Winter Conference

Regularity in my life is overdue right now and I feel like an abused candle (because of the burning out action). I returned to Guelph about one hour ago in a permanent sort of "end of holidays" way and it feels pretty good. It mostly feels good because I no longer need to live out of a suitcase or use someone else's towels. Amen.


Alright, I attended - for the first time since ever - the Eastern Winter Conference for all five days. It has been an interesting and surprizingly bumpy journey. In the weeks immediately preceding WC (like one or two), I discovered that financial needs would supercede the Montreal Project reunion as my major preoccupation for the event. This was a welcome phenomenon to me because I do not want to hype up seeing people again (it is not cool and it is distracting from more important things). The money arrived in a gloriously God-honoring plus lovely way and I went to register for the conference hoping I would see no one from project until after I had registered, unpacked and rested. I actually wanted to avoid these people for a good while, thinking I ought to take some time to sturdy myself for the imminent days of learning and challenging, etc. It's difficult to explain how that turned out so I will move on. When I saw HiuKei (my oh-so-lovely and oh-so-Japanese-but-not-really housemate from the summer) I was hooked, I think. She is a prize and a gem. When we spotted eachother it was nearing the end of our first Campus Times session. McGill had finished but Guelph was still 1 or 2 minutes away from completion. HiuKei and I looked at eachother, smiling madly while I waited for our Key Student Leader to finish so I could run over to her. It was quite funny, actually. Sometimes, even that short time between seeing someone you miss and actually embracing them can be over-hyped and you end up faking excitement. In this case however, we had a chance to think about it and actually remember how much we missed one another. I was like a bad kindergarten kid, fidgeting on the carpet, waiting. I had a very lovely mclovely time with all of the people from Montreal Project that I hung out with. But here is my realization about my actions that made me want to write all of this down, taken from my prayer-ish account to God...

"... I realized some things about Guelph, Montreal and how I spent my time. Yes it is important to build relationships with Christians and yes, this is a great place to do it. However, people from Montreal Project are tightly bonded at the moment but Guelph's campus is part of a movement. Unfortunately, it seems I need to invest more in my relationships at Guelph - actively - because that is what I am working on now."

I have been in the same situation for Summit and the Passion concert and have had a dilemma creeping under my skin both times. Finally it is out. I was wondering if I should feel guilty about where I spend my time but I refused to think or listen about it long enough to arrive at a solid conclusion. The present conclusion? Firstly, there is now no condemnation in Christ Jesus but secondly, I do need to spend my time more wisely and selflessly. With project members, I have a guarantee (perhaps at 95 or 100%) that I will have an enjoyable time because I already know them well and we know we miss one another and want to spend time together. However, with other people (sometimes including the close friendies), there is no guarantee so I impatiently access the option I am sure of, dooming the bad guarantee to an even lower percentage. [Is this too abstract?]

I lay on the floor of the Hilton Toronto's concourse level with seven other girls from Project and we were together. There's no better word for it. It was one of the most blissful, peaceful, relaxed moments of the entire conference and I shall cherish for a long time. It was amazing how comfortable we could be with eachother in terms of what we shared, how the conversation could change from profundity to shallowness whenever, how different conversations could spawn, and especially our body language, using one another as pillows. I might call it a miniscule glimpse into the fellowship department of Heaven. Several feet away from our cluster, Guelph students were sat in a circle, talking and eating pizza. It struck me, this very same mutinous traitor feeling that had been hacking at me for a while, and I finally gave in, realizing, "These people are getting better acquainted with their team members so that we can fight the good fight with people we know and love well. Here I sit amongst girls whom I have already fought some great battles with, knowing and loving them very well." I should have better priorities. I should learn to express myself more concisely. This is a long post. Guelph: I'm sorry. You are cool but Montreal is far too rare and tempting. :)


Here is another great thing that happened at Winter Conference 2005: I met a girl I attended high school with, who now attends McGill, and I was both overjoyed and overshocked to see her. As far as I can tell, we have not seen eachother since I became a Christian and since she started to compromise her beliefs. She was there with KCCC (the K stands for kaleidoscope or Korean) and she told me in the brief moments we had that she had been crying much these past two days (assumedly because of Holy Spirit convictions) citing her moving away from God as the reason. What can I say but "praise God!" to that? I prayed depuis longtemps that she would never be completely lost but that God would hold on to her and bring her back. Amen and thank You.


