrics to verse one and the first prechorus of "You are Still Holy" because I think it's awesome and they make a great couple.
Holy, You are still holy
Even when the darkness surrounds my life
Sovereign, You are still Sovereign
Even when confusion has blinded my eyes
Lord, I don't deserve Your kind affection
When my unbelief has kept me from Your touch
I want my life to be a pure reflection
Of Your love...
Chorus:
So I come into Your chamber
And I dance at your feet, Lord
You are my Savior and I'm at Your mercy
All that has been in my life up til now
Belongs to You...
For You are still holy.
aaah. gorgeous. I think I'ma go sing it right now. Thanks, God.
Hill, Kim. "You are Still Holy." Arms of Mercy. Mercy Publishing, 1998.
Later, IM-ing with this person, I described it as a "cathartic experience"... I don't like to use that phrase too often because I think catharsis is a big deal (...unless you're a modern artist/writer) but this is what I meant when I said it was more for my benefit than theirs. The point is that I was in a position where I just wanted to exput ("exput" is not a word but I've used it a lot lately cuz it expresses what I mean rather well -- 'export' + 'output') and this seemed like the right outlet at the time.
I was in a public libby so there wasn't anyone I knew to talk to
and it wasn't one of those things that I would have been great with verbally...
also, this is the friend I always exput to...and I was also realizing in this moment how much I've missed being able to do that over the past few weeks.
so I emailed.
and I felt good about it.
and when I re-read what I had written later on that night (because I was stream-of-conscious-ing this was almost new to me to read my own words) I thought, dang that's the kind of thing I'd probably want to re-access later on...enter the blog.
here's most of it --
Pasto Sam had asked me to give one big prayer request to the group and I ... should have thought more before I spoke. when I FIRST realized that I was going to be called upon I was like, "Dang, I gotta come up with something vague but true and seemingly positive so people can see that I am not stagnant or faithless, but neither am I READY TO GO by any means." Recently, I've been surprized to discover that nobody really grasps the full situation that I'm in even though I have thought that I keep telling them. I say that I'm not done yet... I mean..I feel the pressure, I know my dollar amounts, I know what looks feasible... ach. why am I dumping on you again? too bad! it's an email and you can't stop me. But anyways, because of this kinda thought process, I decided that my prayer request should be a little more frank because I really am tired of people not seeing eye-to-eye with me. It has a very isolating effect. I blurted something about still needing to raise "more than is humanly possible" and that prayer should "fill in the gap" and it made perfect sense to me... may have made sense to people who know me well.. but I don't think it computed for PS (and the rest of the group) as it should have.
I meant that it's something that LOOKS DAUNTING because I'm only one man
and that support raising in general is COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE for men alone... we all know this...
but we also take comfort and confidence in what we think is reasonable and imaginable for God. You know? sometimes we like to rip our situation into bite-size pieces to help Him out. or we sumbit proposals for Plans B and C.
but it's not like that.I'm not done yet (numerically speaking) and I'm not done yet (sticktuitively speaking).
but
I ... feel the days slipping by very quickly and very slowly au meme temps and I have no intention of re-booking my ticket.
so me, in my carnal self, sometimes I wonder, "How, how, how will this happen?"
and I say, "beni soi ton Nom; it's gotta be You."
He raised the first supporter and He'll raise the last --> i.e. prayer fills in the gap.
I wonder if all of this, all these blurtations, was communicated to PS in my short sentences last night. I've been thinking about "You are still Holy" again recently and dangit, that writer knew what they was saying. or rather, they're human and they've experienced life on earth - but they characterized some of the hard bits in consise and potent words (with a gorgeous melody to boot).
oh, p.s. I'm moving to the United Kingdom for a year... just so you know.
I just had a moment there.
anyways, second verse:
Holy, You are still holy
Even though I don't understand Your ways
Sovereign, You will be sovereign
Even when my circumstances don't change
....yes, I would like to let that one speak for itself.
further more:
Lord, I don't deserve Your tender patience
When my unbelief has kept me from Your truth
I want my life to be a sweet devotion
To You...
