This film was not at all what I had imagined it. Turns out I wasn't paying attention to any of the adverts.
things I loved:
-that it was set in England but the typical American ego-centricism that you expect in this kind of film remained
-V was particularly intelligent and over-the-top (in a pleasant way)
-this kind of futuresque/revolution/hyper-controlled society has been done in so many media so many times and I never tire of it
-V's mask is uber cool
-giving props to Guy Fawkes makes me happy
-the artistry of the film
-the complexity of the plot
-that Evey's hair never grew back (and we don't know if it just happened that way or if she's cut it)
-the intense/urgent pace of the film hardly slowed, despite the fact that, start-to-finish, it spanned a full year
-I have to wonder if producers and directors were interested in making the film for the sake of the film and not much else.
I think they were.
8.2/10
Die Hard (1988)
Q. How happy was I to see that this film had started at 5pm when it was only 5.09?
A. Quite.
I've often wondered about this film series, this one and Leathal Weapon. I never thought I could get into it b/c I'm not a HUGE fan of action films. But when that Live Free or Die Hard (2007) fella came out last year (and you could smell the cheese on its breath from 15 miles away) I became interested in trying to understand the hype. I'm a big fan of being a part of living history. (That makes no sense. "Living history"?) I like that I can see part of such an epic series that I just thought was over. It's like T3: Rise of the Machines (2003). It wasn't that great but I got to see a Terminator film in theatres. That's important to me. I feel the same way about Adam Sandler, Jim Carrey and Tim Burton because I've seen the vast-o vast-o majority of their films - love em most - and am thrilled by the fact that they're living, working artists whom I can keep up with. Hmmm... I'm hesitant to call Adam Sandler an artist and that's kinda sad. I need to look into this. (Action point? Watch Billy Madison (1995) and Punch-Drunk Love (2002), the only films missing from my collection.)
Conclusion by the end of this here film? (It's still got about 5 minutes.)
Bruce Willis is ridiculous. John McClane is ridiculous. This film is..... just.... I don't get it and at the same time I definitely get it. I wonder if this is one of the guys who wrote the book on outlandish stunts and massive explosions. If so, I love't.
I need to see the other 16. I'm interested.
Reginald VelJohnson is way cool.... and I appreciate that I know him best as a cop. Love the consistency up in here. I enjoyed the moment when he sung about four lines of a song, all in tune. I appreciate petite choses comme celles.
6.8/10
Sunday, 2 March 2008
Wednesday, 27 February 2008
juicy raisins
home home home
alone again
tonight tonight
two nite
I feel quite physically relaxed right now. Emotionally, I have a few highs milling around in the back room (it actually looks like a stage at rehearsal) and I have a few more distraughts waiting to be dealt with.
Mentally...I am pleased. I'm grateful for the things I learned today (new, new things). I am grateful I was able to do some problem solving-like activities today, too. I usually don't think about my mental self because....well the norm is to work hard and push to the edge all the time, every day. It seems to work out well, save for in situations like the one highlighted in the previous post.
Spiritually? Spiritually......
spirit....
I'm muddled. I don't know what to say. I feel like I'm constantly on the cusp of something and thinking about what's on the other side as much as I do sometimes tricks my mind into thinking I've already crossed over. It's weird. And in the past I have stayed in this position so long that I .... let ...that I backslide. I wanted to say I let important things slip away and I guess that's true, too.
Did You Know?
Whether or not you wanted it,
without your permission, consent or knowledge,
under your very nose and behind your back,
things are going to change--
all around you.
It's going to happen and you won't be consulted.
alone again
tonight tonight
two nite
I feel quite physically relaxed right now. Emotionally, I have a few highs milling around in the back room (it actually looks like a stage at rehearsal) and I have a few more distraughts waiting to be dealt with.
Mentally...I am pleased. I'm grateful for the things I learned today (new, new things). I am grateful I was able to do some problem solving-like activities today, too. I usually don't think about my mental self because....well the norm is to work hard and push to the edge all the time, every day. It seems to work out well, save for in situations like the one highlighted in the previous post.
Spiritually? Spiritually......
spirit....
I'm muddled. I don't know what to say. I feel like I'm constantly on the cusp of something and thinking about what's on the other side as much as I do sometimes tricks my mind into thinking I've already crossed over. It's weird. And in the past I have stayed in this position so long that I .... let ...that I backslide. I wanted to say I let important things slip away and I guess that's true, too.