On New Year's Eve, some staff - almost like bouncers - of the Hilton Toronto wait by all entrances to check for keys and refuse anyone who is not a guest. My understanding is that one night at the Hilton Toronto will cost approximately $250. I would wager that not a one of us Conference members could - or even would - be able to afford to stay in the hotel for four nights. While walking around the hotel, I felt like I was there on somebody else's tab, and often like I was defiling the building with my lower-class self. There is nothing like an uppity hotel to make you realize how poor you are. Anyways, there were many people hovering around the doors who were not permitted entrance and I couldn't help but think I was cheating the system, or I had a fake I.D. or something else scandalous when the doorman would nod me in at first glance of my key. Each time I reached the other side of the inner door, I would breath a sigh of relief, loosen up and resist the urge to be smug or to gloat. It is absolutely remarkable how great man feels when he is allowed to be part of an elite group (elite by nature placing him above his peers) and I think we all know this feeling. Then I thought, "How amazing is the welcome we get from Jesus?" It finally hit me in that moment, the brilliance of our inheritance in Christ: we can gain entrance to the most elite of elite places (i.e. where God dwells) if we are in Jesus because God, a good father, welcomes His Son into His house. The feeling rendered when we are admitted without question ("Got the H-Spizzo? Come on in!") is beautifully undescribable and it is another paltry glimpse of Heaven's acceptance department. How many privaleges and perquisites does God give us (without even asking us to flash our key)? We even try to steal the shampoo, don't we?


My final comment on WC is about our talent show from Thursday, the 29th. Way too many people asked me if I was going to perform that it made me almost feel uncomfortable. I couldn't help but wonder why expectations were so high and why people think I have performance-ready material in my back pocket at ALL times. Anyways, I neglected to sign the list because I did not want to say I would perform and pull out at the last minute because that would only yield chanting and goading. When the "last" performer was on stage, another girl and I went to ask the MC if this was actually the last performer, knowing full well what she had said, hoping that an exception would be made. The other girl said yes, for sure, she would go and when the MC stood saying, "we were just kidding, there's one ... two? [holding two fingers up inquisitively, looking at me].. one more performer," I communicated my change of heart. Then, when that girl was almost finished her song, the MC asked again if I wanted to go up and finally I said "yes" knowing I regret not acting more than acting (even like an idiot) every time. I was not sure if I was going to sing a song or recite a poem. I did not want to go with the poem because I make a habit of never performing those twice but a song is far scarrier and would not have been entirely different from the rest of the acts like poetry would. I sat down at a pianoforte whose damper pedal was not working. That is the one thing that will make me refuse to play a piano, despite how much I utterly love the instrument. But now, sitting in a performer's spot with an expectant crowd, I was forced to work with what I had. I was surprized by the ease with which I spoke into the microphone to introduce the song and I could even pull a laugh or two from the crowd. Ha.. a few people were like calling my name before I even started talking. It's funny to me. I played and sang in a way that was satisfactory to me (the best I could ask for in performance) , likely under the influence of the knowledge that this was a voluntary and lax endeavor so I need not worry. That evening, a few people told me the liked what I had presented. One person - a friend of mine - said, "Some day you're gonna make me cry," and at first I thought it bizarre and somewhat cheesy, no kidding. The next day a few more random people told me the liked the song, most of them stopping me in the hall way or something and I still do not know any of their names. That day I realized the crying comment was actually a quite lovely compliment. I have long believed that a delayed compliment is best because it can attest to sincerety. That is, if you say, "Oh my goodness! That was so GO-ooood!!" the second the performer's foot leaves the stage, the substance of your compliment is all but void. It is too much of a formality; of an expected reaction, that it means little, especially when given in large doses. If, however, you were to write the performer an encouraging note and slip it into their pocket or mailbox that day or the next, they would know that you enjoyed the performance enough to take the time to write their thoughts and deliver them to you. The same applies to a verbal comment the next day or the next time you see them, even if that is one week later. After I finished the song, I was OK but I felt weird because the response of the crowd smacked of confusion. I just wanted to leave and I felt as torn down as I always do after a performance (except for one, lone instance) but I have come to recognize God's pattern of using something in the performance to humble me and then using the following days, weeks or months to slowly build me back up so I do not get a big head. Those next-day comments and the day-after-next-day comments build very well. On the third day, a girl from York U approached me and explained how she "just wanted to encourage" me. She said that there was an area of her personal life in which she had been begging for peace from God for the past four years. She explained how she felt she had "tried everything" and how she wanted to simply resign herself to trusting God to take care of this, and she hoped it would be during this conference. She started to cry a little as she explained how the song my grandfather wrote was used by God that she would be touched by the Spirit and finally have peace. Our God is an awesome God. She even says to me, "I don't know what made you want to go up there and perform that," as if it was obvious that I had no specific or pressing motives. Hmm, how interesting and blessed. Thanks, God!