I'm pretty sure I've typed that guy in an email to you before... tis sounding familiar... but ummm yes. we really don't deserve it. and in my weaker moments, I forget the breadth and depth of His grace. I forget His UNCONDITIONAL unconditionals... I forget. And I'm really hesitant to walk back into that throne room.
And I've been typing this email for like 15 minutes straight and my fingertips are sore. and I thought this would be a short email. and I'm still talking.
and now I'm done.
----
This is indeed where the email finishes but I wanted to throw in the lyrics to verse one and the first prechorus of "You are Still Holy" because I think it's awesome and they make a great couple.
Holy, You are still holy
Even when the darkness surrounds my life
Sovereign, You are still Sovereign
Even when confusion has blinded my eyes
Lord, I don't deserve Your kind affection
When my unbelief has kept me from Your touch
I want my life to be a pure reflection
Of Your love...
Chorus:
So I come into Your chamber
And I dance at your feet, Lord
You are my Savior and I'm at Your mercy
All that has been in my life up til now
Belongs to You...
For You are still holy.
aaah. gorgeous. I think I'ma go sing it right now. Thanks, God.
Hill, Kim. "You are Still Holy." Arms of Mercy. Mercy Publishing, 1998.
Wednesday, 24 September 2008
here's what I'm wondering -
Is there anyone who is immune to the effects of having someone put a blanket put on them while they nap on the couch or somewhere in a common area?
Anyone?
Anyone?
Tuesday, 23 September 2008
where does God draw the "you should have known better" line?
rather, where is the balance between discipline and mercy?
(I wanna say more on that subject but I really wish it could speak for itself.)
I feel ridiculously good right now...feeling the endorphins rushing around..it's good. I think it's good...it actually might be terrible but it feels good right now. I hope God approves of it... I should ask Him.
---
Something I've been wondering about:
Three or four years ago a few friends and I were setting up my house for a big partay to come through. One of the things we were serving was a bunch o' chocolates with different fillings and one of my friends has a peanut allergy. My other friend, his girlfriend, ate a few and discovered that there were nuts inside. She told her bf not to eat those and then he suggested that she not eat them either, in a rather stern way. (This friend, he doesn't mince his words. When he's serious, he's serious.) She didn't exactly protest but they had a few other words and a few strained looks and it was weird for me to observe. He didn't have to say WHY he preferred she didn't eat, it was fairly obvious but still produced a small slice of awkwardness.
I'm not sure what I would do in that situation.
Honestly? For the way it went down, I'd be very inclined to NOT avoid those chocolates but I really don't think it's good to eat something my significant other is allergic to in order to spite them.
Why do I still feel so indignant? I'm not talking exclusively about anaphlaxis here, either. I'm talking about things I'm asked to not do by my sig-fig that are not a problem at ALL to me but are a BIG PROBLEM to them. I wonder how I'll react. It's all love and deference and submission, isn't it? Yeah.
(I wanna say more on that subject but I really wish it could speak for itself.)
I feel ridiculously good right now...feeling the endorphins rushing around..it's good. I think it's good...it actually might be terrible but it feels good right now. I hope God approves of it... I should ask Him.
---
Something I've been wondering about:
Three or four years ago a few friends and I were setting up my house for a big partay to come through. One of the things we were serving was a bunch o' chocolates with different fillings and one of my friends has a peanut allergy. My other friend, his girlfriend, ate a few and discovered that there were nuts inside. She told her bf not to eat those and then he suggested that she not eat them either, in a rather stern way. (This friend, he doesn't mince his words. When he's serious, he's serious.) She didn't exactly protest but they had a few other words and a few strained looks and it was weird for me to observe. He didn't have to say WHY he preferred she didn't eat, it was fairly obvious but still produced a small slice of awkwardness.
I'm not sure what I would do in that situation.