Did You Know?
Whether or not you wanted it,
without your permission, consent or knowledge,
under your very nose and behind your back,
things are going to change--
all around you.
It's going to happen and you won't be consulted.
Monday, 25 February 2008
my brain's pretty mad at me
(and I do keep pushing it hard. I'd sit in my driveway a long time - til the outside of my right index finger started to hurt from forcing the key forward, waiting for the engine to turn over. I'd keep forcing, thinking it was a glitch the first few times, then wondering if the gin-gin needed a short break...then I might wonder if I needed to turn the key slowly or quickly...
Sometimes I have a hard time calling what I think is simply being unreasonable or unwilling to try, impossible. Come to think of it, this is a big problem for me, especially as it comes to my expectations of other people, usually strangers. On the bright side, I never speak of these expectations cuz there's always some conscience agent holding me back...
I can't tell my brain to get UNtired just by...brute force. I'm sitting here on the couch wondering why I can't focus entirely well, wondering why my body's wussing out, wondering why I can't process a heavy email. I look briefly to my right and am about to tell moi-meme to snap out of it. I'm beginning to understand that doesn't work. my brain hates me.)
F 04h15-06h44
S 03h30-07h30
15h45-19h
S 04h-04h30
14h-16h45
M 05h36-
this is the day I finally admit that my brain CAN get tired.
it seemed like almost every turn of mine in the four-person conversation ended with, "I dunno..." and not just because we were talking about something abstract but because I couldn't remember what my point was, I couldn't connect what I said with what the person before me had just said.
it sucks. I'm tired.
Sometimes I have a hard time calling what I think is simply being unreasonable or unwilling to try, impossible. Come to think of it, this is a big problem for me, especially as it comes to my expectations of other people, usually strangers. On the bright side, I never speak of these expectations cuz there's always some conscience agent holding me back...
I can't tell my brain to get UNtired just by...brute force. I'm sitting here on the couch wondering why I can't focus entirely well, wondering why my body's wussing out, wondering why I can't process a heavy email. I look briefly to my right and am about to tell moi-meme to snap out of it. I'm beginning to understand that doesn't work. my brain hates me.)
F 04h15-06h44
S 03h30-07h30
15h45-19h
S 04h-04h30
14h-16h45
M 05h36-
this is the day I finally admit that my brain CAN get tired.
it seemed like almost every turn of mine in the four-person conversation ended with, "I dunno..." and not just because we were talking about something abstract but because I couldn't remember what my point was, I couldn't connect what I said with what the person before me had just said.
it sucks. I'm tired.
Sunday, 24 February 2008
what is this hidden wealth that I should know about?!
Grumpy Old Men (1993) never really stuck with me as a great film...on any level. When I first watched it, I didn't get it. I would have been 10 or 11. (9?)
I didn't even have small or weird memories that might have nothing to do with the film - the guys I usually come away with when I'm "too young at the time" to get something.
My friends wanted to watch it this afternoon. I wasn't sold; I thought I would be bored and frustrated and overal COMPLETELY unimpressed. (I get frustrated with cheap humor, especially when it's popular with the masses.)
Turns out it's a good movie. Turns out.
7.0/10
The Matrix (1999) was groundbreaking in many ways... the first one that comes to mind, always, is the time-warping special effects, especially in fight sequences. Also the the full-on trippyness of it all, the distortion of reality... simultaneous realities? oh, I have no words for this. Someone else could write this better.
I'm enjoying this film. It's about 25 minutes in and I am certain I have NO clue what this film is about. I want also to know what this film is saying...so I look forward to the end.
I could compare it to Waking Life (2001) - another great guy that I realize now I will unfortunately need to watch again, maybe not for this same reason but because that one was just too dang heavy.
Watching this with bits and pieces of half memories in my mind is weird. It doesn't ruin the film. I like that I have some shards of pre-knowledge/pre-context... Again, it's not fitting into words.
Despite the snippits and what people said at the time, the parodies of even now, the over-quoted lines... I don't get it. I didn't realize this thing was set 200 years in the future. Le wow. I really wasn't paying attention.
7.9/10
I didn't even have small or weird memories that might have nothing to do with the film - the guys I usually come away with when I'm "too young at the time" to get something.