Winter Conference was fun and I'd do it again if I thought it wise. We shall see, we shall see, we shall see.

""

to-day's quotation shall be posted here because I cannot access angelfire at the moment.

"I thought we were friends, Derek!"
"My name is ANDY!!"
"Your name is Liar because you're telling lies!"

Another? My five-year-old brother told me two knock-knock jokes that were pretty standard and then, when he found he had run out of material, he created a joke on the spot:

"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Q."
"Q who?"
"Q ... is a fat head."

I am slightly bored

To-day's quote from The Colbert Report is as follows:

His guest author, Peggy Noonan who wrote "John Paul the Great: Remembering a Spiritual Father", had just told Colbert how soon she thought the Pope would enter sainthood -- sooner than he normally would because the people of the Catholic church have already acclaimed him as such. He responds...

Colbert: So there's a chance the shrine in my home will become official soon?
Noonan: [hesitantly] Is it a shrine to Pope John Paul?
Colbert: [Yea, we love the Pope around our house.] I named my son John Paul.
Noonan: Did you really?
Colbert: Yea, he's four years old; we call him Your Holiness.


To-day's shower epiphany:

The reason we find difficulty in viewing all sins as equal is that we evaluate them by how much they grieve man.

Thursday, 22 December, 2005:)

What's to-day's revelation? Why I am simply too eager to tell you!

While walking west along Evans Avenue past Islington Avenue, I realized that good things are not God. Similarly, things that God has commanded, things that the Bible says are good, things that are for other people - noble endeavors for sure are not God. Only He is who He says He is. (The application? Only He should be focused on, nothing else.)

This meant much to me during my trek because I am overwhelmed and distracted (perhaps with a sprinkling of Confused) these days and it was nice to promenade for an hour or so in the cold, listening to good music and a good God. I felt slightly cleansed but, moreover, I see now how unclean I actually was. In the words of Kanye West, "I did dirt and went to church to get my hands scrubbed." I .. you know what kind of thing I am talking about. Basic neglect, I guess; or apathy. Ahh, yes. There is nothing quite like simplicity. I do miss church a little bit, too.

declaration part five

**Last Sunday, I heard an amazing sermon (preached partly by a good friend of mine [rock on]) that was invaluably useful to me and instrumental in changing my view on evangelism. The sermon was entitled Enlarging my Heart and point number four explains how that happens when we are ...