Honestly? For the way it went down, I'd be very inclined to NOT avoid those chocolates but I really don't think it's good to eat something my significant other is allergic to in order to spite them.
Why do I still feel so indignant? I'm not talking exclusively about anaphlaxis here, either. I'm talking about things I'm asked to not do by my sig-fig that are not a problem at ALL to me but are a BIG PROBLEM to them. I wonder how I'll react. It's all love and deference and submission, isn't it? Yeah.
Saturday, 20 September 2008
Tuesday, 16 September 2008
well that officially settles it...
..I'm a useless human being. I know this as I realize I have never seen The Phantom of the Opera, on stage, on film; I have never listened to the entire score (or more than the most famous..two songs) and really, I don't even know what it's about. There's a disfigured guy who lives in a...something place with organs...and a girl...and there is probably some seduction and creepering going on but that's it.
I think I just long time ago decided I didn't care for the story...now I wonder why.
I just watched Sarah Brightman (is she British? she must be..) and Antonio Banderas sing that title song. I had no idea that Banderas man could sing. He's not stellar but he did well. Also, I had no idea his accent was so thick. I like it. I like him. He's cool. My brother once called him "Ontario Bandanas" by accident. That's what my family sometimes calls him.
I suppose now I must resolve to um... not hate The Phantom and perhaps seek out an acquaintanceship. Done.
.."Music of the Night". That's the other one. I just saw Will Ferrell sing it. I'm a little disturbed.
I think I just long time ago decided I didn't care for the story...now I wonder why.
I just watched Sarah Brightman (is she British? she must be..) and Antonio Banderas sing that title song. I had no idea that Banderas man could sing. He's not stellar but he did well. Also, I had no idea his accent was so thick. I like it. I like him. He's cool. My brother once called him "Ontario Bandanas" by accident. That's what my family sometimes calls him.
I suppose now I must resolve to um... not hate The Phantom and perhaps seek out an acquaintanceship. Done.
.."Music of the Night". That's the other one. I just saw Will Ferrell sing it. I'm a little disturbed.
Monday, 15 September 2008
"What are you - some kind of tooth dentist?"
(I really enjoy that line. ... Should I enjoy it less because I said it? hahaahhah nope..it's still making me giggle. Sir Gigs-A-Lot.)
The following are three excerpts from a magazine I was reading recently. My own comments are in the square brackets.
1 - "Answer Fella." Esquire January 2008: 34.
I'm a fit, attractive woman of 60 frequently taken for ten years younger. I find myself wildly attracted to men half my age. I'm not looking for marriage, just a sweet dalliance with a young man (with muscles). How do I improve my chances?
[The journalist's answer begins by joking about how he is attracted her and an official prouncement of her COUGAR status. He then lists some websites designed to hook cougars up with their prey and refrences a book, Cougar: A Guide for Old Women Dating Younger Men, by Valerie Gibson, which says cougars can really meet eligible young men just about anywhere.]
Ms Gibson also offers some rules: "'Don't think long-term' is the most important. You'll get your heart broken or you'll get really silly thoughts. Feel sexy, be sexy. Keep your mouth shut about your age. Also, screw everybody who says you shouldn't be doing this--ignore them".
[I was going to comment on these closing remarks, to explain WHY I decided to quote this particular article but now I feel like I'd be too obvious and am going to try to let the text speak for itself.]
2 - Woods, Stacey Grenrock. "Sex." Esquire January 2008: 32.
I was in the porn business for 22 years. I've seen everything a human has and what he or she can do with it. Now that I'm retired, though, I can't get these images out of my head. I just don't care about sex anymore. Please tell me what to do.
[The answer to this question was extremely rude and abrupt and irrelevant to what I'm interested in. I suppose...I suppose, actually I don't have too much to say about this one either, except that it makes my heart sink. I KNOW this stuff. I KNOW that people feel this way, that they end up this way but, most days, I don't feel like I can do anything about it. It's useful to me to hear someone from the belly of the beast explain their position because my rantings aren't always so useful in waking people up to the reality of corrupt sexual practices. What a world...and we're corrupting ONE ANOTHER - there's no mysterious tertiary force at work here, no sir.]