My friends wanted to watch it this afternoon. I wasn't sold; I thought I would be bored and frustrated and overal COMPLETELY unimpressed. (I get frustrated with cheap humor, especially when it's popular with the masses.)
Turns out it's a good movie. Turns out.
7.0/10
The Matrix (1999) was groundbreaking in many ways... the first one that comes to mind, always, is the time-warping special effects, especially in fight sequences. Also the the full-on trippyness of it all, the distortion of reality... simultaneous realities? oh, I have no words for this. Someone else could write this better.
I'm enjoying this film. It's about 25 minutes in and I am certain I have NO clue what this film is about. I want also to know what this film is saying...so I look forward to the end.
I could compare it to Waking Life (2001) - another great guy that I realize now I will unfortunately need to watch again, maybe not for this same reason but because that one was just too dang heavy.
Watching this with bits and pieces of half memories in my mind is weird. It doesn't ruin the film. I like that I have some shards of pre-knowledge/pre-context... Again, it's not fitting into words.
Despite the snippits and what people said at the time, the parodies of even now, the over-quoted lines... I don't get it. I didn't realize this thing was set 200 years in the future. Le wow. I really wasn't paying attention.
7.9/10
Friday, 22 February 2008
JP!
I was channel surfing not too long ago; looking for something that I would WANT to watch, not just something to watch. I hadn't turned on the tele all day, it was half past midnight and I wanted my fix.
I got pretty excited in a moment when I thought I saw that someone was airing Jurassic Park. It turns out they were airing the threequel which... I have no interest in or respect for. (subject to change with notice.)
By the time 2 am rolled around I had firmly decided to stay up through the night instead of sleeping for 20 seconds and then going to work. So, the collector's edition DVD of JP was looking mighty inviting as a two-hour occupier. Yeaaaa..
After I popped it in, and the credits started rolling, I realized that I had no idea how this movie ended. Then I realized I didn't know what the major conflict or climax was. Then I was forced to admit I didn't really know the plot, not even loosely. I remember the dinosaur island, the mosquitoes, the cars leaving their tracks, the car in the tree, the raptors in the kitchen and all other sorts of runnings and screamings. But .....you know, there's more. Yep, so now it's almost like watching the film for the first time but...with some great nostalgia to pad the feeling out. I can't believe this film's 15 years old. yowza.
Last realization: as I listened to what the lawyer (sorry, no name) was saying during the openings scenes, I discovered that they were actually setting up the plot. for realsies. It almost looked forced for how quickly he got into it and how few words he used. But now that I'm thinking about it, I'm guessing that his set-up just seems perfect because it made random factors 1 through 4 in my head all fit so neatly into place. Of course they fit into place! they're following the set-up. It's hard to describe but having this frame of reference brings me some unforseen relief. (wunderbar) Like, just knowing WHY Drs Grant and Sattler went to the island in the first place and, I suppose, knowing why the lawyer and Dr Malcom are there. It's all coming together. It's glorious. It makes sense.
I think this movie was a big deal when it came out. I think people were impressed by the dinosauri-isms. I...wasn't. I was but not that much. What I cling to, though, is Dr Grant's first reaction to seeing the brontasauri...who really should be someone else whose name eludes me. boo. I'm set up when I see how he and Dr Sattler react to Hammond's offer to fund their dig for three years. They're willing to fly with him to an unknown place for a mostly unknown reason for the weekend to get this funding.... Their... I can't really explain it - that's why someone put it in a film ----- or wrote it in a book..first....Crichton. Yep. Anyways... they get it. This means more to them than it could to me so, I react through their reaction. done.
I'm looking forward to this guy.
what can we say about the fact that Dr Malcolm was dressed fully in black and Dr Hammond fully in white when they first appear on screen? what about them sitting directly across from one another in the helicopter? nothing? anything? I mean.... that symbollism is played out but.. I can still wonder.
I got pretty excited in a moment when I thought I saw that someone was airing Jurassic Park. It turns out they were airing the threequel which... I have no interest in or respect for. (subject to change with notice.)
By the time 2 am rolled around I had firmly decided to stay up through the night instead of sleeping for 20 seconds and then going to work. So, the collector's edition DVD of JP was looking mighty inviting as a two-hour occupier. Yeaaaa..