Sharing our Faith
"But that is why God had mercy on me, so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him." 1 Timothy 1:16

**Some of the ideas that struck me hard as refreshing and relieving...

-"believe God for appointments"
-"in the Bible, there are no stereotypes" [of evangelizers]
-evangelism means "us wanting them to have what [we]’ve got (often they do not respond and it hurts)"

**This concept in particular resonated with me entirely. It has helped me to better understand the Great Commission, making me eager to take my medicine with the bitter/foul edge taken off the taste...

"We were not called to be ‘hunters of men’!" After two shots, the prey will scamper away, never to return; afraid of double barrels and fluorescent jackets forever. "Fishers" have something the fish want. If people don’t want anything you’ve got, don’t witness to anybody! The timing is up to the fish."

**Simply put, the exhortation was...

"Be yourself and tell your story!"

**We were told that our response should be to...

Keep Praying, Keep Sharing
"So don’t get tired of doing what is good. Don’t get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time." Galatians 6:9

I had an epiphany:

If we are all created in the image of God - all reflections of some facet of Him - then how can we compete with one another? How can one part of God be better than another?


[sister posts: 25/01/05:), 29/03/05:)]

analogy

You walk into the doctor's office and have a seat on the long, papered chair. You tell the trained professional of all your ailments, routinely shifting your gaze between his eyes, your bum knee and the certificates on his wall. He watches you carefully and listens intentely, periodically making sparse notes on his clipboard that you can neither see nor understand. With a finalizing, "Aaaaand that's about it," you stop talking and breathe deeply. The doctor says, "Alright," confidently in a tone that shows he is (surprizingly) not overwhelmed. He turns away to look for a piece of equipment when you swiftly sidle out of the room as you barely hear him inhale grandly before he would have begun to pronounce your long list of exact problems and exact solutions. *


Between pages upon pages of praise and petitions, I need to stop and give God an opportunity to speak.




*NOTE: this idea is not original (only the creative expression) so I do not take full credit.

revelation part 3

(Being convinced to sin is a one-sided argument.)

You know that sin you have that you can convince yourself is OK sometimes? You know the one that is only written about in the Bible under a larger category or in such vague terms that loopholes are abundant? You know the one you can imagine yourself doing at certain times "in the heat of the moment" even though you have had time to plan it? You know how the guilt you (would) feel afterward is not enough for your repentance to be full and sincere?

I have a sin like that which has been bothering me since my first semester here at the University of Guelph. I like to think I can get away with it unless I think about the "everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial" principle (which I still do not fully understand). Yesterday, I slipped into that sin in the precise way I always imagined it (fantacized about it, actually) except it happened even quicker because of the environment I was recently/currently surrounded by. At the time, my dominant emotion did not let me think much about the sinful aspect of my actions. My thoughts (small because I was VERY distracted) were (a) I cannot believe I just did that, (b) I cannot believe that happened so easily, (c) I do not feel guilty at all, largely because the sin was not as deliberate as one might think (d) I cannot even apologize right now because I would not mean it, (e) I can't WAIT to tell some Christians about this scandalousness and laugh about it! and (f) wow.

Soon after that incident I napped for about 5-10 minutes and when I awoke, the dominant emotion was gone and I could see my sin a little more clearly. At the least, I could see remorse and I apologized though I did not exactly hope it would never happen again.

This morning, while in the bathroom (revelations happen there...) I resolved not to tell a single soul about that sin because I would be doing it to glory in it. Do not get me wrong: I am not in denial and refusing to be honest and vulnerable by concealing a sin. After a moment's pause [as I write this, I think that pause was me giving God a chance to talk] I recognized that I should not glory in things that do not bring Christ glory. (As a matter of fact, anything that brings me glory is unlikely to glorify Christ.) It hit me hard: this is why we do not take sin lightly; this is why not everything is beneficial.

I think that more words heaped on this will take away from the statement so here I stop.

within four days

--"Logorrhea" can be broken down into two roots: "logos" is Greek for "words" and "rrhea" means "free flowing". I find it ironic that "log-" seems to be more closely linked with "diarrhea" but that is OK; I respect the English language and all its idiosyncracies.