3 - Jones, Tim. "January Dilemma No. 2: You're not sure whether ice is safe to walk on." Esquire January 2008: 32.
{1} If there are already four or five people gathered on the ice in one place, then you can be pretty sure you'll be okay. Unless they're all named Jesus.
[There were two other tips to this one that...I didn't laugh at (though they were useful) but this first guy is worth posting, I do declare.]
The following are three excerpts from a magazine I was reading recently. My own comments are in the square brackets.
1 - "Answer Fella." Esquire January 2008: 34.
I'm a fit, attractive woman of 60 frequently taken for ten years younger. I find myself wildly attracted to men half my age. I'm not looking for marriage, just a sweet dalliance with a young man (with muscles). How do I improve my chances?
[The journalist's answer begins by joking about how he is attracted her and an official prouncement of her COUGAR status. He then lists some websites designed to hook cougars up with their prey and refrences a book, Cougar: A Guide for Old Women Dating Younger Men, by Valerie Gibson, which says cougars can really meet eligible young men just about anywhere.]
Ms Gibson also offers some rules: "'Don't think long-term' is the most important. You'll get your heart broken or you'll get really silly thoughts. Feel sexy, be sexy. Keep your mouth shut about your age. Also, screw everybody who says you shouldn't be doing this--ignore them".
[I was going to comment on these closing remarks, to explain WHY I decided to quote this particular article but now I feel like I'd be too obvious and am going to try to let the text speak for itself.]
2 - Woods, Stacey Grenrock. "Sex." Esquire January 2008: 32.
I was in the porn business for 22 years. I've seen everything a human has and what he or she can do with it. Now that I'm retired, though, I can't get these images out of my head. I just don't care about sex anymore. Please tell me what to do.
[The answer to this question was extremely rude and abrupt and irrelevant to what I'm interested in. I suppose...I suppose, actually I don't have too much to say about this one either, except that it makes my heart sink. I KNOW this stuff. I KNOW that people feel this way, that they end up this way but, most days, I don't feel like I can do anything about it. It's useful to me to hear someone from the belly of the beast explain their position because my rantings aren't always so useful in waking people up to the reality of corrupt sexual practices. What a world...and we're corrupting ONE ANOTHER - there's no mysterious tertiary force at work here, no sir.]
3 - Jones, Tim. "January Dilemma No. 2: You're not sure whether ice is safe to walk on." Esquire January 2008: 32.
{1} If there are already four or five people gathered on the ice in one place, then you can be pretty sure you'll be okay. Unless they're all named Jesus.
[There were two other tips to this one that...I didn't laugh at (though they were useful) but this first guy is worth posting, I do declare.]
Saturday, 13 September 2008
I used to love drinking Sprite and eating 2-4-1 pizza.
We did that - our family and another family of a single mum and two boys who went to our school - every few weeks. We went to their house, ordered pizza (and pop, I guess) and then after we played games. It was kinda weird because we were never as great of friends with the boys as my mum thought we were but..well, there it. Since I hardly drink Sprite nowadays, the memory has stuck.
It was at their house that I first decided I did not like strawberries. I must have had one that was rather t-t-tart and concluded it wasn't the fruit for me. Others were rolling theirs in granulated sugar which I think I tried but I figured if I had to doctor it so much what was the point? I don't like making excuses for something to taste good. I missed out, methinks. Strawberries have become my friends in recent years and I am glad for this.
It was at their house that I first decided I did not like strawberries. I must have had one that was rather t-t-tart and concluded it wasn't the fruit for me. Others were rolling theirs in granulated sugar which I think I tried but I figured if I had to doctor it so much what was the point? I don't like making excuses for something to taste good. I missed out, methinks. Strawberries have become my friends in recent years and I am glad for this.