After I popped it in, and the credits started rolling, I realized that I had no idea how this movie ended. Then I realized I didn't know what the major conflict or climax was. Then I was forced to admit I didn't really know the plot, not even loosely. I remember the dinosaur island, the mosquitoes, the cars leaving their tracks, the car in the tree, the raptors in the kitchen and all other sorts of runnings and screamings. But .....you know, there's more. Yep, so now it's almost like watching the film for the first time but...with some great nostalgia to pad the feeling out. I can't believe this film's 15 years old. yowza.
Last realization: as I listened to what the lawyer (sorry, no name) was saying during the openings scenes, I discovered that they were actually setting up the plot. for realsies. It almost looked forced for how quickly he got into it and how few words he used. But now that I'm thinking about it, I'm guessing that his set-up just seems perfect because it made random factors 1 through 4 in my head all fit so neatly into place. Of course they fit into place! they're following the set-up. It's hard to describe but having this frame of reference brings me some unforseen relief. (wunderbar) Like, just knowing WHY Drs Grant and Sattler went to the island in the first place and, I suppose, knowing why the lawyer and Dr Malcom are there. It's all coming together. It's glorious. It makes sense.
I think this movie was a big deal when it came out. I think people were impressed by the dinosauri-isms. I...wasn't. I was but not that much. What I cling to, though, is Dr Grant's first reaction to seeing the brontasauri...who really should be someone else whose name eludes me. boo. I'm set up when I see how he and Dr Sattler react to Hammond's offer to fund their dig for three years. They're willing to fly with him to an unknown place for a mostly unknown reason for the weekend to get this funding.... Their... I can't really explain it - that's why someone put it in a film ----- or wrote it in a book..first....Crichton. Yep. Anyways... they get it. This means more to them than it could to me so, I react through their reaction. done.
I'm looking forward to this guy.
what can we say about the fact that Dr Malcolm was dressed fully in black and Dr Hammond fully in white when they first appear on screen? what about them sitting directly across from one another in the helicopter? nothing? anything? I mean.... that symbollism is played out but.. I can still wonder.
Thursday, 21 February 2008
Ben Elton: you have my respect.
Oh. Every day I'm drawn closer. That's a lie. With every close-y incident/incidence I'm drawn closer.
What can I say about the present situation?
Do I compartmentalize my life?
Sometimes I don't plan or have an idea for the body of a post, I only have a sentence I want to utter... so I make it the title and proceed to let a stream of conscious take over the rest.
I asked someone about their first-year English class today and was s-t-r-a-n-g-e-l-y interested in hearing her reply. I was.... kinda hung all over it but, because we were playing cards, it didn't show too much. I'm interested. I love literature. I love literature and ______ . I think I would find joy in becoming a scholar (for the work I'd have had to put into it and for the doors it would open and even for the contemporaries I might be granted).
I'm looking forward to watching the Academy Awards on Sunday.
I said to myself earlier today, "If my whole life was piano, I'd be better."
I feel privileged to have seen a lunar eclipse today. I wonder how many I will be allowed to witness in my lifetime. I love that I could call four separate people and tell them to look up and they'd see the same thing. (That's really ridiculous. I'm getting about two steps, on a 78-step journey, closer to understanding what romantics and poets alike were talking about when they claimed they and their love could look up at the same moon. Ahh. It's a connection alright.)
j'aime lire.
What can I say about the present situation?
Do I compartmentalize my life?
Sometimes I don't plan or have an idea for the body of a post, I only have a sentence I want to utter... so I make it the title and proceed to let a stream of conscious take over the rest.
I asked someone about their first-year English class today and was s-t-r-a-n-g-e-l-y interested in hearing her reply. I was.... kinda hung all over it but, because we were playing cards, it didn't show too much. I'm interested. I love literature. I love literature and ______ . I think I would find joy in becoming a scholar (for the work I'd have had to put into it and for the doors it would open and even for the contemporaries I might be granted).
I'm looking forward to watching the Academy Awards on Sunday.
I said to myself earlier today, "If my whole life was piano, I'd be better."
I feel privileged to have seen a lunar eclipse today. I wonder how many I will be allowed to witness in my lifetime. I love that I could call four separate people and tell them to look up and they'd see the same thing. (That's really ridiculous. I'm getting about two steps, on a 78-step journey, closer to understanding what romantics and poets alike were talking about when they claimed they and their love could look up at the same moon. Ahh. It's a connection alright.)
j'aime lire.