--The most recent challenger in the race for strange places to sleep:
Four stacks of six elementary school chairs.

[I wanted to lie down for 15 minutes or so before I continued working in my moms' classroom after school was out. However, I was exhausted enough to forget about the following: (a) I could roll off and smash my something on the linoleum, (b) someone could walk into the room and I would not be able to explain myself very well, (c) yikes. I was into a real sleep and it was my mother's "Oh, I didn't know you were still here," that woke me up. Yowza.]

--My quote of the day: "... great Italians like Jim Carrey, Mozart and Carlos Santana."

--I spent about 26 hours in the Tobes (and partly in the TDot) this week to rehearse with some kids' choirs at my moms' school. It was fun to do it because of the pressure I was under to deliver (this was our first rehearsal and the concert is 6 days away) and because of the freedom I had to call whatever I was doing my "best" whether or not it actually was. Now, don't get me wrong: I do not want to be deceptive. I mean that no one in the school plays piano so I get to be the authority which, I guess, means there is more I can get away with ... but that still sounds wrong. I want to do my best and I wanted to do better than I actually did but, given the circumstances, I could not do much else. Let me tell you: there is a lot of 1-5-1 business going on in my left hand. Amen to that.

--I wigged out during those 26 hours because of how exhausted I was from the past (what is now) 12 days of no sleep and high "stress" thanks to academia. On the streetcar to school on Thursday, I thought to myself, "How am I going to do this? How am I going to do this?" [repeat for 10 minutes] when the gravity of my workload hit me once again. For the record, I was facing two final examinations and one essay due ... well... to-day. The problem was that I could not figure out how to best divide my time and there was not one assignment that could afford to be slacked on (even slightly). I have been aware, during the past two weeks, that I need to insure my spiritual life is healthy during "busy" times like these for many reasons (chime them in, Sunday skool kids...). During that time at my sister & brother's place, I wanted to at least stay in the Bible and stay in prayer but I seemed to be too easily distracted and to only open the Book when I was on the streetcar or the bus because I couldn't be doing school work. In other words, God got my leftovers. Anyways, that Thursday morning, I found Psalm 20 (my habit of late has been to read one or two per day) and it calmed me down like nobody's business. My whole body sighed with relief.

May the Lord answer you when you are in distress;
..may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
May he send you help from the sanctuary
..and grant you support from Zion.
May he remember all your sacrifices
..and accept your burnt offernings.
May he give you the desire of your heart
..and make all your plans succeed.
We will shout for joy when you are victorious
..and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the Lord grant all your requests.

Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed;
..he answers him from his holy heaven
..with the saving power of his right hand.
Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
..but we rust in the name of the Lord our God.
They are brought to their knees and fall,
..but we rise up and stand firm.

O Lord, save the king!
..Answer us when we call!

When I arrived at the school, I rewrote the psalm, replacing every "you" for "me"/"I" (and every "your" for "my", etc.) so that I could read it and understand that it did apply to me. I carried that sheet around the school with me whenever I was heading to play or to practice so that, when other thoughts crept into my head, I could look at it and be told to chill owt. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. [I substituted "Christ's sacrifices" for "your sacrifices" and "your burnt offerings" for "Christ's burnt offerings" because I don't live under the law.]

my question:

Blog? What the heck is a blog?


So much to say, so little brain space.

PASSION Toronto

Last night I was at the Passion concert at the Exhibition Place in Toronto. It was awesome for many reasons. Reasons (1) through (7) are all God. Reason (8) is the people, the Christian fellowship, reason (9) is the music, reason (10) is the musical brilliance, reasons (11) through (15) are also God and reason (16) is a mini Project reunion of ten people.

I did not take any notes so I feel like I do not know what I heard or learned last night. I remember that I was struck by Mr Giglio's words as these: "Shame is over with." He said the same goes for guilt and condemnation, citing Romans 8. Wow. I know that all the time and I remember it every now and then but to hear it so bluntly and so confidently is a new experience.