Tuesday, 9 September 2008
I'm addicted to speeding.
I'm not addicted, really but I'm surprized that recent events have shown me as a lover of fast drivage. On the other hand, I discovered tonight that I enjoy having control over a vehicle more than getting there quicker.
Today I got a take-out container (not take-out..like take-home) that was made of thick cardboard, instead of polystyrene. It made me more happy than life.
Yesterday I found out about our flats in Edinburgh. Today it seems a little weirder. I'm trying to pick up my feet and I think it's getting better, day by day.
Today I got a take-out container (not take-out..like take-home) that was made of thick cardboard, instead of polystyrene. It made me more happy than life.
Yesterday I found out about our flats in Edinburgh. Today it seems a little weirder. I'm trying to pick up my feet and I think it's getting better, day by day.
Sunday, 7 September 2008
Saturday, 6 September 2008
wah, wah, wah!
I know exactly what I want right now, to assuage what afflicts me, but I'm pretty sure I don't need it and completely certain that it would be very inappropriate and unfair to others so, I resist.
It's good to write a blog post, though. It's something that I didn't think would make sense to me to write right now but a few things in the same vein have caught my attention recently and I wanted to catalog them.
I was inspired to do so by this quote I just read on someone's FB profile:
I feel that is excellent, gorgeous, wonderful advice -- seriously. It is VERY much easier said than done but I know I do not want to settle for anything less.
(1) On Monday night I watched American Psycho (2000) and by way of introduction, we observe the main character's morning routine he gives a play-by-play voice-over, explaining each part of the almost obsessive ritual along with the reason and benefits for each. Artistically speaking, aesthetically speaking, dramatically speaking, I thought the segment was brilliant. I thought it was very well done, esp in terms of colors and blocking and editing.
BUT there were quite a few shots where the main character (as played by Christian Bale, who already gives me problems) was only wearing pants. (It makes sense when you're brushing your teeth or doing exercises, etc., all alone in yer own apartment.) Bale really had to bulk up for this film to make the character work so there's no way around seeing all the fruits of his labor. Then there was this one shot from behind, you see from like mid-back to mid-calf of Patrick on his way into the shower and I instinctively (instinctively?) looked away and said, "Woo... I don't know if I can handle this..."
I waited til it sounded like I could look again, all the while trying to decide whether I should turn the thing off or not. If it looked like that'd be an isolated incident then I'd press on. But, if this was the standard being set here...would I really have the conviction to stop a perfectly good ("perfectly good") film that I paid for and just go to bed? I didn't want to do that. It felt wussy and wasteful and weak. I like watching films. I like building my repertoire, I like cross-referencing, I like appreciating actors for diversity of roles so I just didn't want to give this up. I wonder, if it was more sexed, whether I would have. I certainly should have.
My words surprized myself, honestly. The word handle, in particular, is what got me. It was like saying, "I recognize my problem and I assess that this situation holds more temptation than I can bear." How loser of a thing to say is that?! Gosh. At the same time, I was slightly impressed with myself but the overall feeling is confusion.
(2) Earlier today my housemate came home and told me about the "hot guy" who was working on the house across the street. She thought I should go and take a look. I'm not sure if she wanted me to go upstairs and peep at that moment, or if I should just look when we were to leave the house shortly. Either way, my initial thought was: "There's no way I'm going OUT of my way to ogle some physically attractive man." It's one thing when I'm walking down the street, it's another when I rubberneck or make jokes, but to seek out, after I've been told, "This is what you should expect," is a different animal altogether.
This one wasn't even a "should I/shouldn't I" battle; I just didn't want to go. The idea repulsed me. I was pretty sure it'd be a pleasant sight but the thought of pursuing an object for lust or, at best, admiration, was just terrible.
I'm thankful.
I don't think I have a conclusion, either one for the post or one on the subject so I'll just leave this guy as is.
It's good to write a blog post, though. It's something that I didn't think would make sense to me to write right now but a few things in the same vein have caught my attention recently and I wanted to catalog them.