Friday, 15 February 2008
"3:10 to Yuma" (2007)
I'm not going to lie at all. The main reason I wanted to watch this film was for what I was calling "eye candy". But, knowing that both Christian Bale and Russel Crowe are good actors, I didn't expect to be disppointed at all.
It dawned on me, about a third of the way into the film, that people don't make westerns anymore. I started watching part of one of the bonus features, and someone was talking about how they had to be conscious, in this genre, not to be cheesy or cliche... He also said that they wanted to involve issues that were relevant today. They did well. I didn't realize how tricky it would be to make a good film in that genre today so I have mad respect for the writers & director of this guy.
There are many things I could say about the film and.... many things I want to say but... I feel like I'd be selling it short. I feel like I need to watch it again. What I can say is that I'd recommend it to almost anyone I know, which is crazy. Westerns aren't supposed to be for everyone.
I was literally on the edge of my seat for about 90% of the film. For about 40% of it I had my hands on my face, like horse blinders as if I had to multiply the intensity by blocking out other things in the room. I...didn't know what I was doing. I like chocolate covered pretzels.
The moments that made me laugh were gorgeous. They were full-on unexpected and so real-lifey. I must say I do enjoy films whose cast is mostly male -- and that's not because of the eye-candy factor. It's because things end up being more...serious and interesting. And, you don't have to deal with womanizing and other stupid things.
I enjoyed it... This is the words film reflection I've ever posted. I'll watch it again some time and take notes. I'll take notes.
I'm kinda sad that I didn't get to laugh very much today. Every day, during the first few hours after wakefulness (while I'm still by my onesy), I wonder what will be the first thing to make me laugh that day. I wonder this primarily because that is the best way to guage how my throat healage is progressing. But I now wonder this secondarily (real word?) because I love to laugh..I am obsessed with comedy and thus my laughter is a big part of my personality. Laughter is an intrinsic part of anyone's personality. Me, I miss it when I go for few hours without it. There's another blessing to count. (14)
I enjoyed that the plot was remarkably simple. It really.... it there were no fireworks, bells or whistles. I appreciate this greatly. It leaves room to appreciate other things - like characters/character development. (That same man from the bonus features said that the film was 90% about character development. I believe him.) I also got to appreciate the period (costume, props, dialogue, even money translations..... one of the main characters got paid $2 a day), and the landscape and of course character relations/interactions - though I suppose that goes under development. It's interesting the dance we do with one another. It's so interesting when you're a fly on the wall in someone else's reality. It's interesting to see power struggles, to see how people use their words and their silences.... There was one moment where the two main characters dropped ALL charades and other (macho) frills/fabrications and were able to just laugh without.. worrying about who they were supposed to be, what kind of image they were trying to present, what message they needed to send, what morals they needed to uphold. I enjoyed.
I'm amazed that the plot could be so simple without being boring or quiet... Like Return to Me (2000) which I would like to call the worst film I've ever seen. Simle but important..meaningful in its.... microcosm? Dang.. I have no words.
It dawned on me, about a third of the way into the film, that people don't make westerns anymore. I started watching part of one of the bonus features, and someone was talking about how they had to be conscious, in this genre, not to be cheesy or cliche... He also said that they wanted to involve issues that were relevant today. They did well. I didn't realize how tricky it would be to make a good film in that genre today so I have mad respect for the writers & director of this guy.
There are many things I could say about the film and.... many things I want to say but... I feel like I'd be selling it short. I feel like I need to watch it again. What I can say is that I'd recommend it to almost anyone I know, which is crazy. Westerns aren't supposed to be for everyone.
I was literally on the edge of my seat for about 90% of the film. For about 40% of it I had my hands on my face, like horse blinders as if I had to multiply the intensity by blocking out other things in the room. I...didn't know what I was doing. I like chocolate covered pretzels.
The moments that made me laugh were gorgeous. They were full-on unexpected and so real-lifey. I must say I do enjoy films whose cast is mostly male -- and that's not because of the eye-candy factor. It's because things end up being more...serious and interesting. And, you don't have to deal with womanizing and other stupid things.
I enjoyed it... This is the words film reflection I've ever posted. I'll watch it again some time and take notes. I'll take notes.