I vaguely remembered last night that I love music and would like to pursue a career in it, though in a different way than playing packed stadiums.

I was very surprized and impressed by the fact that the concert comprised prayer and teaching that was Biblical and exhilirating (the good kind). I was not open to much of it for a while and knew that I needed to get right soon. It was relieveing to be around several thousand students who are excited about the Good News and know that it cannot stay in Toronto and to know that we were not at a Campus Crusade for Christ event. Sure, it was students who wanted to claim their campuses for Christ but they did not need an organization so-named to go for it. I love this and it re-affirmed my perspective on CCC. It is still an organization (a good one) but not the be-all end-all. [Sorry, grammar freaks: I do not know how to punctuate that phrase.]

"I luv to laff"

I noticed, while listening to someone try to explain their reaction to seeing a stupid drunken antic, that one of the most difficult (if not the most difficult) things for humans to describe is laughter. How much easier is it to understand, "she sang like Judy Garland," than, "I laughed until I wanted to cry"? With laughter there seems to be no reference point; there is no common understanding of what a good laugh is (unless perhaps you cite Mary Poppins' uncle).

lessons

If there is anything that God has been telling me every Sunday morning and ever Friday evening [CCC weekly meeting] of late, it is that I need to dive into the Bible and swim a couple laps every day. I don't listen very well, apparently.

revelation part 2

If God has loved the church, who are we to do any less? (courtesy W. Michuki)

The great thing about Christianity is that it does not rely on Christians to sell it.

ranking/displaying/feeding

I officially deem this evening (referring to the Campus Crusade for Christ meeting and surrounding activities, ranging from 19h30 to 23h30) an eight-point-five (8.5) out of ten.

This eight, however, is an average of a five (5) and a twelve (12) because I have ranked two distinct aspects of my evening separately.

Firstly, I would just like to point out that it is an interesting exercise to refer to the organization by the least likely (if used at all) abbreviation: "Christ." Typically, we say, "Crusade," "Campus Crusade" or "Cru". I remarked once that it is uncanny that we have left out the pivotal part of the title.
[e.g. I went to the Christ weekly meeting this Friday.
My discipleship group is run through Christ.
This event is sponsored by Christ.
We are part of an organization called Christ that seeks to change the world by turning lost students into Christ-centred laborers.]
It made much sense to me as I sat in our extended prayer & worship session this evening.

Secondly, the ranks:
Five (5) is for my social interaction that contained about three consecutive bombs. What actually happened was that I initiated interaction with people I know with terrible timing, one after another. I can handle one in an evening or one in a day but not three. It made me quite unhappy (and possibly ashamed) but mostly frustrated. I know it is my fault; that is the worst part.
On the plus side of this aspect, I am relieved and glad that people enjoyed my front-of-room work this evening and last Wednesday evening (at the National Project information night). For this evening, it was just some people saying, "Hey that was funny," which is always nice to hear once your ego has been bruised by the silence after a punch-line. My favorite moment of our Top Ten(-ish) Reasons to go to Winter Conference presentation was when I said, "You get to spend time with J.C. and his Old Man G," and Gregg Hinzelman (director of Eastern campuses, methinks - a man I have GREAT respect for) turns his head away in a gesture of disgust and slight amusement. Ha. Magical. In regards to Wednesday, someone approached me and said that they had enjoyed my presentations of that night and proceeded to ask me some things about Quebec and the ministry there. He said that we, "made it sound like Hell," and I could hardly deny it. I know that we were probably trying to scare them [the prospective project-ees] but I also know that we were trying to be truthful. It is Hell-ish in a place with no Christ, what can I say? I am glad however, that he is interested in spreading the Gospezillio abroad and I hope that he chooses the correct project (note the lower-case 'p') for him.