I was inspired to do so by this quote I just read on someone's FB profile:
Bury your heart so deep in God that the guy who wants it has to seek God to find it.
I feel that is excellent, gorgeous, wonderful advice -- seriously. It is VERY much easier said than done but I know I do not want to settle for anything less.
(1) On Monday night I watched American Psycho (2000) and by way of introduction, we observe the main character's morning routine he gives a play-by-play voice-over, explaining each part of the almost obsessive ritual along with the reason and benefits for each. Artistically speaking, aesthetically speaking, dramatically speaking, I thought the segment was brilliant. I thought it was very well done, esp in terms of colors and blocking and editing.
BUT there were quite a few shots where the main character (as played by Christian Bale, who already gives me problems) was only wearing pants. (It makes sense when you're brushing your teeth or doing exercises, etc., all alone in yer own apartment.) Bale really had to bulk up for this film to make the character work so there's no way around seeing all the fruits of his labor. Then there was this one shot from behind, you see from like mid-back to mid-calf of Patrick on his way into the shower and I instinctively (instinctively?) looked away and said, "Woo... I don't know if I can handle this..."
I waited til it sounded like I could look again, all the while trying to decide whether I should turn the thing off or not. If it looked like that'd be an isolated incident then I'd press on. But, if this was the standard being set here...would I really have the conviction to stop a perfectly good ("perfectly good") film that I paid for and just go to bed? I didn't want to do that. It felt wussy and wasteful and weak. I like watching films. I like building my repertoire, I like cross-referencing, I like appreciating actors for diversity of roles so I just didn't want to give this up. I wonder, if it was more sexed, whether I would have. I certainly should have.
My words surprized myself, honestly. The word handle, in particular, is what got me. It was like saying, "I recognize my problem and I assess that this situation holds more temptation than I can bear." How loser of a thing to say is that?! Gosh. At the same time, I was slightly impressed with myself but the overall feeling is confusion.
(2) Earlier today my housemate came home and told me about the "hot guy" who was working on the house across the street. She thought I should go and take a look. I'm not sure if she wanted me to go upstairs and peep at that moment, or if I should just look when we were to leave the house shortly. Either way, my initial thought was: "There's no way I'm going OUT of my way to ogle some physically attractive man." It's one thing when I'm walking down the street, it's another when I rubberneck or make jokes, but to seek out, after I've been told, "This is what you should expect," is a different animal altogether.
This one wasn't even a "should I/shouldn't I" battle; I just didn't want to go. The idea repulsed me. I was pretty sure it'd be a pleasant sight but the thought of pursuing an object for lust or, at best, admiration, was just terrible.
I'm thankful.
I don't think I have a conclusion, either one for the post or one on the subject so I'll just leave this guy as is.
Wednesday, 3 September 2008
today has been an utterly disappointing day and I'm not quite sure why. I mean..I could recite all the events but um...why they all happened today, why they were so disappointing, I don't know.
I'm really starting to notice my up-and-down-ing of life. It's pretty regular, like a sine wave...a sin wave, maybe.
So, what's the best way to prevent oneself from comparing one life to another? Comment est-ce qu'on fait ca? This just getting out of hand.
It's like I don't know what to do with myself. It's like I mill around waiting for something to beckon and then I go mental for a little spurt....then I'm exhausted and need to flop down again. It's a stupid cycle, if you ask me.
I'm trying to say something but it won't come out. I'll prolly delete this post by morning.
I'm really starting to notice my up-and-down-ing of life. It's pretty regular, like a sine wave...a sin wave, maybe.
So, what's the best way to prevent oneself from comparing one life to another? Comment est-ce qu'on fait ca? This just getting out of hand.
It's like I don't know what to do with myself. It's like I mill around waiting for something to beckon and then I go mental for a little spurt....then I'm exhausted and need to flop down again. It's a stupid cycle, if you ask me.
I'm trying to say something but it won't come out. I'll prolly delete this post by morning.
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