I'm kinda sad that I didn't get to laugh very much today. Every day, during the first few hours after wakefulness (while I'm still by my onesy), I wonder what will be the first thing to make me laugh that day. I wonder this primarily because that is the best way to guage how my throat healage is progressing. But I now wonder this secondarily (real word?) because I love to laugh..I am obsessed with comedy and thus my laughter is a big part of my personality. Laughter is an intrinsic part of anyone's personality. Me, I miss it when I go for few hours without it. There's another blessing to count. (14)
I enjoyed that the plot was remarkably simple. It really.... it there were no fireworks, bells or whistles. I appreciate this greatly. It leaves room to appreciate other things - like characters/character development. (That same man from the bonus features said that the film was 90% about character development. I believe him.) I also got to appreciate the period (costume, props, dialogue, even money translations..... one of the main characters got paid $2 a day), and the landscape and of course character relations/interactions - though I suppose that goes under development. It's interesting the dance we do with one another. It's so interesting when you're a fly on the wall in someone else's reality. It's interesting to see power struggles, to see how people use their words and their silences.... There was one moment where the two main characters dropped ALL charades and other (macho) frills/fabrications and were able to just laugh without.. worrying about who they were supposed to be, what kind of image they were trying to present, what message they needed to send, what morals they needed to uphold. I enjoyed.
I'm amazed that the plot could be so simple without being boring or quiet... Like Return to Me (2000) which I would like to call the worst film I've ever seen. Simle but important..meaningful in its.... microcosm? Dang.. I have no words.
Wednesday, 13 February 2008
t-t-t-
today I used the word "unequivocally" for the first time and I feel very happy about it. I looked up the definition and found it fit my sentence perfectly. I'm happy. To me this is like a watered down version of courtship and dating. I've been eyeing Unequivocally from across the room for quite some time now; I finally asked it out and now having it in my grasp, a.k.a. vocabulary, I'm ridiculously elated. The stupid games of crushing and crap are over cuz now it's confirmed that we both like eachother..now all we need to do is develop our relationship. It's important to me to enfold rich words into my vocabulary. It's important to me when I know who they are. I love it.
In other news, the real thing I wanted to post: I am ashamed of my life.
... most days. I must to add, "most days."
I am ashamed of my life most days and... it's crippling.
In other news, the real thing I wanted to post: I am ashamed of my life.
... most days. I must to add, "most days."
I am ashamed of my life most days and... it's crippling.
Tuesday, 12 February 2008
Delko made me do it.
Why do we villianize cops in major motion pictures?
Villianize or dumbify or make-to-look-powerless..or like buzzkills. What does that say about us? Someone else should write an article about this and then let me read it.
Villianize or dumbify or make-to-look-powerless..or like buzzkills. What does that say about us? Someone else should write an article about this and then let me read it.
Monday, 11 February 2008
Comptez vos Bénédictions (x 100) - post 5
More than Words by Extreme (11)
Non-church songs that are so ___ that I worship God through them without [knowing] it (12)
My friends 1, 2 and 3. I told #3 today how they each inspired me and I'll list it here, too, because I love it.
#1 makes me want to be a godly woman, just all around; to be consistent and bold in the truth
#2 makes me want to do well at my job (because she hates hers)
#3 makes me desire accountability and to hold myself to a higher standard in those arenas where almost everyone else just laughs along or otherwise lets me get away with junk
I should hang out with them more and let [them] continue to sharpen. (13)
Non-church songs that are so ___ that I worship God through them without [knowing] it (12)
My friends 1, 2 and 3. I told #3 today how they each inspired me and I'll list it here, too, because I love it.
#1 makes me want to be a godly woman, just all around; to be consistent and bold in the truth
#2 makes me want to do well at my job (because she hates hers)
#3 makes me desire accountability and to hold myself to a higher standard in those arenas where almost everyone else just laughs along or otherwise lets me get away with junk
I should hang out with them more and let [them] continue to sharpen. (13)
Wednesday, 6 February 2008
la mia voce!!
I'm excited. Are you excited? I'm excited. About an hour ago I discovered that I got my singing voice back.
A few hours before that I realized my appetite was about 85% restored (it's not a light-switch kind of phenomenon).