The twelve (12) was for my interaction with God. Before I went to the meeting I sat down to talk to God (in hopes of clearing, my head, conscience and heart) and reminded Him that I was missing vision, especially for Christ (that is, Campus Crusade for). To-night He told Gregg Hinzelman to spread vision to the Guelph campus and boy! did He get me. I do not know if it is a good idea for me to try to explain all of what God did in my head this evening but I would like to summarize. He told me that the Gospel is important and that it is tireless.

[Side note: He also gave me an idea for the song that I have been trying to write for a couple of weeks now and I likes this idea.]

He told me that now IS a good time for a missions trip because when full-time work and families come around, my schedule will not be so flexible. (A rudimentary but very impactful concept.) When we watched a video about a city in East Asia, I was being hit with that proverbial tonne of bricks. The soundtrack comprised a song I learned in Montreal and brought me back to the sous-sol of Solin Hall. (That pretty much rhymes.) The third verse says,
"To You I give my future
As long as it may last
To You I give my present
To you I give my past"
and those words made sense to me to-night. The chorus did not work so deeply because of its words but the concept of a "sacrifice" was there. It is strange (rare) for me to be convicted about sacrifice when I am not at the polar opposite side of the spectrum, essentially living for myself and consciously pushing God away. This time, I was perched upon the proverbial fence, unsure of what to do. I chose my side and leapt off the chain-link but I do not know what I will land on. The song and the video told me that I need to go away this summer encore. (Maybe this Winter Break, I do not know.) I want to know soon, though so I can go nutz about it. I have some reservations about this next project. I like Christ (CCC) but I do not want to tell any people in the Guelph chapter of my decision to join a project because I do not like the reaction. Petty? Selfish? Maybe. This is something I need to work on. I will not stand to be smothered. The other major reservation is that I do not know where to go and a more minor one is that I do not know where I will live and how I will pass up my summer courses. Well, God, You are good and I trust You so we shall just leave it at that.

-----
I had fun in school to-day.
Class #1 (Shakespearean receptions): we watched a film that was gripping, good quality and intriguingly relevant to Shakespeare. This I enjoyed. We also recieved an explanation of what our next assignment for this course would be and now the excitement that has been building in me since Week One for this assignment is amplified to the fullest (but not yet completely). I am PSYCHED!
Class #2 (Twentieth-Century Drama): we recieved a small but telling glimpse into the professor's life and it made me sad (I hope without pity). Ach. I cannot believe the facade she dons. It makes me wonder if she is as far from accepting the Gospezillio as she appears to be or if she is ready as anything and only needs someone to persevere through the thick shell of pride that too many of us refuse to do without. Also, our essays were returned to us graded and I was pleasantly surprized with the mark I recieved. I am not quite sure if I "deserved" it but I owe every bit of it (of its success, if you will) to God. Her comments on the work, however, make me want to remedy the fault that she pointed out by perhaps visiting her office and asking for some clear suggestions of how to improve. :) Yikes, it feels odd to care about school more than .. well more than in numbers. How I love it.
Class #3 (Music History III): Music is cool. To-day was a good class atmosphere day. Our mid-term examinations were returned to us, graded, and I definitely reaped what I sowed into this assignment. However, I am [satisfied] with the mark. O, I guess there was no other exciting thing to say about this class except that music is GREAT.

Je pense que j'ai fini.

I think I had one more reservation about the next project: I still have not left Montreal so to speak and I do not need to compare the two projects, expecting the latter to fulfill my desire to recreate the former. I decided to-night that my loyalty lies with God, not with the Montreal crew. (I did not feel like being a traitor but I think it is worth it.) I cannot help but think that no group of friends of mine will be as especially lovely, tight and wonderful as the Mtl P ones I have now, but to that I say: a) that is not why I am going, b) maybe they will be and c) the Montreal friends will STILL be around after future Project X.

Done.

P.S. Shelly: sometimes I forget that you read this thing. Since you will know half of what I am talking about in this one, you can just pretend the specifics are not available to you. Or not, whatever. :)