Last night the second half of my sleep existed without a cough. I woke up without coughing. I could move without coughing and I could lie on my back without congesting EVERY in- and exhale. I will comptez MY benedictions, believe you me.
All that's left now is my laugh. I'm going to be foolishly excited when I get to laugh out loud without sounding like an old woman in a bingo parlour. (I sound like that!) The sound is amusing but it's definitely not me.
For the past few months I have had an eerie feeling hanging about in the back rooms of my mind. It's the feeling of missing something or someone - but they're not even close to being taken away from me. (I'm not talking about death here. That would make more sense.) It's that heart-wrenching desire to hold onto something that you know obeys the laws of time and will just change. I think it's primarily relationships that I wish to hold. They'd be relationships and also situations.....but it's a specific, memorable, desirable situation because of the people there. I don't know why I thought it would be possible to put this into words.
The moral of the story is, I think I'm pre-missing things because I know I'm going away. I know I will miss things and it's hard. It's hard to know you need let go. I want to hold tightly - squeeze out all I can before I lose my chance - but then I wonder if it's better to start affecting a gradual loosening or separation. Meh...my personality says it's best to "go hard and burn out" because I'd rather recover from a cold-turkey snapping off, comforted by four suitcases of intense memories than ho-hummedly drift out of one station in life into the next with nothing intense to feel at all. There's no perquisite for me there, no sir.
"Go hard and burn out." Someone asked what the group should do with the last bunch of d this guy's answer was, "go hard and burn out." It's the sheer ridiculousness of the idea that makes it work and I wish I had an analogy to help my argument.
This phrase holds stock for me in a way that, really, only me and my sister will appreciate. Its currency is lost elsewhere and this does make me sad in a weird way.
A few hours before that I realized my appetite was about 85% restored (it's not a light-switch kind of phenomenon).
Last night the second half of my sleep existed without a cough. I woke up without coughing. I could move without coughing and I could lie on my back without congesting EVERY in- and exhale. I will comptez MY benedictions, believe you me.
All that's left now is my laugh. I'm going to be foolishly excited when I get to laugh out loud without sounding like an old woman in a bingo parlour. (I sound like that!) The sound is amusing but it's definitely not me.
For the past few months I have had an eerie feeling hanging about in the back rooms of my mind. It's the feeling of missing something or someone - but they're not even close to being taken away from me. (I'm not talking about death here. That would make more sense.) It's that heart-wrenching desire to hold onto something that you know obeys the laws of time and will just change. I think it's primarily relationships that I wish to hold. They'd be relationships and also situations.....but it's a specific, memorable, desirable situation because of the people there. I don't know why I thought it would be possible to put this into words.
The moral of the story is, I think I'm pre-missing things because I know I'm going away. I know I will miss things and it's hard. It's hard to know you need let go. I want to hold tightly - squeeze out all I can before I lose my chance - but then I wonder if it's better to start affecting a gradual loosening or separation. Meh...my personality says it's best to "go hard and burn out" because I'd rather recover from a cold-turkey snapping off, comforted by four suitcases of intense memories than ho-hummedly drift out of one station in life into the next with nothing intense to feel at all. There's no perquisite for me there, no sir.
"Go hard and burn out." Someone asked what the group should do with the last bunch of d this guy's answer was, "go hard and burn out." It's the sheer ridiculousness of the idea that makes it work and I wish I had an analogy to help my argument.
This phrase holds stock for me in a way that, really, only me and my sister will appreciate. Its currency is lost elsewhere and this does make me sad in a weird way.
Monday, 4 February 2008
Sunday, 3 February 2008
cheap taktix
if you can read this (you're driving too close) please say a prayer for me and my stomach. we're just not getting along these days and I think the dischord is causing otherly damages... it feels like some kind of vicious downward spiral.
"Dear Jesus,
Please tell Jesskah's stomach to smarten up and start accepting food so that it can feel better.
Amen."
little sample prayer there.....little stencil.
(yea, it's still true that I don't "believe in" prayer so that might be an indication of desperation here...and I really am OK with being proven wrong. I promise.)
"Dear Jesus,
Please tell Jesskah's stomach to smarten up and start accepting food so that it can feel better.
Amen."
little sample prayer there.....little stencil.
(yea, it's still true that I don't "believe in" prayer so that might be an indication of desperation here...and I really am OK with being proven wrong. I promise.)
Friday, 1 February 2008
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